


Start Anew

by Kai_Maciel



Category: Journey into Mystery, Loki: Agent of Asgard, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Comics), Thor (Movies), Young Avengers
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Depression, Family Drama, Friendship, Gen, Loki Angst, Loki Does What He Wants, Loki Feels, Loki Redemption, Regret, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-17
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2018-03-31 00:25:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 118,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3957514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kai_Maciel/pseuds/Kai_Maciel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the battle against Thanos is over, Loki hides in a desolate moon. Injured and dying, he's ready to end his pathetic life. What he didn't expect, was the meddling of another Loki, the God of Stories, who is determined to give him a better ending.</p><p>Or, Comic Book Loki messes with MCU Loki's life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. God of Stories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you know what is like when you have this story that you want to write and you just can't ignore it. This is what happened with this chapter. After reading the Loki: Agent of Asgard comics and watching the Avengers: Age of Ultron, I just had to write this.
> 
> Basically, I want comic book Loki (Loki Earth-616) to mess with MCU Loki (Loki Earth-19999).
> 
> Chronologically, this happens at the end of The Avengers: Infinity Wars Part 2 (assuming Loki survives) and after Secret Wars #1 when Main Marvel Universe collides with the Ultimate Marvel Universe (assuming Loki-616 survives).
> 
> PS: When I wrote this I still didn't know much about the New Loki as the God of Stories. It might not be accurate.

_I wonder if you knew, Thor. I wonder if in that moment, when Odin snatched your armor from your body, yelling at you that you were unworthy if you felt like the lowest, most despicable person in the in Nine Realms._

_I doubt it._

_Even if the All-Father had cast you out, you were loved by your dear friends, by your mother, by your people, even by your father who, no matter how much he appeared to be furious at your dimwitted actions, still looked at you with nothing but pride and joy._

_It did not matter that you had been cast out, you were already their king. You always were. You will always have your place in this world._

_I see now why I failed. I tried to take your place; I tried to be the golden son for once. After learning of my heritage, I wanted nothing more but to prove myself as an Aesir and finally shine even greater than you ever did._

_I should have known it would be useless. My actions only served to make you rise above adversity and become the king your father wanted. My darkness only made your light that much brighter._

_I was always meant to be nothing more than your antagonist. Your very own villain and monster._

_In the end, the hero always wins. He defeats the monster and lives happily ever after. The monster is always doomed to fall into the darkness and fade away. Its role in the hero's story was fulfilled._

_That was not the worst part, though, because I tried to think of myself as the hero and you and everyone else as the villains standing in the way of the golden future I was convinced that I deserved._

_No. The worst part came after I was beaten before I faded away as I saw you conquer your golden future. The worst part was staring at myself and see that you were right and that I got exactly what I deserved._

_So no. You will never understand. How could someone who shines brighter than the sun understand someone like me, the weak and pathetic villain who was destined to wither in the dark?_

_It does not matter anyway. You will never see me again._

* * *

For months, the universe celebrated. People from many planets, all the Nine Realms, came to the streets, sang songs of victory and happiness, ate and drank and cheered to a much brighter tomorrow.

Thanos, the Mad Titan, Worshiper of Death, was gone at last.

Therefore, the people cheered, they buried their dead knowing that they had been avenged, hugged their children happily knowing they would never face such horrors again, hailed the brave heroes from the seemingly small planet Earth for doing the unthinkable.

All was well.

Calinka, a small moon both far and close to everything, had been more reserved on their celebration as their inhabitants were not as respectful as their noble neighbors were. It was a place for shady business, planned executions and stolen goods run by unabashed and desperate people.

A man wearing a dark cloak limped behind an old warehouse, trying his best to go unnoticed by the bounty hunters, the dealers, the murderers and the merchants. So far, he had succeeded. Whenever someone looked at him, they saw exactly what he was, a homeless and injured vagrant who was surely going to die soon in some filthy corner. They wasted no time on him.

They had no idea this pitiful bum had once been the King of Asgard, that he had defeated the weakened Odin All-Father and taken his place, that he had almost destroyed that same realm, tried to conquer Earth and been in league with the Mad Titan himself.

If they knew, they would probably kill him faster than his injuries.

Loki. Sometimes, when the fever and the pain clouded his thoughts, he blissfully forgot who he was, but the memories always ended up returning along with the rage and shame.

Loki, son of no one, brother of no one, from nowhere. Loki, the runt, the failure, the liar, the betrayer, the monster. Loki, who was no one and nothing and would die as pathetically as he had been born.

He winced as he tried to move his left leg. Since it was dark, Loki pulled his cloak and his ruined garments to look at it. It worse than he imagined, the leg was getting purple and swollen, the wound was dark and covered with a pestilent pus. He covered himself up and leaned against the wall, shivering with pain and cold from the fever, his face bright with sweat and dirt. He already lost two fingers in his right hand and most of his teeth.

Loki knew he was dying. Even if managed to get some medical supplies, his left leg was beyond saving, it would have to be amputated. In addition, even if he did manage to remove the leg, he knew the infection had already spread to his blood and organs. He had studied enough with the healers to know when it was too late to save someone.

He was going to die here in this backwater moon, surrounded by the lowest of society, discarded, useless and alone while everyone else lived their lives glad that he was gone for good.

He closed his fist around a scrap of metal that he had found in the trash. It was sharp enough to cut his flesh, all he had to do was aim it to his carotids and slash his neck. He would die in seconds instead of the slow, pitiful death that expected him.

He had tried it many, many times over the last months, but he never did it. Despite how much he didn't want to live, he was also afraid to die.

Loki's hands trembled, but he forced himself to be steady. This time was different, he was already dying, but by taking his own life he would be taking back control. He was going to die on his own terms, not anyone else's.

Loki story would have ended up like this, a dirty corpse on a shady alley with his throat sliced by his own hand. It would be a sad ending, but an ending nonetheless. Little did Loki know that someone was watching him, reading him and his life story and that someone did not approve of this ending.

**"Let us make things a bit more interesting."**

A flash of light and a few raised voices stopped Loki from ending his life. Cursing the ones that had broken his resolve, the God of Lies pushed himself behind a few dumpsters, while a group of scavengers walked by, drunk out their minds, blabbing about their newest acquisition as if something (or someone) had taken away their inhibitions and made them nonsensically careless.

Loki remained hidden, he had already encountered drunken thugs with nothing better to do but beat the defenseless vagabonds on the streets. He was impatiently waiting for them to leave when heard about their stolen cargo.

A serum from a far off alien race that had successfully retrieved one Idunn's golden apples and improved its effects. A serum that could heal any injury, cure all diseases and even turn a weak being into someone as powerful as an Asgardian, if he or she was strong enough for the serum that is.

 _They are lying,_  Loki thought _. I have heard about the stolen apples a few centuries ago, but there is no way they would show up here in this forsaken place, exactly when I need them the most. No. It has to be a trick._

**"Do you want to find out?"**

Loki blinked and looked around. He had heard a voice whispering in his hear, but no one was even near him. His fever was obviously getting worse; it wasn't the first time he hallucinated or heard voices in his feverish state.

The scavengers continued their drunken conversation about the miraculous serum, how it was going to make them rich once they sold it to a desperate enough to try it, they even revealed the serum's location and their plans to move it to another ship.

Loki heard them, memorizing all the information that was too good to be true. When they finally walked away, the injured Jotun used all his remaining strength to stand up. Despite knowing that it was foolish, he found himself following the scavengers as if someone was leading him. As he walked, he could have sworn that he heard the sound of someone laughing and the cackling of magpies.

When he finally reached the scavengers hiding place, Loki waited until their insufferable laughter died down. He peeked through a window and saw that the fools had continued drinking until they had all passed out, leaving themselves and their precious cargo exposed and unprotected.

**"You are a bitter one, aren't you? Then again, I probably shouldn't hold that against you. It would make me a hypocrite."**

Loki ignored the voice as he entered the scavengers' house. He thought about slicing their throats while they slept, but decided against it since it would require too much energy and he would rather save his strength for his escape.

Thanks to the fools babbling, Loki moved towards the small box with contained the key to their cargo and walked silently back into the now deserted streets, only stopping a few times when the pain was too much to bear and his leg would refuse to move.

_Just a bit more. Soon, it will be over._

Their ship was an old, decrepit model, which took him about two minutes to crack the security code. Once he got inside the ship, he saw the golden box they had described laying in the middle of other stolen and less valuable goods. A treasure in the middle of trash.

Loki used the key and opened the golden box. The serum was inside a crystal tube and it was barely enough to fill a small cup. Loki grabbed the tube and felt the strong scent of the golden apples he used to eat so regularly on Asgard, except this one seemed to be far stronger. Idunn's apples were a treasure, nothing compared to the smaller golden apples they received from other merchants. They only ripened once every five hundred years and Idunn rarely gave one away, even by the All-Father's orders, for they were as miraculous as dangerous. Either the apple healed every disease or it killed as the most horrible of poisons. It only used as a last resort, when there was nothing lose and death was certain.

As his knees threatened to give away, Loki opened the tube. He had no other choice. Either this serum healed him or it would finally kill him. To be honest, Loki was not sure which option appealed to him more. All he wanted was for this to be over, one way or the other. He was tired and in pain, he could not live like this anymore. If death were what awaited him, then it would be an improvement, even if he feared what came after.

After this second of hesitation, the fallen prince drank the serum to the last drop. The crystal tube fell from his hands and shattered on the floor, and then the world was on fire.

**"You were already burning. We all burn. This wildfire is common to all of us."**

Loki screamed, or at least he thought he was screaming, he couldn't hear anything. The pain was nothing that he had ever felt before. He was burning. His skin, his muscles, his blood, his bones… every cell in his body was burning. No agony could even compare to what he was feeling.

**"This is your trial of fire. The fire that will end your burning. Your story couldn't have ended any other way."**

Loki heard it now, low and clear through the pain and the flames. He looked up and he saw him. The young man standing above his crippled body, looking at him with bright green eyes, his body shining with an emerald light.

Loki was looking at himself.

"Who are you?" he yelled.

**"Can't you see? I'm Loki. I am you and yet I am not."**

Loki fell backward; the world around them was also on fire.

"I've gone mad."

**"Yes, you have gone mad. However, that happened way before I ever took notice of you. Though I could say that your madness was a result of my own."**

Despite the pain, Loki tried to crawl away from this vision of himself, but the other Loki grabbed his shoulders and forced him to face his other self's face. He was missing a tooth and smiled at him dangerously.

"Who are you? What you say does not make any sense!"

**"I suppose you're right. Your universe is new, you haven't experienced many things. You are not aware of the other universes that exist outside your own. So let me tell you. There are many universes, some similar to your own, others completely different. There are universes where you were never born, where you were born as a perfect Jotun, where Odin fathered you with a Frost Giant, where you were adopted as a child instead of a baby, where you always knew about your heritage, where you were Odin's blood brother instead of son, there are as many versions of us as there are stars in the sky. There are many stories of Loki beside your own."**

Loki blinked, too weak and baffled to push this other Loki away from him.

"Are you saying you are another me? From another universe?"

**"Aren't you smart? Yes. I came from another universe, a universe that has recently died along with many others. I came here because your universe survived the Incursions and I was curious about your story."**

Loki didn't know what an Incursion was, but he was starting to believe that he was not hallucinating this other Loki, who he could feel grabbing his shoulders. There were theories about other dimensions that mirrored their own, though he had never given much thought about them.

**"My universe was older than yours is. My story is also older. I have seen your story, Loki Laufeyson, I have seen how much it was based on my own but also changed into something new and unique. I feel your story also took elements from the Loki that belonged to the universe that crashed into mine. Interesting."**

Grasping what little sanity he had, Loki tried to break free from the other Loki, his eyes showed nothing but contempt.

"What in Hel are you saying? What is this nonsense about stories? You talk about me like I'm some character in a book! My life is my own!"

The other Loki laughed.

**"We are all characters, Loki. But you're right. You have a story of your own, no matter how much it was based on mine. Too bad you have such a terrible ending."**

Before Loki could ask him what he meant, the other Loki grabbed his head and millions of images passed through his mind at an amazing speed.

**"Your story could continue through many ways. You could join other villains like the Red Skull, or maybe join forces with Amora. You could try to imprison Thor in Hel, make him mortal, steal Sif's body and crash Asgard into Midgard… there are many things you could do as your story is heavily based on mine own, but you will not. Your story doesn't need to follow mine and my mistakes."**

Loki's head hurt so much that he thought he was going to explode. He saw himself through his other self's eyes, he saw himself do horrible, unforgivable things. He saw himself fail and fall every time.

It was at this moment that Loki truly believed that this other Loki was telling him the truth and how bleak and dark his future was.

"Why? Why are you here?" he asked, staring at the Loki whose mistakes were going to influence his own. "Why show me your life if I cannot escape your influence? Why come here and show me I have no future?"

The other Loki smiled once more, but this time he seemed older and wiser despite his young face. His smile was gentle and his hands seemed softer on his cheeks. Loki didn't even realize that he had been crying.

**"Like I said, I came here because I was curious about your story, but I was also surprised to know that you managed to influence my story as well. Your existence changed the end of my story, it forced me to gain a new face, your face, and it made me wish for change."**

Loki felt the other Loki's hand on his forehead. The pain was still there, but it felt weaker somehow under his soothing touch.

**"My story is filled with bad moments, for I was the villain to Thor's story. The antagonist that made him grow. I did not care at the time, I was burning. Before I knew it, I was trapped in the role of the villain, the one who always loses. Just like you are now."**

Loki felt like someone was reaching inside his dark and bleeding heart, placing something inside. The pain came back in a jolt, as his whole body seemed to be bursting into flames.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?"

The other Loki didn't let go. Suddenly, his arms seemed much stronger than before.

**"I am giving you a part of my story. I good one. What you do with it is your choice, though I hope you'll be able to find a better ending than I did."**

Loki's vision blurred and he felt himself falling, but not before he felt his other self holding him in his arms. He seemed taller now, stronger. His eyes seemed filled with something similar to affection, regret, and nostalgia.

"Who are…?"

**"Who me? I'm the God of Stories. I'm Loki."**

Loki closed his eyes and lost consciousness.

**"Elsewhere."**

* * *

Loki opened his eyes slowly and stared at a white ceiling. His eyes took a few moments to adjust to the brightness coming from a large window on his right.

He moved his legs and gasped. He could move his left leg without feeling any pain. Anxiously, he touched it only to realize that there was no injury. He also noticed that he was naked and that someone had covered him with an orange blanket.

Next, Loki felt his right hand. To his delight, he saw that his missing fingers were restored.

 _I worked._  He thought as he sat down.  _The serum worked._

A shrill sound awoke him from his reverie. He recognized that annoying sound, but there was no way he could hear it on the desolate Calinka moon. There were no police sirens outside Midgard…

Midgard.

Loki's green eyes widened and he looked around. He noticed that he was sitting on a mattress and that the blanket covering him had some sort of stupid drawings of Midgardian pets all over it.

The room was bare except for an old sofa, two chairs, and a small table. There was even a small, primitive Midgardian computer on the table.

"What in the…?"

Loki placed a hand on his throat. His voice cracked. He tried to talk again, but his voice kept cracking until it remained high-pitched.

Something else seemed off about his body. He looked at his hands, they were no longer the long hands that he recalled, these hands were small and soft. Trembling, he pulled off the childish blanket and stared in horror at his body.

He was a child.

He was in Midgard and he was a child again.

"This cannot be real. This is a spell or… or a dream… there's no way this can be real!" the boy shrieked touching his now soft face.

Loki stood up and almost lost his balance, he was going to need some time to get used to this body. He was about to run when his gaze was fixed on a body mirror that someone had left there strategically.

Immediately, Loki remembered the other Loki, the burning, the visions from his other self's story, his words about giving him a part of that same story.

Loki stared at the boy reflected in the mirror, staring back at him in both horror and disbelief. It took him a few minutes to notice the post-it note in the left corner of the mirror.

There were only three words written on it:

_Journey into Mystery_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comic Book Loki gave the movie version his Journey into Mystery story, along with a few more things. Basically, he gave him the story of his rebirth and redemption. If you haven't read it, please do. Journey into Mystery, Young Avengers Vol. 2 and Loki: Agent of Asgard are wonderful stories and a must for a Loki fan.
> 
> I went a little meta here. MCU Loki was based and influenced by Loki-616 and the Ultimate Universe (Earth-1610). On the other hand, Loki's recent look in the comics was heavily based on his movie counterpart, his popularity also influenced his story and redemption.


	2. The truth hurts, and it bleeds me dry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Truth hurts and I'm in pain  
> Truth hurts like a bed of nails  
> Letting denial eat me up inside  
> The truth hurts, and it bleeds me dry
> 
> No more lies, no more games  
> Is it too late to make a change?  
> If hope is gone then what’s the point  
> Just pass my knife and it cuts my throat  
> ~Truth Hurts (Bullet For My Valentine)

_A few days on Midgard and you returned a changed man. That was all it took._

_Centuries with me trying to make you think before you acted as you continuously disregarded my feats, ridiculed my magic, called me weak. This time meant nothing._

_All it took for you to grow was spending less than a week with Midgardians and suddenly they meant more to you than I ever did._

* * *

 

Loki threw the enigmatic post-it note on the ground. This new form and being in Midgard was clearly the other Loki’s doing.

But why would he do this? The other Loki had said that he didn’t want him to follow his mistakes, but why the Hel would he leave him in a weakened form in the hateful Realm of his enemies?

_If this is how he plans to help me, then he must be madder than I am._

Deciding that it was futile to glare at his reflection in the mirror, Loki resisted the urge to shatter the damn thing and left the room.  A quick search revealed to him that he was in an apartment, on a high floor of a building located in New York City.

_And he left me in the same city where my enemies reside. Lovely._

Carefully and silently, Loki searched every room of the apartment. He didn’t find anyone hiding, but he did find that the apartment was barely furnished; there was food and water in the kitchen’s cabinets and fridge, a small bundle of Midgardian clothes inside a closet in one of the two bedrooms and, finally, two towels, soap, shampoo, a toothbrush, toothpaste, a pair of scissors and a comb in the bathroom.

Glaring at the Midgardian objects with revulsion, Loki left the bathroom and went back to the living room. He tried to use his magic, but all he got was a pitiful illusion that dissipated almost immediately into the air and a jolt of pain through his skull. He still had all the knowledge from a full-fledged mage, but his body was incapable of performing even basic sorcery. He was powerless.

It took him a few minutes of cursing and fuming when he finally noticed how filthy he still was from living all those months on the streets and sleeping behind dumpsters. Moreover, this small, naked body made him feel helpless and exposed. He’d rather die than let anyone see him like this.

Begrudgingly, Loki went back into the bedroom, grabbed a black t-shirt and a pair of green tracksuit pants before locking himself in the bathroom and getting inside the tub. As he closed the shower curtains and opened the hot water, his body finally relaxed. It had been so long since the last time he bathed, especially without fear of being caught or killed.

He looked at his feet and saw the grime wash down the drain, taking away the final evidence of all those wretched days he spent hidden and injured in squalor and disease. Then, Loki picked up the shampoo and started scrubbing his filthy long hair for a considerable amount of time, longing for the more effective Asgardian products which would do this task in two seconds instead of the twenty minutes it took him. The same happened when he used the soap.

Nevertheless, he felt a lot better when he finally got out of the tub.

Quickly, Loki dried himself with a towel and got dressed. Both the pants and the shirt were way too big for him, with the t-shirt almost reaching his knees.

 _Why am I a child?_ He thought bitterly _. Idunn’s apples don’t possess rejuvenating properties, they simply allow whoever eats them to become healthier and live longer. Either that serum had some unknown ingredients or my other self is to blame. Either way, I must find a way to regain my real body. There is no way I’m going to wait another five hundred years for adulthood!_

After cleaning the fogged mirror with his tiny hands (and needing to stand on his tiptoes), Loki frowned once more at his reflection. He looked exactly as he did when he was about 330 to 400 years old, just a small boy, not even close to hitting puberty. In human years, he guessed he was about  7 years old.

 _Human lives really are fleeting_. _Their lifespan is as brief as a heartbeat; they barely reach one hundred years. And yet, Thor decided to befriend and protect these people and love a human woman, knowing full well they will all be dead soon. Foolish oaf. It will serve you right._

Noticing his long locks, Loki grabbed a pair of scissors and cut his hair into a reasonable size. He tried to comb it neatly like he used to in his real youth, but his unruly hair stubbornly refused to stay put. When he finally succeeded, he tossed the comb at the sink and returned to the living room.

He almost screamed when he saw a young, very relaxed version of himself lying on the sofa, watching TV.

**“Did you enjoy your bath?”**

Loki glared at his other self. It was still unnerving to see another Loki, and even more infuriating to be tricked by one.

“What are you doing here?”

The now older Loki raised an eyebrow.

 **“Really? Is this how you greet me? I’m disappointed.”** he said with mock hurt. **“I saved your life. I even gave you a place to stay. A very nice place that I created with my powers, may I add. Don’t worry, kid. Once you’re old enough, I might even teach how it’s done.”**

Loki’s glare only grew darker. “Do you expect me to be grateful? You tricked me into drinking that serum. You knew what would happen. It turned me into a weak child with no powers and no way to defend myself. Then you leave me in the land of my enemies. Remind me again why I should be thankful?”

**“Don’t worry. The serum wasn’t perfect. You’re aging faster than you usually did. You’ll get your grown up body soon enough.”**

Loki blinked. “How soon?”

 **“About twenty years,”** Loki winced **. “What? You’d rather wait half a millennium again? You’re aging at the same rate of a Midgardian, and they live such short lives, don’t they? Twenty meager years is nothing but a heartbeat to someone like you.”**

Loki was relieved that he was aging faster, but twenty years was still far too long. Also, the way his other self talked to him made it seem like he had been reading his mind a while back and was now berating him for his thoughts.

“Don’t patronize me. _You_ did this to me. You’ve ruined my life!”

The God of Stories turned down television and faced his younger counterpart. His smile was disconcerting. His whole look made Loki nervous. This Loki seemed feral, erratic, unreasonable and very dangerous. It gave Loki the impression that he was just toying with him and now that he was powerless, he had no way to defend himself from this creature who seemingly could cross dimensions and create Midgardian houses on a whim.

**“Oh, no you don’t. Don’t blame me for your de-aging. I never forced you to drink the serum. I simply showed you a path. You’re the one who followed it.”**

“You knew I was desperate enough to take the risk. You tricked me.”

**“Well… that is my nature, is it not? _Our_ nature. Although, you’ve been acting more as an evildoer and a traitor rather than the mischievous prankster you used to be. You’re even called the God of Evil now. How proud you must be.”**

Loki felt his face burn.

“Let those imbeciles say whatever they want. I couldn’t care less,” he answered bitterly, his childish voice made him sound like a petulant brat.

 **“Oh, I think you do. Scratch that, I _know_ you do,”** the other Loki shapeshifted swiftly into a female form, her gaze is filled with fire. Before he could move away, she grabbed him tightly by his chin.

Loki tried to push her away from him, but she was too strong and he was too weak now.

“What are you…? Let go of me!”

**“Did you forget? I have seen your story. I know what you are and everything that you’ve done, even those deeds you refuse to accept responsibility for.”**

Loki grabbed her hand and tried again to pull her off him, but she wouldn’t budge an inch.

“ _Don’t touch me!_ ” he yelled, growing more desperate. “Let me go!”

 **“It’s never your fault, is it Loki? Everyone else is to blame for your actions,”** she went on. **“Your brother is made a king and what do you do? You betray your family. You let Frost Giants into Asgard, resulting in the deaths of innocent guards. You manipulate Thor into attacking Jotunheim and bring war and destruction into both Realms. And for what? For your own selfish need for attention.”**

“Shut up! That wasn’t…!”

The other Loki changed back into a man, now grabbing Loki’s head with both hands.

**“You threw everything and everyone away for your own ambitions. You turned on Thor, who knew nothing about your adoption and loved you unconditionally. You tried to kill him. Then you wage war against an innocent Realm, who did nothing except being something that Thor cared about and you try to conquer it in your everlasting need for attention and self-worth, not thinking twice about the lives you took or destroyed!”**

“I was fighting for what I deserved! They lied to me and then took everything!” Loki tried to kick his other self viciously, but nothing moved his counterpart. “They let me _fall_ and they didn’t even try to catch me!”

**“You blame everyone for your sorrow and you fail to see that it was all your own doing. You betrayed your family, tried to murder Thor and innocent bystanders on Midgard just so you could satisfy your anger and you expected Odin to be proud of you? That was beyond stupid, it was _pathetic_!”**

“Stop it! Stop it! Let me go!”

**“And what do you do next? You sink even further into your own anger. You ally yourself with Thanos and try to conquer Midgard in what has to be the biggest temper tantrum in all the Nine Realms. You underestimated the humans and that led to your humiliating defeat. Am I missing something?”**

“SHUT UP!”

The other Loki grabbed him by the neck and tossed him against the wall, his green eyes turned red.

**“Then you come back to Asgard in chains, all smug and just daring Odin to kill you. Your mother, who never stopped loving you despite all these horrible things, stays by your side, visits you in jail against Odin’s orders and you reject her. Break her heart. The last thing you ever say to her is that she’s not your mother. Don’t you see why they finally gave up and turned their backs on you? Can’t you see why no one would try to save a selfish, cruel, unpleasant child like you?”**

“SHUT UP! SHUP UP! SHUP UP! SHUP UP!” he yelled, almost tearing his vocal chords.

**“But it didn’t end there, did it? You had to get back at Odin, so you told Kurse exactly where to go.”**

Loki’s eyes widened in pure horror and his body went stiff. “No…”

**“He didn’t set you free. Even he knew how rotten you are. But he followed your advice, turned off the shields which allowed Malekith to get inside the palace and find the Queen…”**

“SHUT UP!”

**“He killed her.”**

“SHUT UP!”

**“And it’s your fault.”**

“NO!” Loki finally broke himself free and fell on the ground before attacking his other self with blind rage. “SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! I HATE YOU! _I HATE YOU!_ ”

Attacking the other Loki was as useless as trying to move a mountain, yet he stood there, silent and still as Loki punched and kicked him frantically, crying and shouting like a spoiled brat.

As Loki realized what he sounded like and how he was behaving, his fists fell to his sides, his eye wide with horror as he finally moved away.

“Wha…? This is not…  What is happening to me?” Loki asked, grabbing his head with both hands.

**“You’ve noticed it now, didn’t you? That serum did more than just regress your body.”**

Loki looked up at his other self’s eyes. “My mind… it’s slipping away.”

**“In a way, yes. Your memories and all your knowledge are still there and will be there, but your way of thinking, your… _maturity_ , it’s fading and it won’t come back for awhile.”**

Loki fell on his knees, his head, his heart, everything hurt and he felt like crying and yelling. He felt the world grow larger and scarier around him.

“You took my body and now you’re taking away my mind?” he muttered, trying as hard as he could to grasp his adult thoughts and emotions and not give in to the child he was becoming. “Why? Why do you hate me that much?”

The other Loki folded his arms across his chest.

  **“Because you need to grow. I considered taking away your memories too, get a fresh start, but that won’t do. Not this time. Taking away the chapters from your past will not make you grow. That is not change.”**

Loki was once more too slow to stop his other self from grabbing him. Before he knew it, he was being thrown into an empty bedroom.

**“If you’re acting like an angry kid, then you might as well be a real one.”**

 Loki ran towards the door, but it magically closed on his face. No matter how much he tried to open it, it wouldn’t budge.

“ **You have a dark story, Loki Laufeyson. You’ve let yourself be consumed by your anger and your selfish ambition until there was no room for nothing else. Your heart is putrid and hollow. Your soul is ugly. You know only how to cast away.”**

Loki faced his towering other self, shaking his head in denial at his harsh, hurtful words.

“That is not true.”

**“You know it is. That is why you ended up in that moon, forgotten and broken because no one wishes to be near you. They have seen you as you really are and they left. There is nothing good inside you. You are hollow.”**

The boy continued to shake his head, his eyes now red and swollen.

**“You thought it was your Jotun heritage that made you a monster. It isn’t. You have become one all on your own.”**

With that, the older Loki vanished, as this world’s Loki fell into on his knees. His body wracked with sobs while his tears ran down his face.

And Loki wept.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comic!Loki wants MCU!Loki to felt guilty. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! I hoped you guys liked it.


	3. Threads of Fate

_I know you won't believe me, Thor. Or maybe you will... it does not matter now._

_I miss you. I miss the time when we were together and I would feel comfortable and safe by your side._

_Remember when I fell down the balcony and was trapped between the rocks? You never left me and when I was finally rescued and the other children of the Court laughed at my crying, you punched one of them in the nose and Odin punished you for it. You said you would do it all over again if they made fun of your little brother._

_I had nightmares about being trapped in the dark for weeks, so I usually sneaked out of my room at night and went to your bed. Later, even mother joined us in your room without ever calling me a coward._

_I try to repress those memories, it would be so much easier if I could forget there were moments like those. I cannot._

* * *

 

Loki could feel it as the hours went by. His thoughts were becoming incoherent, his emotions were growing out of control. His ability to calm down, to think logically was quickly slipping away. He felt too much, too deeply. The last remnants of his adulthood were almost gone, no matter how hard he tried to grasp them.

His head felt too heavy and he was so tired, so miserable, so unbelievably sad.

He tried to open the door, but it was magically sealed. When he tried to throw himself out the window, the room pulled him away as if the walls were a magical field. The same happened when he tried to smash his head against the walls and break his neck on the floor. Nothing worked, the room saw to that.

He wasn't even allowed to kill himself, and he wanted to die. He wanted to die so very much. He wanted to disappear from this world, jump into the abyss until he was nothing.

No one would care. Everything was ruined.

He was broken and rotten to his very core with nothing good inside. He had been all his life. No matter how hard he tried, he would never belong in Asgard, or anywhere. There was no place for him.

Fath… Odin should have killed him as soon as he found him in Jotunheim. Everything Loki ever did was wrong and it hurt, it hurt so much…

His head was throbbing now. It was getting too hard to think like an adult and soon he wouldn't even be able to remember how to. He knew he was losing this battle and he felt so tired. He couldn't take it. He couldn't.

The last shred of his maturity finally vanished and so Loki grieved as the child he had truly become.

* * *

During the first night, Loki wept in a corner of the room. The apartment had to be soundproof, or else his unsuspecting neighbors would have tried to get inside or called the police after hearing him howling desperately all night.

He spent the second day sleeping, exhausted both physically and mentally. He woke up on the third day in a panic, with the sound of thunder and heavy rain. For a frightening moment, he thought Thor had come for him. The mere idea of his brother, no… not his brother _, never his brother_. The idea of Thor seeing him like this, terrified him.

As far as he was concerned, Loki would never face Thor again. Loki didn't want more fights, he had already lost way too many times and now he knew that he would never win. Fate would not allow it. Everything between them was now over. They weren't even real brothers to begin with.

That thought, brought him a sudden sense of loss. All his life, Loki had been with Thor. When they were children, they were practically inseparable. As they grew up, Loki felt Thor growing more interested in his friends, but he still stayed with him, even if said friends only tolerated him because he was Thor's brother and not out of any affection they felt towards him. Even after turning on Thor, Loki's schemes had been defined by his need to surpass him.

For better or worse, Thor had always been there. Now, he would never be.

Loki's eyes were swollen and puffy; he didn't have the strength to cry anymore or even the will to move. So he stayed curled against the corner, pulling his knees to his chest as tears ran silently down his face, except for the occasionally sob.

"Mama..."

He wanted his mother. It was foolish and selfish and childish but he did not care. He wanted his mother and knowing that he was the reason she was gone only made him sink even further into despair. He wanted to see her, to hold her, to apologize for everything he had done. If only he could go back...

"I did not mean it. Let me go back. I'll make it better... please... Let me change it... I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..."

His pleas were greeted with nothing but silence.

He spent the next four days like this. Hidden in the darkest corner, trying to hold himself together while also piercing his arms with his nails until they bled. However, nothing hurt more than his broken, hollow heart and no amount of physical pain would ever make it better.

On the seventh day, Loki was too weak by hunger and thirst to think at all. His body ached from being in the same position for so long and his clothes were once again filthy with sweat. His young body's needs for nourishment finally overcame his feelings of sorrow.

He was thirsty and hungry.

As he was wondering if his other self had intended to punish him by leaving him in that room until he starved to death, the door suddenly opened by itself.

Loki blinked in surprise but he did not move towards the door. A part of him still wanted to stay in that room, hidden for everything. Another part of him was afraid his other self had returned and finally opened the door. He didn't want to see him nor hear his hurtful yet truthful accusations anymore.

As minutes of silence went on, Loki finally managed to stand up and slowly walked out the bedroom. His other self wasn't in the apartment, apparently the room had been enchanted to open only when he had been too beaten to try to commit suicide. It was a highly advanced magic that Loki had never heard of and he had to admit that he was curious about it.

Nevertheless, right now, all he wanted was to be left alone.

Everything looked so much bigger. Even though he had been in the other rooms before, his now immature mind perceived things differently. Out of curiosity, Loki tried to open the front door, but it was locked. The enchanted apartment didn't deem him worthy of leaving yet.

Loki walked towards the kitchen and opened the fridge. His stomach rumbled at the sight of food and water. He immediately opened a bottle and drank to his heart's content, and then he opened another one and drank even more. No longer thirsty, he grabbed the first edible foods he found in the fridge and ate. He then searched for more in the cabinets and continued eating until his belly was full.

The kitchen was a mess of bread crumbs, empty bottles and bags of potato chips, cookies and other Midgardian sweets, which he begrudgingly had to admit, were quite delicious. Even the gasified drink known as Coke was better than he'd imagined.

With his hunger and thirst quenched, Loki went to the living room and sat on the sofa, his head lying on a soft pillow. He closed his eyes and thought of nothing, listening the sounds of his Midgardian neighbors, the wind and birds outside, the cars on the busy streets of New York… He focused on these sounds as they sang him to sleep.

He woke up the next day feeling groggy and needing to use the restroom really, really bad. He used this opportunity to take another shower and change into clean clothes, this time a yellow t-shirt and blue shorts. He thought of combing his hair neatly to his nape, like he always did, but decided against it and left it only slightly combed. There was no need to look composed and controlled all the time anymore. He didn't have to impress anyone or try to impose his presence and respect on people who would never love him.

In a way, Loki was free to do and be what he wanted from now on. It was the strangest feeling.

The enchantment he had cast on himself to remain hidden from Heimdall's sight would only disappear once he was dead, so he could not see or search for him. Thor was King of Asgard now and so he could never leave the Realm as freely as he had when he was a Prince and they all thought Loki was still hidden in space or dead.

They wouldn't look for him on Midgard, would they? Because there was no reason for Loki to go back there.

These thoughts made Loki feel as if a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. The sadness and self-hatred were still there, but he did feel lighter somehow. He felt free.

Maybe, just maybe, he would be able to find way to exist.

He got out of the bathroom and went back to the living room. It took him a few minutes, but he finally figured out how the remote worked and how to turn on the TV. Midgardian technology was still centuries away from Asgard's, but this would have to do since he was obviously stuck in there for a while. Besides, it was the only way he would be able to get any information about the outside world.

He quickly found a newscast on the Avengers (later he would realize that he had cable) who were on some Asian country fighting terrorists. Another few minutes of zapping and he stopped on an interview with a very angry middle aged man.

"…  _a menace. I'm telling you! Spider-Man is nothing more than a costume menace and you…?"_

" _And yet the Daily Bungle's sells have doubled ever since you've started putting Spider-Man on your front page."_

" _Scum is scum and costumed scum is costumed scum. But I need to sell papers."_

" _Spider-Man is one of New York's most beloved heroes, Mr. Jameson. He has saved countless lives. As an ally of the Avengers…"_

" _We have forsaken real heroes in favor of freaks! While America's true titans walk amongst us in the form of firemen, soldiers fighting on the front lines, and astronauts exploring the final frontier... instead we choose to idolize inhuman monsters! Masked menaces like this so-called sensational Spider-Man! When I'm through with this article, Spider-Man will be run out of town! Mark my words, we are all being drawn into his web ... especially our impressionable youngsters!"_

Loki had to admit that he was surprised to find out that not all Midgardian idolized their super-powered heroes and this interview was getting rather interesting, though even he could see that this Mr. Jameson was clearly prejudiced.

He kept changing channels, hoping to find something interesting.

"…  _the prime minister has declared…"_

Zap

"…  _her third arrest this year…"_

Zap

"…  _the tragic death of wealthy Manhattananite, Eleanor Bishop, last week. Her husband…"_

Zap

"…  _sensational concert last night. The band was…"_

Zap

"…  _my ex-wife's problems are…"_

Zap

"…  _of a possible alien crash. Our reporters are now in the scene. The Midas Foundation is about to make a statement…"_

Loki paused as he saw the reporter interviewed several witnessed who swore they had clearly seen a spaceship flying over their houses before it was blasted out of the sky, right above the property of someone called Doctor Midas, the owner and founder of the Midas Foundation, who denied all claims.

… _threads of Fate… bringing us together…_

…  _yet it is still so far away…_

Loki wasn't sure when he had fallen asleep again, but by the time he looked at the screen the news segment was over and it was dark outside once more. He thought about picking up the mattress from the ground and take it to the other bedroom (he would never sleep on the one where he had been locked ever again), but he felt drowsy and the sofa was quite comfortable.

Slowly he turned his head towards the television; he would have turned it off if the remote had not fallen under the sofa and he didn't feel like getting up to get it.

So instead he wearily stared at the screen, barely noticing the colorful commercials. The sound of music piqued his interest however.

" _A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far, away…"_

He watched as the screen was filled with a sea of stars and words rolled up into infinity. Loki realized this was a Midgardian story being told through television.

" _It is a period of civil war. Rebel spaceships,_

_striking from a hidden base, have won their first_

_victory against the evil Galactic Empire."_

Loki wasn't particularly interested in watching this story, yet he kept staring at the screen as the words of exposition disappeared from view and a yellow planet emerged, her two moons glowing against the darkness, while a tiny spaceship was pursued by giant one.

Despite the primitive effects, the boy continued to watch the film. He had nothing better to do anyway. He found himself captivated with the movie's story and was now fully awake, blissfully ignoring his sorrow for a while. He was visibly happy when it was announced that this was a marathon and that wouldn't have to wait for the following films to know what was going to happen next.

He allowed himself to be lost in the story, like he used to when he was young. It was a welcome distraction.

A few floors bellow from where the God of Mischief was now enjoying the plot of the movie, a young girl yelled at her parents who could not understand why she couldn't accept a small white lie. A few miles away, two boys, living in different houses and never having met each other, were also enjoying the Star Wars movie with the same passion. Even farther away, an older girl cried over her mother's sudden death. And many, many miles away from there, a young Kree boy was taken into a secret lab, still shaking with anger that his entire family and crew had been so brutally killed.

Loki knew nothing of these people, their paths had not crossed yet. This was just the beginning, the first chapter of their tales.

And so they moved forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a difficult chapter to write, it was mostly world building and Loki starting to move forward in this new life. I hope it wasn't very rushed.
> 
> Kudos to those who can guess who the people at the end of this chapter are ;)
> 
> The idea that Loki would enjoy Midgardian culture started back on Journey into Mystery, then it went on. I decided to start with Star Wars. If you guys have any suggestions on what other movies he would enjoy, please tell me on the comments.
> 
> Thank you very much for reading.


	4. Little magpie, reaching for shiny things

_After all, words are what remain when all the deeds have been done. Words can shatter faith; start a war; change the course of history. A story can make your heart beat faster; topple walls; scale mountains – hey, a story can even raise the dead. And that’s why the King of Stories ended up being King of the gods; because writing history and making history are only the breadth of a page apart._

_Joanne Harris (The Gospel of Loki)_

* * *

_Mother told me once that stories can be the most powerful of weapons. A good story can convince people of almost anything, even if it is a lie._

_Sometimes, stories became legends and were perceived as truths._

_After our first big hunt to the great white deer, they sang our feats for the first time during a feast. I was really looking forward to it, but in the end, the song was all about you, Thor. It was a song celebrating your bravery, your strength and how you saved your brother from a certain death. My feats were barely recognized and my idea of luring the deer into the cliff using me as bait was laughed at._

_You were seen as the majestic eagle, catching the prey. I was the deceitful and chattering magpie, trying and failing to grasp the shiny prize that didn’t belong to me._

_I told you that I needed to rest and left the hall. I know that you tried to make them sing more accurately about the hunt, but in the end, you ended up staying and celebrating with your adoring crowd._

_I hated you for not going after me. I hated all of them. I hate myself for not being good enough._

_The pitiful magpie trying to turn itself into an eagle._

_Mother went to me; she always seemed to know when my smile was fake. She told me a story that night._

_She told me that magpies were wonderful, gorgeous birds. Chattering of course, and would attack like any animal, but they were most clever. Superstition and old wives tales had made people think of them as a bad omen and evil when that was not true._

_“Keep on chattering, my little magpie. Don’t stay silent,” she told me. “One day, they will look at you and see your cunning and realize how stunning you truly are.”_

* * *

_Two weeks later (not that it mattered to this Trickster)_

In a space that wasn’t a space, Loki, God of Stories, felt and heard a lot of things. In the beginning, there was nothing but the void, empty, silent and sterile. Then there was the beginning of things and the first story came to be as well, soon to be followed by uncountable others.

There were stories everywhere you looked.

The multiverse was nothing more than a library of stories created from the first book. Each universe was filled with stories that could be similar to the original or completely different. A new choice created a new event, this event created a new story. Change the choice, you would create an entirely different story. That was the secret of the existence of the multiverse, or at least it used to be before it was all (or virtually all) destroyed during the Incursions.

Right?

Not many people knew this, but no story ever died. It could be finished into a rewarding, wonderful ending, a tragic ending, a horrible ending, a bad ending that made no sense whatsoever, or maybe not even have an ending at all. One thing all stories had in common was that they all ended up in the same place.

Even the story that barely started in a book, notebook, a napkin, a fanfiction webpage, they all went somewhere. They were confusing, annoying and short but they did come to be.

All stories of all things went somewhere and that place could be reached through several paths. Not that many people, aside from this God of Stories, were that interested in then.

Loki knew that one day his story would end up in that place as well.

However, Loki was not thinking about his own ending at the moment. He thought about the little Loki from the universe known as Earth-199999 (terrible name, completely devoid of imagination). He had imposed parts of a chapter of his life onto his own, but considering that he was about to die and add one more tragic Loki Tale to the Great Library of Stories, he was rather pleased with his intervention. There were enough of those already.

Going through that Loki’s past had been as interesting as gloomy and, to be honest, dull. He couldn’t recall most of the details from his own story (that was the past and he was all about moving forward so why think about it?), but he did feel that this Loki’s story was clearly based on his own.

That was the reason he gave him that story of himself to use as opposed to a miserable death on a forsaken moon. He didn’t recall most of that part of his own story, or better yet, that chapter of Loki’s life that had been left behind like all others, but he had deep feelings about it and he knew it could be a good story of redemption for this Loki to follow. Soon, the other people involved in that chapter of his life would start to show up as their tales intertwined into a good storyline.

Loki’s green eyes closed as he looked forward. His story was brand new and there were so many stories out there, so many exciting…

There was jolt through his body. Loki stopped, looking around. The jolt had not been painful, but he was intrigued. Something had happened that was related to him, his story, his past chapters, now what could that possibly be?

Another jolt, this one more powerful. Still not painful, but the God of Stories’ eyes, which usually never looked worried, finally darkened.

**“No. He wouldn’t…”**

Another jolt.

**“This was not what I wanted you to have!”**

More jolts.

**“Stop it!”**

The God of Stories tried to move towards the place where everything was happening but found out that he couldn’t. He had no way to intervene and stop what the other Loki was doing.

* * *

 

_Two weeks later (it mattered a lot to this Loki)_

His in first childhood, Loki had to contain himself. If he couldn’t be the warrior that Thor was, at least he tried to be the rational one. He used his head and tricks in order to defeat opponents when his weaker swordfight and smaller body could not. He stopped and helped Thor when they were in trouble. Loki was always the one who thought things through and avoided battle. In a way, he was the perfect second son.

He did so hoping to impress Odin in his own away. His cleverness was acknowledged sometimes, but it never gave him the love, attention, and pride that he craved so deeply. Odin could be more level headed, but he was too much like Thor. No matter how much Loki tried, Odin would look right through him and never see him. Not when Thor shone so brightly, leaving Loki in the shadow.

His moth… Frigga had seen his potential. She had been the one to notice that he would never be as good of a fighter as Thor, so she approached him one lonely evening and asked him if he would be interested in learning Seidr, magic. Nevertheless, even that wasn’t enough. It made him stronger and better at something than Thor, but he still wasn’t seen except for when they mocked him for acting like a woman or an old man with no honor.

The only way Loki would get everyone’s attention was through his mischief, which eventually led to his God of Mischief title. He pranked people for fun, out of spite or just because he wanted attention. He was reprimanded, but it was better than being ignored any time.

Nowadays, he had no reason to seek anyone’s pride so he gave in into his mischievous nature with full force.

First, he watched all the movies he could find on his cable channels that resembled his favorite tales. He loved the Star Wars saga so he went to his computer and searched on the internet, Midgard’s primitive open system of communication, for more movies with similar plots. When he couldn’t find a movie that he wished to see on television he found there were several places on the internet that allowed him to either watch or download the movies. He proceeded to watch Star Trek, the Firefly TV show (too short for his liking) and respective movie, the Lord of the Rings Trilogy and the Hobbit, several movies by a company named Disney that seemed more focused on children’s tales but was still entertaining. He then watched The Wizard of Oz, The Harry Potter movies, Princess Mononoke, Shrek, Howl’s Moving Castle, How to Train Your Dragon, Pan’s Labyrinth, The Princess Bride, The Nightmare Before Christmas and many, many other movies and TV series.

He spent the previous two weeks looking for more movies and TV shows to watch, that led him to try to listen to their soundtracks and then other styles of Midgardian music, which in turn led him to search more and more information about his current home.

Loki’s first realization was that he would have hated to be the ruler of Midgard. These people were mad, close-minded and found offense with everything. He really should have researched more about the Realm before accepting to conquer it, though one of the biggest reasons he had accepted it was because Thor grew so fond of the tiny planet and it would be the perfect way to spite him.

How was he supposed to rule a planet that still couldn’t accept that other people had different skin colors, religion or other sexual orientations? The humans would have driven him madder in months. 

Still, he could see now that there were some things worth preserving in Midgard and he had to give credit when credit was due. They created the most wonderful tales, the internet was far more diverse and entertaining than it’s equivalent on Asgard, which was mainly used for communication and information. The food was not so bad either and he had already created a list of Midgardian possessions that he had seen on television that he wanted to have.

Maybe being stuck here would not be as bad as he thought initially. At least he could have some fun. Baiting humans on internet forums with deliberate offending messages with one account, then refuting the same comment with another was enjoyable as he saw them bicker and fight each other over the stupidest things. As always, he reveled in chaos.

Another pastime he had recently acquired was drawing the other Loki in the worst way he could, which wasn’t exactly a challenge since he would only draw on his computer since didn’t have paper or pen in the apartment.

He still feared his other self, but he had also come to deeply despise him for his cruel words, his obvious sense of superiority over him and his meddling.

“Damn you, you toothless, hairy goblin! I hope you step on glass... or a Lego,” he boy spat to a very ugly drawing of the God of Stories on his computer screen. He deleted the picture, searched for a particular video and placed the computer on the kitchen table.

“I am Loki, of the Realm of bad Fanfiction,” he mocked by trying to imitate his other self’s voice. “And I am burdened with horrible oral hygiene.”

Deciding to forget his meddlesome other self, Loki opened the fridge and picked the right ingredients for his breakfast. He had various levels of success with cooking before and he had researched thoroughly for the perfect eggs and bacon recipe. He was not going to fail again.

“Hel! Hel-ity, Hel! _HelHelHel-Hel!_ ” Loki yelled as he picked up the burned bacon and oil from the smoking frying pan and tossed everything into the sink. The entire apartment was filled with smoke and the stench of burnt fried food.

He failed again.

After trying the cool down the frying pan, Loki glared at the computer screen and the video titled “How to Cook Bacon: Foolproof Way to Achieve Perfection”. He was sure that he had followed the instructions closely and yet his bacon always ended up burned to a crisp, or with soggy and fatty strips. 

“Foolproof way, my ass!”

Did he add too much oil? Should he have used a cold frying pan? Had he taken too long to remove the bacon from it? Had he placed too much bacon on the pan at once?

Quickly, Loki did another online research. Apparently, he failed for doing all the above.

“Damn it!” he cursed under his breath as he tossed everything to the already full trash bin. Now he was out of frying oil and bacon, and eggs, and most of his food supplies. Plus, the apartment smelled bad.

He was so looking forward to eating it too…

Pouting over his ruined breakfast, the little God of Mischief walked out of the kitchen and sat crossed legged in front of the television. He had a big problem.

His food supplies were all but gone; his trash bin was so full and reeking so badly that he dreaded to have to go near it and now every inch of the apartment smelled bad as well. He couldn’t even open a window since they were magically locked.

He had finally cleaned the bathroom and his bedroom and washed his clothes, but he had no place to dry them and so they made a puddle of water on the floor. Plus, they were all wrinkly and there were stains that he could not remove no matter how hard he scrubbed.

How he missed his magic. It was frustrating to know what spells to use, how to make things so much better, but being too weak to use them.

In addition, even if the cursed door finally opened, what could he do? He had no way to buy food or other supplies and stealing would be too risky when he was trying to stay unnoticed for as long as he could. He needed to find a way to get money in this world.

The solution came to him quickly. It was dangerous, unpleasant but it was all he could think of at the moment.

He pulled the rug from his living room, picked up a bottle of ketchup and started to write the forbidden rune marks on the floor. The first time he had tried this particular spell, he had followed the instructions from the banned tome of the dead and used his own blood. He found later that all he needed was any sort of red substance.

Why did all the books regarding death use such ghastly methods when easier solutions were less painful and just as effective? Some scholars were either really found of the macabre or preferred it to such an unfit way to use forbidden paths.

Well, if something were easy, anyone would do it. However, somethings were so easy to do that no one believed it to be true in the first place.

One of those things was opening a gateway to Helheim, Land of the Dead.

Loki cleaned his dirty fingers on a napkin as he watched the black gate form in the middle of his living room. He tried to remain calm and composed, but he was more than a little scared, especially now that his body and mind were that of a small child.

It took all of his courage not to flinch when Hela, Goddess of Death, appeared in front of him.

“Greetings, Lady Hela, Queen of the Dead. Thank you for attending my call and allowing me to enter your Realm,” Loki kneeled, trying to sound as confident as his now childish voice allowed him. “I am most honored to be in your presence once more.”

Hela stared at him apathetically, her expression unreadable. The Goddess of Death was as beautiful as she was frightening, with her green, silk dress and her majestic dark crown that covered the top of her head, except for her piercing emerald eyes.

“Loki,” she said plainly. “You are young.”

The boy stood up and faced her. “Indeed. I have faced… setbacks on my travels. It is the most peculiar of tales…”

Hela raised her hand. “I have no interest in your tales, trickster god. State your intentions.”

“Ah… Yes, well… I summoned thee, Lady of Death, to ask for a favor.”

“A favor?” she asked. “If you have summoned me _again_ because you want to go to the Valhalla, my answer is still no.”

Loki had asked Hela repeatedly to allow him to go the Valhalla plains and meet Queen Frigga while he was still on the throne of Asgard. Hela had declined every time; Helheim had rules and allowing the living to meet the noble slain was forbidden.

“I have a different request, Queen Hela,” Loki said while trying to ignore the twinge of sadness in his heart. “I have summoned you to ask for access to your libraries.”

Hela blinked, that was all the emotion she showed. “My libraries? The Great Libraries of Helheim?”

Loki nodded. “I need to use them for a while, my lady. I need another source of knowledge as my magic has been severely diminished. I also need access to the Golden Room I created when I was there the last time, the one where you gracefully allowed me to store my gold and riches. Grant me this and we will be even.”

Hela stared at the regressed god in front of her. Many centuries ago, Loki had given her the cloak of virtue, whose magic properties allowed her to retain a healthy appearance instead of the half-decayed body she really possessed. She had known Loki would use this favor to gain something from her in the future and so she had been waiting for the most despicable of requests. Access to her Libraries was a tame request to what she had been expecting.

“Very well,” she said finally. “I will accept your request, Trickster. You will have full access to the Great Libraries of Helheim for as long as you wish, as well as your Golden Room. Consider my debt repaid.”

Loki beamed at her. “Thank you so much, my lady.”

Hela turned around and waved her hand for Loki to follow her.

Helheim was a different realm. As the Realm of the Dead, a neutral realm, it stayed out of the affairs of the other Realms. Not even the King of Asgard had any power over it.

The place was quiet and dark, surrounded by the cold mist from Niflheim and it’s nine rivers, under a dark-blue sky with no stars. Hela’s Palace, however, was a thing of dark beauty and greatness, filled with gold, silver and jewels, delicious food that no mortal should ever eat while alive.

The Palace’s walls were made of a dark stone that shone different colors when someone walked by, there were gold and silver runes written all over the walls and floors, which possessed great power to keep the Palace impenetrable, everlasting and protected.

Since death was as ancient as life, no one knew when the Palace had been created or when Hela had become its ruler. No one had bothered to ask her either.

Loki followed the Queen of the Dead through the palace’s corridors and stairways. He guessed that had been the first time someone entered the Great Palace of the Dead wearing a Darth Vader T-shirt and barefoot.

“Humans on Midgard are truly peculiar,” Loki babbled, trying to break the uncomfortable silence. Since Hela had not told him to shut up yet, he took it as a sign that he could go on. “They kept some of our tales, but they were terribly changed or misquoted. I blame most of it on the warriors that were sent there over the last two thousand years. Never trust a bunch of drunken warriors in search of glory when it comes to storytelling. They took way too many liberties to make themselves look better. I mean, you wouldn’t believe what they told about me.”

“Fascinating,” Hela answered impassively.

“I mean it, my lady. They even believe you to be my daughter.”

Hela turned around and stared at him. “Absurd.”

“I know, right!”

When they approached the Great Libraries, Hela opened the tall doors with a wave of her hand. The place was seemingly endless, with books, papers and every sort of written knowledge placed neatly in its dark bookcases.

“This is where we depart, Loki,” she told him, ready to leave and attend to her usual duties. “As I said, you are free to use the Library for as long as you wish, as well as your Golden Room. You may leave and enter using the usual rune marks. Needless to say, you are not allowed to roam free around my castle or my realm. I will have none of your mischief here.”

Loki bowed down. “Of course, Queen Hela. Thank you once more for your time and your hospitality. You are the most graceful of all queens.”

Hela glanced at him for a second and turned away, closing the doors behind her.

Now finally alone, Loki ran through the silent library until he found his Golden Room and opened it using a small rune that he had invented.

The room was his secret safe for all the treasures and belongings he thought he shouldn’t keep in Asgard. The gold and jewels came in handy now that he was stuck on Midgard with no money. He would have to think how to convince anyone to buy them to a child like him, though, but he would think of that later.

He grabbed a bag that was enchanted to hold everything inside, his own personal Bag of Holding, and threw some of his treasure inside along with several objects that could be of use and some paper to finally write something back at the apartment. When he thought he had enough, he walked out of his Golden Room, closed it and decided to pick up some magical tomes from the Library to take with him to his apartment. There were a lot of magic that he needed to learn and the Library of the Dead had everything, though he knew he had to be careful. All books had magic of their own.

_No story ever dies…_

_They all go somewhere…_

Loki looked around. He though he had heard something.

_There is a story everywhere you look…_

_Even mine, even yours…_

_There is a place where all stories end up…_

Loki walked down a particularly dark corridor as if pulled by something invisible. The bookcases were devoid of books here and he could feel an air current in front of him. At the end of the corridor, he found a staircase and at the end, a green door.

_Walk through the path, little one… Your story waits…_

Loki opened the green door and walked into a world of light. He had to close his eyes due to the brightness. When he finally opened them, his mouth fell open.

He was not on Helheim’s Great Library anymore. He was in another Library entirely.

The place was… green. Everywhere he looked there was green. The walls and floors were made of green marble, there were green bookcases up to the very high green ceiling, filled with, what else, books from all shades of green.

_This is the place where a particular story always ends…_

_You know in your heart which one…_

Loki didn’t take long to figure out which person these books were about. His damn name was written in the skyscraper with golden magic shining under a dark sky full of stars. All the books had his name written on the book spine, with either golden letters, black letters, silver letters, shiny green letters…

“What… what is the place? How did I end up here?” the boy asked, looking and finding no one else in the library. “Elder self? Are you here? Is this your doing? Show yourself!”

The God of Stories didn’t answer. Loki walked back to the door and was relieved to find that it was still open and thus he could leave this strange place.

_How can you turn away? These are your stories. The stories of Loki._

_How can you leave and never know what lies in these books?_

Loki’s self-preservation screamed at him to leave and forget this place, but he knew that he could not. If his own life had been based on the stories of other Lokis, then he had to know more.

_Follow your heart, little god…_

_Listen to the story that calls out to you…_

The books were not quiet. They screamed and whispered as he walked by them. He heard his own voice more than once, screaming or cursing. He could even feel the scent of burning flesh, fresh blood or decay. He never tried to touch one the books, his whole body shook with fear every time he walked through another one and heard, what he guessed, was that story’s Loki terrible end.

 _Is this what awaits me in the end?_ he thought, repressing his tears. _Am I always doomed to a terrible end after a life of always being the one who loses and fails?_

A single tear ran down his cheek as he passed through another book, hearing his own voice screaming with agony and fear. He could barely make out the words _“I’m sorry, brother.”_

_There is hope for you yet… Follow your heart…_

Loki stopped at the sound of a silence and two words spoken by a child’s voice. _“I win.”_

_Here… This is it…_

Loki looked at the book and recognized the subtitle written under his name. They were the same words left by his other self on that post-it note.

“Journey into Mystery.”

With his hand trembling, Loki reached out for the book and took it out of the bookcase. In the cover, he saw a preteen picture of himself with his hands up.

_This is the path you must choose…_

Loki opened the book on the last page and was swallowed by the exclamation point.

“Ouch!” he whimpered as he landed on a dark realm surrounded by green flames.

As he looked around, the flames opened and he saw his horned helmet, or at least a variation of his helmet, on top of a pedestal. More surprisingly, was the preteen boy sitting in front of it, staring at him with interest.

“Hello!” the boy smiled despondently. He was wearing Asgardian clothing, though a bit old fashioned with his black cowl and the small circlet on his head.

Loki could see clearly that he was another version of him.

“Are you… Loki?” he asked, moving cautiously towards him.

The preteen laughed.

“That is a dumb question, is it not? If you are here and I am here, then it’s obvious were both Loki,” he stared at Loki for a while. “I was not expecting to find another me younger than I am. But then again, I was not expecting anyone at all.”

Loki stopped at a safe distance from the other Loki. So far, his experience with other Lokis had not been happy, so he was not ready to just trust this one, even if he was just a kid.

Still, there was something different about this Loki. Something warm and pure that was different from the other stories he had walked through.

“What is this place?” Loki asked. “How did I get here?”

The preteen Loki smiled. “You opened the book. That was all it took. Now you are in my story… or at least in a chapter from that world’s Loki story.”

“You mean the one who came to me and meddled with my life? The so-called God of Stories?”

“I’m sorry. I do not know what happens beyond my ending,” the other Loki answered. “Are you sure he was a continuation of my story?”

Loki thought about how this boy’s book whispered to him. He didn’t believe in coincidences. “I think so.”

“Was he… was he evil?” the preteen asked, his green eyes darkening.

“I don’t know. Define evil?vHe said he was trying to help me by giving me a part of his story. So far, he tricked me into becoming this young and losing my adult mind. Oh, and he locked me up in an apartment on Midgard.”

“Does he have a body? And power?”

“Yes. He’s way more powerful than I used to be. Why?”

The other Loki beamed. “Oh! That does not sound like _him_. If that Loki is trying to help, then that is definitely not _him_. I guess his story reached its end too.”

“Him?”

“Ikol, the magpie,” the boy spoke with hints of anger in his voice. “My minion and my opposite. An echo of a scream. My past self. The one who killed me.”

Loki blinked, confused.

“Sorry. I am getting ahead of myself. Let me tell you from the beginning.”

And so, the preteen Loki told him his story. He told him how Thor had missed him and brought him back to life after the old Loki died in battle and his first days in his new life as Serrure. He told him about going back to Asgard, meeting Ikol, that was a pale spirit of the Loki who perished in magpie form. He told him about hiding the Worldheart, about meeting Leah, his best friend forever, about Thori, about fighting the God of Fear, fighting Nightmare and the Fear Lords, saving Thor from being forgotten and replaced, how he helped save the Dísir, his quest with the Manchester Gods, how he aided Thor during Asgard’s battle against Surtur and finally how he was led into giving up his body to Ikol.

Loki listened carefully, fascinated by the other Loki’s tale.

_This is the moment…_

“And that’s how my tale ends. I am done, I am gone. Ikol stole my body and I am gone forever. My story is over now.”

There were threads of green uniting both boys. Unknowingly, they moved closer to each other.

“I guess this is why we have met. Let us go then,” the other Loki said softly.

_Follow the path… this is story you must choose…_

Loki felt almost in a trance. His finger were mere inches from the other Loki.

_Take the story and burn it in your heart… start anew…_

_Follow the path…_

Loki blinked and pulled his fingers away. The other Loki also seemed confused.

_What?_

“What’s wrong?” the other Loki asked.

“What was about to happen? Was I… was I getting your story?”

“Ah… I am not sure, but I think that was what was happening. I just felt… compelled into giving it to you.”

Loki crossed his arms around his chest and glared at the horned helmet. “He’s interfering. This is him again. The God of Stories. He wants me to take your story into mine, as if neither of us as any choice on the matter.”

The preteen seemed confused. “Is he that powerful? My future self?”

“Apparently,” Loki answered bitterly. “He may not be evil and his intentions might be good, since you are by far the best version of myself that I have encountered in this library, but he is manipulating me into following the path he wants.”

“Perhaps… I admit was feeling in a sort of daze myself.”

“Yes! Me too. We are both being led through his strings. That annoying, barefoot goblin!”

“You are barefoot too.”

“That is _not_ the point! Who does he think he is? It’s not right.” Loki turned around and started pacing around the fiery room, after a while he faced the other Loki again. “What do you think?”

“Me?”

“Yes!”

“I am but a record. My story is over and I am gone,” the preteen looked down. “The book is closed and this is my ending. There is nothing I can do about it. If you take me with you, it could be an improvement.”

Loki stared at the other boy, deep in thought. He could accept his story and probably make it a better one, a happier one, but…

“What is it that you want?”

The other Loki gaped. “What?”

“What do you really want? Is it coming with me? Is there something that you want more?”

The preteen stared at him with unshed tears. “What I really want… is impossible.”

The younger godling moved closer. “Why?”

“Because what I want… is a different ending,” the other Loki revealed, tears rolling down his cheeks. “I want… I want to live. I want to be with Leah and Thor. I want to go home and stay with them forever. But I cannot. That is not how my story ends and it is useless to wish for something I will never have.”

Loki stared at the other boy, his usually hollow heart began to ache for this other version of himself. But there was nothing he could do, was it? What power did he have over stories?

The same as everyone else.

Moving swiftly, Loki opened his bag and after searching for a bit, he grabbed golden pen and paper before sitting down on the floor and starting to write.

_“What if…”_

The other Loki wiped his tears on his sleeve and walked towards him.

“Tinier Loki, what are you doing?”

Loki went on writing. “I am trying something. Who says stories have to stay put? That God of Stories? The Universe? This story is a story about Loki, so why shouldn’t Loki change it.”

The preteen gaped in surprise. “But that is impossible. You can’t change my story. It was already written with an ending and purpose.”

“Not change it, but give it another ending. A _“what if”_ setting, an alternate ending that the reader can choose to see as canon or not. It happens on many other stories. Why should yours be any different? Besides, we do not have anything to lose.”

The other Loki remained silent. He had changed the story of the Serpent, the God of Fear, once, but giving it another ending was completely different. He was sure it was impossible.

“There. Here is just a draft. What do you think?” Loki handed the paper for his other self to read.

_“What if…_

_Leah burst into the fiery room the moment Loki’s teeth were about to pierce the magpie’s flesh._

_“Stop!” she yelled, her dress all but rags, her hair unkempt and her face wounded with a long scratch. She looked as fierce as a warrior. “Do not do it, you idiot! Or I will kill you myself!”_

_Loki stared at her in shock. Not only she had returned, but she was also carrying two objects. The book of his story that had been given to the Teller to consume and the Fear Crown.”_

The preteen smiled, deep in thought. “Its… it would be good if it happened. How did Leah gain the book and the Fear Crown?”

“Instead of being sent into the Deep Past, Hela could have sent Leah to retrieve the objects. They didn’t need to tell you anything, so your elder self would not know.”

The other Loki nodded and looked at the page fondly. “That would be good. Leah is as scary as she is bright and strong. She would save me if she wished to.”

Both Lokis looked in disbelief as a golden stream of magic moved from the page to the side. The green flames moved aside and the golden magic created something on a wall. It looked like a doorframe.

“What is that?” Loki asked.

The other Loki laughed and beamed at the other boy.

“You are truly brilliant, tinier self!” the preteen handed the paper back to him. “Can you continue?”

Loki grabbed the paper and faced his other self. “I have no idea what I did, but if you want to continue you got to help me write. It is your ending after all.”

“With pleasure, teenier Loki.”

“Oh! And will you stop calling me that?”

The preteen laughed and sat next to him. Together, they went on writing the alternative ending. As the words composed the story, the door on the wall became more and more defined. The path was built, since no story truly ever dies and is never ever finished should the reader wish so.

Once they were done, the door shone brightly on the wall as the page disintegrated on their hands into tiny golden particles and drifted to the now complete gate. The preteen Loki stood up and walked towards it, hope and fear mixed in his gaze.

“Did we do it?” Loki asked, also standing up.

“I know not. We have built something, but I have no idea what this path will do to my story.”

Loki stared at the gate. “It is your choice to take it or ignore it. Either way, it is done.”

The preteen Loki nodded and grabbed the younger one’s hands in a firm grip. Green eyes met green eyes as they faced each other.

“Thank you.”

The room began to shine as the preteen walked slowly towards the new gate. Loki felt the light pull him upwards, to the outside world. The reader was gone.

Inside the story, the preteen Loki took a deep breath as he stood at the threshold. He felt a summer breeze, heard the sound of rustling leaves and the scent of Asgardia’s gardens. Far away, he heard Thor’s characteristic loud laugh.

Smiling, Kid Loki walked through the gate into an eternal summer day. Leah faced him at the top of a hill, near a giant oak tree.

“Loki Laufeyson, where have you been?”

He laughed and grabbed her hand.

* * *

 

Loki felt on the floor of the library. In front of him, the book he had held shone brightly as it drifted back into it’s rightful place in the great bookcase. He could have sworn he heard laughter.

_I do not know what I did, but that Loki is probably happier. I left my pen inside it though._

Standing up, Loki looked to his right. There was another book right next to Journey into Mystery. After that, the bookcase was empty, as if waiting for new books to fill that Loki’s story. This was the predecessor to the God of Stories.

Walking cautiously, Loki moved closer to the next book and read the subtitle under the Loki name.

_Ikol_

Like with the other books, Loki heard that Loki’s final moments. A quiet sound of something burning, a female voice far away and his voice saying: _“Let’s be something new!”_

There were no whispers telling him what to do. Just his curiosity about the Loki who had paved the way to the God of Stories and a strange sense of kinship towards the book that he could not describe.

There was sadness and regret in that story, but there was also hope.  

Slowly, Loki grabbed the green tome and turned it around. The cover was that of a magpie flying in front of a young man.

He opened the book in the last page and was again swallowed by the darkness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up being way bigger than what I had in mind. I hope I did a good job with it.
> 
> Comic!Loki is not a villain in this story, or an antagonist. He's not evil, but he is acting as a force of opposition towards MCU!Loki by trying to impose a part of the story he saw as best for him. MCU!Loki may not agree with that decision and do a few choices of his own. He is not a passive character.
> 
> Now is AoA Loki/Ikol's turn. 
> 
> Please tell me what you guys thought. This is the first time I wrote meta-fiction.


	5. Like the legend of the phoenix, all ends with beginnings

_Did you know there are other Lokis from other dimensions? And other Thors?_

_It’s a scary thought, knowing there are other versions of me out there. I have met a few of them and I’ve learned of others. Most of them have very grim ends._

_I asked Odin if I was cursed after I touched the Casket of Ancient Winters and my body turned into that of a Jotun. Now, I think the whole purpose of being Loki is being cursed into becoming this monster, the antagonist, the villain, so Thor can become the hero every universe requires._

_Is that all there is for me? Be your villain? Do I exist solely to lose and be vanquished at the end?_

* * *

 

Loki landed on the same dark, green fiery place from the other book, but at least, this time, he landed on his feet.

As he looked around, he saw a couple differences though. The broken horned helmet from the God of Stories was on top of the pedestal and there was a young man standing in front of it.

The young man, had his adult face, even if centuries younger. He turned around and stared at Loki, his green eyes widening with slight surprise, his mouth parting to reveal a missing tooth just like his successor.

**_“You’ve let yourself be consumed by your anger and your selfish ambition until there was no room for nothing else.”_ **

If Loki were his adult self, he would have controlled his anger and baited the other one with sweetened words hiding poisonous intentions before trying to stab him in the back.

The child that Loki currently was, however, used a more simple approach. He jumped at the older Loki, screaming bloody murder.

**_“Your heart is putrid and hollow. Your soul is ugly. You know only how to cast away.”_ **

“What the--?! Wait! Stop!” the other Loki, previously named Ikol, yelled as he tried to stop the seven year old godling from gouging his eyes out. “Stop it! Just… stop it!”

Loki didn’t stop. He kept fighting the older version of himself with full, childish rage. He scratched, punched, kicked, pulled the other Loki’s hair and even bit him. Every time the older Loki tried to push him off him, the boy would wriggle like a wild animal and keep on attacking.

**_“They have seen you as you really are and they left. There is nothing good inside you. You are hollow.”_ **

“I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!” Loki spat hatefully.

Soon, Loki wasn’t just attacking because of his current condition, or because he was confused, scared and still hurting. He unleashed all the sorrow, rage and regret he had accumulated over centuries into violence. Loki wasn’t just beating up another Loki who was partially responsible for taking his old life away, he was also beating himself and all of his mistakes because the child in him deep down believed he could beat and scream them into oblivion if punched him hard enough.

He was done being calm, he had tried that. Aggression felt so much better.

**_“You thought it was your Jotun heritage that made you a monster. It isn’t. You have become one all on your own.”_ **

“I hate you! I hate you! I HATE YOU!”

The older Loki was clearly confused upon being attacked so suddenly by a very young version of himself. For a moment, he thought it was the ghost of the child he had murdered, but he realized it wasn’t the case. That Loki could get angry, but this one was desperate and vicious.

“I HATE YOU! _I. HATE. YOU!_ ”

“Yes, we’ve established that… Ouch!” the boy kicked him in the ribs as he tried to grab his arms. “Stop that! I… Ow! I said stop!”

The child kept on kicking and biting his arm in his uncontrolled rage. He could have punched him and throw him across the room, but he could not bring himself to do it. Harming children, especially child versions of himself were line that he would not cross again.

Instead, the older Loki grabbed the little one’s wrists and crossed them in front of the boy’s chest before pulling him against his torso. The kid tried to kick him and break free, but the older Loki didn’t let go.

“Easy! Easy, Loki…. You’re a Loki, right? You look like one,” he whispered into the boy’s hear softly. “It’s alright.”

“I hate you! I hate you!”

“I know. I know, but try to calm down. Breathe. You’re going to pass out if you don’t.”

The boy’s rage finally started to wear him down as his attempts to break free became feebler with each passing minute. However, he was still shaking with rage and distress.

“I hate you… I hate you…”

The torrent finally broke and soon he was drowning in his own sobs. He pushed his head against the older Loki’s chest, his sweaty forehead resting on his armor while slow, thick tears rolled down his face to his shirt.

The older Loki didn’t let go, instead he held him tight against his bigger body even as the boy went limp as a kitten.

“I hate you… I hate me…”

“I know the feeling,” The older Loki slowly began to rock him, as the boy cried his heart out.

“Damn me. Damn you all,” the boy whispered, thinking of all the cursed Lokis in that Library and the God of Stories who was still out there.

The older Loki smiled sadly. “I know.”

It took Loki few more minutes to finally calm down and stop crying. He was mostly embarrassed for losing his temper like this, but he felt safe in the older Loki’s embrace. It was quite pathetic, being held and comforted by an older version of himself, but he felt at ease nonetheless. They even smelled the same.

Then, he remembered this Loki had killed and stolen the body of another Loki.

He sniffed and pulled himself away from the young man, wiped his tears on the back of his hand and glared at him.

The older Loki blinked, confused. “What’s wrong?”

“I know what you are, Ikol the magpie,” Loki said, noticing his other self’s eyes widen. “I know what you have done. I have talked with the Loki whose body you stole.”

Loki expected to see the young man’s façade vanish into the malevolent being Kid Loki had told him about. He was surprised to see genuine hurt and regret in his face instead.

“I see… Is he… no. I have no right to ask about him,” the young man answered, lowering his green eyes.

Loki stared at him suspiciously. “Faking regret will not work with me.”

“I’m not faking it, but I won’t try to convince you of the contrary,” the older Loki answered, sitting down with his back against the pedestal. “I am the crime that it will not be forgiven. Killing my better self has damned me. I know that I don’t deserve to be forgiven for my crimes.”

Loki kept staring at the young man. “You do not. Yet… why do you act so different from the Ikol the other Loki told me about? Are you pretending to be someone else?”

“I have no reason to pretend, little Loki. When I took that Loki’s body, I didn’t see it as an act of evil. I am a copy of the original Loki, created to take over the body of the new Loki once he got the respect from the other Asgardians,” the former magpie explained with a pained expression. “Once I did, his body’s nature started to influence my own. I realized what I had done was horribly wrong, I was wracked by guilt and I have been ever since. I swore that would not become the evil Loki I once was, that I would create a new, a better story, that I would change. I want to believe that I succeeded.”

Loki frowned. He wasn’t completely convinced by his other self’s story, but he had a feeling, deep down inside, that this other Loki was telling him the truth. He did not feel as pure and innocent as the young Loki he had met in the other book, there was darkness within this one, but he felt… warm and familiar. He could definitely feel some sort of kinship with him.

“Was my crime against the other Loki that made you attack me? Is that why you hate me?” the young man asked calmly. “I can understand why you would feel furious for him, but your attack seemed… more personal.”

Loki glared at him. His hatred for the God of Stories rekindled, even if this Loki was different from him, and not just physically.

“You may say that. You have succeeded on your objectives. You did not become the evil Loki that you feared, it seems,” the boy answered, his eyes darkening. “However, you come to my world, take away both my adult body and mind and then you force me down a path of your choosing like I’m just some mindless character in a story with no will of my own. So, yes. You can say it was very personal.”

The other Loki stared at him in disbelief.  “What? I have no recollection of what you are talking about. I did no such thing.”

Loki rolled his eyes. “Fine, your _sequel_ did. If that was the future you were trying to achieve, then congratulations! You turned yourself into a meddling, hairy goblin with some sort of vendetta against footwear. How proud you must be, other self.”

The young man blinked several times.

“Hairy? I got hairy?” he asked, very intrigued. “And what do you mean by the goblin? Did I turn green or something? And what about the footwear--?”

“ _Are you kidding me?!_ ”

“Sorry, sorry. Calm down. I had no idea what would become of me,” the older Loki explained, raising his hands in the air. “At the end of my tale, I had to make a choice. Become the evil I once was or end my life and save the world from myself. I choose neither. I decided not to give up on myself. Not become what everyone else wanted me to be. Instead, I kept what mattered most and created a new story. I decided to become something new.”

Loki wondered what sort of power existed in that Loki’s world to allow for such a thing, but his annoyance was far greater than his curiosity.

“As far as I’m concerned, your ‘something new’ can rot in Helheim!”

“Look… I’m not going to apologize for my future self but…” the older Loki stopped midsentence and stared closely at the child in front of him. “Wait a minute… you lost your adult mind and body? As in, you used to be older?”

Loki moved uncomfortably under his other self’s gaze, his cheeks reddening.

“Yes. Your future self tricked me into losing my adulthood in a moment of weakness and desperation. Why?”

“I know you!”

“What?” the boy’s asked incredulously.

“I saw you once when I was traveling the multiverse,” the young man explained. “Aren’t you that Loki that tried to take over Midgard with an army of Chitauri?”

Loki took a step back, his mouth open in disbelief. “How do you know that?”

The older Loki smiled widely. “I knew it was you. I saw your attack on the news. I remember feeling sorry for you, you were so screwed for messing with the Avengers, but your outfit was awesome! You were the best looking Loki I had seen! Completely insane, sure, but you looked great!”

If possible, Loki’s cheeks got even redder.

“What were you doing in my world?” he asked through gritted teeth.  “What did you meddle with?”

The older Loki raised his hands again, trying to show that he meant no harm.

“I swear I didn’t meddle with anything. We… I was there looking for someone when I didn’t find him, I left. Simple as that,” he looked at Loki’s clothes and smiled. “Is that a Darth Vader t-shirt? And… ketchup stains?”

Loki covered his shirt with his skinny arms. “Shut up! Your future self locked me on Midgard! What would you have me do? Wear rags?”

The young man laughed. “No, no. You look adorable.”

“Shut up!”

“No, really. I’m happy for you. Anikin suit’s you!”

“Big words from the Doctor Who wannabe!” the child answered back immediately.

The older Loki stared at the boy, in shock.

“Okay, two things. One, _touché_. Two, you watched Doctor Who? Now I really, really like you!”

The boy pouted. “The feeling is not mutual.”

The older Loki’s laughter was cut abruptly as the ground shock and the air was suddenly filled with magic.

“I think… it’s my future self,” the older Loki said slowly, looking around. “I can sense it since I’m a record and he’s me… I think, my ending was ambiguous. We can all sense it when another Loki enters this realm.”

Loki’s eyes grew wide with both fear and anger. “He came to force me down the path he wishes.”

The young man looked at him. “Loki…”

“He came because I refused to accept the other Loki’s story into my own! I have no choice on the matter because I’m just a bad character that he feels he should fix.”

“No, Loki…”

“Yes, it is. It’s the truth! He said so himself! My story is a sad one!” Loki was yelling now, tears behind his bright eyes. “He said my heart is hollow and my soul is ugly! That I was blinded my ambition and selfishness. He called me a monster! And the truth is…” the boy bent over with sobs, he crossed his arms around himself as if trying not to break apart. “The truth is that he’s right.”

The older Loki stared at him sadly and slowly moved closer.

“I’ve ruined everything… I did everything wrong. Everywhere I go there’s only death and regret. I’ve lost… everyone, and it’s all my fault,” the child went on. “I should not exist. I wish I never existed. There’s nothing good inside me, there never was.”

“Loki,” the young man kneeled down in front of him, but Loki barely noticed.

 “He _should_ fix me… he should tear me apart and build someone new from the remains. There’s nothing left for _me_! I have no future!”

Suddenly, the young man grabbed Loki’s face and cupped it with his hands as he forced him to stare into his green eyes.

“Loki, listen to me. I’m hardly the best person to give advice but know this. I know how you feel. I have felt it myself,” the older Loki said, bringing the younger one closer. “I left for my future self what I thought were most important, but he is not perfect. No story is. My own tale was far from it, I made a lot of mistakes that I wish I could take back. If you must take something out of my story, then take this: do not give up on yourself. Don’t let anyone tell you who you should be or what choices you should make, your story is yours alone, no matter what part of his story you take with you, you’re the one who writes it. No him, not anyone else. You.”

Loki stared wide-eyed at the other Loki, his tears soaking his other self’s hands. The other Loki’s eyes were so green, like a meadow in the summer.

“Remember that and be the best story you can be!” the young man said, smiling.

Loki stopped crying and leaned closer to his other self, their foreheads touching. Neither of them noticed the green and golden threads of magic that were uniting them.

 _Stay with me,_ he thought as he felt a hand suddenly pulling him away into the Library.

Loki fell once more on the green floor of the Library. Ikol’s book landed in front of him, closed.

**“I must say, you’re unbelievably difficult to help.”**

Loki glared at the God of Stories in front of him, his relaxed expression angered him.

“Help? Is that what you thinking you are doing? Helping me?” the boy spat angrily as he stood up and faced the much taller version of himself.

 **“As a matter of fact, yes. I am helping you,”** the God of Stories answered. **“Your tale is as sad as it is predictable, I created a path for you to follow and change your story into a much better one. And yet, you keep resisting.”**

“I did not ask for your meddling!”

 **“If I hadn’t led you to the serum, you would have died as a villain and added another tragic Loki tale to this gloomy Library,”** the older Loki stared at Ikol’s book, if he remembered is past life or if that story meant anything to him, he didn’t show it. **“You _are_ the villain in this universe. You have already been labeled into that role through your terrible decisions. I am giving you a chance to start anew with a good story and yet, you reject it and refuse to be helped.”**

As God of Stories leaned over to pick up Ikol’s book, Loki moved swiftly and grabbed the book first. He moved away from the older Loki, holding the book to his chest.

 **“What are you doing now?”** the God of Stories asked, sounding more bored than annoyed with the boy’s behavior. **“Give me that book.”**

Loki held the book even closer. Green and golden magic started to float from its pages.

“I am not your story, other self. Nor will I ever be,” the boy said, his eyes glowing. Green and golden magic surrounded him like a small tornado. “You may be the God of Stories, but you are not the author of mine. My story is my own, no one else’s.”

The God of Stories blinked at stared wide-eyed at the boy. Apparently, he was the only one who could see what was happening to him.

**“Loki…”**

“You may have taken away my body and my mind, but you will not take away my choice. Be it good or bad, any decision that I make will be mine alone, as will my story,” Loki’s irises became red. The air was filled with magic and fire and the sound of cackling magpies. “I will _not_ go quietly into any box! I will _not_ let anyone tell me what my story should be! Not even you!”

The God of Stories backed away as if he had been slapped by the boy’s words. His eyes, usually calm and feral, were filled with shock.

“I thank you for saving my life, but I won’t allow you to control my tale any longer, God of Stories,” Loki said, feeling a strange sense of tranquility within him. He slowly raised his left hand in the air and both gods were surrounded by green flames. “You are done.”

**“Loki, I…”**

“You are gone.”

Ikol’s book turned into golden light and went into Loki’s chest. Then, the world exploded into green flames.

Paths were created, that would have never existed otherwise. New stories unfolded as green threads of destiny drifted to the universe and changed nothing and everything.

After burning for a few seconds, Loki lost consciousness and his small body fell down, only to be caught by the God of Stories.

The older Loki stared at the boy’s face for a moment before smiling softly.

“I see. I was a plot device.”

He held the child in his arms as he teleported to the apartment and carried him to his bedroom. Staring at the simple mattress and blanket, the God of Stories waved his hand and the room became furnished, though he kept the puppy covered blanket and added equally childlike sheets.

He put the younger Loki on the bed, dropped his bag on the floor and walked towards the window, watching other stories unfold with interest.

* * *

 

A captured Kree boy, named Noh-Varr managed to escape his captors when a previously closed door suddenly opened.

Katherine Bishop ran to her room after another fight with her father and sister and searched the internet until her finger accidently clicked on a website for a recognized academy which specialized on several forms of combat fighting and self-defense, including archery.

William Kaplan stood up to one of the boys who usually bullied him at school. In a moment of anger, energy flew out of his body and the bully was tossed across the hall as all the lockers opened at the same time and the light bulbs exploded. The bully had to be rushed to the hospital for breaking his arm and leg, while Billy stared in shock, wondering if he had been the one who caused it.

Theodore Altman confronted his adopted mother about his ability to shape shift and once more asked about his father. Mrs. Altman pondered her decision but finally decided to tell him the truth about his origin. Young Teddy pushed his mother away but finally allowed her to hold him while cried, still in shock to find out that he was not human, but a Skrull/Kree hybrid alien.

David Alleyne was busy doing his math test when his fingers touched his teacher’s arms when she was walking by and suddenly realized he knew all the answers to his test and even more difficult stuff from other grades. He knew this knowledge was not his own.

Verity Willis was mad at her parents and her school mates for calling her mean and a liar when she told her now former friend that her birthday present had not been sent by her favorite actress but by her mother, pretending to write like the actress. Now, all her schoolmates hated her, she lost the few friends she had and everyone was mad at her, especially because she couldn’t explain how she knew her friend’s mother was lying or when everyone else was lying for that matter. She would have accepted her parents offer to go her grandmother’s house for the summer in order to escape from it all, but in the end, she decided against it and went back to her room, thinking how long and lonely that summer was going to be.

Very, very far way, green and golden magic traveled through space and time until it reached Earth-616 final moments. A young woman, named America Chavez, stared at the incoming Earth that was going to crash against the planet and cursed loudly. The magic made something unprecedented happen, though, it created an alternate story for her alone. While an America was killed during the Incursion and was then reborn into a world known as Battleworld, another America was grabbed by the green and golden force at the last second and tossed into Earth-199999. She landed on an empty alley, angry and confused. As someone who could travel through different dimensions, she knew when she had been thrown into one. As she stood up, she realized that her clothes were away too big for her since her body seemed to have gotten younger.  Then, it started to rain.

“Chico,” she said angrily through gritted teeth. “I’m gonna kill you.”

She grabbed her pants and walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your wonderful reviews! Each one of them fills me with joy! Story will be more straight forward and less... weird in the next chapters.
> 
> MCU!Loki is still himself, he burned Ikol/Loki's story into his heart and thus he will follow his own version of that story, which will obviously be different.
> 
> I changed slightly the Young Avengers ages from their comic counterparts for plot reasons (including America or she would be way older than all of then), currently these are their ages:
> 
> Loki: 7 years old (physically and mentally)  
> Verity: 7 years old  
> Billy: 10 years old  
> Teddy: 10 years old  
> David: 10 years old  
> Kate: 12 years old  
> Noh-Varr: 12 years old  
> America: 13 years old (sorry ;) )
> 
> They won't meet right away, since they're all just starting out. Loki needs a little time in Midgard before it happens.
> 
> What I changed from the comics: Teddy knows he was adopted and that he's a Kree/Skrull hybrid. Kate was not assaulted before learning combat techniques. Billy's powers started sooner. David gains knowledge through skin contact instead of telekinisis because that would make him too powerful and there's no M day to take away his powers.
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter. Sorry for the weirdness.


	6. He's a liar I should know liar

_I do not know why I keep writing you, Thor. Every time, I tell myself this is the last time and that I'll throw this journal away but here I am, writing again._

_I don't want to keep thinking of you, but my head is filled with memories and words and sometimes I just want to scream and erase them all from my mind. It would be easier if I just forgot all about you, Odin and Asgard._

_So I'll just write here what I'll never say to you._

_I love you. You were my closest and truest friend, but I also hate you. I hate you for being always better than me, for being more loved than me, for being favored by Odin, for making me feel weak and worthless and a failure._

_You said that had fought me in the past hoping your brother was still inside me somewhere, but you gave up once you realized that brother was gone. I don't think that brother ever existed in the first place. I don't even think you liked me as your brother. You always wanted me to be more like you and Warriors Three and Sif or even Balder. I was not the brother that you wanted, they were._

_I tried so hard to be like you, to please Odin and be what everyone wanted me to be only to find out that I was never really one of you, that no matter how hard I tried I would never be. Everything I believed was a lie and I did not know what to do anymore. I am nothing but a relic that Odin brought home hoping to be of use that ended up being worthless. I had no place on Asgard or Jotunheim._

_I broke._

_I was breaking right in front of you all these years but you never saw me. You stared right through me and you never saw me._

* * *

Loki wasn't nervous. Of course not.

The day had started weird enough when he woke up and realized that he was once again in his bedroom but that someone had furnished it. He would have thought that what happened in Hel's Library had been a very strange dream until he saw his bag over a chair and all the gold and other possessions he had brought with him.

He could have gone home on his own, but he had no recollection of drawing the exit rune. Hela or one of her servants could have also taken him from the library, but they wouldn't know where his apartment was, let alone give him a furnished bedroom.

Loki knew that what he had seen and experienced on the Green Library of Loki had been real. The books of his other selves' lives, the boy who he had written a happier ending, his encounter with the Loki who had been Ikol, the magpie… everything had been real. The last thing he remembered was holding Ikol's book while facing the God of Stories. There was a bright green light and then… darkness. He had woken up in the apartment, covered with puppy sheets.

Loki knew his new bedroom came from the ever meddling God of Stories, in what was hopefully his parting gift from his life. However, there was another thing that was different about his current home.

The magical seal was broken and the front door was open.

One of the first things every mage learned was how to sense the presence of magic and Loki had felt it as soon as he entered the hallway. The seal had emitted a strange yet familiar sensation of his own sorcery, but now that feeling was gone, like a scent that you get used to in time until it finally disappears.

Presently, Loki had washed, got dressed in wrinkled yet clean clothes, a black short sleeve hoodie shirt, and blue jeans, and put on a pair of black and white snickers. He was ready to leave the smelly apartment that had been his prison in the last two weeks, but his little hand wavered as he touched the door's handle.

He was not scared or nervous. Why the Hel should he be?

Even with his smaller body, he could easily best a mortal in combat. Besides, he looked nothing like the conqueror he had been when he tried to take over Midgard. No one would look at him and recognize him as Loki anymore, at least for the next ten or fifteen years.

The Asgardians did not know where he was. The Avengers did not know where he was. His enemies in space had been vanquished. He was safe, unrecognizable and stronger than the mortals. Why should he be afraid?

_Because I'm alone._

Loki's hand fell to his side and he sat on the ground, his back against the door, trying and failing to stop shaking.

_Weak. Look at you? Terrified of going outside and face the mortals._

"Shut up!" he whispered, even though he knew the accusatory voice was his own mind.

_The man, who was once King of Asgard trembles like a small child behind a door, too scared of the people he once tried to rule as god. Pathetic. If your enemies saw you now, they would laugh._

Loki covered his ears with his hands in a vain attempt to stop those hurtful thoughts. He tried to think of himself as the grown man that he was, but he could not. Even his memory of being an adult was gone, all he could remember was how he used to look and sounded like, but even that started to feel foreign to him. Imagining himself as a grown man felt odd and distant, while the image of the little boy he saw in the mirror and in his own mind not only felt right but also… real. He really was a child inside and out and it scared him.

He was a child and alone in a big world filled with enemies. He would be hanged, drawn and quartered if they found out who he really was, no one would come to his aid. Not even Thor, who would only stare at him with his judgmental blue eyes and be glad to finally get rid of him.

_No, don't think about Thor._

Loki took several deep breaths and willed himself to stop shaking. He couldn't stay in the apartment forever with no food. Sooner or later he would have to leave, so he might as well get on with it. Plus, he was just going out for a short while in order to investigate his surroundings.

Finally, Loki opened the door and left.

The white corridor was empty and his steps echoed as he walked. He could hear his neighbors talking, the sound of a crying baby and the smell of breakfast meats that reminded him that he had not yet eaten his breakfast.

A few steps from what he found out was the garbage chute (he would use it later), he stood in front of the elevator and pressed the button. As the automatic doors opened in front of him, Loki found himself unsure once more, but he swiftly got inside once they started to close. He pressed the button for the ground floor and leaned against the metal wall as the elevator went down from the eighth floor where he resided.

 _It's not too late to turn back,_  he thought, closing his fists and watching his reflection in the mirror.  _I'm not ready. What if they look at me and realize that I'm not human? What if the Avengers have cameras looking for me? I can't even use my magic, they are going to…_

The elevator stopped on the third floor and the doors opened. Loki felt tense until he saw the little girl standing in front of him.

"Hi," she said slowly, apparently not recognizing his face.

"Hi."

The girl had to be around his physical age. She stared at him closely with her wide blue eyes with curiosity and pulled her shoulder length auburn hair from her pale face.

"Are you going down?" she asked.

"Yes."

Without another word, she entered the elevator, saw the red light on the ground floor button and stood beside Loki as the doors closed once more and the elevator continued his journey. Loki glanced at the girl, who kept readjusting her blue backpack. She had seemed surprised to see him, but she didn't act like he was a threat or looked weird.

It was strange. The last time he had seen mortals on New York, he was trying to rule them, now he was standing with one inside an elevator and she didn't even know that he could kill her with just a blow.

The doors opened on the ground floor and the girl quickly left, walking towards the glass doors. Loki left as well but stood where he was. He could still go back.

The girl opened the glass door and stared at him.

"Are you coming?" she asked as he realized that she was holding the door for him.

Loki felt the elevator's door closed behind him. The sound of it going up and the girl's gaze as she held the door, finally made him walk towards the exit.

"Thank you," he said to the girl as they walked down the stairs to the street.

"You're welcome," she answered, her eyes widening at the sight of a large yellow vehicle with the words  _School Bus_  written in black. "The bus!"

With that, she ran towards the vehicle that was already filled with young children and stood in the line waiting for her turn to board it. When it was her turn, she glanced at Loki who was still standing in front of the apartment building and frowned, obviously confused why he didn't follow her.

Based on what he had learned with the many movies he had seen and the internet, Loki already knew mortal children usually went to school instead of being taught by tutors or going to specific academies, unlike the Asgardians. He was going to have to tell everyone that he was homeschooled to avoid suspicion.

The girl kept staring at him until the driver told her to get inside, yet she still looked at Loki as if trying to confirm that he was definitely not going with them.

Slowly, Loki waved at her with a little smile. The girl blinked, confused, but waved back and finally got inside the bus, which quickly disappeared in the middle of New York's busy streets.

Loki turned around and started walking in the opposite direction.

Even though it was early in the morning, New York's streets were filled with all sorts of people. More children boarded more yellow buses that would take them to school. Men and women left their homes to go to work either by their own foot, car, cab, train or subway. They talked on their phones, cursed at each other, entered shops and got food. Everyone was busy living another ordinary day.

No one noticed the boy that had tried to rule them a few years ago walking among them, his green eyes wide, ready to fight or flee if necessary. Yet, no one paid him any attention, except for a few adults that asked him if he was lost or a group of mothers who told him how cute he was, much to his mortification.

As time went on, Loki began to relax and was actually enjoying his walk. He had already seen several stores that interested him and made a mental note to go back and visit once he got money to buy their goods. He was also quite pleased to realize that he had a library very close to his apartment building, not that it could compare to Asgard's or Helheim's Great Library, but at least he would be able to read  _The Song of Ice and Fire_  books instead of downloading and reading them on the computer screen. He always preferred to read real books.

Satisfied with his first walk, the boy ran back home. The first thing he did was toss all four trash bags down the garbage chute and open all the windows to let fresh air in. Then, he made a list of all the goods he needed to buy and searched online for the nearest dealer in order to sell his gold. Once he read what he had to do, Loki went back to his bedroom and picked two of his many amulets.

He won the amulets from a bet with the light-elves, he had cheated obviously but then so were they, and he was by far the best cheater for never getting caught. One of the amulets had the shape of an eye and it was very useful now that he couldn't cast illusions on himself to change his appearance. The amulet did not allow him to shape shift, but it did change people's perception of him to what he desired. Thus, he wrote a few runes on a piece paper and stuffed it all inside the amulet before putting it around his neck.

The second amulet had the shape of a red rock, which he also placed around his neck. It was an amulet with strong hypnotic enchantments. Unfortunately, its power did not last very long so Loki had to use it carefully and quickly once he activated it.

The boy proceeded planning his next moves by studying Midgardian culture and finances on the internet. He felt a bit annoyed at all the work he would have to do, but it was also sort of exciting.

After testing the amulets in front of his mirror for two hours, Loki finally decided to go back outside and put his plan into motion. His first test subjects were a couple standing at a bus stop who he asked for directions. To his delight, the amulet's glamour worked perfectly. The couple treated him like an adult with a growth disorder. Loki actually found that it was far more difficult to act like an adult, but he was still the God of Lies and lying had always been his forte.

He spent the rest of the week lying. First, he managed to create a few bank accounts for himself under the names Loren Olson, Walter Lawson, Lester Williams and Lucas Serrure by hypnotizing the bank employees, and then he did the same thing in with different buyers for his gold and jewels, earning a lot of more money than they would usually agree with the transactions.

At the end of the week, Loki had become rich by Midgardian standards. He proceeded to use his new wealth to buy all sorts of delicious foods, books and even a Stark Phone (mostly because owning something from the insufferable Iron Man could be useful… plus it had solar batteries that didn't need to be recharged). He had to go back home in a cab several times in order to carry all his new stuff to his apartment.

All in all, it had been a very productive week and no one had even suspected who he really was. He should not have been so worried. New York was a big place and he had several plans in order to conceal his real identity. Plus, it was quite fun being able to hide in plain sight and pretend to be someone else, especially since being Loki had been such a burden for a long time.

After his last shopping trip on Friday (he brought more shoes and clothes and a couple of games for his new Playstation), Loki decided to call it day and walked back to his apartment building with his new possessions in plastic bags and a huge smile on his face. It had been centuries since he had so much fun! And he could not wait to play with his new toys, all his shame for his childish behavior was long gone and he embraced his new youth with joyful abandon. Tricking the adult mortals felt like a game that only he knew they were playing and he didn't have to worry about what Odin would think, or what Sif and the Warriors Three would say or anyone else for that matter.

"I do what I want!" he whispered at the sky, despite knowing that no one on Asgard could see him. It didn't matter, they were all pig-heads and they never really liked him, so he was not going to miss them.

_But Thor…_

Loki pushed all thoughts about Thor to back of his head. Thinking about Thor always left him with his eyes burning and painful knot in his throat. He should stop thinking about his not brother. He hated Thor anyway…

_Liar._

Ignoring his inner thoughts, Loki climbed the stairs to his apartment building and tried to open the glass door without dropping his bags.

"Excuse me? Do you need help?" a female voice asked him.

Loki looked towards the voice and saw a woman approaching him with a little girl in tow. He quickly recognized her as the little girl from the elevator and the School Bus.

"Here, I'll hold it for you," the woman said kindly as she held the door for Loki to enter with his many bags.

"Thank you very much," Loki answered.

"No problem. Verity?" the woman turned to the girl who was obviously her daughter. "There you are, honey. Let's get inside."

The girl walked quickly and stared at Loki, who was currently using his amulet. Nevertheless, she smiled at him and Loki reciprocated.

As they all boarded the elevator, Verity's mother turned once again to Loki.

"Those bags seem pretty heavy. Do you need help, sir?"

Loki did not notice how Verity's eyes widened at her mother's words or how she stared at Loki in disbelief.

"No, thank you. It's very kind of you," the boy in disguise answered, still oblivious to the girl's reaction behind him.

"I'm Eloise Willis and this is my daughter, Verity," the woman said good-naturedly as she held her hand out. "We're from the third floor. Nice to meet you."

Loki stared at the woman's extended hand for a few seconds before taking it in what he hoped was a firm handshake.

"Serrure. Lucas Serrure," he answered using one of his aliases. "It's nice to meet you too."

"Pleasure is all mine, Mr. Serrure. That's… ah? A French surname? Are you French?"

"Ah… yes. I just moved here from France."

"Welcome to New York then. I hope you like it here. Your English is really good."

Loki smiled; he was playing another game again. "Thank you."

Mother and daughter left on the third floor while Loki went back to his apartment in the eighth. Loki had no idea the little girl, Verity, was asking her mother why she had called that young boy 'sir', much to woman's confusion.

"Verity, that man has clearly some growth disorder and that's why he's so short. He's still a grown up, though. He should be treated with respect."

Verity shook her head, completely confused why her mom was saying those things.

"Mommy! I know what a grown up looks like, but that was a little boy! I saw him earlier this week. He's a kid like me! And he lied about everything you asked him!"

The woman rubbed her face and sighed. "Verity, I'm too tired for this today! Let's not start your summer break with another fight, alright?"

Verity pouted.

"Fine!"

As soon as Mrs. Willis opened the door, Verity ran straight to her bedroom and sat on her bed. She was used to her parents not believing that she knew when someone was lying. What she couldn't understand was why her mother had thought that boy was an adult when he clearly was a little kid like her. It made no sense.

Also, the boy had lied about everything. His name was not Lucas Serrure and he was not from France. The only thing he said that was true was the part about recently moving to New York.

Why would he lie about everything? And why did he look like a short adult to her mother and a kid to her?

"Who are you?" she asked, holding her dragon plushie to her chest.

Well, at least she had something to do this summer. She was going to figure out who her new neighbor was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Like I promised, this chapter is a lot more straight forward. Thank you guys for your wonderful comments! I hope you like this one!
> 
> I'm borrowing a lot of elements from the comics. Loki's aliases are all from the comics as well.


	7. Like a stranger in a crowd

_I knew from the beginning that they were not my friends, but it did not stop me from hoping I was wrong._

_I saw the way the Warriors Three looked at me every time you showed up with me in tow._

_“You brought Loki,” one of them would say. Not happily, just resigned._

_Everyone knew that if you brought me with you to a quest, they would have to accept my presence. No one wanted me there, though. They tried to hide it, but it was obvious that none of them wanted me around. Yet, they said nothing because your friendship meant so much to them._

_If you were here, you would say I was imagining things and being unfair to our dear friends. Just another one of my imagined slights, but you never saw the way their smiles hardened when I entered a room. You did not see them after you were cast out to Midgard and I was crowned King._

_The moment they saw me on the throne, all pretenses of friendship were gone. They were not happy for me. They were not on my side. All they thought was that I was stealing what was rightfully yours and they needed to get you, their beloved friend, back._

_I was not surprised by their reaction or later by their betrayal. They never cared about me and now that you were gone, they had no reason to pretend anymore._

_If you were here, you would probably tell me that it was my fault. I’m the one who was selfish, resentful and a liar. No wonder they turned their backs on me. No wonder everyone else did._

_Who would be friends with someone like that?_

* * *

 

Loki frowned when he saw the girl in Hel’s Library.

After trying and failing to use his spells, Loki concluded that his magic was far too weak. On the other hand, maybe his old spells required too much from his small body. Which was understandable, since no child was ever allowed to practice magic in Asgard until they proved they could handle the pressure and fatigue that came with it. Loki himself had only started learning in his pre-teens under Frigga’s careful guidance and most of those spells were battle oriented.

Nevertheless, he knew there were other realms where children were trained as sorcerers from an early age and not necessarily to become warriors. Some of those children became scholars, healers or simply wanderers. Which meant there were spells that even his small body could perform, he just had to find and learn them.

Thus, Loki returned every day to the Great Library of Hel to search and read new books on alternative sorcery. Moreover, since no one had forbidden him, he usually brought them home too and practiced after binge watching whatever he found interesting on Netflix or after playing his newest video game.

He had small degrees of success so far. He found a spell to clean his floor, but he couldn’t use it properly on his clothes. He also found a spell to fix broken glass, but when he used it on broken plates, they ended up turning into a strange ball of broken china.

He really needed to buy more plates now.

Every time Loki went to Hel’s Library, he had been by himself. In two weeks, he had never seen anyone else use it, until now. Which is was why the sight of the young girl sitting at a table, surrounded by old books, surprised him.

“Hello,” he said quietly, walking towards her with a book under his arm.

The girl blinked and looked at him impassively through her green eyes. She was about his age, his physical one at least. Her long black hair cascaded down her back gracefully, over her emerald dress. She reminded him of a child version of Hela if that was even possible.

“Loki,” she answered blankly as if Loki being turned from a fully-grown man into a skinny kid was common knowledge in Hel. Maybe it was.

“I see my reputation precedes me,” he answered with a mischievous smile.

The girl looked unimpressed.

“What do you want, Trickster God?”

“Nothing. I was just surprised to see someone else here. Usually, I have the Library all to myself,” Loki sat in front of the sullen girl and placed his book on the table.

“There are more tables available,” she answered, frowning when he picked one of her tomes and read the title.

“I know. Are you studying Advanced Sorcery?” Loki went on, flipping through the yellowed pages.

“I fail to see how that is of your concern.”

“It is not, but I’m trying to find new spells that my new body can withstand,” he pointed to his chest. "I did not know that Hela allowed more people into her Library, though. I have never seen you before.”

The girl sighed and lowered her eyes to the spell book she was reading. “My Mistress values education. All her servants are more than capable sorcerers and warriors. She demands only the best.”

 “Oh! So you’re not one of her dead?”

The girl looked him in the eyes. “I’m one of her handmaidens. I’m a child of Helheim.”

Loki blinked and looked at her closely. Everyone in the Nine Realms had heard tales about the infamous Helheim Children, but very few had actually seen one.  Hela’s subjects varied from her Valkyries, a monstrous Hel-Hound named Garm that guarded the entrance to Hel to some of the dead who pledged loyalty to her for some reason. Then, there were the Helheim Children, mysterious beings that were born on Helheim, a place of death. Needless to say that most people feared these children. How could they not when these children were born in a place where everything else was dead?

“You don’t look like a soul eating ghoul. You don’t even have fangs or claws,” Loki said. “Our Skald exaggerated his encounter, as usual. I knew that fang he brought from his _battle_ looked fake.”

The girl shrugged. “I am sorry to disappoint you.”

“You’re not disappointing. You look normal. Normal is fine. I am actually glad you do not have fangs or claws! I would not be able to defend myself if you tried to eat my soul.”

“Is there a point to this conversation, Trickster?” she asked as she continued to read. “Or are you simply trying to foil my studies?”

Loki kept smiling and tried to be as pleasant as he could. As weak as he currently was, he needed every ally he could get. A Helheim Child who happened to be both a mage and one of Hela’s handmaidens could be a very useful source of info on the Nine Realms as well as other spells. She seemed very serious and she already didn’t trust him, but he was up to the challenge. He was a charmer after all.

Loki leaned back against his chair. “I just wanted to talk, that’s all. It is nice to know another mage. Maybe we can help each other out. I know many helpful spells. We could trade information.”

“I doubt it.”

“I mean it. I can teach you Asgardian spells and bring you food from Midgard. Good food like pastries, ice cream or milkshakes… and you could teach me some spells.”

“No, thank you,” she answered, flipping through the pages.

_Okay… Maybe this will be harder than I thought._

“Funny how we never met before,” he continued. “I’ve been in Helheim many times and I never saw you. Do you use the Library often? We could be studying partners.”

“I usually study on my chambers, but today the Palace is too noisy for my liking,” she continued reading as she talked. “I thought I could find silence and solitude in Hel’s Great Library. Apparently, I was mistaken.”

Loki ignored her annoyance with his presence. “Helheim is _noisy_? Now there’s something I never thought I would hear. What happened? Are the dead throwing a party? Or did another idiot warrior try to break into the Palace again?”

“Asgard is making a public announcement to all Realms except Midgard,” the girl told him. “The All-Father has been found alive and well.”

Loki’s smile died on his lips.

 “I see… It is a great day for Asgard then, no doubt they must be celebrating.”

“It is. King Thor invited all Realms to the festivities. He seemed very pleased alongside his mortal bride.”

Loki bit his lower lip. “Bride? They’re engaged?”

“King Thor has just announced it. It will be a controversial marriage, to say the least, but no one would criticize King Thor after his heroic actions during the fight against the Mad Titan. He’s being hailed as the Bravest of All Kings and is beloved by all.”

Loki picked up his book and stood up. “I got to go. I guess I’ll see you later… ah… what is your name?”

The girl finally looked up. “Leah.”

“Leah…” Loki remembered the tale of the other child Loki he had helped and his friend Leah. Maybe she was his world’s version of that Leah, or maybe it was just a coincidence. “I’ll see you later, Leah. Don’t forget my proposal!”

After Loki left the library through the portal, Leah sighed.

“Idiot.”

* * *

 

Loki dropped the book on the ground as the portal closed behind him.

“ _Clean!_ ” he said as he waved towards the ketchup on the floor. In a second, the red condiment was gone.

Then he kicked the book across the living room.

Someone was going to find Odin eventually, he already knew that the moment he hid the All-Father’s unconscious body. It had taken him all his self-control not to kill the comatose old bastard. Loki had actually pressed Gungnir against Odin’s chest, ready to stab him through the heart. It would have been so easy to kill him and he had wanted it so much that his chest ached. He could have killed the old man, burned the body into ashes and no one would ever know. However, at the last second, his hand wavered and Gungnir fell on the ground with a crash.

Loki knew that the moment he killed Odin, there would be no coming back. As much as he hated the old man, he knew his death would only hurt Loki more. It would plague him till the end of his days, it would give Thor and everyone in Asgard the motivation they needed to finish him off. 

He had already murdered his birth father in a vain attempt to prove himself as a son of Odin. Killing his adoptive father would be his final step into becoming a true monster.

Therefore, he spared Odin, not for the old man but for himself, and kept him hidden under hundreds of incantations. He didn’t expect Thor to find him this soon, though.

Now, Asgard had their All-Father back. They had Thor as their beloved King and Thor was finally going to wed the mortal he loved. Everyone got their happy ending and Loki…

Loki was left behind.

The boy sniffed and wiped the tears running down his cheeks as he walked towards his bedroom and laid down on his bed, his face against the pillow.

It wasn’t fair.

They had all moved on. Everyone had moved on while Loki was left behind like a bad memory they wished to forget. He didn’t matter to anyone.

_Everyone leaves you, Loki._

He pulled the covers over his head and cried, cursing every tear he shed on his fake happy family and promising this would be the last time he cried over them.

He knew he was lying to himself.

Hours later, Loki had finally recomposed himself. He washed his face, put on clean and fresh clothes and left the apartment.

Loki had always detested hot weather and New York was hot and damp during the summer. Not hot enough to really bother him, but it was still unpleasant. He had to feel sorry for the mortals whose bodies could barely handle the heat. People became angrier when was hot, they lost their temper easily as their faces reddened and sweat ran down their armpits and back in a disgusting demonstration of their mortality.

They wouldn’t last five minutes on Muspelheim’s fiery pits and rivers of lava. Loki had actually fainted after spending two days in there while Thor and the others had managed to defeat several demons. He should have known that he was different after that. He had always hated hot temperatures but never felt cold in his life. Funny how fire spells were his specialty, though.

After eating a hamburger in a nearby MacDonald’s, Loki went straight to the public Library. It was too hot for him to enjoy a walk and the sweaty, angry mortals were annoying him.

The library was small, but it had air conditioning, silence and plenty of books for him to read without anyone bothering him.

The first time he went there, a man was shocked to see him read the _Game of Thrones_ book and tried to convince him to read something more appropriate for his “age”. Fortunately, before Loki could do something stupid like tossing him across the room, the librarian intervened.

“Leave the kid alone, Hank. I’m glad he’s reading books, instead of just watching the show,” the woman said.

“A little kid shouldn’t be reading this, Mrs. Cantor,” the man went on.

“If he gets traumatized, I’ll personally take the books away from him.”

After that, the librarian brought him all the books from the _Song of Ice and Fire_ series and left him alone to read. She never questioned what he read and even suggested several books that he could like. She also never pressured him to tell her where his parents were or why he was by himself in the library.

Loki made a mental check to spare her life once he got his powers back. One day, when he got his own castle and his own Library, he could make her his librarian and pay her with gold and books.

“You can take the books to your house if you want,” she told him after he stayed reading until the Library closed. “You just need a Library Card.”

When Loki agreed, she handed him a plastic card and a black pen. Since she was watching him, he wrote the first two names that popped into his head. By the time he really thought about them, Mrs. Cantor was already reading the card.

“Ikol Magpie? Now there’s an unusual name,” she said grinning. “Your parents must be very creative.”

“It’s Norwegian,” he answered quickly, smiling innocently.

The following day, he returned to the library under a glamour and pretended to be his mother in other to sign the card. He had tried to find a spell to erase her memory of the name, but those were still too advanced for him. Fortunately, Mrs. Cantor never showed any signs of suspicion. He later realized she was used to strange names when he saw her talk to other kids whose names varied from Tequila to Pilot. New York was a strange place.

Ikol was the name of the other Loki he had encountered, but it was also his name backward. It was so obvious that probably no one would ever believe they were the same person.

It felt a bit comforting to use another version of his name instead of a fake one for a change. Plus, it was just for the library. No one else had to know.

“Good afternoon, Mrs. Cantor.”

Mrs. Cantor spotted him as soon as he entered the library and nodded approvingly at the _Hunger Games_ book he was returning.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Magpie. I see you’ve finished the book.”

Loki shrugged. “It was a short story.”

“The sequels are on the shelf if you’re interested,” she walked towards her desk in where a mother with two twin boys was waiting for her.

 _Right, today is storytelling day_ , Loki remembered as he moved as far away from the children’s corner as possible.

Hank, the nervous employee that frowned every time he saw Loki read something that wasn’t meant for a kindergartener and the most tedious storyteller in the Nine Realms was going to read an insufferable tale to the children who were unlucky enough to be dragged to the library by their parents. Most of these kids feel asleep one-third into the story.

Loki picked up _Catching Fire_ from the shelf and sat near the window. He barely noticed his red-haired neighbor sitting a few rows across from him, holding a math book. When he did, he smiled at her politely.

_What was her name again? Vera… No, Verity! That’s it._

Verity nodded and buried her head in her book. What was it with girls ignoring him with books today? Maybe he was losing his touch, or maybe it didn’t work because they were all kids.

He hadn’t seen Verity a lot since he met her mother under his Lucas Serrure guise, but the few times Loki had crossed paths with her on the elevator, she seemed a lot less friendly. Not that it bothered him. He was not interested in making mortal friends, or any kind of friends for that matter. Acquaintances? Sure. Allies? Possibly. But friends? Absolutely not.

You always knew where you stood with an enemy, but friends…

_Friends hurt you. Friends betray you. Friends leave._

About thirty minutes later, and eighty pages into his book, Loki felt someone small move in towards him. A little boy, younger than he was, was standing in front of his table, staring at him with a lopsided smile.

“Hi!” the boy said happily.

Loki looked around, but he couldn’t see kid’s parents. He probably had wondered off from the reading corner, away from Hank’s dull story.

“Whatcha reading? Is that the _Hunger Games_? Is that Katniss?” he kept asking as he moved closer to Loki. “My big brother likes that book. He likes Katniss too and he watched all the movies but mommy won’t let me see them ‘cause people die.”

“Uh huh…” Loki muttered, burying his head in the book and hoping the kid would leave him alone. He had no such luck.

“I’m Joey and I’m five! What’s your name?”

Loki put the book down. Where the Hel were this kid’s parents?

“Don’t you want to hear the rest of the story with the other kids?” Loki asked.

Joey shook his head and sat right next to him as if he’d known Loki is entire life.

“No. That story is boring and everyone is sleeping and mommy is talking to an old lady and won’t play with me. Do you wanna play? I know lots of games.”

Loki opened his mouth to tell him to get off his table but closed it when he saw Thor staring back at him in the kid’s shirt. It wasn’t the first time Loki had seen Thor and the other Avengers on Midgardian garments, but he had never seen one up close. It was still a shock to see his not brother’s face, especially after he tried so hard to take it out of his mind.

Just staring at it made Loki angry and sad. He wanted to rip that shirt and spit on it before setting it on fire.

“You like my shirt? It’s my Thor shirt! Thor is my favorite superhero ‘cause he’s super strong and he has a super hammer,” Joey said happily, pointing towards Thor’s left eye. “My big brother Billy likes Thor too, but he likes the Scarlet Witch better. She’s cool, but Thor is a lot cooler and she doesn’t have a hammer. What’s your favorite superhero? Do you like Thor?”

Loki closed his hands into fists. He wanted the kid to shut up about Thor. He wanted him to go away before Loki threw him out the window. He didn’t want to stare at Thor’s stupid face anymore.

Thor who was now a beloved King. Thor who had won everything.

 “I hate Thor!” Loki finally said, sounding as whiny and pitiful as he looked. “I hate him and all his stupid Avengers friends!”

Joey’s smiled vanished and he stared at Loki with his wide and innocent brown eyes. “But Thor is a hero. Everybody likes him… he beat up the bad guy."”

“I don’t!”

“Why?”

“Because I’m the bad guy!” Loki snapped. 

In her table, Verity dropped her book.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! I know it's been a while, but I hope you liked this chapter. I feel like I've introduced too many characters in this chapter, I hope it's not too confusing.
> 
> Sorry for the cliffy. In Loki's defense, he was upset and he doesn't think telling the truth to a five year old would matter.


	8. You ain't never had a friend like me

_Is it so wrong to wish for a little glory once in a while?_

_When I killed Thiassi, back when we were young, I honestly thought I would be praised. I imagined there would be songs about me for a change. I imagined the court congratulating me for slaying an old enemy of Asgard._

_I did not get any of those. All I heard was that my actions had been dishonorable and that I had purposely deceived Idunn. Many people still think that was why she left Asgard (you know damn well why she left, Thor. And it was not because of me!)._

_Then there was that fight we had when I stopped telling tales to Volstagg's brood. You all hounded me about it for years, calling me cruel, petty and selfish._

_Did you really think I was happy to keep telling your feats over and over? Or that I didn't mind when the children became disappointed when I showed up without you?_

_I used to be enough for them until they met you, then I was nothing._

" _This is not about you, Loki," you said._

_That's the problem. It's never about me._

* * *

"Because  _I'm_  the bad guy!"

The moment the words left Loki's lips, he mentally slapped himself for his stupidity.

_What were you thinking? Idiot! Idiot! Idiot!_

Loki stared at Joey's confused face, his tiny fists trembling under the table. He was so focused on the little boy that he didn't notice how Verity had dropped her math book or how her wide blue eyes were focused on him in shock and disbelief.

Joey, on the other hand, kept staring at Loki's face before shaking his head.

"No you're  _not_ ," the little boy finally said with childish conviction. "The bad guy is big! Very big! He's green and black and has big yellow horns! You don't have yellow horns."

Loki was so astounded by Joey's answer that he was rendered speechless. Was that the idea the mortals had of him? He never googled his attack on New York, but he knew that very few people knew his name outside of the Avengers, S.H.I.E.L.D. and probably HYDRA. There were a few videos of the attack, but he never saw his picture, at least not a clear one, so maybe the public didn't know how he really looked like.

_But a green and black monster with yellow horns? Really?_

He felt somewhat disappointed. He was trying to look like a king back then. A powerful god who had come to rule them. This certainly wasn't the impression he had intended.

Joey giggled. "He looks a bit silly with the yellow horns, like a cow… or a goat."

Loki's cheeks reddened involuntarily.

"They were not horns, it was a gold helmet," the godling pouted. "A magnificent golden helmet made by the finest Dwarfs!"

_And I did not look like a cow!_

"Nah ah! They're horns! My friend Sully said so!" Joey insisted.

"Your friend Sully is an idiot!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

Loki tried to stop, he honestly did, but every time Joey tried to convince him that he was a yellow horned monster, his mouth just answered instinctively. It had been centuries since he had a childish banter with someone. His last one had been with Thor before either Frigga or Odin told them to stop fighting and apologize to each other, but not before Thor had punched him to the ground when he ran out of words to say like the pig head he was.

Stupid oaf. He used to call Loki ' _cow'_  too when he got his helmet as if Thor's helmet wasn't stupid too with his tiny wings. It looked like a chicken had made her nest on his hair, no wonder he never wore it.

"Hey! Ikol?"

Loki shut up and looked behind Joey. Hank was standing behind them, holding a cellphone with a nervous expression on his face.

"Hank?" Loki answered coldly.

"Your name is 'Ikol'?" Joey asked, but was ignored.

"Yeah… listen, you like to read, don't you?" Hank asked, looking around and probably trying to find Mrs. Cantor. He looked relieved when he didn't. "I mean… you can read pretty well, can't you?"

"I think so," Loki smiled and raised his book.

"Good. See… I've got this… thing I need to do. Real important grown-up stuff," Hank babbled, exchanging glances between Loki, the hall, and his cell. "So, I need to leave for a few minutes and I need you to finish telling the story to the little kids. You can do that, can't you? You're a very smart kid, Ikol."

Loki forced himself not to roll his eyes. Everyone was the same when they came to him asking for favors, be it on Asgard or in any other realm. Everyone just expected him to smile politely and do what he was asked before discarding him once he was no longer useful.

He was done being used.

"I don't know, Hank. You're the one who always reads the stories," Loki answered with a shit-eating grin on his face. "I'm just a kid. I can't read them like you do. I would not be… what was that big word you used? Appropriate? Yes, that's it. I wouldn't be appropriate."

Hank huffed and glared at Loki's innocent face. "Look, I know you can read like a tenth-grader. Mrs. Cantor said you read all the books from  _Game of Thrones_. She says you're like a prodigy or something. You could read  _Three Little Pigs_  for five minutes before I come back, that's all I'm asking."

"I don't know. I don't think I can do your job, Hank."

Hank raised his hands in the air. "I'll pay you! Ten bucks!"

Loki seemed to consider. "Thirty."

"You're kidding?"

"Nope! Give thirty dollars and I'll read to the kids," Loki's smile grew wider, it wasn't about the money (he had plenty), he just wanted to show Hank that he wasn't some stupid kid who would do what he was asked just because he told him to. "Aren't you in a hurry, Hank? Mrs. Cantor should be here at any second."

Hank's glare grew angrier, but he also seemed more desperate by the second. Finally, he grabbed his wallet and handed Loki thirty dollars.

"There. Now go read the story," Hank left, muttering 'manipulative little shit' under his breath.

Loki thought about grabbing the money and leaving, which would definitely place Hank in a very difficult situation. However, he didn't want to cause problems with the Library staff. He enjoyed this library and it would be a pain to find another one. Therefore, he got up and walked towards the reading corner with Joey in tow.

If he was lucky, another staff member or one of the parents would see him and tell him to leave. Hank couldn't fault him for that.

As he walked towards the ' _storyteller's chair'_ , an old red sofa that had probably been donated to the library, Loki noticed that most of the kids were younger than he was and were asleep on the various multicolored pillows on the floor while the adults chatted to each other.

No one looked at him when he sat in the chair, except for Joey who had kneeled in front of another boy who looked identical to him (twins – lovely) and nudged him until he woke up before pointing to Loki.

"He's gonna tell us a story, Benny!" Joey said to his sleepy twin.

Soon enough, more kids became aware of their new storyteller and sat open-eyed, surprised to see another kid sitting in the chair.

Loki picked the book Hank had left but put it down again. He was not interested in telling the  _Three Little Pigs'_  story or any of the boring stories Hank had planned to read. Most of these kids already knew these stories by heart anyway.

If he was going to be a Skald for a few minutes, he might as well be a good one.

"A long time ago, there was a castle hidden behind the mountains, surrounded by a dark forest. Its king was called Thiassi, Lord of the Rocky Mountains. Son of Kari, the cruel. Brother of Beli and Thrym, the tyrants. Father of Skadi, the Vengeful Witch," Loki sat with his legs crossed in the sofa, his green eyes moving from one child to the other. "Thiassi was powerful and rich. He owned caves filled with gold and jewels, his castle was made of diamonds and his clothes were made of the finest Elven silk. He had everything he wanted, except for one thing…"

All the children were awake now and stared wide-eyed at Loki, entranced by his voice, caught in his story.

"Immortality. Thiassi wanted to be a God and live forever to enjoy his power and riches, but that is no easy feat," Loki continued. "For you see, only those who eat Idunn's magical golden apples can live forever and Idunn, the Goddess of Youth, would never give her apples to an evil king like Thiassi. As he grew older and his hair turned white, Thiassi became desperate and tried to capture Idunn, but the Goddess was fast and always managed to escape his soldiers.

Until one night, he saw a young prince traveling in his lands by himself, a prince from the Golden Kingdom where Idunn also lived. The prince fought bravely but he was still young and Thiassi's daughter was a powerful Witch. She brought the prince to her father's castle and locked him in the deepest dungeon, where they beat him and left him to starve for months until he finally agreed to bring them Idunn."

Loki kept telling the story, words flowing easily from his mouth as he told the tale of Thiassi to the enthralled group of children. It had been centuries since he had told this story, mostly because this had been Loki's tale and Thor was not the protagonist for a change. Most people in Asgard preferred to hear stories where Thor killed things rather than a tale of wits and deception. Besides, Loki's part in the tale was not seen as heroic or brave, even after killing an enemy of Asgard.

Loki had deceived Idunn into coming with him to Thiassi's castle, but she had refused to give him her apples. Loki managed to save her and kill Thiassi in a trap he had made, burning the evil king alive. Overall, he had won the battle but no one in Asgard seemed very pleased with his decisions. Idunn had been furious about Loki's trickery, Thor couldn't believe that Loki had decided to go on an adventure on his own and Odin, while briefly congratulating Loki for his cunning, eventually reprimanded him for using Idunn and angering Skadi who declared war against Asgard and vowed to avenge her father.

Even after Skadi and her people had been dealt with, Loki's actions were still seen as dishonorable and no Skald ever told his tale in the Grand Hall. Instead, everyone pretended it never happened or used it on Loki whenever someone, usually Sif, wanted to prove that he was not trustworthy.

Nothing he did matter in the end.

All he did was lose.

"… and so the prince and Idunn left for the Golden Kingdom, longing for a warm bath and delicious banquet."

For a moment, the Library went silent. Loki had been so focused on his memories that he didn't notice how all the kids were surrounding him with smiles on their faces, or how more children had joined them to hear the story, or how even the adults had stopped talking to hear him. Even Hank had returned and was standing next to Mrs. Cantor.

Before Loki could stand up and leave, Mrs. Cantor beamed at him and slowly started clapping. Shortly, all the adults and children were clapping and cheering him.

Loki didn't know what to say. They liked the story?  _His_  story?

"Tell another one, Ikol," Mrs. Cantor said, still clapping.

"I… I don't know if I…" Loki muttered.

"C'mon, tell another one. We want to hear it, don't we kids?" the librarian asked the children.

"Yes!" the little ones yelled in unison.

Verity walked away from the corner where she had been listening to the story, her cheeks flushed and her eyes wide. She sat next to other kids and stared at Loki in awe.

Loki sat upright in the chair, his green eyes moving from Mrs. Cantor and the adults to the children on his feet begging for one more story.

It had been so long since the last time he felt wanted.

"Well, I guess I can tell you one more story," he conceded as the kids cheered.

"Tell a bigger one!" one of the kids pleaded.

In the end, Loki ended up telling them four tales, each one longer than the last. He would have told a fifth one, but it was getting late and the parents had to force their kids out of the library, promising to bring them to the next Storytelling Day.

"Is Ikol gonna be there?" a girl asked.

"I want Ikol to tell the stories!" a boy pleaded.

Mrs. Cantor glanced at Loki. "Would you mind telling them another story next week?"

"Yes, sure," Loki answered, internally smiling with joy as the kids hailed. Some kids even hugged him and their parents showered him with praise.

"Such a talented little boy," Joey and Benny's mother told him as both her sons grabbed his shirt to call his attention. "I loved your stories and I can't wait to hear more."

"We should bring Billy too!" Benny said.

Loki smiled, openly this time. He felt happy. For the first time in what seemed like centuries, he felt truly content.

These people liked him. They wanted to hear him. They wanted him around and they wanted him to come back, and not because they felt obliged to do so or because it was really Thor they wanted.

They wanted  _him_.

Loki felt his eyes sting and realized he was close to tears. He quickly recomposed himself and willed the tears back. He told himself that he was being stupid for being so happy over getting praise and appreciation from mortals. His old self would have found it pathetic, but he could not help it. He had been hated and chastised for so long, always hearing insults and cruel remarks from everyone he crossed paths with…

It felt nice, not being the bad guy for a change. Not that he considered himself a good guy, he wasn't trying to be one, it just felt good to not be the enemy, to be normal.

After the last kid and respective parent left, Loki picked up his book and got ready to leave as well. Mrs. Cantor thanked him once more and walked him to the door with her warm hands on his shoulders.

It was almost six in the afternoon, but the sun was still high in the sky as Loki walked between the busy New Yorkers, his mind filled with stories and his heart lighter.

He used to tell stories to children back in Asgard, especially to Volstagg's many children, in what seemed to be a lifetime ago. Back then, children still wanted to hear him, they still found him funny and entertaining. Then they grew up, began to see how Thor was this amazing and mighty warrior and started to ask for him instead every time Loki showed up. Thus, Loki stopped showing up altogether and refused to tell another tale. Not that he was really missed; there were plenty of people who were more than willing to tell the younglings how marvelous the golden Crown Prince was. Still, that did not stop Sif from calling him petty and envious.

He had forgotten how much he enjoyed telling a tale, or how it felt like to be admired and heard. It felt like standing in the sun after being in the shadow for a long time.

Loki opened the door to his building and waited for the elevator to come down when he saw Verity open the main doors. He held the elevator door for her and waited as the auburn-haired girl got into the elevator with him.

"Thanks," she said softly.

"You're welcome."

Strangely, Verity didn't press the button for the third floor where she lived. Instead, she moved closer to Loki, glancing at him strangely.

"How did you trick my mom?" she finally asked.

Loki blinked and stared back at her, unsure of what he had heard.

"What?"

"That day, when you met my mom in this elevator. You looked like a kid, but she saw a short grown-up when she looked at you," Verity crossed her arms over her chest. "How did you do that?"

Loki's mouth fell open. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Verity's eyes grew harder. "Lie. You know what I'm talking about, but you don't want to say it."

Loki kept staring at the girl as the elevator moved closer to his floor, his mind racing. Had his glamour failed? That wasn't possible because he had used it a lot more times after meeting Verity's mother and no one had ever seen him as he really was.

"You… you could see me that day?" Loki asked.

Verity nodded. "I always see you as you, even when you're acting like someone else."

"Always?"

"Yes."

Loki was dumbfounded. That meant Verity had always seen him under the glamour with different amulets, which was impossible as far as he knew. No one had the ability to see past a glamour unless they knew it was there from the beginning and knew how to shatter it with magic.

When the elevator's doors opened, Loki grabbed Verity's arm and pulled her down the corridor to his apartment, hoping his neighbors ignored her screams.

"What are you doing?" she yelled as she tried to break free from his superhuman grasp. "Let me go!"

Loki pushed her inside his apartment and closed the door with a key.

"Who are you?" Loki demanded to know. "How could you see through my glamour?"

"Was that how you tricked my mom?" she asked in return, staring angrily at him.

"How come you could see me? No one can see through glamours," Loki moved closer to her. "Are you a sorcerer?"

Verity raised an eyebrow. "No. What's a glamour?"

"Really? You're trying to play dumb now?" Loki pointed at her. "What are you? Because there's no way you're a normal human."

Verity got angrier at the last remark.

"I  _am_  human and I am normal… most of the time," she lowered her eyes, her anger giving away into sadness. "Maybe I'm not normal, but I'm still human. I think…"

Loki tilted his head. "You think? Are you not sure? Do you have super powers?"

Verity shook her head.

"I don't have powers like those people on the news or the Avengers, I just… No one can lie to me."

Loki moved closer, actually intrigued. More and more humans had started showing up with powers, something people in Midgard were not used to and feared.

He couldn't sense power in Verity, though, but maybe she was hiding it.

"What do you mean?" Loki asked.

Verity lowered her eyes to her hands and leaned against the arm of his couch.

"Since I was little, I always knew when people were lying," she explained. "I can tell when someone is lying, even if they don't mean it. I can see through it."

Loki pulled a chair next to Verity and sat next to her. "Any lie?" she nodded. "How can you tell?"

"I don't know, I just do," Verity shrugged. "It's like… watching a bad puppet show, I can see the strings so I know they're not really talking… or really bad CGI. The janitor from my school dressed up as Santa last Christmas and I knew he was fake. Everyone got mad when I ripped his fake beard."

Loki stood up and moved in front of her. "So… if I told you that I'm a sorcerer and that my real name is Merlin, you know I'm lying?"

"The part about your name being Merlin is a lie," she answered. "But the sorcerer part is true."

Loki's green eyes widened. "Wow! What about this… The moon is actually made of wool. Star Wars was based on a true story. Iron Man and Captain America are secretly dating. I'm an evil God."

"Lie. Lie. Lie… that was a rumor, but you don't think it is true. The last one is… tricky. The God part is true, but you're not sure about the evil part," Verity stared deep into Loki's eyes. "You told that kid that you were the bad guy and that was true."

Loki blinked and moved away from her. He forgot that she was in the library when he lost his temper. She had heard everything.

"So you know who I really am," he said darkly.

If Verity was scared, she hid it very well. "You're the one who attacked New York with the aliens, aren't you?"

Loki smiled dangerously.

"No point in denying it, is it? You would know if I lied. Yes, that I was me," Verity remained silent. "What are you waiting for? Scream. Go tell the world that the monster is right here. Call the Avengers!"

Verity stood up as well, but she didn't scream. "Why did you do it? Why did you destroy New York?"

"Why? Because I wanted to conquer this Realm! I wanted to become a King and rule this Realm," he snapped, but his expression softened as he stared at Verity's blue eyes. She still wasn't crying or screaming in fear. "I wasn't trying to destroy your city, but I didn't expect you to fight back. People always die during wars and… I wasn't thinking about you, the mortals. Odin killed so many people during his conquests and I…. I thought I could make everything better once I was King."

Verity just kept staring at him. "Do you still want to conquer the Earth?"

Loki took a deep breath and looked at his tiny hands. Did he want to rule Midgard? Be their King and God if he thought he could pull it off?

"No," he finally muttered. "I used to think that if I became King, I would finally be happy. I don't think like that anymore," he glared back at her. "Why are just standing here asking me questions? I can kill you now that you found my secret, so why aren't scared?"

"Are you going to kill me?" Verity asked, her lower lip trembling.

The raven boy looked at her. He imagined how easy it would to be to simply grab her by the neck and break it like a twig. He could do it. Maybe he should, but…

"I'm not going to kill you. I don't want to," he finally answered. Verity's body visibly relaxed. "Aren't you going tell everyone about me? Call the Avengers? I'm still your enemy."

Verity mused on his words before shaking her head.

"I'm not gonna tell anyone."

"Why?"

"You're not trying to be a bad guy now, so I won't tell," she answered. "Besides, I don't think anyone would believe me if I told them that the person who attacked New York is my neighbor."

Loki opened his mouth but closed it. He might not want to attack Midgard anymore, but he was still an enemy of the mortals. They hated him for what he had done. They thought of him as a monster and they would tear him apart if they found him.

He still couldn't understand why this girl was so calm.

"You have the worst surviving instincts," the boy muttered.

"Weren't you supposed to be bigger? No one ever said that you were a kid," she finally asked. She seemed more curious than wary.

"I'm not. I'm an adult…" Verity frowned. "I  _was_  an adult. I was… changed into a kid, that's why I'm hiding. I lost all my powers and I'm stuck like this for a while. If my enemies find out, they're going to capture and kill me and there's nothing I can do to stop them. I can't defend myself."

"But… isn't Thor your brother? He wouldn't kill you."

" _He_  would be the one to land the killing blow. He hates me more than all of them!" Loki spat angrily. "He told me I'm not his brother anymore. He called me a liar and a monster," a single tear ran down Loki's cheek, he quickly swiped it away. "It doesn't matter. I hate him too. And he's not my brother, he never was, that was all a lie. I don't wanna talk about him anymore."

* * *

Verity stared at the boy's reddened eyes. She knew who he really was. She knew that he was a bad guy, but… he was sad. She never imagined that a bad guy could be sad or cry or feel hurt. He had half lied about hating Thor, but she didn't get angry at him because he wasn't doing it on purpose. Maybe he wanted to really hate Thor, but couldn't.

Plus, he told her that he didn't want to conquer the planet anymore and he didn't want to kill her. If he was a really mean bad guy, he would still want that. Maybe he wasn't all mean.

He didn't look like a monster. He looked like a boy.

"How did you get little?" she asked. She should be afraid, but it was the first time she talked about magic with someone and it wasn't all pretend. She wanted to know more.

"I drank a serum made from golden apples," the raven-haired answered.

"Like the ones from your story back at the Library?"

He nodded. "Yes."

"Did you drink it so you could live forever like Thiassi?"

"No. Golden apples can make you live longer. If I kept eating them, I'd probably live ten millennia and not age a day, that's why they're so rare. They can also heal anything," he explained, staring at his hands. "I was injured very badly and my wounds were infected. I was dying, so when I found about the serum I drank it. When I woke up, my body looked like this."

"So… you can't change back?"

"I can grow back again. There could be a way to age me faster, but I haven't found it yet."

Verity's stomach rumbled loudly, making her cheeks go red like two tomatoes. The boy stood up and walked towards the kitchen, coming back with a pack of chocolate cookies in one hand and a half eaten cookie in the other before handing them to Verity.

An evil God gave her cookies because she was hungry. It was kinda of funny.

"Were you the prince in the Thiassi story?" she asked as they ate the cookies, sitting with their legs crossed on his carpet.

He shrugged. "Yes, that was me."

"I liked that story."

He raised his green eyes, chocolate stains around his mouth. "You did?"

"Yeah. It was the first time I heard a story with evil kings and magic that wasn't made up. I can't hear made up stories, or read them."

He cleaned his mouth with the back of his hand and stared deep into her eyes. Verity had to admit that his green eyes were pretty.

"You can't? Your power doesn't let you?"

"It annoys me. I know it's all fake, so I can't hear it," Verity explained.

"What about movies? Or video games?"

Verity shook her head. "I can't watch them. They're all pretend and I can't focus. I know it's all made up by someone. That's why I only read books about math and computer programming because I know they are always true…"

The boy finished the last cookie. "Well, that's… unfortunate. I would go crazy if I couldn't read a book. At first, I thought your power was very useful since no one can ever lie to you, but it sounds very harsh."

"It is… I always know when people lie and everyone lies all the time," Verity said, lowering her eyes and playing with her shirt. She never told anyone how she felt, not even her parents. They pretended not to believe that she had powers. "I know when people say good things like how they like my new dress or that they want to be friends, but they're lying. I hate going to school because I don't want to hear the other kids lie to me all the time. Even my teacher lies. She said that I was definitely going to make new friends and she was lying. When she talked to my mom and me, she said it wasn't my fault that the other kids didn't like me and that I was not weird but she was lying about it too. She thought it was  _my fault_ , she thinks I'm  _weird_ … everyone thinks I'm weird."

Big, thick tears ran down Verity's face and landed on her hands.

"My mom and dad think I'm weird too. They wish I was normal," she whimpered. "They told me that they loved me just the way I am. I tried to smile, but I knew they were lying. I know they want a normal daughter. No one likes me and they keep lying to me…"

Verity felt the boy's hand on hers as he handed her a paper napkin.

"Brave heart, Verity," he said as she wiped her tears and nose, which surprised her because he was telling her the truth. No one had ever heard her talk about her powers without denying it or dismissing her. "There are people in this world who'll never lie to you. Not  _me_ , obviously, I'm called the God of Lies. But they do exist. I promise."

Verity put down her now wet napkin, her lips curling into a smile. "That's… really sweet. Thanks… I still don't know your name, though. Your real name."

The boy threw the wet napkin way.

"Loki," he answered.

"Thanks, Loki."

"You're welcome."

Verity shook the crumbs from her pants.

"So… all those things in your stories were real. The giants made of fire, the princesses, the battles…"

"Yes, they were all real. But you already knew that" Loki answered.

"Are there more?" she asked,

"More stories?"

"Yes."

"There are thousands of them. They're not all that exciting, though."

"Can you tell me?" she asked, barely hiding the excitement in her voice.

Loki tilted his head. "Do you really want to hear them? From me?"

Verity nodded. She was about to lie down on the carpet when her cellphone started ringing.

"It's my mom," she showed Loki her cell's screen.

"You should answer her then," he shrugged.

"Hi mom," she said as she answered the call, standing up.

' _Verity Rose Willis, where are you? Didn't you promise you'd come home straight from the Library?'_

"I know, mom. I'm sorry. But I'm in the building. I'm at new kid's apartment on the eighth floor," Verity stared at Loki, who was waving at her desperately.

"Don't tell her my real name!" he hissed.

' _What new kid?'_  her mother asked.

"The kid I told you about. The one we met on the elevator a couple of times."

' _Oh! The black haired boy? What's his name?'_

"Ah… Ikol," she answered even though Loki rolled his eyes. She was  _not_  going to call him by a fake name. At least Ikol was sort of his name, even if it was backwards.

' _Ikol?'_

"He's Mr. Serrure's son," Verity lied. "We met at the Library and now we're playing at his house."

' _Oh Verity, that's wonderful,'_  her mom said, genuinely happy.  _'See? I told you would meet new friends. Do you want me to come over?'_

"No, it's alright. We're just playing. I'll go home before dinner is ready."

' _Alright. Well… behave and have fun. I love you.'_

"Bye, mom. I love you too."

Verity hung up and sat once more across Loki.

"You lied to your mother," Loki said as soon as she sat down. "I thought you could not lie?"

"I can lie, but I don't like it. It makes me feel weird," Verity decided to lie down on the carpet, her hands holding her head. "So… can you tell me another story?"

"It can't be a big one," Loki said. "You have to go home and your mother can't know the truth."

"I'm not going to tell her. If you can't finish the story today, can we continue tomorrow?" Verity asked.

Loki seemed to ponder her request carefully before he finally nodded.

"Sure. Why not?"

Verity's big smile felt like sunshine, her eyes shining like stars.


	9. Where is the hope, in a world so cold?

_Do you remember the boat trip on Vanaheim?_

_We were visiting Uncle Frey and Aunt Gerd and one of their best hunters had invited you, Balder and me for a hunting trip. I admit that I wasn’t very keen on going, especially after the huge fight we had about Balder. I was angry because you made sure to spend every waking moment with him and you were mad because I had pushed him into the lake._

_In the morning, I realized that I was missing some of my belongings, so I went back to our room to get them. When I arrived at the shore, I saw the boat floating down the river, with you and Balder in it._

_You had left without me._

_Mother tried to explain to me that the hunter had lost one set of weapons on the way, which meant he could only take two boys. Since I was late, you chose Balder and left._

_Everyone at the dock, aunt, and uncle, our parents, the servants, the guards, they expected me to make a scene. Cry, get angry, break something, but I could see you staring at me from the boat, so I stared back and didn't look away until you disappeared from view. Then, I went to my room, closed the door and cried._

_I couldn't understand how could you have chosen Balder over your own brother. I thought that no matter how much we fought, I meant more to you than he did._

_Looking back now, it all makes perfect sense._

* * *

  _Asgard_

King Thor sighed loudly as he finished reading another important document regarding the current state of the food market, as well as the merchants growing concerns about the increase in taxes.

Feeling a migraine starting to grow behind his forehead, Thor signed the paper, got up and walked to the window which offered him a perfect view of Asgard, the Golden City, on yet another beautiful day.

However, the Kingdom’s beauty did nothing to ease his mind today as he recalled his heated fight with Jane the night before.

His bride was growing restless and unhappy in Asgard. After the novelty and the excitement of having access to advanced technology she had only dreamed back on Midgard started to wear off, Jane began to ask if she could go back to her homeland with some of it and share with her fellow scientists what she had learned. As much as it pained Thor, he had to refuse, for he knew the humans were not yet ready for such knowledge or technology.

Jane was furious. She didn’t understand his reasoning.

“Think about all the good this technology could do!” she told him. “We could save countless lives, cure diseases, help people, end wars and all you do is keep this hidden in your castle.”

“Yes, all this knowledge could do a lot of good, but it could also bring harm. Don’t forget what happened with Ultron when Stark decided to play with things he did not understand. He too had good intentions.”

“Stop being so full of yourself, Thor! Everything can be used as a weapon, that’s no excuse to stop researching!”

“They are not ready for all this power and knowledge, Jane!” Thor raised his voice, while thunder echoed through the castle. “I vowed I would protect Midgard and that includes protecting it from the humans who could destroy it using Asgardian weapons.”

“Humans aren’t some dumb, helpless children that you have to protect by keeping them in the dark! We are as much capable of good as well as bad. If you just trusted me enough to…”

“No, Jane! My answer is final. We will not discuss it any further!”

Jane stared coldly at him, her lips pressed into a thin line.

“I was wrong,” she said. “You _are_ just like your father.”

 That hurt more than any insult she could have thrown at him.

In the following weeks, they both waited for the other to change their mind and apologize to no avail. As a result, Jane became distant and cold. She no longer slept with him on their chambers. They barely spoke to each other anymore and when did they do it always turned into a fight. Thor couldn’t remember the last time they touched.

Thor rubbed his eyes and sat once more on the chair his own father had used countless times when he had been King, back when Thor was young and filled with dreams of becoming a great ruler, defending Asgard from its enemies in glorious battles.

He had been so innocent and foolish back then.

He had no idea how heavy the crown truly was and how much he had to give up to be the King Asgard needed. Being King wasn’t about power, it was about sacrificing his needs for the good of his people.

He no longer could leave the kingdom as he pleased, he had to hear and answer the needs of his people as well as the inhabitants of the Nine Realms. Instead of thinking of battle, he spent most of his time thinking of ways to keep the Realms peaceful through diplomacy and treaties so he could avoid bloodshed.

Thor was tired. He missed his carefree days when he could go to Midgard with Jane, where they had been happier and in love. He missed going on adventures with the Warriors Three and Sif, who he barely saw nowadays due to his busy schedule. He missed and worried about his human Avengers’ friends.

He felt chained to the throne and its responsibilities. Worse, he felt lonely.

He no longer had a brother by his side to talk to and ease the burden of kingship.

When Odin was found alive but weakened, Thor’s main concern was his father’s health. Odin was still recuperating, but he was still present on Thor’s daily chores as King. Odin offered him his wisdom whenever he could and, for that, Thor was very grateful.

However, if Thor was honest with himself, he had to admit that it was vexing sometimes to have his father continuously breathing over his shoulder and questioning his decisions. It also didn’t help how much Odin was against his impending marriage to Jane.

Thor placed his hands on the golden table and looked around the study, his blue eyes gravitating towards the holographic screens where all the information and important documents about Asgard’s royal family were stored. Right next to it, there was a golden mural of his family tree, all the way from Asgard’s first King, Buri, to his father and his deceased uncles, Vili and Ve, to Thor himself.

And right next to Thor’s name, Loki’s still shined.

Every day, Thor asked for news on Loki’s whereabouts and every day, Heimdall would answer that the Trickster was nowhere to be found.

It filled Thor with both worry and relief. Loki’s spell to hide from Heimdall would only be broken with his death, which meant that if he died, Heimdall would see his corpse. So Loki was still alive, but that also meant that he was still plotting. He was still a threat to Asgard and Midgard alike.

“When Loki is found, you must do what has to be done,” Odin had told him sullenly.

“And what would that be, father?” Thor asked though he knew exactly what the former king meant.

“The right thing,” Odin answered coolly. “Cast your emotions aside, Thor. He’s a traitor and a murderer and must be dealt as such. He’s no longer your kin.”

_Is that what you tell yourself, father? Does that make it any easier?_

Thor had turned to his father and looked at him in the eyes. “Then he is not your son either.”

Odin’s face was blank, but his eyes shone with emotions too powerful to decipher. If it was anger, hate or sorrow, Thor did not know.

“No… he is not. Not anymore.”

 Loki’s old chamber had been stripped bare and locked up. All his belongings had been locked up inside a tower in the outskirts of the Kingdom where people continuously spat at it. People across the Nine Realms cursed his name. They hated him and sang songs about killing him. Soldiers, mercenaries, assassins and common folk searched for him with Asgard’s blessing. Both Thor and Odin had ordered Loki to be captured dead or alive, and yet…

Yet, Loki’s name was never written on the family tree or from any official document, much to the Asgardians disbelief.

Writing Loki’s name off would be too final. The ultimate rejection. It would officially mean that he was no longer Thor’s brother or Odin’s son.

Even though Odin had already written a Declaration of Abdication Act, he never forced Loki to sign it while he was incarcerated in the dungeons, keeping it hidden with their family’s many documents.

Thor had found other secrets when his father’s study became his. Odin didn’t keep many keepsakes, but he did find a few of his drawings and school works hidden inside his drawers. No sign of Loki’s keepsakes, however. Thor supposed that, in his grief and anger, Odin had either locked Loki’s mementos on the tower or destroyed them.

While he had been inspecting his father’s desk, Thor found a hidden a secret compartment under the desk. Inside, there was a simple leather cover, filled with papers, trinkets, and small books. Upon further inspection, Thor recognized Loki’s childish handwriting and drawings. Odin had never thrown anything away. 

No matter how much anger they felt towards Loki or how much he had hurt them all, neither Thor nor Odin could bring themselves to completely cut him out of their broken family.

A knock on the door woke Thor from his thoughts. He sat straighter in his chair and cleared his throat.

“Come in,” the king said.

The door opened to reveal a blond haired young man dressed in a blue armor. He stared at Thor with his kind blue eyes and smiled openly.

“Balder!”

Thor’s heart eased immediately as he ran towards the blond man and hugged his dear cousin. He and Balder had always been very close since childhood and Thor remembered his trips to Vanaheim as a boy very fondly.

Balder was kind and noble and Thor absolutely adored him.

“I did not know you were visiting, cousin. It is so good to see you.”

Balder hugged Thor affectionately before both men stared at each other. “I am glad to see you too, Thor. I’m sorry for coming here unannounced but…”

“Not at all! I am very happy to see you, cousin. I have missed you. How are Aunt Gerd and Uncle Frey? Are they still bickering about uncle’s old sword?”

Balder smile wavered for a moment at the mention of his parents, but he did not show it to Thor.

“They are well, Thor. Thanks for asking.”

“Thor!” the Thunder God turned around to see his father entering the study and closing the door behind him before walking next to Balder. “We must talk, my son.”

Thor noticed Balder’s discomfort and Odin’s bright eyes with unshed tears. Since his mother’s funeral, he had never seen his father like this.

“What’s going on, father?” Thor asked, starting to worry about what possible news his father had to tell him and his cousin behind closed doors.

Odin smiled and placed a hand on Balder’s shoulder. “We have something to tell you, Thor.”

* * *

 

_Midgard, New York City_

_Two days later_

“So… are all these books about magic?”

Loki raised his head from the fridge and stared at Verity. The red haired girl had picked up one of Helheim’s books and was staring at its cover.

“Most of them, yes. But I have a few about history and potion making,” Loki answered, still focusing on his fridge.

“Hmm…” Verity opened the old, musty book and wrinkled her nose at the smell. “What’s this one for?”

“It’s a tome about advanced spell casting,” Loki answered, closing the fridge’s door.  “It includes many powerful spells such as teleportation, magic blasts and mind control.”

Verity frowned. “Mind control is a bad thing, Loki.”

“Only if you use it for evil,” Loki said pleasantly, but her glare only grew angrier. “I’m just reading about it. I can’t even use yet, so you don’t have to worry about it.”

Verity rolled her eyes but didn’t press on the matter.

After revealing his identity to Verity, the girl had become a constant presence in Loki’s new life. They met every evening for their daily session of storytelling and they walked together to the library every Wednesday for Ikol’s storytelling afternoon with the other children.

As of late, Verity began to show up earlier and earlier at Loki’s doorstep, mostly because she had nothing to do in her own house. When he didn’t tell her stories, she would sit on his couch and watch him practice with his magic with wide eyes, amazed by every spell.

Loki thought he would have been fed up with her by now, especially since he could never lie in her presence without earning an angry glare. But, strangely, he realized he didn’t mind her company.

Verity was curious, stubborn and she didn’t take any shit from him, which was kind of amazing since most of her adult peers would have run in fear upon knowing who he was and what he had done or try to kill him immediately. Verity had done none of these things. Instead of doing the more rational thing, she kept coming back to his apartment, ate his food, talked to him like a fascinating equal and they even exchanged phone numbers.

Loki was no fool, however. He knew the reason she sought his company was due to her own loneliness and the absence of anything magic in her life due to her truth seeing powers. And the reason he let her in his house was mostly out of boredom and because her powers were fascinating and, therefore, potentially useful in the future.

They were both using the other. It wasn’t like they were friends. Loki had given up on that a long time ago.

Verity closed the book and sighed. “I can’t believe I have to go to the dentist today. It sucks.”

“Oral hygiene is very important. No one likes a toothless smile,” Loki told her, specifically thinking of his other self. _Damn hairy, toothless goblin._

“I know. But I have to wait hours until they call my name,” she rubbed her left cheek. “Mom said I have a cavity on my molar. He’s going to take it out and it hurts.”

“Oh… What’s a cavity?”

Verity turned to him with wide eyes. “Really? You know all about movies, but you don’t know what a cavity is?”

Loki shrugged.

“It’s a rotten tooth. Don’t you have those in Asgard?”

“No. On Asgard, people usually lose teeth in battles or they get them really dirty when they don’t brush them for a few decades.”

Verity made a face. “Eww! That’s gross.”

“Oral hygiene is usually the least of an Asgardian warrior’s worries.”

“Well… you’re lucky. I wish I had Asgardian teeth like yours.”

Loki smiled before he remembered the hard truth he kept trying to forget. He wasn’t Asgardian at all.

Verity noticed the way his smile died on his lips and stared at him with concern all over her face.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“Nothing,” Loki lied, thus earning another one of her glares. “It’s not important. I just remembered something bad.”

Verity’s eyes softened, but she still looked concerned. “Do you want to tell me? It’s okay. I’ll hear you.”

Her words, as always, seemed so genuine, that Loki had to look away from her expectant face. He definitely didn’t want to tell her his own sad story or share his feelings.

“It’s getting late,” he said with his back to her, grabbing his sneakers. “I have to go to the supermarket and buy milkshakes if I want Leah to train with me. It’s the only bribery that works.”

Realizing he wasn’t going to talk to her, Verity sighed but quickly got on her feet.

“Do you really think you can beat her?” she asked. “Last time you came home with a black eye. She seems very strong.”

“I _can_ beat her. I’m a warrior mage and I have centuries of experience!” Loki all but whined, his cheeks suddenly red. “She got lucky last time. I wasn’t ready and this little body is too slow.”

 “Isn’t she small too?” Verity asked slyly.

“Whatever! I’m not gonna lose. I have been training really hard. I’ll beat her. Just you wait.”

Verity laughed but in a good-naturedly way, not mocking him. “Okay… good luck with the training. By the way, can I come over after dinner?”

Loki opened the door and they both left the apartment.

“Sure,” Loki answered. “Call before you come here. I might take awhile consoling Leah on Helheim.”

Verity just burst out laughing.

* * *

 

The weather was hot and damp when Loki left his apartment building with nothing but a few wrinkled dollar bills in his jeans, red crayons and the book he had just finished reading that morning.

When he got the library, he saw Hank busy placing a big poster on the wall. Their eyes crossed and Loki grinned at the sweaty, crabby man, earning a satisfying angry glare in return.

In the front desk, Mrs. Cantor was busy talking to a blonde middle-aged woman, while they both eyed Hank and the poster. The blonde woman was holding a few books and Mrs. Cantor seemed very excited when she handed her one.

As he walked closer to them, Loki noticed that the woman’s face was on the cover of the book she handed.

“It was a wonderful full read. Very insightful and easy to understand. I loved it,” Mrs. Cantor told the woman.

“I’m happy to hear that. I hope it was helpful,” the woman answered.

“Oh, it was. I think every mother wonders what goes on their kids’ head. I think it’s a bit clearer now that I’ve read your book, though they still seem to amaze me. I’m sorry… you must hear this all the time, but I think you’re a brilliant author.”

The woman laughed. “My ego still appreciates the compliment.”

Loki tuned out and wished the women would cease their talking and move aside so that he could deliver his book and be on his way. Yet, he waited patiently in silence as they chatted like the mature person that he was, only signing loudly from time to time.

He had been in this library long enough to know that there was a small hall in the back where adult mortals gathered to hear other mortals talk about boring subjects that didn’t interest Loki the least. Hence a different poster on the wall from time to time to announce said boring conferences.

He guessed this blonde woman was one of such ‘speakers’.

Finally, the blonde woman and Mrs. Cantor shook hands and she left the front desk, smiling motherly at Loki when she saw him behind her and walking towards the exit.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Magpie,” Mrs. Cantor greeted him. “I apologize for making you wait.”

“Oh, it’s alright, Mrs. Cantor. I saw you were in deep conversation,” Loki answered tactfully, though Mrs. Cantor smile only grew larger. Seriously, what did he say that was so funny?

“Deep conversation indeed… it’s not every day you get to meet an author whose work you admire, but I’m guessing these kinds of books aren’t for you. Maybe in a few years. I’m glad she’s going to be one of the speakers. She’s a brilliant therapist.”

As the librarian took the book he handed her, Loki glanced at the poster and his eyes widened.

The poster was simple, with a single photo of a young boy and girl looking at an open door filled with light and big, dark blue letters on the top:

FACING THE HURT WITH TRUTH: DEALING WITH ADOPTION ISSUES

With his heart racing in his chest, Loki walked slowly towards the poster as if moved by an invisible force. When he was close enough, he noticed the flyers lying on a small table near the poster and picked one.

He barely glanced at the date of the conference and the name of the speakers, instead focusing on a quotation on the top.

 _"The loss for the adoptee is unlike other losses we have come to expect in a lifetime, such as death and divorce. Adoption is more pervasive, less socially recognized, and more profound." -_ Dr. David M. Brodzinsky and Dr. Marshall D. Schechter in  ** _Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self._**

His green eyes then caught the list of topics they would be discussing, growing darker and angrier with each word he read:

_The Revelation: is there a right time or way to tell my child that he/she’s adopted?_

_Abandonment and Rejection: Why did they leave me?_

_Feeling Different_

_Searching for an Identity: Who am I?_

_Facing Hard Truths_

_Reunion with Birth Parents: what to expect?_

_Birth parents vs. Adoption Parents: Torn between_

_Adoption and Loss: The need to grieve_

_Intimacy and Doubt: They’ll never love me because I’m not their real child_

_Birth Children and Adopted: Bonding between Siblings_

_Family by Choice_

Loki crushed the flyer in his hand.

“Ikol? Are you alright?” Mrs. Cantor asked softly behind him.

“I’m fine, thank you. I have to go.”

Before the librarian could say anything, Loki left the library and started running down the streets. His eyes were burning, his shoulders tense and trembling. He could feel a knot in his throat.

_Who the Hel do you mortals think you are? What do you think you understand?_

Stopping in an empty alley, Loki realized he was still holding the flyer, which he threw into a puddle of dirty water.

_As if your pathetic experiences with Midgardian adoption could compare with mine. They are nothing alike._

Loki punched the wall on his right, leaving a small hole in the brick wall.

_You know nothing!_

After a few deep breaths, Loki finally calmed down. He berated himself for losing control like that. Just reading a poster about adoption and he was once again inside the weapons vault with Odin as his world came crumbling down. He had to be better and stronger than that.

Crushing the already ruined flyer under his shoes, Loki left the alley and went on his way.

He arrived at Portman’s Warehouse an hour later, carrying four strawberry milkshakes. The warehouse was one of the many abandoned, decadent storehouses near the Hudson River, which was perfect as one of Loki’s training spots.

He had realized that there were a lot of spells that he couldn’t perform at home without burning his couch, and he needed a larger, isolated place where he could train his smaller body as well. The warehouse was perfect for such training. He could practice as much as he wanted without being seen or heard, except for the seagulls and the occasional stray dog or cat.

A gray cat watched him closely as he entered the warehouse with its brown eyes, before yawning and falling back to sleep. Loki kneeled on the ground and started scribbling on the dirty floor with his red crayons. As expected, a dark Helheim gate appeared right in front of him, looking as ominous as ever. Swiftly, the boy grabbed the plastic bag containing the milkshakes and crossed the gate into the Great Helheim Library.

As his feet touched the dark floor, a small girl looked over the book she was reading with a blank expression on her face.

“Hello, Leah!” Loki greeted her cheerfully.

Leah blinked and turned her attention once more towards her book. Unfazed by her aloofness, Loki sat in a chair across from her.

“What do you want, Loki?” Leah asked, not taking her eyes off her book.

“I do believe a rematch is the right word,” the raven boy said smiling.

“Haven’t we established that your sorcery skills are laughable? That your reflexes are pitiful? And that you’re overall a lot weaker than me?”

Loki smiled dangerously. “I beg to differ. I admit our last battle didn’t show my best qualities as a warrior mage, but I have been practicing a lot since we last fought and I have gotten better. However, I find it hard to improve my skills without the right opponent to test them.”

Leah slowly turned a yellowed page. “If that is your best argument, your skills as a silver tongue have been greatly exaggerated.” 

Loki crossed his arms over his chest.

“C’mon, Leah! Don’t tell me you don’t get bored studying here by yourself all the time.”

“I do not.”

“Friendly competition can improve both our skills.”

“You hardly count as competition, Trickster.”

 “What do need your power for if you never use it?”

“I haven’t given me a good reason to use it. Now leave me alone. You’ve already wasted too much of my time.”

Carefully, Loki picked up the plastic bag and placed it in front of the sullen girl.

“I’ve brought you food from Midgard.”

Leah raised her eyes from her book and eyed the white plastic bag.

“What kind of food?” she asked.

They walked towards an emptier space in the library and carefully pushed bookcases, books, chairs, and tables to the side. After Leah finished drinking all four milkshakes (not sharing a single drop!), they positioned themselves for battle and started with simple hand to hand combat before moving to simple magic blasts.

Loki had trained all over the summer to increase his magic tolerance, but he still couldn’t use a lot of magic without feeling nauseous. Instead, he focused on learning simpler attacks and improved his aim, reflexes and body combat.

He was way better than he had been at his original age. Nevertheless, he still couldn’t land a single hit on Leah.

“As I said, laughable,” the handmaiden told him, moving away from his blast and then from his leg. “If this is the result of your _vast_ experience, you must have been a disappointment to your tutors.”

Loki moved away from her and wiped sweat from his forehead.

“I’m still warming up,” he said, unexpectedly grabbing her arm and blasting her in the chest.

Leah’s eyes widened with both shock and pain for a second before she went for his arm and threw him to the ground with one swift move.

“I hit you,” Loki laughed, though his head hurt and Leah was still twisting his arm.

“You’re weak,” she answered, finally letting him go. “If I wanted, I could have slashed your throat.”

Leah moved away from him while Loki stood up. “You’re just mad because I’m getting a lot better in a short amount of time. Soon, I’ll beat you and you know it.”

Leah rolled her eyes. “If you really think you…”

The sound of the heavy doors opening interrupted Leah and the two children stared as the Queen of the Dead, Hela, entered the Library gracefully and silently.

“My Lady,” Leah said solemnly as the Goddess stared at her and then Loki.

“Queen Hela,” Loki greeted with a bow. “I am honored to see you again. Once more, thank you for allowing me to use your Great Library and… ah, practicing combat sorcery with your skillful handmaiden.”

Hela glanced at Leah, both staring at each other with the same aloofness. It was uncanny.

“My Lady, should you say the word and I will cease any contact with this miscreant for all eternity,” Leah said, ignoring Loki’s angry shout behind her.

“Oh! C’mon, Leah!”

Hela glanced at the little god and shook her head.

“That won’t be necessary. You may continue your duels. They might be… educational,” Leah merely nodded. “I have come here to fetch you, Leah. I’m afraid we have to watch another announcement.”

“Yes, Mistress.”

Loki blinked and walked closer to them.

“An announcement?” the boy asked, clearly interested. “Is Asgard making another announcement this soon?”

Hela faced the young boy with Leah frowning by her side. The handmaiden clearly didn’t like that he talked to her mistress so freely.

“They are, Loki,” Hela answered calmly.

Loki’s green eyes stared at hers, his face suddenly devoid of any mischief or amusement.

“May I ask you to watch it as well?” he asked.

Leah crossed her arms over her chest and faced the boy.

“You are pushing your luck, Trickster God,” the girl berated him. “You were warned about leaving the Library. You cannot go to the Throne Room.”

Never taking his eyes off Hela, Loki moved closer to the Queen.

“Please,” he said bleakly, trying and failing to hide his unrest. “If you allow me to watch it, I will obey any order. I will not talk or disturb you. I won’t leave to explore any part of the palace. I won’t do anything that might displease you. I swear.”

Leah opened her mouth to protest but Hela raised her hand to quiet her.

“Very well. I will allow you to watch it. But know this, should you cross me on anyway and you will be deeply sorry Loki. I do not take vows lightly.”

Loki let go a breath he didn’t even realize he had been holding. “My heartfelt thanks, Queen Hela. I will not let you down.”

Without a word, Hela left the Library with the two children in tow.

Loki’s mind was racing. Announcements that even the Queen of the Dead had to watch were obviously important messages from Asgard that were going to matter to all Realms under their rule and protection. However, those kinds of announcements were rare and Thor had already announced both his wedding and Odin reappearance a month ago.

What could possibly be so important to earn another announcement?

 _‘Of course! The mortal is pregnant,’_ Loki thought. _‘What could be more important than Thor announcing to the universe that he’s going to be a father soon? Now Odin will never be able to stop their wedding without denying his first grandchild.’_

Loki tried not to think what he felt about Thor having a child. He didn’t want to. Obviously, he knew that Thor and Jane had sex (knowing the oaf, they probably did it whenever they had a few minutes alone). All that sex would lead to a baby eventually…

_‘That baby is nothing to me. I’m not its uncle. And I’m not gonna think about it!’_

Loki was so lost in thought that he almost bumped into Hela when she suddenly stopped. He barely noticed that they had arrived at the Throne Room.

A few servants bowed to Hela and quickly left the room while the queen sat on her dark throne, her green dress pooling on her sides as her pale legs crossed in front of her. She looked as beautiful as she was powerful and deadly.

Leah walked to her mistress’ right side and watched Loki as he moved to her left with obvious disapproval. Standing next to the Goddess of Death was an honor very few had either the privilege or the courage. However, regardless of the rumors about her, Hela was fair as Death itself. She would not attack or throw Loki out unless he gave her a reason to do so.

Fidgeting on Hela’s left side, Loki bit his lower lip to prevent himself from talking like he promised, but he was growing restless by the minute. He wasn’t so sure now if seeing the Asgardian family was a good idea. He didn’t want to see them. Just thinking about them made his chest throb, but he knew he had to face them one way or the other and he had to know what they were up to in Asgard and how that could affect him, no matter how much it hurt.

Hela slowly raised her hand. “It’s starting.”

Loki closed his tiny hands into fists and took a deep breath. Then the wall in front of them turned into a see-through screen filled with familiar colors and cheers. Even after trying to mentally prepare himself, Loki still felt a stab on his chest when he saw Thor and Odin.

The new King of Asgard looked more mighty and powerful than ever. There was a presence around him that Loki didn’t recognize. Thor looked older, wiser, stronger and mature. He looked just like the king Odin had always wanted to sit on the throne. Odin, on the other hand, looked weak and fragile in comparison to his firstborn.

The pain on Loki’s chest grew sharper.

“My people, my friends. Today, is a day of good tidings,” Thor’s voice boomed in front of the Asgardian Castle. Loki focused on Thor’s new clothing, the way he held Mjolnir with his left hand and Gungnir with his right, his posture, and the way he smiled, warmly and filled with joy. “A terrible wrong has been righted and I wish to share it with all of you one of the happiest revelations I have ever received in my entire life.”

Loki blinked and his mouth gaped with confusion. A terrible wrong had been righted? That didn’t sound like a pregnancy.

As he wondered what sort of wrong Thor could have possibly righted, the King of Asgard and Odin turned around and waved at a blond man to move forward.

Loki’s mouth dropped as he saw his cousin Balder standing between Thor and Odin, smiling softly while Odin stared at him with bright eyes shining with tears and Thor placed a solid hand on his shoulder with a happy and proud expression on his face.

Loki’s gaze darkened, giving away to the anger and jealousy he always had felt towards their perfect cousin. There was no way to describe Balder as anything but nauseating perfect. If Thor was the Golden Son, then Balder was the Brightest Star in the Nine Realms, outshining everyone he crossed paths. Not only was he an outstanding warrior, but he was also smart, kind, honorable and fair.

Loki wouldn’t be surprised if Balder crapped rainbows instead of shit.  

Everyone loved Balder. Thor spent all his free time with him when they went to Vanaheim to visit their mother’s family. They got along better than Thor and Loki ever had. Even Odin and Frigga always seemed to feel particularly fond of their nephew, taking him to long walks with them, hugging him close to their chests whenever they saw him, shedding a tear when they saw how much he had grown or how good and noble he had become.

If Loki felt unappreciated around Thor, he felt invisible when Balder was around. Golden Boy was everything Loki wanted to be but never could. No matter how much he tried, he could never impress his parents or get along with Thor as long as Balder was present. Being next to him, made Loki look ten times worse than he already was.

“A long time ago, a vile creature cursed my mother’s newborn child. As long as he was in Asgard, the baby would get sicker and eventually die,” Thor explained to his people. “My parents were heartbroken, but they managed to save their child by placing him with caring relatives until they found a way to finally break that terrible curse. They kept their child safe by pretending he wasn't theirs.”

Loki’s hollow heart started racing.

_‘No…’_

Thor’s smile grew wider as he placed his arm around Balder. “Today, I am overjoyed to announce that the curse was finally broken and my brother has finally come home.”

_‘No. No, please.’_

Odin also placed a hand around Balder and stared at him with such much love that Loki felt like someone had punched the air out of his lungs.

_‘Please… please, don’t… This can’t be real. It can’t…’_

“Today, we welcome the return of the true Prince of Asgard!” Odin yelled at the expectant crowd. “Today, we welcome the return of my son, Balder!”

The Asgardians voices exploded with loud cheers as the royal family embraced their long-lost brother and son. Tears ran down Odin’s old face, while Thor embraced the little brother he already loved without knowing their real bond.

The crowd went wild. They cheered for Balder, cried his name, and blessed the Aesir family for this wonderful news. The real son and brother had finally returned. Their real Prince was home.

Loki couldn’t feel the ground under his feet, he couldn’t feel anything but the excruciating pain in his chest. When his vision blurred, he didn’t even realize that long, thick tears were rolling down his cheeks.

It all made sense now. The way Thor could bond so easily with Balder, how Frigga cried every time they had to leave Vanaheim, Odin speaking with Balder alone in the woods where no one could hear them, the way both Frey and Gerd seemed to shrink when Odin and Frigga arrived at their home and showered Balder with attention, gifts, and love…

“Loki?”

Leah stared worriedly at Loki’s face, watching as each tear fell on the ground. Suddenly, one of the tears froze in mid-air and crashed on the dark floor.

Ignoring Leah and Hela, Loki ran away from the Throne Room, away from the cheers and the happy reunion caught on the screen. He ran pass servants, walls, and doors until he arrived at the Library, his fingers trembling as he wrote the runes and jumped to Portman’s Warehouse.

Then Loki began to scream.

He kneeled on the dirty ground and punched it with all the strength that he had, opening bigger and bigger craters.

“No! No! No!”

He continued to scream and punch the ground, oblivious to anything but the pain his heart.

_“My brother has finally come home.”_

The temperature began to drop faster with each pounding. Every puddle turned into ice, the glass became blurred until it cracked and exploded due to the freezing temperatures. Iron pillars froze with tiny icicles covering every inch.

_“Today, we welcome the return of the true Prince of Asgard!”_

Every plant near the warehouse withered and died instantly. Passing seagulls cried for a brief second before they froze to death and their lifeless bodies hit the ground.

_“Today, we welcome the return of my son, Balder!”_

The old boats near the shore froze to the river. Ice invaded the Hudson, freezing everything to the other side of the river like an ice bridge.

Inside the warehouse, the frozen ground crashed around Loki. His shoes froze and broke like they were made of glass, the same thing happened to his shirt and jeans. When his shirt finally disintegrated into shards, Loki opened his eyes.

He felt different. Exposed. As if his skin had become suddenly too sensitive. He touched his face and felt that his tears had frozen to his cheeks. That was when he noticed his hands.

His hands were blue and filled with markings in his skin. Upon further inspection, he realized his feet, his legs, his torso… his whole body was blue.

Like that of a Frost Giant.

“No… No! No, _stop!_ ” the boy stood up and most of his frozen clothing fell on the ground. “No, please! Not this! Anything but this!” he began to scratch his arms, urging them to change back to their pink color. “Change back! Damn it, change back!”

No matter how much he scratched, all Loki could do was make his arms bleed. Even his blood froze in contact with his freezing skin.

“Change back! This isn’t me! I don’t want to be like this! Please!”

The sound of sirens woke Loki from his fright. For the first time, he noticed the frozen warehouse and ran outside. The warmth of the sun felt horrible on his blue skin as he realized what his Jotun rage had done to the river and the boats.

The sirens were growing closer. Human police and who knew what else was on their way to find out who was responsible for the freezing.

Loki backed away and his bare feet touched something. When he looked down, he saw the dead seagulls. A little bit further, he saw the gray cat from earlier, also frozen to death on the ground. The poor thing had failed to escape the ice.

Loki felt bile rising to his mouth as he began to run.  


	10. I need with you with me as I enter the shadows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you so much for all of your support with this fic. Each comment, kudo and bookmark fills me with joy!
> 
> If anyone is wondering, most characters that interact with Loki (Verity, Leah, America, etc) are canon. They are from the comics and have real relationships with our favorite God of Mischief.

_Mortals have a saying: “Blood is thicker than water”._

_I've been thinking a lot about blood ties, or DNA if you want to be more scientific. You, Odin, Frigga, and Balder are related by blood. Looking back now, it’s so obvious that I feel stupid for not realizing it sooner._

_It always amazed me how close you and Balder were, even though we only visited them from decade to decade and they never came to Asgard. You two always seemed to get along. You liked the same games, the same foods, the same stories… It must have filled Odin and Frigga with pride._

_Then there was me. Not really fitting this family picture and yet, I was the one Odin and Frigga had to bring back to Asgard while their secret son stayed on Vanaheim._

_I wonder how much that hurt them._

* * *

 

Loki ran as fast as he could, leaving tiny ice footprints where his feet touched the hot ground. In five minutes, they would melt and vanish due to the hot summer sun.

He saw the red and blue sirens of the police cars in the distance and ran towards the buildings, hoping to lose them there. His little heart was racing inside his chest. All he could think of was to run.

 _If they catch me, they’ll kill me,_ he thought. _Home. I gotta go home. I have to hide._

The moment he jumped into the streets, he heard the humans’ cries of shock upon seeing a strange, blue naked child with blood red eyes. He tried to run by jumping over cars, ignoring the angry and scared shouts. As he turned a corner, he bumped into an obese man who fell to the ground, crying with pain from the third-degree burns where Loki’s skin had touched him. A woman in front of him screamed in horror and everyone turned to watch the macabre scene.

 _Don’t look,_ Loki thought, feeling hundreds of eyes fixed on him, scared whispers and the flash of a camera.

“Don’t look at me!” he shrieked, covering his face with his hands and running away again.

He jumped a wired fence and landed on a garbage bin. Using it, he held onto a metal bar and ran up the fire escape stairs of the building, continuing to run through the rooftops.

For a terrifying second, he thought he was lost in a sea of cement until he finally recognized his apartment building and ran towards it, jumping from roof to roof, freezing every surface he touched.

When he landed on his building’s rooftop, he ran to the fire escape, only stopping when he recognized his own curtains at the window. He pounded on the glass, but it didn’t break.

“No! Open, damn it! Open!” he cried hysterically, punching and kicking the window to avail. The glass wouldn’t break, even with his super human strength. “Open up! Let me in! _Please, just let me in!”_

With a small ‘click’, the window opened slightly.

Too scared to wonder about the magical lock, Loki opened the window and jumped inside his living room, landing on the carpet and thus freezing it completely. The ice spread to the floor and the chairs’legs. When he tried to stand up, he slipped on the icy floor and landed on his knees. Wherever he looked, he could see the ice spreading. The kitchen, the walls, the hall…

“Stop it!” he yelled at the ice, failing to bend it to his will.

_Even as a Frost Giant, you’re absolutely pathetic._

Loki began to gag. The knot in his throat became unbearable, sending waves of pain from his stomach to his chest as he felt his head spinning. Half crawling, half dragging himself, Loki managed to reach the bathroom and vomited into the toilet. His shoulders quivered and his eyes watered again as he emptied his stomach, but both his tears and puke froze solid.

When it was over, Loki kneeled on the floor in front of the frozen toilet, gasping for air between his sobs. He felt filthy, disgusting and sick. His Jotun skin felt too sensitive and foreign in his body, it felt different… too harsh. The skin of a monster that no one could touch.

_**This** is your real skin. Not the other one, pink and soft. That one was a lie your own body tried to tell._

Loki dragged himself into the bathtub and closed his eyes. He could still hear the ice forming around him, freezing the entire bathroom. He pulled his legs to his chest and wrapped his hands around himself as if that could protect him from his own thoughts. He felt he was falling into the Void again. Desperate, consumed with hate and sorrow and overwhelmed with loneliness as he was swallowed by the shadows.

_Help me. Someone. Anyone._

He wanted to go home. He wanted to wake up in his bedroom in Asgard with Eir fussing about his health. He wanted to crawl into his mother’s arms, and cry and let her make everything better again. He wanted Thor to let him sleep in his bed. He wanted this to be a nightmare. He wanted his life back.

Except… that was never his life. It should have been Balder’s. Balder was the real son. He was the one who should have the bedroom in the castle next to Thor’s. He was the one who Frigga would cuddle at night. He was the son Odin really wanted. And Loki…

_“Your birthright was to die! As a child, cast out on a frozen rock.”_

Loki was a mistake. He had failed at everything. Failed to be a proper Frost Giant, failed as a fake Asgardian, failed as a political tool, failed as a king and a conqueror, failed as a changeling…He was nothing.

_Balder would have been perfect. He would have been the perfect brother and son. The perfect Prince. He would have done everything right._

Loki couldn’t trust his memories now without questioning everything. Just like when he discovered about his adoption, he questioned every happy moment he remembered with his fake parents. How many times did they look at him wishing Balder was there? How many name days, ceremonies and family parties had they looked at Loki wishing Balder was there instead? Did they ever hold some affection for him or was it all pretend because their real child was away and they had to put up with him so he could be of use later?

Did mother… _Frigga_ ever love him? How could she? Her real son had been taken away and then Odin had brought home a fake one. How could she possibly have loved him?

She couldn’t. No one would love a fake son over a real one.

Balder was the son she should have raised, not him. Golden Balder who was kind, compassionate, noble and strong, while Loki was selfish, petty, unforgiving, and weak. He manipulated, cheated and stabbed everyone in the back. Who would ever want him? No family would ever want him.

He was horrid and rotten to the core. No wonder everyone ended up leaving him. He didn’t deserve a family. He didn’t deserve anyone.

_And yet you still curse them and wonder why they turned their backs._

Loki hid his face in his arms as he sobbed, digging his nails into his blue skin until he bled blue, thick blood. He wished he had died as a child in that frozen rock. He wished the Void had really consumed him until he was nothing.

_I wish I didn’t exist._

“Loki?”

Loki stopped crying, not entirely sure of what he had heard. He turned his head towards the door and saw her. Verity was standing by the door frame, mouth slightly open, and her blue eyes wide with disbelief. 

“Loki? Is that… you?” she asked with a tiny voice.

Shame and rage came bursting from inside his chest like acid.

“Get out!” Loki yelled hatefully.

Verity recoiled from his yelling, but she didn’t move, her eyes still fixed on Loki’s Jotun form, which only made Loki angrier.

“What…? What happened?” she asked, her shoulders trembling from either the cold or fear.

Loki glared at her. He didn’t want her to look at him. He didn’t want anyone to look at him.

“What happened? _This_ is what I really look like! _This_ is my real self! That other Loki was a lie!” he shrieked, pointing to his blue chest and face. “So guess what? Everyone was right about me! I _am_ a monster! So get out before I kill out where you stand!”

Verity’s eyes were bright with tears, her tiny shoulders and legs still quivering.

_Don’t look at me like that. Just go away._

But she still wouldn’t move.

“Get out! Get out! GET OUT!” Loki screamed, nearly tearing his vocal chords. The glass from the mirror exploded, causing Verity to cry with fear and shrink back against the wall. “I’m fed up with you! I want you out of here and I never want to see you again! So leave me alone! LEAVE!”

Verity’s eyes were enormous as tears ran down her pale cheeks. Her lower lip trembling as she wrapped her arms around herself. Slowly, she lowered her head and left the bathroom. Loki breathed hard as he listened to her footsteps on the hall and the sound of his front door closing.

_She’s gone._

In the seconds that followed, he continued to take long, deep breaths. He could feel his throat sore from the yelling.

_Now she’s gone for good._

His own lips began to tremble as he tried to keep himself from crying, but soon he was sobbing again, doubling over with pain, followed by a torrent of frozen tears.

_You brought this upon yourself._

Loki buried his face in his hands and wailed. The shadows grew closer around him.

_Everyone leaves._

Suddenly, Loki heard his front door burst open and the sound of quick and light footsteps. All of a sudden, Verity was back at his doorframe, glaring at him through her own tears, her lips pressed into an angry pout.

“What the Hel are you doing here? I told you to leave!”

“No!” she furiously yelled back.

“Get...”

“I’m not leaving, so _shut up!_ ”

Looking out for the glass shards, Verity walked towards Loki, her pink sneakers crashing the ice on the floor.

“Don’t come in here!” Loki cried, drawing back against the tub. “I do not want you here! Just go away!”

Even though she was freezing, Verity only stopped at the edge of the tub and glared at him with her bloodshot eyes.

“Just shut up and stop lying! You don’t get to lie to me and then cry by yourself, you hear me?” she screamed at his face. “You don’t want me to leave. You don’t want to be alone, so no. I’m not leaving. I’m staying right here with you.”

Loki blinked twice as he stared at the red head, his mouth opening and closing like fish out of water.

“What… what is wrong with you? I threatened you,” he told her slowly, making sure she understood. “I told you I could kill you.”

“Yeah and you were an ass,” she answered back angrily, dismissing his death threat like a nasty insult.

Loki shook his head. “I don’t understand you. Why are you here?”

“Because you’re crying, stupid!” Verity snapped, tears falling from her eyes again. “You’re crying and yelling and saying all these lies to make me leave but you don’t want to be alone. I don’t know why you’re blue or why everything is freezing, but you’re sad and crying really hard. I don’t want to see you cry, even if you’re a jerk. So I’ll stay here until you’re feeling better.”

The boy stared at Verity like she was a very complex spell that he couldn’t grasp no matter how hard he tried. Her words echoed in his brain, but he couldn’t believe them. He didn’t dare to believe them.

“Why? You know what I am. You know what I did,” he asked, bleakly and confused. “Why would stay with me just for that?”

“Because we’re friends, you stupid idiot!” she yelled in his face.

Loki’s mouth opened, but no sound came out. He just stood there, staring at Verity’s flushed face, watching her breath in the coldness of his bathroom.

“What?”

Verity actually rolled her eyes.

“For someone so smart, you’re really stupid,” she moved as close as she could and stared deep into Loki’s red eyes with all the unwavering confidence a seven-year-old could muster. “You’re my friend and I don’t want you to cry anymore. It’s not that hard to understand.”

Loki shook his head. He couldn’t believe what she was saying. It just could not be true. “You do not mean that. You’re lying…”

“I’m not lying! Why would I be lying?” she screamed again.

“Because no one would be friends with me!” he yelled back.

Loki’s vision blurred as new tears came and froze on his face. Verity’s face softened and she started crying again. Loki had to look away.

“I would,” she finally said, sniffing.

Loki looked up and forced himself to face her eager gaze.

“Why?” he asked.

“Because you told me stories when I asked. Because I like seeing you do magic and because you gave me cookies and listen to me when I talk, and you were nice when I cried and… you try to speak the truth when I’m around even though you’re a liar,” Verity babbled, sniffing and cleaning her tears with the back of her hand, her eyes never leaving Loki’s face. “And even though you’re this big super villain who says evil things like wanting to brainwash people, you’re really sweet and funny and… I like you. I really like you. I want us to be friends. And I know you’re really a big God and I’m just a weird girl, but I still want us to be friends. So there, that’s why!”

Loki’s arms fell to his sides, his lower lip trembling as he lowered his head, unable to face Verity anymore.

Verity. This little human girl who had just told him that she liked him even though he had tried to rule her planet. This mortal who wanted to be his friend even after he had yelled at her, threatened her and pushed her away. She had come back for him because she didn’t want him to be alone and cry in the dark.

She wanted to be his friend.

_It’s not true. It’s not real. Why would she want to be friends with someone like me?_

“Hey! Look at me,” Verity ordered, but he just shook his head. “Look at me! Loki!”

Loki looked back at her. The sound of his name felt different when Verity said it. When Verity spoke the truth, it was absolute, the words felt powerful. It gave him strength, made him feel real and true.

For a few moments, neither one spoke, simply staring at each other’s faces as if trying to memorize every detail. Loki focused on her blue eyes and noticed there was a little green in them. He stared at her flushed face and her bluer lips and remembered how cold she must have been. She could get sick.

Suddenly, Verity’s hand reached out for his face. Remembering the dead cat and the cries of pain from the man he had touched, Loki recoiled. He felt a tiny tingling under his left eye but ignored it.

“No! Don’t touch me!” he shouted, moving away from her grasp. When he saw her surprised face, he immediately regretted his harsh words. “I’ll burn you. This skin freezes everything it touches. I’ll hurt you.”

Verity stared at his face and smiled.

“It’s alright. I’m going to be alright,” she reached for Loki again, but he tried to move away. “Trust me.”

She seemed so confident, that Loki stopped moving his head. He closed his eyes and waited for her sudden cry of pain, but instead, he felt her small, tiny fingers touch his left cheek softly before she pressed her whole hand against his face.

She didn’t scream and he didn’t feel her skin burn from his touch. He felt nothing but her warm hand touching his cheek and something warm and tingling spreading to his nose and the right side of his face.

Slowly, he opened his eyes and saw Verity smiling at him.

“I think you’re changing back to normal,” she took her hand from his face and reached for a small mirror on top of the counter. He was surprised to realize how much he already missed her touch. “Look!”

Loki stared at the small mirror. Half his face was pink again, and his left eye was green. His Jotun skin was receding slowly down his right cheek.

“It’s not changing back to normal, it’s… this pink skin is the lie,” he said hoarsely, one liquid tear rolled down his left cheek. “I’ve been lying to myself all this time. That isn’t the real me.”

Verity took the mirror away. “I don’t think it’s a lie.”

Loki stared at her, confused. “Yes, it is. I’m a Frost Giant. I was born like this… it’s who I am.”

“But if that was a lie, I would see it, right? But I never saw you blue. I always saw you with this skin and I never felt anything was wrong,” Verity answered matter-of-factly. “I mean… I can see your blue skin now too but… when you say you’re a Frost Giant, there’s something phony about it. Like you don’t really think that it’s true.”

Loki felt the tingling down his neck.

“But… I know that I am one. Just… just look at me. I’m clearly a Jotun, even if I don’t want to be one,” he felt the knot growing tighter in his throat. “I can’t change what I am.”

Verity stared at Loki from top to bottom, with a peculiarly serious expression in her young face.

“Well, it’s probably because you don’t want to be a Frost Giant that you’re not really one,” she told him plainly. “You don’t think of yourself as a Frost Giant, so you’re not one. That’s why your pink skin is real. You don’t want to look blue, so you look pink instead.”

Loki’s eyes widened. “It doesn’t work that way, Verity. I can’t just stop being a Frost Giant because I don’t want to be one. It’s who I really am.”

“Why not? Who says you have to be a Frost Giant? You don’t feel like one, do you?” she asked him.

Loki stared at his hands, which were still blue and harsh. He stared at the lines on his arms that proved his lineage to Laufey and then thought about the man he had only meet briefly, his birth father. Wasn’t he supposed to feel something for his father if they were tied by blood? Some hint of recognition or affinity? He had felt nothing for the man except hate and disgust. He didn’t know him at all. He felt like a stranger, like all the Frost Giants he had met. He didn’t feel like he was one of them. Even after accepting that he was adopted and not an Asgardian, he still didn’t feel like a Frost Giant either.

“I… tried not to be a Frost Giant. I tried to be more Asgardian, but it didn’t work,” Loki looked away from his hands, facing Verity again. He had killed his birth father and destroyed half of Jotunheim to prove himself as a real Asgardian, a real Odinson, but he still wasn’t one. Odin just rejected him more.

_“I could have done it, Father! I could have done it! For you! For all of us!”_

_“No, Loki.”_

“If I’m not a Frost Giant, who am I? I’m not Asgardian either. I don’t know what I am.”

“Who says there has to be a name for it?” she asked.

“I have to be something! If I’m not Jotun or Asgardian then… then I’m nothing,” he lowered his head again, he could feel new, hot tears rolling down his face now. “I don’t wanna be nothing. Because… if I’m nothing, then I shouldn’t exist at all.”

Verity moved closer and grabbed Loki’s face by his now pink cheeks.

“You’re not nothing. You’re Loki,” she told him firmly, staring deep into his green eyes, her words filled with conviction. “You’re you. You’re always you. And that’s good enough.”

Out of all the things said to him in his life, Verity’s words astonished Loki the most. No one had ever told him that he was good enough, there were always plenty of things Loki should be. A proper warrior, a better prince, a better son, a better brother. He had tried so hard to be what everyone wanted, that being himself always felt like a curse. When he realized that he was incapable of being what others expected him to be, his mind cracked open in two. The fact that he was biologically a Frost Giant, a runt with no worth either, only pushed him further into madness and desire to prove himself as superior.

In the end, every action he took to turn himself into someone powerful, respected and beloved by all only made him weaker, hated and alone. He couldn’t be what they wanted, and when he tried, he only failed.

“You don’t understand,” he told her. “Being me… is not an option. Being just Loki is as good as being nothing.”

“Loki, you’re not nothing. You’re a person. You’re a lot of things,” Verity told him kindly, her thumbs clumsily wiping the tears away from his cheeks. “You’re a boy who tells a lot of good stories. You’re funny. You’re also a bit mean and a liar and you get angry a lot, but you’re also nice when you want to be. You’re good things and bad things,” she moved even closer, their foreheads almost touching. “Being you is fine. You’re special. There’s no one in the whole wide world like you and I’m really, really happy you’re you and no one else.”

Loki’s green eyes were wide and bloodshot red when Verity wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a hug. He was crying on her strawberry scented hair, trying to remember the last time someone had been kind and gentle to him. He didn’t remember it.

It couldn’t be that simple. He couldn’t stop being a Frost Giant because he didn’t want to be one. And it wouldn’t be enough for him to be just Loki. If it were, he would have found a place. He would have fit in. He wouldn’t always the one no one liked and everyone despised. It didn’t work that way, did it?

Except… Verity had told him that she liked him, even when he had been mean. She still liked him and wanted to be his friend when Loki had done nothing except spend time with her. Was that it? Was that all it took for her to want to be friends?

Verity moved away and looked down, her face immediately flushing. “Ah… you’re naked.”

Loki followed her gaze. He vaguely remembered his clothes freezing and shattering in the warehouse. “Oh.”

Verity stood up and averted her eyes, still blushing.

“Anyway, I think you’re almost normal. All that’s missing are your legs and your arms. Maybe it’s the heat. You changed faster when I touched you,” looking around, Verity reached for the frozen shower head. It a little push, she took it out and turned on the hot water. After a few gurgling sounds, the stream of water finally came. “Okay. I’m gonna shower you with hot water and see if that can change you faster. Can you, uh… can you cover your… your thingy with your hands?”

Loki’s head felt so heavy that it took him a few seconds to realize what she meant. Meekly, he covered his crotch with his blue hands while Verity poured hot water down his head and rubbed his hair and face with her other hand. It felt nice and comforting.

“Hey! It’s working!” Verity said cheerfully. Sure enough, the blue skin kept on receding down Loki’s legs and then his arms. “It really was the heat.”

Loki raised his hands and watched as the blue skin vanished up his arms, to his hands and, finally, until his black nails changed back into their usual pink color. He let out a breath he felt he had been holding since he left the warehouse. His body felt normal and familiar again.

Verity turned off the water and walked towards the cabinets. Loki stared at her with his puffy eyes while she opened and closed his cabinets until she finally found the towels.

“You have to stand up now,” she told him.

Loki did what she said, moving slowly, and feeling like he had run for miles. Verity walked over to him, carrying three bath towels and wrapped all of them around him, carefully not looking down.

“I’m not looking at your thing, okay?” she told him, helping him get off the tub.

“My penis?” he asked, too drained to be sleazy or modest.

Verity’s face flushed like a red light. “Yeah… that. I’m not looking at it.”

With a face towel, she dried his hair and, carefully, grabbed one of Loki’s hands and pulled him out of the bathroom. Even though it wouldn’t have hurt him, Verity made him avoid all the glass shards from the broken mirror.

She led him to the living room and made him sit on the couch before opening all the windows in the room. The sun was setting outside, but it was still incredibly warm. Loki felt the hot wind on his face and the smell of car oil from the streets.

“It’s still pretty cold in here, so I’m gonna keep the windows open for a while, alright?”

Loki nodded and pulled the towels closer to his body, enjoying the warmth. He felt so tired, that he didn’t say anything when Verity disappeared from the living room and heard her opening his cabinets in the kitchen. Instead, he focused on the ice he had left on the floor, watching it slowly melt into water puddles.

A few minutes later, Verity came back carrying a steaming mug with a spoon and some cookies.

“I made you tea. Mom always gives me tea when I’m sick, so I think it could help,” she told him, handing him the mug. “I didn’t know which tea you liked so I grabbed the first one I saw. Also… I don’t know how to use that kettle thing. I just heated the water in the microwave.”

Loki nodded and took a sip of the tea. It was chamomile and Verity had poured too much sugar on it, but he kept drinking it without a word.

Smiling approvingly at Loki, Verity left the room again and came back with a mop and a bucket. Loki stopped drinking the tea when he saw her clean the water puddles.

“Verity! You don’t have to do this,” he protested.

She glanced at him without stopping. “Yes, I do. The water is gonna ruin your floor.”

“That’s not what I meant,” he shook his head. “You don’t need to.”

Verity stopped mopping the floor and frowned at him.

“I know I don’t. I want to. So stay quiet and drink your tea,” she lowered her head and kept working.

Loki felt too tired to argue, so he leaned back against the couch and drank the sugary tea and the cookies while he watched Verity clean his floor and then leaving to clean his bathroom. She showed up later with her cheeks flushed with sweat.

“I didn’t pick up the broken glass. You can fix the mirror when you’re feeling better, right?”

Loki nodded, though the idea of feeling good enough to worry about a broken mirror seemed ridiculous at this point.

“Good.”

Without a word, Verity grabbed the empty mug, put it on his table and grabbed his hand again. Loki leaned on her as she pulled him to his bedroom.

“Where are your PJ’s?” she asked.

“Bottom drawer.”

Verity grabbed a pair of blue pajama bottoms, a green shirt and even a pair of boxers, walked back to him and pulled his towels down to his waist.

“You have to dress that by yourself, alright?” she handed him the boxers and the pajama bottoms.

Dutifully, Loki put on his underwear and the pants while Verity held the towels. When he was done, she let the towels fall to the ground and helped him put on his shirt.

“Okay… wait here,” she told, grabbing the towels and leaving the bedroom.

Loki sat on his bed and waited. He heard Verity close the living room windows and his heart skipped a beat when he heard his front door open and closing again as Verity left the apartment.

In the seconds that followed, Loki felt overwhelmed with doubt and loneliness. Did she leave? She had told him to wait, but maybe she was done being his nursemaid. Loki wasn’t in his Jotun form anymore or freezing everything, so probably that meant Verity thought her job was done.

Outside, the sun had disappeared, leaving his bedroom in the dark. He looked at his clock. It was nine-thirty.

Loki leaned against one of his pillows and pulled his knees to his chest. He was surprised to realize how much he already missed Verity. How lonely he felt in that apartment by himself. He wanted her to come back.

He waited in the dark, watching the minutes go by on his digital clock. By ten o'clock, he lowered his head to his knees, cursing his childish body who just couldn’t seem to stop crying like a pathetic, needy baby.

The front door opened and he raised his head, his heart pounding anxiously in his chest.

“Loki, I’m back!” Verity yelled, closing the door and turning on the lights on the hall. “Why are you in the dark?”

She turned on the lights in his bedroom and saw him in the bed. She had brought a yellow backpack.

“You came back,” Loki said without thinking.

“Of course I came back,” Verity answered. “What? You thought I left?”

The little god lowered his head and wiped his tears with the back of his hand. “Sorry.”

Verity’s expression softened. “Hey! It’s okay to cry. That whole _‘boys don’t cry’_ is stupid. If girls can cry, boys should too,” she opened her backpack and handed him a paper tissue. “I went home and told my mom and dad that we were having a sleepover at your house. I had to lie and tell them your parents we’re okay with it, but they didn’t ask anything.”

Verity left the room and opened the door to the spare room Loki never used. A minute later, she came back, dressed in blue pajamas with tiny butterflies and crawled next to him in his bed.

“Lie down,” she told him, pulling his arm. “You look really tired.”

Because he really felt tired, Loki obeyed and lay down beside her. Verity stretched and turned off the light, leaving them in the dark, before curling up against him, completely at ease, even though she knew that he could kill her and had been horrible to her. That didn’t seem to bother her at all.

“I’m sorry…” he whispered.

In the dark, he felt Verity move and look at his face. “Sorry for what?”

“I’m sorry for yelling at you,” the damn tears came up again. “And for the things I said… and the mirror. I’m really sorry.”

Verity reached out and ran her fingers through his hair. “I forgive you. It was mean of you, but you were very sad. I know you didn’t mean them. You were trying to make me leave.”

Loki had never realized how much he missed being believed. Everyone was so used to him being a liar, that no matter what he said, they would give him those wary looks and question every word, even when he said the truth. He was the one to blame for that and he usually felt proud about his lying ability, however, he also felt frustrated when he really wished someone would believe him, but they always assumed he was lying.

He couldn’t lie to Verity, which could be troublesome. But, that also meant that when he was honest, when he said what he felt or that he was sorry, she knew he was speaking the truth.

He didn’t know how to deal with that. He didn’t know what he was feeling right now.

“I’m not good at being a friend,” he confessed, still surprised how relieved he felt. “I don’t know how to be one.”

Verity shrugged. “Me neither.”

“I mean it. I’m too selfish and I lie all the time,” Loki said sadly. “You don’t want me as a friend. There are a lot of people who would make better friends.”

As an answer, Verity kicked him in the knee. “Don’t be stupid. I don’t want to be friends with other people. I want to be friends with you,” she moved even closer and wrapped her hands around his chest. “You’re an idiot, but you’re my idiot.”

Loki felt something warm in his chest as he felt Verity’s fragile, human heartbeat against his own. She was so weak, yet he felt like she was the strongest person he had met. She felt like a shining ray of hope in the darkness of his hollow heart. A warm hand that had brought him back from the frozen void even when he tried to push her way.

Slowly, timidly, he held his arms and hugged her back, burying his face in her hair. He could feel her cheek against his and her fingers drawing small circles on his back.

“I didn’t know I was a Frost Giant. I didn’t know I was adopted,” he told her, words flowing from his mouth like water from a broken dam that couldn’t hold them any longer. “All my life, I wanted to be like Thor, because he was so good and strong and everyone loved him, especially Father. But no matter how hard I tried, I could never measure up. I didn’t even want that stupid throne. I just wanted them to see that I could be as good as a king as Thor.”

Verity remained silent as Loki told her everything. How he resented Thor for always being better than him, while also loving him because he was his big brother and his closest friend. How he felt angry for always being dismissed as a trickster and a liar even though he wasn’t useless in battle. How Odin was going to make Thor king, even though he wasn’t ready and how Loki had managed to lure the Frost Giants to Asgard and stop the ceremony. He told her about their disastrous trip to Jotunheim, about being touched by a Jotun and watching his skin change for the first time. How scared he was when he went to the weapons vault and touched the Casket of Ancient Winters and saw with horror his whole body change into that of a Jotun.

“Odin showed up then. I asked him if I was cursed. I wanted to be cursed. I didn’t want it to be true, but it was too late. He had to tell me the truth… that I was a Frost Giant, the son of Laufey, our most hated enemy, and that he had left me to die because I was a runt,” Loki sniffed, while Verity reached for his hand and squeezed it in silence. “He told me that he brought me because I was an innocent child, but I knew that wasn’t the real reason. He admitted that he was hoping to use me to unite both Asgard and Jotunheim and create perpetual peace. I was just a stolen war relic, not a son, never a son. He never loved me. Everything that I knew was a lie.”

Loki told her the rest of his tale. The battle against Thor, killing Laufey, trying to destroy Jotunheim, falling into the void when he realized that his life was over and he would never an Asgardian or and Odinson. His meeting with Thanos, the battle in New York, his trial with Odin when he sentenced him to be forgotten in a cell, Asgard’s invasion by the Dark Elves, his mother’s death, the battle against Malekith and Kurse, how he faked his own death, how Odin had fallen into the Odinsleep and how he had impersonated him…

Finally, Loki told her about this afternoon. How he had stood next to Hela and Leah, watching Thor and Odin announce the return of the real Prince, Balder, the man he believed was his cousin, finally revealed as the real son, the true Odinson.

“Now, it’s really over. They finally got rid of me,” Loki’s voice broke, his hands trembling against Verity’s. “They have their real prince now. And the worst part is… I can’t blame them. Balder is perfect and good, while I’m… I’m a monster and now… now I don’t have a family anymore.”

Now that he had told her everything, Loki moved away from her waited for the inevitable. He could just imagine Verity’s horrified expression after hearing his story and realize that she could never friends with someone like him.

“See? I told you, I’m horrible,” he looked at her, trying not to sound menacing. “You can leave now. I won’t go after you or hurt you. I swear it on my name.”

However, Verity grabbed both of Loki’s hands and squeezed them with all the strength she had. Now that his eyes had adjusted to the darkness, Loki could see tears behind her eyes too.

“I’m sorry, Loki.”

The feeling that overcame Loki was so foreign that he couldn’t name it first. He buried his head on Verity’s shoulder and cried silently while they held hands. He didn’t want her to leave. He wanted to be with her, this person, this human, who knew the meanest side of him and still stayed. He never wanted to leave her side. He wished they could just stay like this forever.

It took him a while to recognize that feeling. By the time he knew what it was, Verity was already sleeping and Loki was about to join her.

It was affection.

Still holding hands, Loki finally closed his eyes and fell asleep next to his friend.

* * *

 

_Asgard_

Thor did not know he was dreaming.

He was in the Great Hall of the Asgardian Palace, celebrating Balder’s return to his family. The entire kingdom was joyous and congratulating the royal family for the return of the true prince of Asgard.

The _real_ Odinson. Thor’s _real_ brother.

Thor didn’t show it, but he felt a tiny ache in his chest every time someone congratulated him using those words. _Real_. _True_. Because Balder was his blood brother. The brother he should have had.

The hidden meaning behind those words was obvious. _The brother you had before was not your real brother._

That was when Thor saw him. Loki was staring at him, near the doors, looking at the party from the outside.

Immediately, Thor summoned Mjolnir and got ready for the Trickster’s furious attack. However, Loki did not attack, he didn’t even look angry. He simply stared at Thor, Odin, and Balder, his green eyes blank and hollow before he lowered his head and turned away from the party.

Thor lowered Mjolnir and watched as Loki disappeared into the dark corridor, dejected and defeated.

“Wait!”

Thor ran after Loki, but by the time he reached the corridors he couldn’t see him anywhere.

“Loki!” the Thunderer screamed, running down the dark halls, his chest feeling tighter and tighter. He couldn’t shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong. “Loki, where are you?”

Suddenly, Thor heard crying. He looked up and realized that he was in front of Loki’s room, whose door was slightly ajar. Incapable of stopping himself, Thor opened the door and walked inside.

The room was gone. All he could see was darkness and a blurry figure crying in front of him. Slowly, Thor walked towards the figure curling against the wall, crying and sobbing.

Even though he couldn’t see who it was or hear clearly, Thor knew it was Loki. He couldn’t explain how he knew it, but he was absolutely certain that it was him.

 “Stop crying, Loki,” Thor told him firmly, but Loki kept weeping, his body shaking with each sob.

_Mistake… Jotun runt… failure…_

“Stop crying!” Thor’s voice rose but to no avail. “You have no right to cry! Not after everything that you’ve done!”

_Stolen relic… fake son… alone…_

Thor would have preferred if Loki was mad or destroying something. He welcome the anger, it made everything easier. He wanted Loki to justify his anger and make him hate him again.

_Balder… real son… lies…_

“Balder is my brother, Loki. He’s my brother and he came back to us. I won’t let you lay a finger on him.”

_Real brother… home… fake one… gone…_

Loki’s blurry figure seemed to shrink in front of Thor’s eyes, his grief was overwhelming. Thor didn’t want this. He didn’t want to see Loki like this. He wished he would just attack him, it would hurt less than seeing him so broken, with his heart ripping apart in front of Thor’s eyes.

The feeling of sadness and guilt were too much to take.

“Loki… stop. Please, stop…”

_I wish I didn’t exist._

Thor’s blue eyes went wide as the saw Loki’s blurry figure crumbling in front of him.

“No!”

Thor ran towards the figure but when he reached him, it shattered in his hands.

“Loki!”

Thor woke up with a start, his heart racing in his chest as both Mjolnir and Gungnir materialized in his hands. Sweating and breathing erratically, Thor jumped from his bed and burst his door open, startling the guards outside his chambers.

“My King! We heard your cry! Is it Loki? Is the traitor back?”

Thor ignored them and ran towards Loki’s sealed room. With one swing of his hammer, the magic locks shattered and he entered the room.

He found it empty. A small layer of dust covered the floor. No one had been in that room for a long time.

“My Lord? Should we alert the castle?” a guard asked behind him.

“No… It was nothing. Just a feverish dream. All is well,” Thor told them.

As the guards bowed and returned to their duties, Thor slid to the ground and stared at the closed window. His chest felt tight, he could still hear Loki crying.

_No. Nothing is well._

In the darkness of Loki’s old room, a single tear ran down Thor’s face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to give a shout out to Mythtaken Identity whose beautiful fanfictions have inspired my take on Verity Willis, especially from her story "The Truth of the Matter". I hope you know how much your writing has inspired me.
> 
> I hope this chapter wasn't too sappy. I tend to make the endings cheesy... There is so much crying in this chapter.
> 
> Thank you guys so much for reading!


	11. I always feel like somebody's watching me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for all the support! You guys are the best.
> 
> Also, if you're a Norse Mythology purist, you may not like what I've done with some of the myths. Marvel can do it, so I guess I can too.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy.

_Is Sleipnir well? I hope no harm as come to him since my departure. You know that horse is a great asset and I know you would never hurt an innocent animal out of revenge, Thor. I will give you that._

_I truly wish I could visit him now. He meant so much to me and I left him out of shame. Does he remember me? Probably not…_

_I cannot seem to trust my own memories, Thor. Do you remember the banquet after defeating the Wall Builder? Did you notice how distressed I was or did you think they were treating me unfairly? Was that why you stood up for me?_

_I do not know anymore. My mind is twisted. I no longer know what to believe. There was a time, I truly thought you had thrown me out the Rainbow Bridge, while Odin watched resigned, maybe even glad to finally get rid of me._

_I know I let go. I know what I felt, but I cannot remember the details clearly. I all remember is wishing everything would disappear with me so it would stop hurting._

_I've met someone that made the hurt stop. I wonder what you would say if you met her. I think you would like her, but I really do not want her to meet you, she might like you better._

_You have many friends already._

* * *

It wasn't the first, second or even the third time America Chavez was dropped into a dimension she knew nothing about. Hell, she had fled her own utopian world at the age of nine and managed to survive just fine in a hostile, unknown world.

Admittedly, this particular time was different in many ways. First of all, she had never been physically changed during an inter-dimensional trip, least of all de-aged into a preteen. That had been quite a blow. Second of all, she couldn't travel back and that had been what unsettled her the most. No matter how much she kicked, she couldn't open a portal and leave this dimension, something that had never happened before. For the first time in her life, she was stuck in one place.

At first, she thought she had lost her powers along with her young adult body, but they still worked whenever she tried to cross this world's different dimensions. What she couldn't do, was make a portal and leave this universe, which only meant one thing. There were no more universes where she could go.

Whatever had happened when Earth-616 had crashed against another Earth had also destroyed the entire multiverse.

At that moment of realization, America had to admit she broke down. The multiverse was gone. All those infinite Earths and people, Earth-616, her friends… they were gone. They were all gone. Just like when her mothers had died to save her home world, America was all alone now. Everyone she had met was dead.

After the tears stopped, the now preteen girl pulled herself together and began to think. _Loki_ , he was the one who had pulled her out of Earth-616 and dropped her in this world, which had been miraculously spared by the Incursions and the end of all universes. After spending over six months breathing over his shoulder and making sure the little shit didn't pull one of his backstabbing schemes on the Young Avengers team, America had come to know his magic pretty damn well and would recognize it anywhere. Not even other Lokis from other Earths had the same magic. Oh, she was sure it had been Chico.

Which begged the question, why had he saved her? They weren't particularly close. In fact, they had been a pain in each other's respective asses. So why the fuck would he save _her_?

After he finally admitted that he was the one who had created the whole interdimensional parasite mess so he could steal Billy Kaplan's reality-warping powers, Chico had vanished like a damn coward. Months later, David told the team about his encounter with Loki during New Year's Eve, how he had paid for their party in a vain attempt to make up for what he had done and how he promised to never bother them again.

The team didn't believe him, not after what he had done, and they didn't accept his apology. Nevertheless, Chico kept his word. He never showed up again or tried to contact them. One day, Teddy told them that all his social media accounts had been abandoned. As time went by and their anger began to subside, Billy, Teddy or Kate casually asked if the other members had heard about Loki recently, but the answer was always negative. They usually dropped the conversation there or vaguely wondered what he was up to, even if they were still furious with him, it was obvious how they sort of missed the not so little bastard.

America had tried to keep tabs on him. As soon as she found out he was living in New York, the young Latina woman set out to find him, but Chico was as slippery as a snake. Whenever she found his apartment and spied him from afar, she would come back a few days later and both he and the apartment would be gone. She saw him once going to a restaurant with some girl with purple hair, glasses, and tattooed arms, looking very friendly with each other, but lost track of them again. As time went by and her hero duties became more important, she stopped looking for him, secretly hoping he was going straight this time. It seemed that her job as his " _parole officer"_ was done.

She never saw or heard from him again, until now.

Therefore, America did what she had to do. She got her act together and survived in that new Universe. It took her a while to recognize Earth-19999, they had spent less than a day in that world when they were looking for Speed and the fake Patriot. All she knew was that there were no Mutants in that world, many heroes didn't exist outside of the main Avengers, who had just started out, and that this Universe's Loki had tried to take over Earth with a Chitauri army and thus gotten his ass handed to him by the Hulk. Chico had only commented on his alternate self suit though, approving his choice of wardrobe. The little shit even took notes.

In the months that followed her arrival on Earth-19999, America managed to find a place to sleep, a few clothes and tried to suppress her sadness by keeping herself busy, but the thoughts and memories of the life she had, her friends, the prospect of finding a real home, meeting a nice girl, it all had to be put on the back of her mind. Feeling sorry for herself wasn't going to help her.

She adapted and survived, like she had before, learning everything she could about this Earth and trying to find answers as to why she was there and what she was going to do from now on.

Her waiting came to a stop, surprisingly, at a cybercafé. America was busy drinking a coke and eating a sandwich, thinking about how damn hot it was and how the hell she was going to sleep in that heat when she heard the singing notes of the news report on the television. A serious-faced reporter appeared on the screen, talking about a new incident in New York. A big portion of the Hudson had suddenly frozen, followed by the shocking appearance of a blue child that seemingly froze everything he touched. Several people had filmed the strange child with their phones and the videos were going viral on the internet.

America stared at the TV screen, listening to the reporters commenting how terrifying it was that even children were now turning into these strange creatures with powers and what that could mean for humankind when they finally showed one of the videos. The shaky cam showed a tiny blue kid running and bumping into a fat man, who started crying and yelling with pain from frostbite burns caused by the kid's skin. When the camera finally focused on the kid's face, America jumped from her seat and stared wide-eyed at the screen.

It was Loki, there was no mistaking it. She couldn't forget the face she had threatened to punch so many times.

America held her breath as she watched Loki shaking in the middle of the street, staring terrified at the screaming crowd around him before covering his Jotun face with his hands.

" _Don't look at me!"_ he yelled, running way from sight.

America forgot all about her food, walked towards one of the computers and watched the videos closely. They all had been uploaded nearly thirty minutes ago, so she couldn't waste much time. Fortunately, one of the videos caught the name of a tiny bakery in the street. America went to Google maps, found the bakery's address and left the cybercafé.

She tried to be as discreet as she could when she propelled herself from a tall building and flew towards the street, landing in a fire-escape. Like she thought, the street was filled with S.H.I.E.L.D. agents looking for the _'Inhuman boy'_ , so they could take him in before he hurt himself or anyone else. Silently, America thanked the lack of information about Frost Giants in this Universe.

Now, what was she going to do? Sure, this was a Loki, but he wasn't Chico. This one was even younger than he had been during their travels across the multiverse.

America had grown up meeting alternate versions of people she knew from various Earths. After spending so much time with the heroes from Earth-616, she had learned to tell them apart when she traveled to other dimensions. Sometimes, they were so similar that only a tiny gut feeling gave them away.

This Loki was not Chico. He wouldn't have turned into a Jotun or fled on foot, not even as panic-stricken as he was. This one was definitely Loki from Earth-19999, the well dressed, egomaniacal asshole.

Then why the hell did she get that tiny gut feeling?

Looking up, America saw something in the metal bars of the fire escape and touched it. To her surprise, she found a little bit of ice. Looking down, she saw that most of the fire-escape was wet and dripping even with the heat. She jumped to the alley and noticed the fallen trash bin near the metal stairs; the insides were still filled with melting ice.

Eyeing the agents, America picked up the trash bin, jumped to the roof and kicked it to the Hudson River. She then returned to the fire-escape and rubbed every ice that she found, hoping the hot summer sun would do the rest, and proceeded to the rooftops. It took her a while to find and dispose of the ice and puddles she found, but she finally reached an apartment building where ice footprints moved from the roof to the fire-escape. Unfortunately, she had taken too long and the metal was facing the bright sunlight. The stairs were already dry when she got there.

Cursing under her breath, America jumped to the building on the other side of the street and watched. It was an ordinary apartment building with small verandas filled with dry plants, outside air conditioners, and some open windows. Loki could have jumped from the fire-escape and continued on foot, trying to find a place to hide. Nevertheless, the streets were pretty busy, it would be near impossible for him to run without being seen.

America waited for a while until the sun went down and lights filled the apartment building in front of her. She was about to stand up and call it a night when she saw the birds.

"Bien… esto es interesante."

* * *

Loki awoke slowly from his slumber, memories from his dream still lingering in his mind. He felt a small foot brush against his own and someone holding his right hand. Opening his eyes, Loki saw a mess of red hairs in front of his face. As he looked down, he saw Verity's sleeping face leaning against his neck.

Verity. His Friend.

The words still felt strange to him, yet comforting and pleasant. Friendship was something Loki had never trusted before. The people that he called 'friends' in the past had never been _his_ friends. They had to put with him because of his connection with Thor and their loyalty and friendship were to him alone. Loki was not and would never be one of them. He wasn't even surprised when they quickly betrayed him once he was made King after Thor was banished. They cared nothing about him or his feelings. They didn't even congratulate him. In their eyes, Thor was the one that should have been sitting on that throne and Loki was nothing but a usurper. No, Loki wasn't surprised when they finally showed how they really felt about him, but he couldn't say that it didn't hurt after all those centuries they had spent together.

Loki squeezed Verity hand carefully (he still didn't know how fragile humans were and he didn't want to hurt her by accident), and put his chin on her head. He had someone who cared about him now and not because of Thor or because she wanted something from him. She had appreciated the best side of him and stayed despite the worst.

He wasn't alone, he had a _real_ friend.

"My friend…" he said quietly, the words still feeling foreign but soothing at the same time.

"What?" Verity mumbled, starting to move and rubbing her eyes.

"Sorry. Did I wake you?" Loki asked. He felt a bit embarrassed for speaking out loud, especially because he was being sincere.

"No. I was already half awake, we forgot to close the blinds," Verity sat on the bed and yawned. "How are you feeling, Loki?"

The little trickster also sat on the bed and stretched. "I'm feeling better, I guess. Way better than yesterday," he looked at Verity's face. "Thank you, Verity… for everything."

"It's okay. That's what friends do," she grabbed his hand. "I'm just glad you're feeling better."

Loki looked at their hands and bit his lower lip. Honest displays of affection were not in his nature, but he wanted to show her that he liked her too and how grateful he felt.

"I don't know how to thank you, uh… I think you kinda saved my life. So…" slowly, Loki moved closer to Verity and kissed her cheek. "Thank you for your kind and tender ways, my dear friend. I am forever in your debt."

Verity's eyes widened and her face blushed. She lowered her head. "I… uh, thanks…"

Loki felt his heart sink. "I messed up, didn't I? I made you uncomfortable. I'm sorry… I'm really bad at this. I, uh… It's an Asgardian way to show gratefulness to one's friend, but I never did one before. I just watched other people do it and I thought it would be alright since we're friends now and I wanted to show you that I… Never mind, I can't get it right, huh? I made it weird. Sorry. I'll… I'll shut up now."

_Smooth, Loki. Has your silver tongue really turn into lead?_

Verity shook her head and laughed.

"No! It was nice. I just wasn't expecting it. Here," the little girl pressed her lips on Loki's cheek and returned the kiss. "Now we're even. Thank you, my dear friend. You're really sweet!"

Feeling his own cheeks go red, Loki watched Verity jump from the bed and check her phone. No one had ever complimented him for being nice or sweet. Hel, he didn't think of himself as sweet. He was a prime example of bitterness.

"My mom sent me a asked if everything is okay," Verity explained. "We slept too long, Loki. It's almost eleven and we didn't…" Verity stopped talking and stared wide-eyed at the window. "Loki, look!"

Instinct and years of training made Loki immediately stand up and ready for battle, however, there was no enemy behind him. Instead, there was a black and white bird standing on his balcony, staring at them.

"It's a bird!" Verity pointed out, walking towards the window. As Loki joined her, two other identical birds landed on the metal bar. "Look, there's more!"

The two children watched in awe as more birds landed on the metal bar. In the end, there were seven birds, all staring directly at them.

"What kind of birds are they?" Verity asked, looking out the window at the impassive creatures. "They don't look like pigeons. I've never seen one of those before."

"They're magpies," Loki told her, both with their noses glued to the window. "But I don't think this is their usual habitat."

"So _that's_ a magpie. Maybe they flew from the zoo."

"Perhaps," Loki stared at the magpies, whose dark eyes seemed to stare right back at him. "They are behaving strangely, though."

"Hmm… maybe they're hungry. Can I open the window?"

Loki pondered. The birds were strange, but he couldn't sense any magic with them. If they attacked, he could easily dispose of them before they hurt Verity.

"Yes, but be careful, Verity."

Already summoning what little magic he had, Loki watched Verity open the window. One of the magpies flew inside the house and landed right in front of Loki, staring patiently at him, tilting its little head from time to time.

Verity moved closer, but the bird paid her no mind. "What do you think it wants?"

Loki shook his head. "I don't know. I wonder if they sense my magic. Someone animals are sensitive to it."

"Maybe it's waiting to see if you're going to attack it."

Still holding his magic in his hands, Loki glanced at the magpie and then Verity. "I'm going to drop my arm. If they attack, I want you to run."

Verity glared at him. "And leave you all by yourself?"

"I can defend myself against birds."

"So can I."

"Verity."

Obviously discontent, Verity ended up nodding and promised she would run. Tentatively, Loki stopped the flow of magic to his hands and dropped his arm.

The magpie didn't waste a second and flew directly to his shoulder, fixing its dark eyes on Loki, completely at ease like a trained animal. The other six magpies followed suit, landing on the Trickster's arms, shoulders and in front of him.

"Wow! They like you!" Verity exclaimed. "How are you doing this?"

Loki stared wide-eyed at the birds and his friend. "I… I don't know. I never summoned magpies before."

Verity tried to pat one of the magpies, but the bird recoiled and tried to bite her finger.

"Stop that!" Loki chastised the creature, which immediately stood still and faced Loki's green eyes. _She's a friend_ , Loki's thought. _You can go to her_.

Timidly, the magpie jumped from Loki's arm to Verity's hand, letting her pat it obediently, its eyes closed with content.

"They're cute. You're like a magpie whisperer," Verity said, pulling the magpie to her chest and continuing to pat it. "How are you making them do what you want?"

Loki sat on the ground and watched the remaining magpies land on his crossed legs. "I don't know. I think I might be using magic without meaning to. Plus, Midgard is a strange place… Nature reacts differently with us."

"What do you mean?"

"Thor could create thunder and storms without thinking, they just reacted to his moods. That's why humans called him the God of Thunder even before he had Mjolnir," Loki explained. He couldn't help feeling a familiar twinge of jealousy. "Compared to that, controlling magpies is very lame."

"I think it's cool. They're really cute!" Verity pated the magpie on Loki's right shoulder. "You can be the Magpie God."

Loki raised a skeptical eyebrow. "The Magpie God? That's not an apraiseworthy title."

"Well, humans get to chose what to call you gods, don't they? Besides, you already call yourself 'Ikol Magpie' in the library," Verity went on. "And, your username on Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram and Youtube is _ikolthemagpie_. Maybe that's why they came to you now. You're their god."

"I picked that name because my mother called me ' _little magpie'_ when I was a child… the first time around. It doesn't mean anything."

Verity smiled. "Well… I like it. I think it's cute. And you're a kid now too, so you can be a ' _little magpie'_ again."

Loki pouted. No matter how he looked at it, Magpie God still wasn't as good as Thunder God, then again, neither was God of Mischief and Lies or God of Evil.

"How about in Asgard?" Verity asked, changing the subject. "Did you control any animals there?"

"Snakes, mostly. I used magic to control them. Don't look at me like that! They were useful in battle. They could bite, poison and immobilize enemies if they were big enough."

Verity shuddered at the thought. "Eww… I like the magpies better. You never tried to use birds?"

"No. Birds were Odin's thing. He used crows to spy and deliver messages," thinking about it, Loki realized that wasn't a bad idea. He would need to learn how to enchant birds later.

"How about other animals? Did you have any pets?"

"I sort of had," Loki watched as one of the magpies jumped from his arm to his finger. "A few centuries ago, Asgard needed to fortify her walls against very powerful invaders, so Odin went to a famed builder to create them. However, the builder was greedy. He wanted most of Asgard's riches and the hand of one of the goddesses in marriage in return. The Allfather was desperate so he agreed, but the old man is cunning, so he placed a number of restrictions on the builder. He had to build the walls in three seasons and he couldn't receive help from no man. However, the builder brought a huge horse with him, named Svaðilfari, and the two of them worked faster than one hundred men combined. He was going to win the wager."

Verity placed the magpie on her lap and stared at Loki anxiously. "So? What happened next?"

Loki smiled at the memory. "I found a perfect mare and brought her to Svaðilfari. With the help of a little lust spell, the big stallion forgot all about his master and went after the mare. The builder was furious and he lost the bet. When Odin tried to make him leave, he attacked Asgard and Thor smashed his head into bits. Meanwhile, I went after Svaðilfari and the mare, because the horse could be a great asset. I never found him, though, all I found was the mare, already very pregnant with its offspring, so I waited until it was born. She gave birth to an eight-legged foal and died shortly after. The foal was weakened, but I brought him to Asgard anyway. No one wanted anything to do with him, they thought of him as a freak of nature that was going to die anyway, so I took care of him by myself. I named him Sleipnir. I fed him, I gave him baths, took him on walks… everything. When he started to grow stronger, smarter and faster than any of the other horses, I was bursting with pride. He was the best stallion Asgard had ever seen. So great, that I gave him to the Allfather to be his steed. He still rides him to this day."

Verity smiled. "Wow! Sleipnir seems amazing!"

"He is!" the boy beamed. "He's magnificent."

"You must miss him a lot, huh?"

Loki's smile died on his lips. "Yeah… Now that you mention it, I haven't visited him in a really long time."

Verity raised an eyebrow. "Why not?"

Loki shrugged.

"I guess because… I was mad when people started telling rumors about me and Sleipnir. They said that I had used my magic to turn into a mare and that _I_ was the one who got pregnant with Sleipnir. I couldn't leave my bedroom without hearing a _'Loki fancies horses'_ joke. It got worse whenever I went to see Sleipnir in the stables. People would say _'oh, there goes the proud mother visit her baby'_ or _'control yourself around those horses, Loki'_. Really disgusting shit. Eventually, I stopped visiting Sleipnir. It was the only way to shut them up."

Loki moved the magpies from his arms to his legs. Remembering Sleipnir and how much he had cared for him, made him wish he could visit him. He wondered if he still remembered him after all those centuries.

"That's horrible, Loki. I'm sorry," Verity told him sympathetically. "Those people were really mean."

"Yeah, they were. At least, I got even by spreading another rumor about Thor and his goats. It was easy. The oaf was naked and drunk. All I had to do was call his friends to see him sleeping in the middle of the goats. That was fun."

Verity's cheeks reddened and she glared disapprovingly at Loki. "That's horrible too! Why did you do that?"

"Why not? He deserved it!"

"Was Thor the one who started that rumor about you?"

Loki pressed his lips together like he had eaten something bitter.

"No, but he laughed with them! He made fun of me and treated me like I was lesser than him!"

Verity's glare grew, as it always did when she sensed a lie. "You're not telling the whole truth. That's not what really happened."

Loki looked away. He remembered listening to the Warriors Three talking about him, laughing about his _'intimate time with Svaðilfari'_ while he seethed with rage and embarrassment behind a pillar. When Thor showed up and they shared with him the ' _hilarious_ ' rumor, Loki shook with rage while his own brother laughed. He had saved Asgard by taking the horse away from the builder, but he was still regarded as a joke while the mighty Thor was hailed as a hero for smashing a man's head. It wasn't fair.

Later that day, they were having a feast in the palace and a Skald was telling the court various tales, including the one about the builder and his horse. Loki greeted his teeth as he listened to the court snickering and laughing when the Skald mentioned how he had _'taken care of the great horse'_. He hated them all so much he would have gladly killed them in that moment. That was when he felt Thor's strong hand on his shoulder and watched in awe, as his brother demanded that the Skald told the tale properly. Because it had been due to Loki's clever plan that the builder showed his true colors and was defeated and whoever laughed at that was not worthy to share a meal with them as an Asgardian.

"He laughed at me… once," Loki relented. "He told people to stop telling that rumor, but it didn't work. They still laughed and made jokes behind his back."

Verity nodded, finally satisfied with his honesty. "See? He tried to stop the rumor."

"He still laughed!"

"I know and that was wrong, but he tried to protect you later. That means something, doesn't it?"

Loki looked at the magpies in his lap staring at him as if also waiting for his answer. Did it mean something? He didn't know. It was a lot easier to remember his bad memories rather than the good ones. Usually, remembering made those memories felt worse than they had originally been, to the point that Loki wasn't exactly sure if what he remembered had actually happened that way or if his mind was twisting his memories into something worst.

"That doesn't matter now. Even with the rumor about the goats, Thor was still adored by everyone and they still made fun of me," the boy answered sullenly. "It's not fair. I tried so hard to make them like me, but it didn't work. Thor never had to anything! He just had to be… him."

Verity looked at him for a long time, pondering the truthiness of his words and what she could say to him in return.

"I think I understand. It's like if the most popular girl in school was also my sister," she told him. "I don't know how that's like, but I think I would feel bad too if Samantha Hutton was my sister and I had to go home with her. But, you said Thor was your closest friend too, so you really liked him too. He couldn't have been all bad."

"He was the worst! A bully and an oaf and… what? I'm not lying!"

Verity's glare grew, forcing Loki to shut up.

It was easy to remember how Thor had bullied him and disregarded his abilities or all the times he had told Loki to 'know his place'. Yet, no matter how much he hated him, Loki knew Thor never did anything out of cruelty. It just wasn't in his nature. Thor's anger burned brightly like thunder but vanished just as quickly. He could be an arrogant brute sometimes, but his heart was too big to hold a grudge for too long, unlike Loki.

"It's… complicated. Thor is an arrogant, self-righteous oaf. A brute that never respected any of my abilities and made me feel worthless. There were moments when I hated him so deeply I wished I could kill him. But…" he answered, surprised by his own honesty. He had never told anyone how he felt about Thor, not even Frigga and definitely not Odin. "But there were times when he was the most loving, caring brother in all the Nine Realms. He felt like the sun and I… I love him… I love him as much as I resent him. It drives me mad."

This time, Loki managed to stop the flow of his damn tears, but his eyes were still bright and red. He missed being able to control his emotions. He didn't know how he managed not to spend his whole adult life crying.

"Loki?" Verity asked after an uncomfortable moment of silence. "Why didn't you tell Thor how you felt?"

"I did, or at least I tried to. He wouldn't listen or understand what I was talking about. My imagined slights he would say…" Loki pated one of magpies in his lap. "Talking to Thor is a waste of time. It would like asking the sun to understand ice. Someone like him would never understand me. Besides, it's too late now. He hates me and were not even real brothers. Can we please so stop talking about him now? My head hurts."

Verity seemed to sense both truth and lie, but it was hard to decipher where one ended and the other began, so she remained silent and nodded thoughtfully. She understood it was a painful subject.

They remained in silence for a few awkward minutes, petting the magpies until Loki finally spoke again.

"There was also Fenrir."

Verity glanced at her friend. "What?"

"Fenrir. He was a Hel Wolf. I found him as a pup during a hunting trip and brought him home hidden under my vest," Loki went on, his mind already lost in memories. "I was really young and I thought I could keep him hidden in my bedroom, but the maids found out when he destroyed my bed, so I had to show him to Odin and Frigga."

"Did they let you keep him?"

"They didn't want to because Hel Wolves are renowned for being very dangerous and wild, but I told them that he was a good wolf and promised I would tame him so they gave him a chance," Loki smiled fondly. "They made me change his name, though.

"So? How did it go?" Verity asked.

Loki sighed and let the magpies bite his fingers, they reminded him of Fenrir a bit.

"Fenrir could not be tamed. He was too wild. He hated being indoors and attacked everyone except me. He wouldn't obey no matter how hard I tried and then… well, a bunch of soldiers decided that it was a good idea to see who was brave enough to put a hand inside his mouth," Loki shook his head. "General Tyr lost his hand because of that idiocy. They wanted to put him down, but I begged my parents not to. Odin ordered them to take Fenrir to the Dark Forest on Vanaheim and chain him there. I never saw him again. After that and Sleipnir, I never wanted another pet."

Loki reached out to the magpie on Verity's lap and rubbed its little head.

"If I knew they would send him away, I would have kept his original name. Odin and Frigga made me change it. Odin was so mad," Loki smiled both mischievously and longingly. "In the beginning, I called him Thori."

Loki laughed as he remembered Odin's outraged expression when he told him the puppy's name.

" _You're not naming a Hel Wolf after your brother!"_

Suddenly the magpies turned their head towards the open window and began cackling incessantly. Both Loki and Verity lifted their heads in time to see a preteen girl on the balcony, with one leg already inside the apartment.

Loki stood up immediately and raised his magic-filled hands towards the intruder, shielding Verity. On the other hand, the girl merely stared at him as she entered the bedroom.

"Found you," she said, smiling dangerously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter doesn't throw anyone off. Finally, America Chavez, interdimensional kicker of butt and frenemy of Loki from Earth-616 (comic book Loki), gets her own POV. I hope I captured her voice well. It's the first time I write her.
> 
> Yeah, I butchered the Builder and his Horse myth and Fenrir's myth to fit the story. I also shoved in a few elements from Journey into Mystery. Sorry canon!
> 
> Nevertheless, I hope you guys liked it. Feel free to tell me your thoughts! Every comment fills me with joy and let's me know if I'm doing a good job.
> 
> Until next time!
> 
> PS: Most of my titles are music lyrics!


	12. I don't know what to do, about this dream and you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! It's about to get a bit weird again, but hopefully not too weird.
> 
> As always, thank you guys for all of your wonderful support. It's great to know that my story worth your time.
> 
> Enjoy!

_Have you ever thought how your life would be like if Odin had never found me?_

_I think about it sometimes. If I had been born as a proper Jotun instead of a runt, how would my life be? I would be crown prince of Jotunheim. The heir to the throne of that frozen wasteland. Can you see me ruling Jotuns? As far as I can tell, I have nothing in common with them. They would probably revolt and kill me as soon as I rose to the throne._

_Unless maybe I would be completely different. I would be raised to be just like them. I would not care about books or seidr. I’d be bashing Asgardian heads with my giant fists and ice spears._

_By the Norms. It sounds so dull._

_One thing wouldn’t change, though. We would still be enemies, fighting until death._

_Odin must have laughed so hard when the bastard runt of his hated enemy failed time and time again against his golden son. Stupid little Jotun, thinking he ever had a chance._

_I hate him, Thor. I wish he had crushed my head under his boot in that temple._

_I looked up to him. I looked up to him more than anybody else and all I was to him was a sick joke._

* * *

 

_New York_

Green magic flickered on Loki’s fingertips as he faced the tanned girl entering his bedroom. The magpies continued their incessant screeching while Verity stared behind his shoulder, as confused and surprised as he was.

“Who are you?” Loki asked.

The girl’s smiled widened. It wasn’t a pleasant smile. It was the kind of smile that meant something painful was coming his way. He had earned plenty of those from Sif.

“Nice place you have here,” she told him, looking around with that unnerving grin. “Who would have thought that you would choose New York after that fiasco of an invasion? I’d expected you to hide better, Loki.”

Loki’s back stiffened. This girl knew who he was. How in Midgard’s name did she know who was when he looked like _this_? How had she found out? His heart fell to his stomach. He had been seen running away in Jotun form. People had caught him on camera yesterday. His face was probably all over the internet by now.

However, no one in Midgard knew his child face. If someone found out, the Avengers, S.H.I.E.L.D. or even Thor and his lackeys would already be here, tearing him apart. Not some unknown Midgardiangirl that he could punch into a wall.

The little trickster stared at the intruder. She wasn’t particularly tall or muscled, just your average looking pre-teen, he guessed. Her clothes were dirty and cheap (it looked like an American flag had thrown up on her with all those stars and red stripes). She had ketchup and oil stains on her shirt and shorts. Her tennis shoes were filthy too and standing right on top of his bedroom’s carpet and… was that a piece of gum on her shoes? Oh, by the Norns. It was.

It didn’t matter how she had found out about his identity. She was just some stupid Midgardian out for vengeance who thought she actually had a chance against him. One blast of his magic and she would blow into smithereens, all he would have to do was to vacuum her ashes. He would have to shield Verity from the horrificsight thoughh, he didn’t want to murder someone in front of his new friend, but he had no choice. If he wanted to remain hidden, he would need to dispose of this girl.

It was her fault. She was the one who was dumb enough to think she could take him on. She should have just left him alone.

Loki tried to smile, show his confidence and superiority as a warrior, but his muscles wouldn’t work. He should be calm and self-assured, but that he was not.

Loki’s muscles remained tense, his whole body ready for an intense battle. No matter how much he told his body to relax, every fiber of his being was telling him to be very careful, that this girl was dangerous.

It made no sense. Why was he wary of this unknown girl? Why did he feel that she could punch his head out?

“Who are you?” Loki asked again. “Reveal your intentions!”

The girl tilted her head slightly as if she was studying Loki’s face. Something crossed her eyes for a second before they grew dark and menacing.

“My _intentions_ are to kick your sorry ass and drop you at the Avengers’ footstep so they can deal with you,” she told him bluntly, clenching her fists. “Whether you end up there with all your teeth intact depends on how much you piss me off.”

Loki realized that his hands were trembling. He willed them still, but he still felt an irrational fear of this girl. He had to calm down and think. There was no need for alarm. He was being foolish.

“Big words, mortal, but I do not take heed of empty threats,” he answered her with a sneer.

Suddenly, the little trickster felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Loki…” Verity moved closer. “She’s serious. She meant what she said.”

Loki glanced at Verity, meeting her frightened blue eyes. When he stared back at the girl, he felt his blood boil when he realized she was looking at her as well.

“Avert your eyes from her, wench!” he snarled, shielding Verity as much as he could with his small body, to no avail. The girl was now focused on Verity.

“Kid, whatever he told you is nothing but a lie or a scheme. _Believe me_ ,” the girl told Verity coldly, her stony gaze crossing briefly with Loki’s angry one. “Be smart and get the hell away from him.”

Loki’s rage towards the girl grew, as well as his fear. She was now trying to turn Verity against him, just when they had finally become friends.

However, the little girl faced the older teen and didn’t move away from Loki.

“He’s not lying to me and I’m not going anywhere,” Verity told her. “We’re friends.”

Loki felt such a strong rush of affection towards Verity, that it almost brought tears to his eyes (again). On the other hand, the Hispanic girl let out a dismissive huff, her brown eyes angry.

“He wouldn’t know what friendship is if it slapped him across the face. Trust me, kid. That guy is a lying, selfish, back-stabbing asshole who doesn’t care about anyone but himself,” the girl glared at Loki, practically spitting the words. “He’s just using you, like he uses everyone else. Nothing good comes from being friends with _him_.”

“Shut up!” Loki snapped, green magic growing brighter around him. He felt his stomach turn with anxiousness with each insult, for he knew it to be true. Still, he was not going to let a mere mortal demean him. It took him a second to remember that Verity was also a mortal, but she was different so it didn’t count.“Who the Hel do you think you are? What do you know about me?”

The girl sneered. “I know enough, you little shit. Come here, kid. I’ll take you home after dealing with this prick. I won’t let him hurt you.”

Slowly, Loki glanced at Verity, trying his hardest to stop his lower lip from trembling. Verity didn’t think he would actually hurt her, did she? Not after everything they went through yesterday. She wasn’t going to listen to this girl, was she?

 _I’m not using you! Not anymore… At first, I thought your powers could be useful, but I don’t care about that now. I didn’t think we could be friends_ , Loki thought desperately, not daring to put them into words.

Verity walked two steps in front of Loki, making his hollow heart twinge.

“Verity?” he asked pathetically, staring at her back.

She _had_ listened to the Hispanic girls warning and decided to leave. She didn’t want to be his friend anymore. It wasn’t fair. He finally found a friend only for her to be taken away. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair.

_Everyone leaves you, Loki._

“I don’t believe you,” Verity told the girl, crossing her tiny arms against her chest.

Both Loki and the girl stared at the red-head with wide eyes.

“I’m not lying, kid. That psycho doesn’t give a damn about you. He’s going to get rid of you when you’re not useful anymore.”

“No, I’m not!” Loki cried back, waiting anxiously for Verity’s answer.

Verity walked closer to the older, bigger girl and opened her tiny arms. Loki chest tightened. She was shielding _him_.

“I know you’re not lying, but I don’t believe you,” Verity answered. “Loki is my friend and I’m not going to leave just because you said so. I get to pick my friends and I pick him. And stop being mean to him and calling him names! You’re the one who’s being an asshole and you’re not taking him to the Avengers. I won’t let you!”

The girl seemed completely taken aback by Verity’s words, her mouth and eyes wide open. That awe was short-lived, however, as she grabbed Verity by the arm and pulled her away.

“Sorry, kid. It’s for your own good.”

Verity fell to the ground as the girl lounged against Loki and kicked him against the bedroom’s wall. Even though he couldn’t explain it, Loki’s body was ready for the impact of her super-strong leg as he successfully protected his face, though he hit the wall with his back, opening a big crack.

“Loki!” Verity cried, while the magpies cackled around them.

Loki fell on the ground, barely noticing that the cracked wall was reforming itself until it vanished completely, leaving no trace of the impact. The girl went after him again, this time with her fists. Her punch landed where Loki’s head had been less than a second ago, leaving a big crater that shook the walls before they too magically reformed themselves again.

 _Super-strength. She has super-strength, just like the Captain,_ Loki thought, already moving away from another punch. _Why was I already expecting it? It makes no sense._

Loki didn’t have time to ponder on these baffling thoughts as he heard Verity screaming from the top of her lungs for the girl to stop.

“Stop! Stop, please!” the little girl yelled, her face pale and scared. The magpies’ cackling stopped as they fled through the window.

Loki grabbed the pre-teen and blasted her towards the empty bedroom, proceeding to kick her in the stomach. Unfortunately, the girl blocked his kick, grabbed his leg and tossed him across the room, breaking the walls, the floor and shattering the windows. Loki cried with pain as his ribs cracked and grabbed a full hand of her dark hair.

“Ow! _Hijo de puta!_ Let go!” she screamed, grabbing his hand but not before he ripped a few hairs out.

Still yelling with both pain and anger, the girl kneed Loki in the chest, forcing him to let go of her hair. He gasped for air as both his lungs and heart seemed to stop working for a few seconds.

“Stop it! Stop fighting! Please!” Verity kept screaming, ignored by both of them.

While the girl touched her head, Loki took that opportunity to jump right at her back and dig his nails into her flesh, scratching until she bled. They were both fighting like savages. Loki had a black eye and bruises all over his body, while the girl was now missing a chunk of her curly hair and had scratches all over her arms.

The girl yelled and threw herself against the wall, forcing Loki to let go and fall on the ground.

With his whole body throbbing with pain, Loki looked up just in time to see the girl turn around and raising her arm for a powerful punch aimed at his face. As he braced himself for the pain, a small figure jumped in front of him with her arms wide open, her red hair waving wildly.

Verity.

_No!_

Both Loki and the girl’s face paled with horror, but there was no way the girl could stop the punch now. She was going to hit Verity’s head.

Later, Loki would think back at this moment and try to understand what had happened, along with the many strange occurrences of this strange day.

Without thinking, he reached out and grabbed Verity’s arm. All he could think of was that he needed to get them out of there by any means necessary. They needed to disappear from there _right now_.

His whole body flickered with magic as he quickly enveloped himself and Verity with it. His mind filled with thoughts of being away from there, his voice in complete control as he yelled a spell he had only read about from books but never tried due to its complexity and risks.

“ _Elsewhere!_ ”

Both Loki and Verity’s bodies glowed green before they disappeared from the spare bedroom, right as the girl’s punch landed on the wall and broke it in half.

Loki felt himself flying before he landed on hot cement and felt the smelly, summer air of New York in his face. Suddenly, his head was spinning and every cell in his body was screaming in agony as if he was burning. He had spent all of his magic reserves and more to use the teleportation spell.

He didn’t know what had come over him to use such a hard spell. There were so many risks involving teleportation that most sorcerers didn’t even try it. It required too much magic, leaving the magic user too tired to fight afterwards, especially if he teleported himself and other people. Also, it could have dire consequences as the tiniest error could lead to someone losing a limb, a head or half of their bodies between walls.

“Verity…” Loki tried to stand up but he was too dizzy to even lift his head. “Verity… are you…?”

Before he could think about Verity’s ripped body, his friend appeared in front of his face, shaken but apparently unharmed.

“Thank… the Norms…” he whispered, breathing heavily.

“Loki, what happened? What did you do?” Verity asked, looking around. “We’re on the roof of the building across the street!”

 _No. It’s not far enough,_ he thought. _She’ll get us. We need to get away._

Right on cue, the girl landed right in front of them, her body against the sun. Loki couldn’t see her face.

Verity quickly jumped in front of her friend, shielding him again from…

_…nearly indestructible superwoman who can throw tanks to the moon!_

_Huh? Where did that come from?_

“Verity… don’t…” Loki tried to speak, to tell Verity to run, but his headache was getting worse, it was hard enough to keep his eyes open.

“Get away from us!” Verity shrieked, shaking before the powerful girl but refusing to budge an inch.

 _You truly have a brave heart, Verity,_ Loki eyelids began to close as he stared at Verity and the girl’s blurred figures. _This girl… why do I know this girl? What’s her name? It’s right on the tip of my tongue…_

The girl moved closer. Loki could see her expression was less angry than before, but he was fighting a losing battle. He could not keep his eyes open any longer.

“Damnit, Chavez…” he whispered almost inaudibly, his lips apparently moving on their own.

The girl stopped dead in her tracks as Loki finally closed his eyes and everything vanished into the darkness.

* * *

 

Verity turned around just as Loki lost consciousness and quickly kneeled beside him. His face was pale, almost grayish, there were dark circles around his eyes and his skin was clammy with cold sweat.

“Loki!” she yelled, shaking him to no avail, he wouldn’t wake up. “Loki, what’s wrong?”

Verity noticed that he was still breathing, but she was still very scared. He looked sicker than yesterday and she had no idea what to do. What if he was really hurt this time? What if he was sick and dying? What was she going to do? Call 911? Call her mom and take him to the hospital? Call Thor? Would he even come?

“Kid.”

Verity felt a shiver down her spine as she remembered the super strong girl that was still behind her. Quickly, she jumped over Loki and faced the older girl.

“Go away and leave us alone!” her voice cracked and tears brimmed in her eyes. She knew she couldn’t stop her from taking Loki, but she couldn’t let her take her friend to the Avengers. They didn’t know he wasn’t a bad guy anymore and they would never believe her if she tried to explain. “I’m not letting you take him!”

The girl’s face softened as she inhaled deeply, her brown eyes fixed on Loki’s unconscious form.

“I’m not going to take him.”

Verity blinked twice. She didn’t have to question the girl’s words, she knew she was telling the truth, even though it made no sense.

“You said you were going to drop him off at the Avengers,” Verity said.

The girl shrugged. “I’ve changed my mind.”

Verity blue eyes grew wide.

“How did you change your mind? You were beating him up a second ago and you meant every word that you said!”

The girl raised an eyebrow doubtfully. “How did you know that I meant what I said?”

Verity grabbed Loki’s hand. It was cold and sweaty. Was he turning into a Frost Giant again? He didn’t look blue, so maybe not.

“I always know when people lie or tell the truth. I don’t know how. I just do,” she explained. “No one can lie to me.”

The girl looked at both Verity and Loki with a surprised expression on her face. “So… you’re like a human lie-detector?”

“Yeah.”

“And you hang out with _him?_ ” the girl shook her head towards Loki’s direction. “You do know that he’s called the God of Lies, don’t you?”

Verity pouted. She didn’t expect her to understand. No one would understand, really.

“He doesn’t lie to me. At least he tries to tell the truth when I’m around. He’s the only one who does that, and I know when he’s not lying and when he’s sorry. He’s not as bad as everyone says.”

The girl squinted her eyes and stared at Verity as if she was seeing her for the first time.

“What’s your name, kid?” she asked.

Verity wondered if she should stay quiet, but she really didn’t want to make this girl angrier. She could change her mind again and decide to take Loki away after all.

“Verity.”

The girl raised her eyebrows.

“Oh! So that’s who you are,” she finally said and then whispered to herself something about purple hair and tattoos.

“What?” Verity asked.

“Nothing. Forget I said anything, princesita,” she looked at Loki again for a long time and sighed before walking towards them.

“What are you doing?!” Verity shrieked, grabbing the girl’s much stronger hand when she kneeled down and grabbed Loki by his shirt. “Let him go!”

“We can’t stay here forever,” the girl unceremoniously threw Loki over her shoulder and grabbed a struggling Verity with her other arm.

“What are you doing?”

Not bothering to answer, the girl jumped towards Loki’s veranda and landed perfectly near his window. It was so quick that Verity didn’t even have time to scream.

“We… we jumped over the street…” Verity muttered, staring dumbly at the busy street below them.

“If you’re gonna hang out with him you need to get used to this kind of stuff, princesita,” the girl answered, walking inside Loki’s apartment with its owner still unconscious on her shoulder.

Still in awe, Verity followed her from Loki’s bedroom and down the hall to the living room, where she dropped Loki on the couch like a potato sack. The red haired little girl moved closer to her friend, checking his temperature with her hand on his sweaty forehead like her mom usually did when she had a fever. She suddenly felt really sad for Loki. He shouldn’t be living on his own, he needed his mom to look after him.

“He’s cold and he’s really pale,” she turned to the unfazed girl. “We have to call a doctor or something!”

“A doctor can’t do anything for him,” the girl shrugged.

“But we have to do something. He’s really sick! He could die!”

The girl shook her head. “He’s just tired. That teleportation spell drained all his magic because he’s weak as fuck now. A few hours of sleep and a good meal and he’ll be as good as new. Wait here.”

Verity watched as the girl made herself at home and went straight to Loki’s kitchen. After opening his cabinets, she finally settled for a bag of chips and a fresh coke from his fridge.

“Are you eating his food?” Verity asked, still surprised with the girl’s ease.

“He owns me more than a meal,” the girl answered from the kitchen.

Still holding her food, the girl came back to the living room and tossed a bag of frozen peas at Verity’s hands.

“Put that on his head, it’ll help,” she said simply, sitting down on the smaller couch in front of them and eating chips.

Still wary, Verity did what she was told. The only reason she wasn’t screaming was because everything the mysterious girl had told her yet was true, including the part about Loki only being tired from using his teleportation spell. Still, Verity didn’t understand why the girl had changed her mind so quickly. Loki didn’t do anything besides teleporting them out of the apartment and whispering a Spanish sounding name (was it Spanish? She wasn’t sure). Also, how come this girl knew about Loki at all? He wasn’t lying when he asked who she was. He didn’t know her.

“So… do you know, Loki?” she asked meekly, feeling stupid immediately after. Off course she knew Loki. She knew who he was and she had come to his home to pick a fight.

If the girl thought her question was dumb, she didn’t show it. She just kept sipping on her coke slowly and staring at Loki’s sleeping face with the same inscrutable expression.

“Yes, I know him,” she said mysteriously. “I’ve known him for a while now.”

Verity sensed the sincerity from her words so she decided to push a little further.

“From the Battle of New York? Is that why you came here to beat him up?”

The girl put down her coke. “It’s one of the reasons. He’s a dangerous, egotistical asshole with a chip on his shoulder. I can’t just let him roam free.”

“He’s not gonna do it again, you know? He told me,” Verity told her defensively, slightly moving the bag of frozen peas over Loki’s forehead. “He said he doesn’t want to rule the Earth anymore.”

“For now,” the girl answered sternly. “He’s a God. They live pretty long lives, so it’s easy for them to change their minds. Especially him. He’s freaking unreliable.”

“How do you know so much about him? He doesn’t know you, he wasn’t lying about that, but you talk like you know him and you hate him.”

“I don’t hate him,” the girl continued eating her chips. “It’s a long story, princesita, and I’m not planning on telling you today. Question time is over for now.”

Verity stood up, fortunately, the bag didn’t fall off Loki’s head. “What? But you didn’t tell me anything!”

“I’ve told you enough.”

“I don’t know what you want. I don’t even know your name!”

“America.”

“Huh?”

“My name is America,” the girl crushed the empty bag into a ball. “America Chavez.”

Verity’s mouth opened slightly. She remembered Loki’s mumbling in the roof and the Spanish sounding name.

“He said your name,” Verity said slowly, facing the girl. America. “Before he fainted he said your name.”

America leaned against the couch and glanced at Loki again.

“Does he know you?” Verity asked, confused.

America didn’t answer, she just stared at Loki. The red haired girl was about to ask something else when the Hispanic girl sat straighter on the couch.

“He knows me. Or at least a part of him knows me,” she finally said, almost melancholically. She smiled a little. “I knew he was going to survive somehow. Sneaky little bastard.”

Verity could only stare at her confusedly when she felt Loki moving behind her. Quickly, she turned around and watched as her friend groaned and tried to open his eyes with obvious discomfort.

“Loki?”

The little god squinted, his eyes were bloodshot red (not Jotun red, he looked as if he had been crying) and there were dark circles around them. He seemed awfully tired.

“Verity?” he touched his head and grimaced. “What did I…? Where…?”

“You passed out, but you’re home now. You can rest.”

Loki put down his arm and stared at Verity until he caught a glance of America sitting lazily on his couch. His green eyes went wide open with sudden fear.

“ _You!_ What are still doing here?” he shrieked, trying and failing to stand up. The bag of peas fell on the carpet.

America leaned against the couch, smiling broadly with a hint of danger behind her chocolate eyes.

“Hello, Chico.”

* * *

 

_Asgard_

Thor grabbed Mjolnir’s handle as he walked past the Einherjar guarding Odin’s personal study. He didn’t bring Gungnir, as it usually materialized in his hand whenever he needed, one of the many things that his father did not approve of his behavior as king, although lately, Odin had barely spent any time with Thor to complain or advise him about anything.

Ever since the announcement, Odin would not leave Balder’s side. He accompanied his long lost son everywhere around Asgard, picking him up early in the morning from his brand new chambers, sitting beside him on every meal, showing him off to everyone he met and telling him about the history of every statue and garden in the Realm and every bit of history about their family. Trying to talk to his father privately seemed almost impossible now.

Thor understood his father’s enthusiasm to spend every waking moment with the son he had been forced to give up. Now he realized why his parents always seemed so anxious to be around Balder when they went to visit him on Vanaheim.

Unlike Loki, Balder had always known who his birth parents were and he always looked glad to accompany them during their visits. He still seemed happy to be with Odin nowadays, which made Thor question if he had imagined the pained look on his face whenever he called Odin _‘Father’_ or the fact that his smile never really reached his eyes.

It was probably nothing. Balder surely missed Vanaheim, Uncle Frey, and Aunt Gerd, but he would get used to living in Asgard soon. He could also visit their aunt and uncle anytime he wanted.

Still, Thor wondered if they were going too fast by trying to place Balder in their family as if he never left. Maybe he needed some time to collect his thoughts and Odin wasn’t giving him any.

 _‘He needs personal space’_ , as Jane put it _. ‘Poor Balder must be very overwhelmed’_.

Odin had finally left Balder, but only so he could go to his study and bring him all his journals about their family’s more personal history. It was the only chance Thor had to speak to him alone.

Thor knocked on the wooden door. “It’s me, Father.”

“Thor. Come in, my son.”

Thor entered his father’s personal study and closed the heavy door behind him. He felt like a child again. The study was smaller than the King’s study, but it was far more comfortable with cozy chairs, a warm fire in the fireplace and several plants his mother had collected over the years. When they were children, Thor and Loki loved sneaking into this study and try to peak at Odin’s magically closed books and treasures, especially Odin’s journals regarding his two children. Thor’s red leathered journals were neatly placed on the right bookcase while Loki’s green ones were on the left one. Loki tried every spell he knew to open his journals and read what Odin had written about him, but he never succeeded, not even he could break Odin’s blood magic.

“Just in time, Thor,” Odin told his eldest son, while holding a few books. “I just going to show your brother a few journals about our family’s greatest battles and feats. Come and join us. I’m sure your duties can wait for a few hours.”

Thor had never heard his father telling him to take a break from his duties. Odin was truly happy with Balder’s presence in Asgard. His smile was big and honest, his blue eyes filled with love and joy. Which was why it pained Thor to ruin his happy mood.

“I need to speak you, Father,” Thor told the former king. “It’s an important matter.”

Odin frowned. “Surely it can wait. Your brother is waiting and I am sure he would love for you to spend some time with him.”

“Father, I already spent the entire morning with Balder.”

“Your mind was elsewhere, Thor. You barely listened to our conversation.”

Thor sighed. True, he had not been able to stop thinking about his vision and he was unsure if he should tell his father about it. In the end, Thor decided he could not keep this secret to himself any longer and there was no one else he could take about it aside from his father.

“Your brother is very eager to know you, Thor,” Odin went on, putting down the journals on his desk. “There is no bond like a brother’s bond and that damned cursed prevented you from building that bond with your brother. We must make for all that lost time.”

Thor noticed how Odin constantly referred to Balder as his brother as if he could forget it the moment he left the room.

“I will gladly spend time with my brother, Father. However, do you not think that maybe we should give him some time to himself?” Thor said carefully. “We barely left him alone since the announcement.”

“What are you talking about, Thor?” Odin asked angrily, his voice already rising. “He needs to spend time with his true family. He wants it. Why in the Nine Realms would he need time alone?”

Thor felt the urge to pinch his nose. He really didn’t want a shouting match with his father.

“I just thought it could be a good idea to give him some… personal space.”

Odin’s nostrils flared as he strode towards his son.

“What nonsense are you talking about? _Space?_ He does not need space,” the All-Father screamed in Thor’s face, his eyes bright like fire. “He was away from us for over a thousand years. _My_ son was taken from me and there was nothing I could do to bring him back. Now he’s right where he belongs. His family. There will be no _space_ between us anymore!”

Thor closed his eyes, wracked with guilt. His father had clearly been hurt with Balder’s loss, he shouldn’t have said anything.

“I am sorry, Father. I…” Thor spoke midsentence as his eyes saw the bookcase right behind Odin.

There were hundreds of blue leathered journals in the shelves, all with Balder’s name written with shining, golden letters in the spine. Odin had obviously kept journals of Balder despite his absence, but that wasn’t what shocked Thor speechless.

The God of Thunder moved towards the bookcase, feeling his heart fall to the ground. Loki’s journals had vanished and Balder’s had taken their place in the bookcase.

“Thor…” Odin muttered, his anger now gone as he realized what his eldest son had seen.

“Loki’s journals… are gone,” Thor turned towards his father, still in disbelief. “Where are they? What have you done with them?”

Odin faced his son, his back straighter.

“They are locked in the Tower with everything else,” Odin answered, defensive and coldly. “They have no place here anymore.”

Thor felt a pang in his chest. Despite all his contradicting feelings towards Loki, this felt… wrong.

“You did not have to place Balder’s journals in Loki’s bookcase.”

“The bookcase was empty.”

“You could have gotten a new one. You didn’t have to replace Loki’s journals with Balder’s as if… as if you were replacing him! It’s… cruel.”

“Cruel?! Loki betrayed us, Thor! He attacked us, disgraced us in his mad quest for power. _He_ is the cruel one,” Odin yelled back. “A selfish, cruel, ungrateful boy! He was the one who abandoned us, not the other way around, or have you forgotten all of his heinous crimes?”

Thor closed his eyes. He could still feel his father’s gaze, hot and angry. When the All-Father furiously picked the journals and was ready to leave the study, he finally spoke.

“I saw Loki.”

Odin stopped and slowly turned around.

“I saw Loki last night in a dream or vision. I cannot explain it, but I know it to be real.”

Odin placed the journals over the desk again. His face was completely blank.

“Gungnir yields the power of foresight to the ruler of Asgard and also the power of sight over actions related to extreme emotional stress of members of the royal family,” Odin explained blandly as if he was giving Thor a lecture rather than talking about his missing, estranged son. “What have you seen?”

Thor thought about Loki standing outside, staring at their feast and then the blurry figure inside his room. He didn’t understand those visions. He wished Gungnir would give him a clear vision of Loki instead of metaphorical dreams.

“He saw Balder’s announcement,” Thor answered, it was one of the few things he could say for certain.

Odin nodded, crossing his arms over his chest. “You must be relieved them. That means he is not on Midgard.”

Every realm had shown the announcement except for Midgard. Thor had to admit he felt relieved about that. He did not want Loki anywhere near Midgard or his friends again.

 “Did you see where he was?”

Thor shook his head. “No.”

“No clue about his whereabouts? Think harder, Thor. This is important.”

“I am thinking about it. I have analyzed every detail about the vision,” Thor answered. “I have no idea where he is.”

Odin sighed. “What about his next move?”

“I have no idea about it either.”

Thor felt disappointed with himself. He wasn’t able to get any useful information out of his vision. He wondered if Gungnir was not working properly with him or if his mind could not interpret the visions correctly. Maybe Loki’s power to shield himself from Heimdal’s sight also worked on Gungnir.

“We must increase our security at once. Loki is probably plotting his next move against Asgard,” Odin told Thor hardheartedly. “We cannot let him breach our defenses. He will want revenge against Balder. We must protect him at all costs.”

Thor lowered his head, thinking about the Loki in his vision.

“What is it?” Odin asked, confused by Thor’s lack of fervor.

“I do not think he poses a threat to Asgard or Balder. At least not for now.”

 The All-Father frowned disapprovingly. “You are letting your emotions cloud your judgment again, my son. Loki is jealous, vindictive. He will try to harm your brother as soon as he has the chance. He must be stopped before he brings more death to our Realm.”

Thor raised his head, his hand gripping Mjolnir’s handle. He remembered Loki’s expression when he stared at the family he was no longer part off, the way he curled against the wall in the dark, breaking into pieces. He did not look like a murderer plotting his revenge. He looked like he was at the end of his rope.

“You truly have given up on him.”

Odin lifted his bearded chin. “He gave me no choice.”

Thor glanced once more towards the bookcases. The missing green journals pained him. There was nothing left from Loki in that study anymore, as if he never existed as if he had never been his brother or Odin’s son.

“I will increase security, but my opinion has not changed, Father,” Thor started walking towards the door. “I still do not think Loki will attack us for now.”

Thor walked past his father and reached out for the door knob.

“How was he?”

The God of Thunder turned around. Odin’s face revealed nothing, but his voice no longer held any anger.

“How did he take the announcement?” Odin asked again.

Thor stared at his father for a few seconds. Their identical blue eyes locked on each other.

“He was… resigned. Beaten,” Thor inhaled slowly. “He was crying.”

Odin nodded and placed at hand on his desk, dismissing Thor with a headshake. When Thor left the study and closed the door behind him, Odin’s legs began to shake and he held to his desk to steady himself.

After waiting for a few seconds, Odin closed the door and walked slowly towards one of his oldest bookcases before pressing the eye of the carved wooden raven. The bookcase slid open revealing a secret compartment behind it, filled with green leathered journals.

Slowly, Odin ran his finger on the book spines before picking one of the older ones and opening it. His old blue eyes brimmed with tears as the old man slid to the ground and dropped the journal on his lap.

Odin buried his face in his hands and cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, America changed her mind. I hope it wasn't too confusing, but I wanted to keep her motives mysterious to Verity, though you guys might already know why she stopped.
> 
> As for the Asgardian family, it seems like no one is happy. Odin wants Balder to be his adult son so badly that he might be missing a few hints about his true feelings. He's just like Loki, when something hurts him, he lashes out and pushes it away. Thor is getting more mature though.
> 
> I hope you like the chapter.


	13. Let it go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Like always, I'd like to thank all of you for reading this. I seriously hope you guys like this new chapter. I'm not really sure I liked it and it was harder for me to write than usual. Sorry if the plot is moving at a snails pace.
> 
> Any way, I hope you like the end result.

_I wasn't the only one who changed, Thor._ _I no longer know who you are anymore._

_I admit that you've changed for the better and the worst part is, you did it all because of me. You were not ready to become King back then, but no one else could see that. I don't understand what Odin was thinking. You clearly weren't ready to rule. All you thought was to battle. How could you rule during peace time?_

_If hadn't stopped the coronation, you would never have become the hero you are today._ _I shot my own foot with my schemes and treachery. I should have stayed put and done nothing._

_Look at you now. The son your father always wanted you to become. And me... what am I?_

_Even if you forgave me, I can't give you what you want, Thor. I'm not the brother you remember anymore. I can't go back to that. It's not who I am._

_Maybe, this is for the best. We were always meant to be enemies. You're already a hero. You don't need your villain anymore._

_That story is over. You won. I'm done._

_I'm so tired, brother. I'm so, so tired._

* * *

 

In the following hours after Loki woke up, nauseous and with a throbbing headache that felt like tiny spears stabbing his brain, he watched dumbfounded as his attacker made herself at home, sitting on _his_ couch, eating _his_ food.

“She said she’s not going to take you to the Avengers,” Verity told him while holding a bag of frozen peas over his aching head.

“And I’m supposed to believe the words of the violent brute that broke into my house?”

The girl raised an eyebrow and glared at him dangerously. “Watch it, Chico. I’ll aim for your mouth next time.”

Loki reciprocated the glare but kept his mouth shut. She could easily break all his teeth.

“She wasn’t lying, Loki,” Verity said. “I would know.”

Loki glanced at his friend and nodded. She was right. The girl couldn’t lie to Verity, but she could withhold information. Maybe she wasn’t going to take him to the Avengers, but she could be planning to torture and murder him and, as tired as he was, he wouldn’t be able to stop her.

“Do you know her, Loki?”

His friend’s sudden question brought Loki back from his dark thoughts. “What? No. I have never seen her before in my life.”

Verity just stared at him, not glaring because he wasn’t lying, but she did seem confused.

“Are you sure?”

Loki stared at the girl again. Because they had very long life spans, Asgardian memories were not very reliable (same with Vanir and Jotuns he assumed). That was why Asgard’s libraries were filled with so many journals, they needed to write down what happened or else they would forget very important details after a century or two. Loki himself was over one thousand years old. He had met millions of people whose memories were not important enough for him to keep. It was possible that he had met this girl, but he seriously doubted it. She looked human, despite the super-strength, and she wasn’t old enough for him to forget her. He was pretty sure he would remember meeting her.

“Her name is America Chavez,” Verity went on. “You, huh… you said her name.”

Loki blinked and turned to his friend. “ _What_? When?”

“Before you passed out on the roof. Are you sure you don’t know her?”

Agape, Loki looked at the girl again. America Chavez. _Chavez_. He was sure he had never seen, let alone, talked to this person in his very long life. However, there was something about her. Before they even fought, he already knew that she was strong enough to face him, that she was serious, violent and sullen. She was not someone he should ever mess with.

He could swear that he didn’t know her name, but he knew _her_ somehow.

“Chavez?” he asked, almost meekly, testing her name. No, he still didn’t remember her.

“Don’t worry your pretty little head, Chico.”

America grinned dangerously again, reminding Loki that there were more important matters than her name or this strange feeling of what the mortals called _dejá vu_. What truly mattered was what did she still want him? What was she planning to do? And when could he get rid of her?

Verity’s cell started ringing and she ran to his bedroom to pick it up. From her voice, he could tell she was talking to her mother. Loki glanced at the clock, it was almost one o’clock. They never made it to breakfast.

“Okay, mom. But… I know, but Ikol… No. You don’t have to pick me up,” Verity answered her phone with her head down. Loki could hear her mother’s muffled voice. “Okay. I’m coming. Bye.”

Verity turned off the phone and glanced at Loki with a saddened expression. “Mom wants me to go downstairs and have lunch. I couldn’t change her mind. She said she was coming here.”

Loki pressed his lips. He didn’t want her to leave. He didn’t want to be alone with some strange girl, but there was little he could to make her stay without raising her mother’s unwanted suspicion.

“It’s alright. Go! I’ll be fine.”

Verity frowned. “You’re lying, but it’s alright this time. I’ll try to come back as soon as I can,” she stared at America. “Are you going to hurt him again?”

America uncrossed her legs and faced the younger girl. “Not unless he pisses me off.”

Loki huffed. Why must he be stuck with all the brutes in the universe? Wasn’t Sif punishment enough?

“Are you going to take him away while I’m gone?” Verity asked, serious and a little scared.

Loki did glance at America at this point. He still had no idea what she wanted from him or why she had told Verity that she had changed her mind about dropping him at the Avengers footsteps (knowing her style, she would most likely burst through the roof and slam him on the floor).

America faced Verity with the same seriousness in her face. Seconds felt like hours of uncomfortable silence.

“No,” she finally answered. “Don’t worry, princesita. Chico will still be here when you get back.”

Her words must have been true because Verity let out a huge breath and smiled widely. After getting dressed in his bedroom, Verity ran back to the couch where Loki was still lying down and gave him a hug.

“I’ll be right back,” she told him.

The little god still felt very awkward with these physical displays of affection, but he clumsily hugged her back. When he saw America grinning, his face flushed like a red light. He wasn’t used to being touched. The only person he had ever felt comfortable with had been Frigga. Thor manhandled him more often than not, Loki had to wait until he fell asleep to curl up against him when they were kids. And Odin… he couldn’t remember the last time Odin had touched him.

“You need to change your clothes, Loki,” Verity went on.

Loki stared at his tattered clothes. “Yeah…  It’s a shame, really. Midgardian clothes are unsuited for battle. I miss my old battle garments.”

America scoffed behind them. Loki was forced to bite his tongue and not to answer back. What the Hel did she have against his clothes?

“You can text me if you’re feeling sick again, okay? I’ll come running,” Verity grabbed her backpack and reluctantly started walking towards the door. “I’ll see you later. Bye.”

Loki waved at her, trying to smile as she left. He hoped she couldn’t see through fake smiles too.

As the door closed, Loki’s fake smile died on his lips. Now it was just him and the mysterious brute and she was the only one who seemed pleased about it.

“What?” he demanded to know.

“I like your girlfriend, Chico.”

Blood rushed to Loki’s cheeks in an instant.

“She’s not my girlfriend!” he answered immediately. Loki knew that the word ‘ _girlfriend’_ did not exclusively mean ‘ _lover’_ in Midgard. It could mean ‘ _a friend who happens to be a girl’_ , but he had watched way too many movies. The first thing he still thought was ‘ _lover’_.

American only grinned harder.

“She’s a good kid. Brave,” America said, crossing her arms over her flat chest. “You know you don’t deserve her, don’t you?”

Loki greeted his teeth but managed to grin back at the meddling stranger.

“Please, do not stay here on my behalf,” Loki said, placing the bag of not so frozen peas on the table next to the couch. “You can go. I’m sure you have better things to do than sneer at me.”

America only grinned harder. “I have a free schedule, Chico.”

Loki frowned at her remark. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that you better get used to this sneer because you’ll be seeing it a lot from now on. You can think of me as your new parole officer if you want. _Lo entiendes?_ ”

Using his elbows, Loki raised his head to face the intruder, even that simple effort hurt.

“No! I do not understand it! What the Hel do you want from me?”

America stood up and walked towards him. Loki froze as the Hispanic girl loomed over him, staring with her impassive brown eyes. Every muscle in his body was screaming for him to relax and lie down again, but he would not show weakness in front of her.

“What?” Loki demanded to know after an excruciating minute of silent glaring.

“You really have a kid’s head.”

Loki blinked his green eyes. “Huh?”

“At first, I thought you were an adult trapped inside a little kid’s body like a creep,” she explained. “But you really _are_ a kid. Both inside and out. How old are you in human years? Five?”

Loki pouted. He wasn’t _that_ small or that childish for his age.

“Seven!” he snapped at her, forgetting for a moment how insignificant that number was for a god like him or that he was actually over one thousand years old. He felt suddenly very angry that she thought he was that young. Five was practically a baby. He was not a baby. “I’m seven and ¾. I’ll turn eight in December.”

America grinned again. Loki really wished he could kick her, she was worse than Sif.

“Sorry, Chico. My bad. Your age has been duly noted,” she mocked, tilting her head slightly as she looked at him. “Damn, you _are_ tiny.”

Anger rose from Loki’s chest like acid. He did not notice it, but his green eyes briefly turned red.

“I may be a Jotun runt, but I’m not that undeveloped,” he snapped bitterly.

Loki’s muscles finally gave in and he fell against his cushions. His cheeks felt so red that he was probably the same color as Thor’s cape by now.

America’s grin wavered and her lips became a straight line.  

“You can relax, Chico. I won’t punch you.”

“No! You very well may kick me instead!”

For a brief second, Loki saw something cross America’s eyes but that was gone as she raised her hand above his head. The little god flinched and closed his eyes, waiting for the punch. Instead, he felt a calloused hand ruffling his hair.

Slowly, Loki raised his head and glanced at America with his green eyes wide. She was smiling this time, not grinning or sneering, but actually smiling.

“And they say you never learn,” the way she spoke made it seem as if she was talking to herself, her voice almost gentle. 

Before Loki could question her sudden mood change, America let go of his hair and started walking towards the bathroom, taking off her shirt and tossing it to the ground.

“What are you doing?” Loki asked, staring baffled at her nude torso.

America turned around to face him, completely at ease with her nakedness. She didn’t seem to mind that Loki was staring at her tiny, prepubescent breasts.

“Take a shower,” she answered simply, taking off her shorts and her underwear and throwing them to the ground next to her shirt. She stopped right at the bathroom’s doorstep. “Why is the mirror broken?”

Still shocked with her daring actions, Loki tried to sit down again. He was not successful.

“You cannot use my bathroom! Get out!”

America turned around and closed the bathroom door behind her.

“I mean it! Get out of my bathroom, Chavez!” Loki heard the sound of water running. “I forbid you to use my bathroom you cursed brute! Leave at once! Get the Hel out! _America! I know you can hear me in there! America!_ ”

In response, America actually started whistling. No matter how much Loki screamed, she would not leave his bathroom.

 _I will have to clean it with bleach,_ he thought bitterly, imagining America using all his shampoos and his soap. Damn her, he was going need to throw it out later.

Because there was nothing else he could do, Loki slumped back against the comfortable cushions and stared at the ceiling. After five minutes, he closed his eyes and fell asleep to the sound of the running water and America’s annoying whistling.

* * *

 

America was still smiling as she rubbed her hair with Loki’s shampoo. She wasn’t even surprised that he had at least ten different brands. The brat was as vain as ever.

She wasn’t sure why she felt so damn happy about that.

The moment she entered his apartment and stared at the little shit, America’s gut feeling went through the roof. He looked and acted so much like Chico that it was uncanny. Still, she remembered who he really was. She remembered the narcissistic megalomaniac that had tried to conquer this Earth just to appease his damn ego and treated him accordingly. When she saw the girl with him, she wished she could kill him right there. The fucker was using a little girl! That was low, even for him.

She was determined to kick his ass and throw him at the Avengers until he used the teleportation spell. The moment he said _‘Elsewhere’_ and vanished with the little girl, America’s resolve shattered like the wall she had punched.

Not only he had saved the little girl when he could have just let her die, but he had also used Chico’s magic.

Up until that moment, all his spells were a weird mix between his magic and Chico’s that she found strange but choose to ignore. But the teleportation spell was all Chico. It was _his_ magic. She would recognize it anywhere.

The feeling of nostalgia came as a surprise. For six months, she had breathed over Chico’s neck, checking every trick he used and promising to beat his head into a bloody pulp the moment he tried one of his schemes. Six months of threats, spying and continuously worrying about what he was really planning and suddenly he was gone from their lives without a goodbye.

Now, everyone was gone. Kate, Billy, Teddy, Noh-Varr, David… every one of them was dead. She was alone. Everyone she knew was gone.

Except for Chico. God damn it, Chico was the only one she had left.

America grabbed a towel and got out of the tub, her feet crashing the broken shards of mirror on the floor. After drying her hair, she got out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her, grabbed her clothes and helped herself with Loki’s washing machine.

As she entered the living room, she saw the kid was fast asleep on the couch. His cheeks had more color now, which meant he was regaining his magic reserves or whatever. One of his hands was over his head and the other was curled into a tiny fist over his chest. His raven hair was uncharacteristically unkempt and wet with sweat. He had a nasty bruise on his right eye.

 _Damn, he’s a cute kid. No wonder Kate went all big sisterly with him_ , she had to admit as she sat on the couch beside him. _You either want to punch or hug him._

The apartment showed his age and his unapologetic nerdiness. He had several game consoles plugged into his wide screen television, one computer, two laptops, shelves filled with games, movie Blu-Rays, hundreds of books and comics on every table of the house, action figures and toys.

He shared Chico’s love for human culture but she could still see the angry, bitter Loki that had tried to conquer this Earth. She didn’t know how this was even possible. Had they merged together into one Loki? Or was this some sort reincarnation thing? She had no idea. Gods were so freaking complicated.

Loki moved and moaned in his sleep, turning around in the couch, both his hands hugging the cushion and his mouth slightly open. He was drooling.

America wished she had brought her phone and taken a picture. He would have been so mad.

* * *

 

Loki woke up with the sun shining on his face from the living room window. The first thing he noticed was the lack of pain. Aside from his bruises, the rest of his body seemed to have healed completely. Even his head didn’t feel heavy anymore.

Slowly, he stood up, wiped the drool off his with the back of his hand and realized another sort of need. He was starving. His stomach ached and growled like Volstagg’s belly before a big feast.

He walked to the kitchen and heated all his leftovers before eating them almost without biting, followed by two cokes, a yogurt, three apples, one orange, ice-cream and half a pizza.  

“Wow.”

Loki literally jumped from his seat. America was leaning against the door frame, staring at him with obvious amusement.

“What are you still doing here?” he asked. He couldn’t believe he had actually forgotten about her.

“That was quite a sight, Chico. Did you even chew?”

Deciding to ignore her, Loki stood up and began cleaning his kitchen, starting with the fruit peels, the ice cream, and the pizza cardboard box. He tried not to feel embarrassed for using a footstool to reach the counter, but he wasn’t very successful.

America sat at the kitchen counter that he also used as a table and watched him carefully. She did not seem to mind his silence. At least she was dressed now and her clothes actually looked clean. They even smelled nice, like his detergent.

_Wait…_

“Did you use my washing machine?” he turned around and dropped the dirty dishes in the sink.

“I have,” she answered simply.

Loki’s mouth hung open for at least ten seconds. “Have you no boundaries, woman?! First my bathroom and now my washing machine?”

America reached out to his bowl and grabbed an apple. “Afraid I’ll give you cooties, Chico?”

Before Loki could answer, his phone beeped in the living room. He jumped from his stool and went to pick it up, followed closely by America. He had turned his back to her so he could read Verity’s message away from her prying eyes.

**_Hi, Loki! Are you feeling better? Mom said I could come over. Can I go now? (15:53 pm)_ **

**_I’m fine. Come now, please. The brute will not leave me alone! I fear for my sanity!!!! (15:55 pm)_ **

“I’m not the one who screwed your sanity, Chico. That was long gone before I came here,” America said over his shoulder, forcing Loki to jump and hide his phone behind his back.

“Will you stop _that_?” he shrieked.

America smiled all teeth. “Oh! And Chico? You call me brute again and I’ll show you the true meaning of the word. Got it?”

With the memory of their battle still very vivid, Loki closed his mouth, his green eyes glaring under his black eye.

Verity arrived shortly after, her red hair swinging in a ponytail. Her blue eyes checking the apartment for new signs of a struggle. She didn’t hide how relieved she was that her friend was alright.

“Well, now that we’re all here and Chico isn’t fainting anymore, we can finally get to work,” America said.

“Work? Is that what you’re after?” Loki asked, barely hiding his displeasure. “You want me to work for you?”

America grabbed one of his laptops and placed it in front of the two kids. “No, Chico. I want you to work for yourself.”

The children remained silent as the older teen opened a news video, their eyes wide as the reporter stood in front of the frozen Hudson River, talking about a strange blue child with ice powers that had been caught on film. When the video finished, America opened another, and then another and another. They were all about Loki’s freak out near the Hudson and his sightings as he ran away through the streets of New York. One video even showed the man that Loki had accidently burned, giving an interview at the hospital, his hands, and arm covered in bandages.

“It burned me just by touching me! The doctors said I have three-degree burns,” the man cried out, pointing to his burned arm and torso. “And his eyes… those horrible red eyes. He looked like a goddamn demon! How can I go home knowing they haven’t caught it yet? That thing is dangerous! It belongs in a cage! Where the hell are the Avengers? They’re supposed to keep monsters like this away from us! Why aren’t they doing their job?”

Loki lowered his eyes, but he could still hear the reporters, the witnesses. Everyone was afraid of him, wanted him locked up, and if they knew who he really was if they knew he was the same person that had tried to conquer them, then…

_I’m the monster parents tell children about at night._

“Loki…” Verity said, but he barely heard her. All he could hear were the angry, scared voices coming from the screen.

Then, he heard it.

“We have confirmation that S.H.I.E.L.D. agents are searching for this child as we speak. Our reporter has tried to get at statement…”

Loki’s heart skipped a beat. He could feel it, pulsing erratically against his tiny chest, making it hard to breathe.

S.H.I.E.L.D. was looking for him. That meant Nick Fury and his agents and eventually the Avengers themselves. Maybe they were there already. Maybe they had already figured out who he really was and were coming for him.

Maybe Thor and Asgard were coming for him too.

“Loki… Loki, you’re breathing too hard,” Verity told him.

Loki couldn’t stop. He was hyperventilating, but he couldn’t calm down. His enemies were already looking for him, all because of one stupid mistake. It didn’t matter if it was an accident this time; they would never believe him. They thought he did it on purpose.

They were going to find him and they were going to make him pay. They were going to get Thor.

“Chico, breathe slowly!”

Thor was going to drag him back to Asgard, beaten and in shackles. He was going to throw Loki to the middle of the city, where everyone could see him and laugh and cry for his death, including Odin next to his real son, Balder.

“Loki!” Verity cried.

He could see it. Thor standing above him, his eyes bright with fury and hatred. Mjolnir raised above his head before it landed on Loki’s skull, smashing it into the ground as the crowd, the Warriors Three, Sif and Odin cheered.

“LOKI!” Verity screamed. “Your arms!”

America quickly grabbed the little girl and pushed her away from him. Loki could feel it before he even looked at his arms. Just like the last time, they were turning blue, freezing the ground where he stood.

“No! No! No! Please, not again!” Loki cried, grabbing his transforming arms and scratching them. “Stop! Stop it!”

“Loki…”

Verity tried to walk to him, but America grabbed her. Loki remembered the dead seagulls and the cat, who had frozen to death in seconds because they were too close to him to escape.

“Don’t come! Verity, stay back!” he yelled. “I’ll freeze you! You need to get out of here.”

Verity stared at him, her lower lips trembling. “You can change back! Remember? You did it yesterday!”

Loki fell on his knees, holding his arms to his chest. They were still turning blue.

“I can’t… I can’t do this. I can’t!”

“Bullshit! It’s your damn body!” America yelled, grabbing Verity, her brown eyes met his still green ones. “You control your body, not the other way around.”

Loki gaped and shook his head. He couldn’t stop trembling.

“I don’t know how to change back. I can’t do it.”

“Yes, you can! You did it yesterday!” Verity yelled, grabbing America’s shirt. “You’re not a Jotun! You’re who you wanna be! Remember the heat! You can change back! I know you can!”

“The heat?”

Under their fiery gazes, Loki’s breathing slowed down and he stared at his blue arms. He remembered the tickling feeling when he had changed back yesterday, the warmth from the hot water. Slowly stretching his arms in front of him, Loki thought of warm, red blood flooding through his veins and arteries to his arms, replacing the blue, Jotun blood.

_Warmblood filling the vessels, the muscles, the bones. Red blood running to the cells._

The familiar tickling began near his shoulders and he watched amazed as his skin began to turn pink again, much faster than yesterday, as he willed it to change with his red blood from his shoulders to his forearms, to his fingers until his dark nails changed back to their usual pink color.

“You did it!” Verity yelled happily.

Loki fell to the ground and raised his arms. There no signs of Jotun skin, he had managed to change back on his own.

Verity wiggled free from America’s grasp and embraced Loki with all the strength her little mortal body had.

“See? I told you could do it!” she moved away and grabbed his arms. “All better.”

“I… thanks…”

America moved closer, her arms crossed over her chest.

“Was this what happened yesterday?” she asked. “You lost your shit, turned blue and froze the river?”

Loki sighed and stood up with Verity. He could remember it now. The anger, the sorrow. Before he knew it, everything had frozen around him.

“I… I was angry yesterday. Very angry.”

“And sad,” Verity added. “You were really sad because of what Thor said.”

America raised an eyebrow. “Thor? You talked to Thor?”

“I saw him through a projection in Helheim. The Asgardian family was making an announcement,” Loki sat on the couch, his head was throbbing again. America faced him with a blank expression on her face. Loki thought she was going to ask what Thor had said to make him lose his mind, but fortunately, she didn’t. “I don’t understand… this never happened before. I never changed into a Jotun out of anger during my first childhood.”

Verity sat beside him and grabbed a piece of his frozen shirt. It ripped in her hands.

“Your mom and dad didn’t want you to find out, right? Maybe they did something to keep you pink.”

Loki thought back to his boyhood. He remembered going to see the healers more frequently than Thor because of his stomachaches, bruises and broken bones. They told him he would become stronger as he grew older and, sure enough, his health improved greatly before he hit puberty. It was possible that during those early centuries, someone had cast spells to ensure that his Aesir guise wouldn’t break and expose his true… _his biological_ nature. It sounded like something Odin would do. He would not want the kingdom to know they were raising a monster and calling it a prince.

“It’s possible…” Loki glanced at his little pink hands. There was still so much he didn’t know about himself. If he was of Jotun lineage, then why could he change his form into that of an Aesir without the aid of illusions? Why could he use seidr at all? No Jotun was ever reported as a sorcerer.

“As fascinating as this all is, we have to think about the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents looking for you all over Chelsea,” America told them, leaning against the wall. “I destroyed your ice trail in the roofs, but I’m not sure that will be enough.”

Loki raised his head, his eyes wide with awe. “Wait, you… You destroyed my trail? Why?”

America shrugged. “You’re my problem. I don’t like other people messing with my problems.”

The raven tilted his head. “I honestly don’t get you, America.”

The Hispanic girl smiled. “That’s the way I like it.”

“What are we gonna do? If these people are looking for Loki, we have to hide him,” Verity told them earnestly. “I can talk to my mom and dad. You could stay with us until they stop looking.”

Loki smiled at his friend. He almost grabbed her hand, until he noticed America watching. He didn’t want her to call Verity his girlfriend again.

“Thanks, Verity, but I don’t think that’s going to work. If they find me in your house, you can get arrested.”

“I’m not scared.”

“They would arrest your parents too.”

Verity opened her mouth but closed it again. As much as she wanted to help Loki, she didn’t want to send her parents to jail.

“No one needs to hide,” America told them. “The footage they have of you can’t identify you unless someone knows your face pretty damn well. In Jotun form, you could be any kid with dark hair, Chico.”

“So… what do you suggest?” Loki asked doubtfully. “I just go about my business like usual?”

“Exactly,” both Loki and Verity stared at her in disbelief. “Think about it. You go missing and people who know you start thinking how you disappeared around the same time that blue kid with dark hair appeared on the news. They start to put it together, then someone gets S.H.I.E.L.D.’s attention.”

Loki thought about it. He hated to admit it, but she had a point. “But it’s still too risky. If I cross paths with the agents or the Avengers, they might recognize me or use some of their outdated technology to match my face. Besides… Sif has come to their aid before. She takes one look at that video and she’ll know it’s me.”

America sat on the couch in front of them.

“Do you think Sif is gonna come to Earth because of this?” she asked.

Loki thought about it. There was a possibility someone would recognize his ice powers as those from a Frost Giant, but there were other super powered humans with those same abilities. S.H.I.E.L.D. thought he was an Inhuman and they wouldn’t ask Asgard for help in that case. Even if Heimdal had seen the attack, he couldn’t see Loki. If he suspected that a Jotun child was in New York, he could report it to Thor, though.

Loki, America, and Verity spent the next hour searching thoroughly around the internet for any leads, but so far no one had even considered the idea that he could be a Jotun, nor there were reports of an Asgardian portal opening or Thor’s return to Midgard.

The old Thor, the oaf who could only dream of glorious battles, would come to Midgard in a heartbeat, consequences to the kingdom be damned. But this Thor, the one who had changed so much after mere days with a couple of mortals, he would think it through.

He had finally become the King Odin had always wanted.

“This does not mean Sif or one of his henchmen haven’t come on his behalf,” Loki said, picking the holes on his ruined shirt. “Thor is king now, only the possibility of mass destruction would allow him to leave the throne and come here.”

“If Thor knew you were here, wouldn’t he think of that as a mass destruction scenario?” America asked.

Loki closed the laptop and leaned against the couch. “He would. He would come personally to deal with me.”

At least, Loki thought he would. Thor was changed now. He was wiser and nobler than ever. Loki could not predict his actions anymore. He didn’t know why that thought made his chest ache, though.

Verity placed a hand on Loki’s shoulder. “Do you think he could forgive you? Maybe if you apologized and really meant it…”

Loki shook his head. Verity was kind, but she was naïve.

“Thor will never forgive me. It’s too late for that. After everything that happened… what I’ve done, he… it will never happen. I’m as good as dead to him and he has a better brother now to stay at his side,” Loki crossed his arms and lowered his head. “Besides… I can’t give him what he wants.”

“What does he want?” Verity asked.

Loki looked outside. The sun was shining brightly in the blue sky, there wasn’t a single cloud. It was a perfect summer day, just like the ones from Asgard.

“Me before all this. The brother he thought he had.”

Verity was about to ask what he meant when America told them to get back to the matter at hand.

“Since it’s pretty unlikely Thor is here, we should focus on how to keep you on low profile long enough for this search to be called off. The only way for that to happen is if you don’t have any more Frost Giant freak outs in public.”

“Oh yeah? And how am I supposed to do that?” Loki asked, frustrated. “I can’t just switch off and go into Zen mode every time I get upset. I didn’t work with the Hulk and it won’t work on me.”

America pointed towards his bookshelves.

“Then figure out how. Unlike the Hulk, you’re not the first Frost Giant. There has to be books or papers about it somewhere. You can’t be the first Frost Giant that can switch skin colors,” she glanced surreptitiously towards Verity. “Besides, the next time it happens, you might destroy something more important than your clothes.”

Loki’s eyes widened and he felt his stomach fall to the ground. If the next time he lost control Verity happened to be beside him…

_A tiny frozen corpse, eyes open in horror, red hair lying down on the ground._

No. He couldn’t allow that to happen. America was right. He couldn’t just ignore this and hope he would never turn again. Sooner or later, he was going to lose it. He needed to control his transformation.

“Alright… I’m going to research about it,” he stood up. “I’ll be right back.”

Loki left the living room and walked towards his bedroom. After getting dressed in new clothes, he grabbed the red crayons from his desk and stopped in front of his closet. After a pondering moment, he finally opened it.

Under a pile of clothes, he grabbed a white plastic bag and pulled it to the carpeted floor. Carefully not to rip the bag, Loki pulled the string and opened it. The scent of mud and dried blood hit his face, reminding him of those hellish days of desolate moons, lost battles, disease, and suffering.

Slowly, he pulled his old battle coat from the bag. It was dirty with grime and his own blood, tattered from all the battles he lost. The same could be said for the rest of his body armor and his boots.

“Hey?”

Verity entered the room, her eyes wide when she saw what he was holding.

“My old battle coat and armor,” Loki explained.

Verity sat next to him and eyed the torn garments. “I didn’t know you still had them.”

“I found them here when I woke up in this apartment,” Loki remembered his surprise when he found the clothes neatly folded in his closet.

Apparently, the other Loki hadn’t gotten rid of them. After much deliberation, Loki realized he could not throw them away either. Despite how torn they were and how many bad memories they held, they were his last link to the life he had left behind.

“What are you gonna do with them?” Verity asked, running a finger down one of the golden plaques.

“These garments are enchanted. They are unique in the Nine Realms. They can appear and disappear from my body at will as long as I wear them and they endure almost everything, including Frost Giant skin.”

“But they don’t fit you anymore.”

Loki grabbed the coat harder and smiled. “They will. I just need a little help with some modifications and I can make a new battle garment out them.”

“You can sow?”

“It’s not very hard. I used to sew my clothes after battles and I’ve learned a few things from YouTube tutorials. It’s like cosplay with magic,” he grinned, his eyes sparkling with mischief. “Every warrior needs an armor, yes?”

“I guess,” Verity smiled and helped him fold his old coat.

America, unsurprisingly, was watching them from the doorframe. “I’m not even gonna ask.”

 _Thank the Norms,_ Loki thought.

Back in the living room, Loki kneeled on the floor and started drawing the runes.

“What are you doing?” Verity asked, watching closely.

“I’m opening a portal to Helheim’s Great Library. If there’s one place in all the Nine Realms with the information that I need, it will be in there.”

“And you’re opening it with crayons?”

Loki finished the last rune and stood up. “It doesn’t matter what I use as long as it’s red.”

“No ketchup this time, Chico?”

Loki glanced at America, once more wondering how the Hel did she know so much about him.

“I used that the other time. It ran out.”

Using his magic, Loki opened the portal with ease. He could sense Verity tense beside him, both with fear and wonder. He remembered she had never seen real magic like this before. Now that they were friends he could show her more cool stuff.

“Well, I’ll be going now. I’ll see you as soon as I get back.”

“I can’t come with you?” Verity asked, obviously disappointed. “I really wanted to see the Library. You’ve talked so much about it.”

Loki glanced at the portal and his friend. He never expected Verity would want to come with him. Helheim wasn’t exactly amazing.

“Are you sure? I’ve told about Hela, right? Goddess of the Dead? She’s really, really creepy.”

Verity shook her head, her eyes shining with expectation. “I don’t care. She won’t kill me, right?”

“Probably not, but she might get really mad at me. I’m not supposed to bring anyone with me.”

“I won’t touch anything. I swear. I’ll be quiet and do whatever you say. Please, Loki? Please?”

Loki could be a heartless bastard, but even he couldn’t face Verity’s eager expression and tell her no.

“Fine, but you can’t wander around without me. You’d get lost!”

“Yes! Thank you!”

America moved closer. It almost made Loki jump, she moved quite silently for a brute.

“In that case, I’m going to.”

“What? No. Who said you could come?”

America glared at him. “In case you forgot, I’m your parole officer, Chico. I intend to keep an eye on you.”

“I not going to do anything! It’s Helheim!”

“Then you won’t mind if I tag along. Don’t worry. You won’t even notice I’m there.”

 _I seriously doubt that,_ Loki thought bitterly. Nevertheless, he had no choice. If he tried to stop her from coming, she would punch him and go anyway.

“Fine!”

Not even hiding his pout this time, Loki grabbed the plastic bag with his old garments and entered the black portal, followed closely by Verity and America. The warm air from his apartment was suddenly replaced by Helheim’s cold, moist air and the familiar smell of old books and brimstone.

“Wow!” Verity exclaimed as soon as she landed on the Library’s dark floor, eyes wide with awe as she looked at the thousands of ancient books, the enchanted walls filled with rune marks and the green fire burning from the candles.

America looked around twice and began brushing her curly, wet hair with her fingers, looking bored.

“Follow me and remember, don’t touch _anything_. Hela is gonna have my soul if she finds out I brought you.”

The Verity nodded and they followed Loki as he walked towards his favorite desk. To his surprise, there was someone sitting there, her dark, ebony head buried in an ancient book about curses.

“Loki?” the young handmaiden raised her head, her green eyes widened as she noticed Loki and, more importantly, the two girls he had brought with him. “Loki Laufeyson, have you lost your mind?”

Loki tried to use his most charming smile. “It’s alright. They are my trusted companions. They are merely escorting me.”

Leah stood up from the desk and closed the heavy book with a bang.

“My Mistress is gonna have your soul when she finds out you brought mortals to her Library.”

“She does not have to know, does she?” Loki asked, but Leah’s eyes only grew colder. “Come on. They won’t touch anything, I swear.”

“As if your oaths meant something, Trickster.”

America smiled and eyed the handmaiden closely.

“You must be Leah. The ex.”

“ _America!_ ” Loki cried out, flustered.

The girl turned her angry gaze away from Loki and focused on the tanned pre-teen.

“The what?”

“Nothing! She speaks nonsense, Leah,” Loki told her, glaring daggers at America. “Do not pay heed to what she says.”

“What is an ex?” the handmaiden asked, deadpan.

“An irrelevant and untrue mortal jargon. Don’t mind her.”

Leah raised a perfect eyebrow but she didn’t ask more questions.

“Hi! I’m Verity. Verity Willis,” Verity raised a hand and smiled timidly at the gloomy handmaiden, who stared at her impassively. “Loki told me all about you. He said that you’re really strong. You keep kicking his butt during your magic battles.”

Leah blinked slowly. “Did he?”

Loki rolled his eyes. He was already regretting bringing them with him. “I did not use those exact words. My butt was never kicked.”

“I seriously doubt that, Chico.”

Loki glared at America.

Verity smiled and turned to Leah again. “He said he could beat you, but he can’t lie to me. I know when he lies.”

Leah stared at Verity for a few seconds before her lips curled into an almost imperceptible smile.

“You must be the mortal he told me about,” she said. “The Truth Seer who can see through any falsehood and illusion.”

“I… I don’t know if that’s what I’m called,” Verity started playing with her shirt. “I didn’t know there was a name for it.”

“Fascinating,” Leah added, with her usual blank face.

“Er… Thanks. I think.”

Loki grabbed a stepladder and pushed it towards the bookshelves.

“Now that we’ve all introduced ourselves, I need to find books about Jotun runts. So, if you all could stay quiet while I look, it would be most helpful.”

“Are you sure we can’t help you look?” Verity asked. “We won’t touch the books.”

“Thanks, Verity, but I’m afraid you can’t read rune marks.”

Leah moved closer to Loki, intrigued.

“Why do you want to research about Jotun runts?”

Loki grabbed an old tome, read the title and put it back on the shelf.

“I had an involuntary transformation into my Jotun form, which caused me a great amount of trouble,” Loki told her quickly, his back to the girls as he looked at the books’ spines. “In order to keep it from happening again, I need to know more about my physiology as a Jotun runt. I need to learn how to control it.”

Leah pressed her lips into a thin line. “You wish to learn about the Skin Changers.”

Loki stopped looking at the books and slowly turned around to face Leah.

“The what?” Loki asked.

Leah raised an arm and a heavy, old book materialized on her hand with a green blast of magic.

“Cool,” Verity said in awe.

Loki jumped from the stepladder and walked towards the desk where Leah had already opened the book and was flipping through the pages until she stopped on a yellowed picture of a male Jotun who was clearly a runt, changing his blue skin into other skin tones.

Loki sat in front of the book, his green eyes wide as he watched the picture of the Jotun change numerous times.

Verity pulled a chair and sat next to Loki while America stood up behind the younger children.

“He looks like you, Loki,” Verity said.

Loki couldn’t take his eyes away from the moving picture, both his mind and heart racing.

“What is he?” he asked softly.

“They were called Skin Changers,” Leah explained. “Jotun runts who had the ability to change their Jotun skin into that of a Vanir or a Midgardian.”

Loki touched the picture as the man changed back and forth. “I’ve studied Jotunheim’s culture. Why haven’t I ever heard of them before?”

“Skin Changers are extremely rare. Very few survive after they are born and those who do are hunt down by their families,” Leah explained. “Frost Giants perceive runts as a sign of a weak bloodline. They are an insult to their families, which is why…”

“They leave them to die on Ymir’s temple and pray for stronger offspring,” Loki continued, repeating what he had learned during his lessons, stupidly oblivious that he was one of them.

Leah nodded, grabbed the page and flipped it, showing several images of baby runts slowly dying after being abandoned by their ashamed parents. Loki felt his stomach turn. Verity placed a comforting hand on his arm. Even America seemed to find the pictures revolting. 

“Fuck…” the older girl cursed with disgust.

“ _Frost Giants are born to battle. Ill-born children and runts are considered both an insult to their families and a burden to their Realm, which is why they are left to die. It is considered a mercy, since they would never survive as warriors and only bring shame to their families,_ ” Leah went on, reading from the book. “ _Because of their uncanny talent for seidr, it is believed that Skin Changers have developed the ability to change their skins into those of more accepting species, such as the Vanir and Midgardians, in order to flee the Frost Giants’ hunting. This ability is considered a great insult to Frost Giants, as the runts voluntarily reject their Jotun race in order to become the same as their red-blooded enemies. Even in death, Skin Changers retain their red-blooded appearance, unlike other species like the shapeshifting Skrulls. Only the touch of other Jotuns forces them to revert back to their Jotun nature.”_  

Loki stared at his wrist where, not very long ago, a Frost Giant had touched him, changing his skin and his life forever. That touch revealed the truth about his parentage, even though at the time he was still trying to convince himself that there had to be another explanation, that he was Aesir. The Casket of Ancient Winters and then Odin’s confession shattered that hope.

“Does it say anything about changing into Jotun form unwillingly or how to change back?” Loki asked.

Leah eyed the text. “ _Skin Changers can change their skin at will, they can even use that to battle since a Jotun’s skin can be lethal to the touch. The transformation could happen involuntarily during stressful situations as a defense mechanism, but adult Skin Changers usually keep it under control._ ”

Loki read the rest of the text, but there wasn’t more information about how Skin Changers could control their transformation. The rest of the paragraphs were about a theory that some groups of Skin Changers might have used the War between Jotunheim and Asgard to flee to other realms.

“Nothing! There’s nothing about how to control this,” Loki pushed the book away angrily. “It’s useless!”

“Not really,” America said behind him. “You heard Leah. They change into Jotuns if they’re stressed, just like you did when you panicked. But they can change back at will, they even use it as a weapon. You need to learn how to switch back and forth. That’s the answer, Chico.”

Loki jumped from the chair and looked up at America’s serious face.

“I do not want to learn how to change! I don’t want to look like them!” he yelled. “Why would want to look like the beasts who hate me so much they left me to die because I was a runt? I want nothing to do with them.”

“If you want to control your body, you have to,” America said back. “Besides, who said you were going to change into one of them? It’s just blue skin, for fuck’s sake! You choose which skin you wanna wear. No one is forcing you to be a Jotun.”

Loki bit his lower lip and closed his hands into fists. “That’s not what everyone else will think. If I change into a Jotun, that’s what they will think I am.”

America rolled her eyes.

“Who gives a fuck about what everyone else thinks? It’s none of their business. This is about you,” she told him. “Seriously, why can’t you just accept that you’re not Thor?”

Loki felt as if she had punched him in the chest.

“What are you talking about? This has nothing to do with Thor!” he cried out in anger, his nostrils flaring.

“ _Everything_ you do is about Thor!” America yelled back, towering over him. “Face it, Chico! You’re obsessed with Thor and your family! You can’t deal with the fact that you’ll never be just like them!”

Loki’s winced as if he had been slapped. It probably would have hurt less. He greeted his teeth and screamed at America’s face.

“Take it back! That is not true!”

“I’m not taking anything back! Thor and your adoption are the big chips on your shoulder and you need to let them go! That’s what made you transform. You never turned into a Jotun while you were fighting me, but the moment you think of Thor and Asgard you lose you damn mind!”

“No, I did not!”

“You’re not Thor. You’ll never be Thor and that’s what it’s killing you inside. You can’t accept that you’re just you and you can’t have what he has.”

 “Shut up! That isn’t true! I don’t care about them! I don’t care! I don’t care! _I don’t care!_ ”

The ice immediately froze the floor and America’s legs. Loki’s shirt shattered into smaller pieces and fell to the ground. He didn’t even have to look at himself to know that his arms, torso and the right side of his face had turned into Jotun.

Panting, Loki stared at America, who simply broke the ice from her legs with a solid kick without taking her eyes off him. Shaking like green leaves, he turned around and looked at Verity and Leah, the first was staring at him sadly while the latter remained impassive but her hands ready to shield herself if needed.

Taking slow, deep breaths, Loki willed his skin to change back. It took him almost two minutes to fully revert to his normal form.

America just watched his transformation without a word. Loki could not face her gaze any longer. He lowered his head and long, thick tears ran down his cheeks to the floor.

“You have to let it go, Loki,” America told him evenly. “Deal with those issues, or you’ll never be free of them.”

* * *

 

_Hours later_

Loki was sitting in his bed alone.

America had kicked open a portal on Helheim’s library to his apartment ( _she could do that?_ ) and they followed her, with Verity gently pulling him along. He left his old armor in the Library. He hoped Leah wouldn’t throw it out.

After both America and a reluctant Verity left his apartment, Loki crawled into his bed and cried angry tears of shame and disappointment. As much as he hated America for what she had said, he could not deny the truth in her words.

She was right. He was obsessed with Thor and his adoption. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t forget how angry he was about them or how much they made him suffer. It plagued all his thoughts and actions.

He couldn’t stop thinking about all the times he had felt inferior, humiliated and alone while growing up. Just like he couldn’t stop thinking of the moment he learned that his entire life was a lie. The rage, the feelings of injustice still burned deeply within him.

Right now, Thor and Odin were living happily in Asgard without him, pretending he never existed or trying to hunt him down and kill him.

He didn’t matter. He probably never mattered, but he wanted it so badly. If only he was more like Thor… if only he was strong, heroic and beloved like he was…

_But I’m not Thor. I’ll never be Thor._

Wiping his tears with the back of his hand, Loki grabbed another shirt and left the apartment. He walked slowly down the streets, wary of the people who looked at him, but no one stopped him or tried to arrest him.

He kept his head low and kept walking until he reached the library. There were a lot of cars in the parking lot, even though it was almost seven. He also could hear voices coming from the hall behind the library, as if someone was talking through a microphone.

He looked up and saw the blue and white poster near the entrance of the hall.

FACING THE HURT WITH TRUTH: DEALING WITH ADOPTION ISSUES

The conference had started almost two hours ago and judging from a number of cars, a lot of people had come.

Loki stared at the names and photos of the speakers. He only recognized one, the lady author that he saw talking to Mrs. Cantor. He read her name.

Colleen Altman, Marriage and Family Therapist (Adoptive Mother).

Slowly, Loki walked behind the library towards the main entrance to the conference hall and stood at the door. He could hear a male voice speaking through a microphone followed by clapping and other lower, muffled voices.

His hand grabbed the metallic door handle but he didn’t move. He felt frozen to the ground.

Finally, he took a deep breath, opened the door and walked inside. This could all be futile and pointless, but at least, he would know that he had tried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys remember the adoption conference I wrote way back. Loki is finally trying to get some help. And yes, the therapist is Teddy's mom (I added the Colleen name because in the comics she's only called Mrs. Altman. I hope it fits).
> 
> As for the Skin Changers, that's something I've been thinking about for sometime. The Jotun tradition of leaving runts and sick babies to die was based on the Spartans ideals of raising a strong warrior community. There was no place for the sick and the disabled in that community. I'm not trying to make Jotuns look like monsters, but rather a very harsh warrior race that Loki doesn't identify with despite his biology.
> 
> Please tell me what you thought!


	14. No words describe a mother's tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I hope you all had a good summer! Thanks for all the feedback! I'm so happy reading your comments!
> 
> I feel that I need to warn you, this chapter might be the least politically correct I've written because I've tried to based it on reality. Sorry in advance if something bothers you.
> 
> Also, since I've been reading a lot of Adoption forums, I might need a disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
> 
> As always, I hope you like it!

_How did you react upon learning about my lineage?_

_I can only imagine how Odin told you. Did he tell you that he took pity on an innocent baby left to die? That he planned to use me to unite Jotunheim and Asgard? That I was a political tool that was no longer useful?_

_Were you disgusted when you found out you had called a Jotun 'brother'?_

_Why did you not act like it mattered, Thor? You expected me to simply accept it and act like nothing had changed when everything had. You spent our childhood telling everyone you were going to kill all the Jotuns. You went to war with them mere days before we faced each other. How could act like nothing had changed?_

_How could you expect me to-_

_(Remaining text completely scratched and unreadable safe for a few words on the bottom of the page)_

_... beyond help. No one will come for me._

* * *

 

_Jotunheim_

Snow fell softly down the perpetually gray skies of Jotunheim. Little snowflakes, so different from the ancient blizzards that the land was known and feared, landed on the ruins of their once great Realm.

Jotunheim was injured. Craters filled the land, mountains were destroyed, once great buildings had been reduced to rubble and shards of ice. Not even the royal palace had been spared.

The land was suffering and demanded vengeance.

Sitting on the throne that had previously belonged to her husband, Queen Farbauti stared at the destroyed ceiling and the shattered walls that would never be rebuilt as grand as they had been.

Nine thousand years of Jotun history erased in a single second by the runt she had birthed.

The Queen stood up. She was still beautiful and muscled, her armor covered her chest and tights. Two axes given to her by her father shone beside her. She walked to the window and let the feeble light hit her blue face. The sight of her destroyed Realm and her defeated people filled her with both sorrow and shame.

Farbauti belonged to a long lineage of powerful Jotun warriors. She had been a renowned combatant during her youth, known as the “Cruel Striker” for her brutal and deadly blows in the battlefield. It came as no surprise when she was chosen to be the next Queen.

During the Invasion of Midgard, she fought bravely beside her husband and her people, longing for the fertile land of Midgard and the hidden treasures of the Aesir. They were going to expand their Realm and finally break free from the Asgardian clutches. Even when she found out she was pregnant, she insisted on fighting, unlike the witch Queen of Asgard who hid inside her castle like a coward.

Laufey had been apprehensive, but she managed to change his mind. Their child was the future ruler of Jotunheim and would be born in the red blood of their enemies.

She blamed her own youth and inexperience for not realizing something was wrong. Her mother had told her how pregnancy weakened their bodies, so Farbauti thought nothing when she returned to the camps, covered in Asgardian blood, so tired she could barely move for hours.

As her abdomen grew, her symptoms worsened. She felt exhausted all the time no matter how much she rested and often fainted in the battlefield. She was also so ill that she could barely eat anything. Soon, she was not fit to battle at all, costing several Jotun warriors their lives when they tried to protect her weakened Queen.

Odin had ordered his warriors to take her alive, but Farbauti would rather kill herself and her child than let a rotten Asgardian take her prisoner.

“Farbauti, be reasonable! Stop this fight,” the King of Asgard yelled at her, staring horrified at her huge pregnant abdomen. “Think of your child!”

“Do not assume Jotun women are as weak and cowardly as the Asgardian, All-Father,” she sneered through the tiredness and nausea.

Odin’s eyes widened. He still would not raise his spear to face her like a warrior.

“You would risk your child’s life…”

“Should this child die in the battlefield today, then it clearly was not meant to be born at all.”

The red haired king’s mouth fell open, too weak and spineless to attack her. Farbauti took this chance and charged at him, but her body was too weak and her belly seemed to weight a ton, slowing her attack.

“My King!”

An Einherjar moved quickly under her and swung his sword, hitting her swollen belly.

“No!” Odin yelled, pushing the Einherjar away and stared dismayed at the sight of Farbauti kneeling on the ground, both her hands covering her bleeding stomach.

Jotun warriors immediately came to her aid, fighting Odin and his warriors while she was taken away and then sent back to Jotunheim. Before she could take a look at her injury, her waters broke and she was carried to the midwives where she went into labor, still wearing her armor, covered in red Asgardian blood.

She felt the pain of the contractions, but she didn’t feel the excruciating strain of labor she had been told about. It felt like she was gushing nothing but blood and liquid while the midwives stared at each other with worried expressions on their faces. After what seemed like an eternity, she felt something small slide out of her and heard one of the midwives gasp.

“What is wrong?” she demanded to know, but the two women remained silent. “Tell me! It’s an order!”

“My Queen… it’s…”

Tired of the woman’s stammer, Farbauti raised her head and looked between her legs. Her voice got stuck in her throat and her red eyes grew wide.

A minuscule blue creature, no bigger than her hand, rested in front of her, still connected to an umbilical cord that was too big for him.

Farbauti stared at the creature, her mind numb and hazy, wondering what that could be and what had happened to the baby. Only when she saw the thin lines of her and Laufey’s bloodline in the creature’s skin, did she realize that thing was the baby.

A runt. She had birthed a runt.   

She felt bile rise up her throat and threw up. All this time, she had carried a parasite inside her body, leaching her strength and her health. Good Jotun warriors had perished to protect her and this thing. She had been unable to fight properly because of it. Her people waited impatiently for the birth of the heir to the throne, but all they had gotten was a wretched runt.

Filled with shame and disgust, she glanced at the creature. It was not moving. Farbauti prayed it had died, but the Norns were against her, for the creature started whimpering and its mouth slowly opened into a wail.

“It lives, my Queen. Our deepest condolences,” the older midwife told her solemnly.

Farbauti glared at the abomination that had come out of her. It was revolting. Obscene. Seeing it connected to her by the umbilical cord filled her with rage and disgust.

“Get it away! GET IT AWAY FROM ME!”

One of the midwives picked up a knife and cut the cord at the same time Laufey entered the room. Farbauti watched as her husband stared at the abomination and realized that was his heir.

Laufey started screaming, hitting the walls around them until they were rubble, blinded by rage. He formed an ice spear on his hand and charged at the creature, only to be stopped by the older midwife.

“My Lord, we must follow the ancient ways,” she told him firmly. “I understand and grieve for your loss, let us take this sad creature to the temple and let Ymir’s spirit take it back to the frozen land.”

Laufey glared at the midwife and then the creature he had sired. He shattered his ice spear on the ground with another scream.

“Take it out of my sight and dispose of it! Tell no one what has happened here, am I clear?”

With that, Laufey stormed out of the room. The midwife grabbed the creature, still whimpering and crying pitifully like a dying animal and took it out of the room while the other one finally tended to Farbauti’s wound.

That had been the last time Farbauti had seen the creature. She believed it had died in the temple, she had prayed for it. But the creature was too wicked to die. It had survived, a filthy Skin Changer, hidden and raised by the Asgardian royal family. Its rotten nature had only gotten worse has the centuries went by, turning into a vicious, traitorous killer. A monster.

The creature had approached her Realm like an oily snake, promising vengeance against Asgard. Instead, it killed her husband and brought death to Jotunheim, Asgard, and even Midgard.

“Mother!”

Farbauti turned around in time to see her eldest son enter the ruined throne room. Helblindi kneeled in front of her, one arm over his massive chest.

Helblindi, her beloved son who filled her with pride. She had been terrified during her second pregnancy, fearing birthing another runt. The moment Helblindi was born and placed in her arms, she realized she shouldn’t have worried at all. Helblindi was strong and beautiful. Perfect in every way.

The moment Farbauti laid eyes on him, she was filled with so much love, she feared her heart would burst inside her chest. The same happened only a few centuries later with her youngest son, Býleistr. No love equaled what she felt toward her sons. She would die and kill for them. She would do anything for their happiness and give them the future they deserved.

A future the creature had nearly destroyed after taking away their father and nearly destroying their kingdom.

“I have news, Mother. Our allies believe they have located the runt.”

Farbauti held son’s face with her hands. Her strong Helblindi had inherited his father’s strong will and her skills as a warrior. He was the pride of Jotunheim and, for all intents and purposes, the Crown Prince of Jotunheim.

However, the creature still held the title of the First Born. No matter how unfair it was, Helblindi would never be regarded as the true King of Jotunheim while the creature lived.

She wished she could change those antiquated laws and place her son on the throne this instant. She wished she could kill the creature with her bare hands for all the pain it had caused her family and her people.

And yet, Farbauti had found another way hidden deep inside Jotunheim’s oldest libraries. A ritual so powerful and so dark, no monarch had dared to use it.

“Begin the preparations for the ritual,” she told her son. “Tell our allies to keep watching the creature. When the time is right, we’ll move.”

Helblindi grabbed her hand. “Býleistr is anxious. He wishes to capture the runt now.”

“Your brother lacks patience. We must act cautiously or else we may never get another chance. We must not fail, my son. For Jotunheim’s future and yours.”

Helblindi nodded. Though his face was identical to his deceased father, he had her eyes.

“I know, Mother. We will not fail.”

Farbauti smiled and kissed her son on the cheek. Soon, Helblindi would be King and the runt would pay for all the death it had brought. She would turn its cursed existence into a blessing.

The runt was going to return Jotunheim to her former glory.

* * *

 

_Midgard, New York_

Loki walked slowly down the white corridor leading to the conference room, his tennis shoes making squishy sounds on the tiles. He stopped right in front of the open metal door and stared with a mix of curiosity and anxiety.

He was already inside. He might as well take a look.

The hall wasn’t very big (in Loki’s eyes, nothing in Midgard looked big). There was a stage with a podium and a microphone where a young woman was talking enthusiastically to a group of people sitting in their red, cushioned chairs around the stage like an arena.

All seats were taken by mortals from all ages, but Loki was obviously the youngest looking one in the entire hall (and ironically the oldest). He walked silently away from the door and glanced over at the back seats. There was no way in Hel that he was going to seat in the front rows. Coming here was bad enough. He did not wish to be noticed. His black eye was still very visible, but at least his eyes weren’t red and puffy anymore.

“All adoptees like us either think or are actively looking for their biological parents,” the woman in the stage said to the audience.

_I did not. I didn’t even know I was adopted._

“It happens every time we look at someone in the street with the same hair or eye color and wonder _‘are you my parent?’”_

_I did not. I thought they were my parents. People said I had gotten my black hair from Odin’s mother, Bestla. They never corrected them._

“It’s all part of the adoptee need to know his or her story.”

 _What am I doing here?_ Loki thought bitterly, glaring at the enthralled and teary eyed mortals. _What am I hoping to achieve by hearing these mortals and their stories about adoption? They have nothing to do with me. We are nothing alike._

Just as he about to give up looking for a seat and leave, his green eyes crossed with those of a familiar face. The author, Colleen Altman, was sitting on the right edge of the back row, her tablet on her hands and her purse on top of an empty seat. Her blue eyes widened when she saw Loki, apparently recognizing him from their brief encounter in the library. She smiled kindly, picked up her purse and motioned for Loki to a seat next to her.

Loki looked around, making sure she wasn’t looking at someone else and shook his head. However, Colleen Altman insisted and Loki found himself walking silently and sat awkwardly beside her.

“Hello,” she whispered.

“Hi.”

“I’m Colleen Altman. I don’t know if you remember, but we’ve met in the library yesterday,” she dropped her head to Loki’s level.

Had it only been yesterday? It felt so long ago.

“Yes. I remember you, Miss Altman,” Loki nodded, trying to be nonchalant.

The woman laughed softly. “It’s Mrs. actually, but thanks. You just made me feel young. You must be Ikol,” Loki raised an eyebrow. “Mrs. Cantor sings praises about you. Best storyteller she ever heard.”

Loki couldn’t help but smile a little. Dear Mrs. Cantor. He would shower her with gold and jewels one day.

“Mrs. Cantor is very kind.” 

Mrs. Altman smiled again, but it was a nice, tender smile. Motherly. She looked like a mother. Loki remembered that the poster listed her as an adoptive mother and wondered if she had real children of her own. He wasn’t sure if adoptive mothers looked like _‘_ mothers’ unless they had real kids or were very good at keeping an act, like Frigga.

Loki immediately felt bad for thinking that. Frigga was too kind. She was gentle towards even the lowest of creatures and she had been perfect at playing the role of his mother.

_I wanted it to be real…_

“Well, I would love to hear your stories,” the overly cheery woman in the podium told the audience. “It’s your turn to pick the microphone and tell us how your search ended. Don’t be shy! Sharing these experiences is wonderful, especially to those who have not yet started.”

Loki spent the following forty minutes gritting his teeth and shifting uncomfortably in his seat as the microphone passed around the audience and the adoptees recounted their heartwarming, movie like reunions with their birth parents. How they ‘ _knew’_ they were related, at first sight, the instant connection they felt, how much they had in common with each other, how some even went to live with them after they found each other…

Loki wanted to scream and gag at the same time. His _“reunion”_ with Laufey had nothing magical or moving about it. They were two strangers connected by blood that hated each other as soon as they laid eyes on the other. Loki never felt the feelings of connection, belonging and love these mortals were blabbering about.  He could only feel angry and disgusted.

As for his birth mother, he didn’t even know her name or if she was still alive. He had wondered if she had loved him a little bit or if she had been sad when he was left to die in that temple, but even if she had, it had not been enough for her to keep him.

 _Maybe she couldn’t,_ the childish part of him thought. _Maybe she didn’t want to give me away. Maybe she tried to get me back and was imprisoned._ _Maybe she wanted to keep me but Laufey wouldn’t let her._

Loki pushed these thoughts to the back of his mind. They wouldn’t do him any good. Besides, even if his birth mother was still alive, he didn’t want to meet her or go live with her. He didn’t know her. She wasn’t his...

He bit his lower lip.

Did that make him a freak? Everyone else in the hall loved their birth parents and wanted to be with them, but Loki didn’t. Did that mean that there was something wrong with him?

_Of course there is Loki. There is plenty wrong with you. Have you only noticed it now?_

“This is pointless,” Loki whispered, his body tense with anger.

“Are you alright, sweetie?”

Mrs. Altman was staring at him with a worried expression on her blue eyes. Loki felt himself blush. How long had she been looking at him?

“I’m fine,” he answered rather petulantly.

The middle-aged woman didn’t seem convinced. “Well… if there is anything you need…”

“I don’t need anything,” Loki spat, immediately regretting his outburst. This was not the time or the place. If he lost control again, he would turn in front of all these people. “I’m sorry, ma’am. I have to go.”

At the same time Loki finished talking, an Asian man sitting on Mrs. Altman left raised his hand and stood up, meaning he wished to speak. Cursing his bad timing and not wanting to draw more unwanted attention to himself, Loki sank back against the seat with an angry pout and watched irritably as the man got the microphone.

“My name is Paul Samuels. I’m from Ohio, but I’ve been living in New York for the last twelve years,” he told the audience. “I was adopted when I was a week old. I came here to find my birth parents.”

Loki rolled his eyes. Great, another happily ever after story. Apparently, everyone but him had one.

“I hate to be the guy who rains on everyone’s parade. I know everyone loves a happy reunion story, just like the ones we see on TV or read about in the magazines or books. I’m very happy for all of you who found what you were looking for. Unfortunately, not every one of us gets a happy ending,” Paul bit his lower lip. Mrs. Altman placed a comforting hand on his arm and nodded at him to carry on.

Loki blinked, confused. Had they come together?

“When I was five, my adoptive mother got pregnant. This was a huge deal because, up until that point, she thought she couldn’t have children. It was around that time that they told me I was adopted. You’re going to have a baby sister and no, you didn’t come from mommy’s belly like she did. I didn’t take it well,” Paul took a deep breath, the entire hall silently waiting for him to continue. “When my sister was born, I was crazy jealous of her. No matter how much my mom and dad told me they loved us the same, I never believed them. I started misbehaving at school and at home. I was sure they were going to get rid of me. I felt like we were playing family, you know? That it wasn’t real. The baby they had was real. I was the kid they got stuck with because they thought they couldn’t have one. I felt they loved her in a way they would never love me. She was the baby they really wanted.”

Loki moved uncomfortably in his seat, his chest suddenly tight. _Playing family_. He remembered the many, many meals he stayed quiet with a forced smile on his face while Odin and Frigga praised Thor for one of his conquests with nothing but love and pride in their faces. He remembered Odin placing his hand around Balder during his coming of age party while Frigga offered him a sword with tears rolling down her porcelain cheeks as Thor clapped proudly. Loki’s achievements always seemed to pale in comparison. He felt invisible. As if it didn’t matter that he was there.

Proud parents, their beloved children and the imposter in their midst.

“It got even worse when I became a teenager. I was rude, disobedient and confrontational. I even joined a group of teen delinquents and started drinking, smoking and stealing cars among… other things. My adoptive mother cried all the time and my father was furious. I lashed out at him the most. My adoptive mom is of Japanese descent, but my adoptive father is white and I used that against him every time I had the chance. I didn’t care. They weren’t my “real” parents anyway. My real family was out there, probably looking for me and they would love me for real. I had all these fantasies in my head. They were forced to give me up because they were too poor, they were spies, royalty or heroes from another dimension. Even when my adoptive parents told me what they knew about my biological mother, those fantasies didn’t go away. Like many of you, I started looking for them on every Asian person I saw on the street. I was so sure that once they saw me, they would love me immediately and everything would be fine.”

Paul’s eyes were bright and his hand was shaking while holding the microphone. Mrs. Altman grabbed his other hand and he held her tight before continuing.

“When I was eighteen, I found my birth mother through Facebook of all places. She was a business manager and had three other kids. I had three little brothers. I didn’t even hesitate. I packed a few things and took the night train to New York. It took me a while to find her home address, but when I did, I showed up at her house on a Sunday morning, dressed in the best clothes I had. She was the one who opened the door. I will always remember it. She was wearing a pink sweatshirt and bunny slippers and was holding a piece of toast. I could hear the kids laughing down the hall.”

Loki was close enough to see a single tear slide down Paul’s cheek, but his face remained composed like he was made of stone.

“I shouldn’t have dropped in uninvited into her life. I know that now. I should have written her a letter and waited for her to respond instead of dropping a bomb like this on her front porch. But I was a kid and she was my mother. Mothers love their sons. I thought the moment I told her who I was, everything would fall into place. We would hug and be a family. Instead, she froze and stared at me like I was a ghost. She closed the door so the kids wouldn’t hear us and hugged herself tightly, as if she was trying to stay as far away from me as possible. She told me… she told me she didn’t want me to find her. Her husband and her kids didn’t know about me. She had gotten pregnant when she was sixteen at a party with some drunk loser she didn’t even remember. That’s how she thought of my birth father, some nameless drunk loser. Going to that party was the biggest mistake she had ever made. She told me not to contact her again or talk to her kids. If I did, she was going to call the police and get me arrested for harassment. She was disgusted with me. All I was to her was a bad memory she wished she could erase. Her dirty secret.”

Paul closed his eyes and quickly wiped the tear from his cheek. Loki found himself waiting for him to finish his tale. He wanted to know what he had done to that horrid woman. He was actually surprised to realize how much this mortal’s story had affected him. He personally wanted to make his mother pay and reveal her secret to all her family. Then burn her pretty house for good measure. She deserved it.

“I was devastated. I felt… like I lost my mother all over again. All my fantasies had been just that. Fantasies. Now I had no one. No birth family and no adoptive family. I’d had burned way too many bridges and there was too much bad blood between us now to go back,” he straightened his back and stared at the saddened faces in the audience with resolve. “I am alright now. I wasn’t for a very long time, but I am now. It took while for me to get over it and even now I’m not exactly sure if I’ll ever be. But I’ve reached a point in my life where I can leave the past in the past and focus on my future. I’m grateful to those who have helped me get here,” he glanced towards Mrs. Altman and smiled. “I’ve got a good job, wonderful friends and a lovely fiancé. I don’t know if I’ll ever speak to my birth mother again or my siblings, or if I’ll mend this rift between me, my parents and my sister. All I know is, regardless of the outcome, I will be alright.”

Paul looked around and awkwardly sat down. There was a moment of silence in the hall before someone started clapping and soon everyone was doing the same. Paul blushed and smiled embarrassedly at Mrs. Altman, who returned his gaze with a kind and proud smile.

Slowly but surely, more people stood up and asked for the microphone. The adoptees who had been listening silently and uncomfortably, ashamed of their own stories, began to speak of their own bad endings and their feelings of regret, guilt, and shame. One adoptee confessed that he regretted coming into contact with his birth family because now they overstepped every boundary, inviting themselves into his life whenever they pleased and being hostile and resentful towards his adoptive parents. Another confessed that she was tired being a peacekeeper between her birth and adoptive mother. One tearfully revealed them that she found out she had been the result of a rape, while another told them that he didn’t want to meet his birth mother who had written him a letter, even though his adoptive parents had been nothing but supportive, and wondered if that made him a cruel person.

Loki sat in his seat quietly listening, stretching his neck to see the person who was talking. He heard them talking about their regrets, shame, and feelings of inadequacy with the same wonder he did when he watched other magic users for the first time. Suddenly, he didn’t feel like there was something wrong and broken within him. He wasn’t the only one who felt angry, sad and disappointed.

And so, Loki remained in the conference, listening to the rest of the adoptees and then the invited speakers.

**_Adoptees have different feelings about their adoption._ **

**_Not all adoptees react to their adoption the same way._ **

**_Adoption should not be a secret or something anyone should be ashamed of._ **

**_Adoption is not and should be not a second-best choice to build a family._ **

**_There will be people who will judge the adoption, but they have no right to do so._ **

**_Many adoptees struggle with issues of self-worth, shame, guilt, and identity._ **

**_Some adoptees really need to find their birth parents to find closure, or maybe a new beginning, but not all._ **

**_The adoptee has the right to know about the adoption as soon as they can understand._ **

Back in Asgard, only he seemed to have taken his adoption badly. Odin and Thor thought he was being overly sensitive and dramatic. They didn’t understand his reaction or why he felt angry and hurt and flat out decided to ignore him and act like he was overreacting. Worse, they thought he was cruel and ungrateful while they had done nothing wrong.

He was not the only bad guy.

They shouldn’t have lied to him. He had the right to know about his lineage. It was _his_ life and they had spent one thousand years lying to his face. Odin’s reveal had destroyed the world he thought he knew and they had expected him to shrug it off and be overjoyed with gratitude.

Loki had been so focused on the speakers and his own thoughts, that he was surprised to see Mrs. Altman approaching the podium. He didn’t even notice that she wasn’t beside him anymore.

“Good afternoon. My name is Colleen Altman and I’m a Marriage and Family Therapist. More importantly now, I’m an adoptive mother,” her voice was calm but firm and she smiled like she there was nowhere she would rather be than in this moisty hall. “However, neither my degree nor the fact that I’ve adopted my son means that I have all the answers about adoption. No one has. Every adoption is unique. There are no rules on how to be an adoptee. Every adoptee has his or her own story,” her eyes crossed with Paul’s and briefly with Loki’s before she continued talking. “What I can try to do is give you, adoptees and parents, be it birth or adoptive, a few pieces of advice on how to deal with your family and your life and hope that you’ll find a way to live it happily.”

Mrs. Altman grabbed the microphone from the podium and began to walk around the stage, her blue eyes focused on the people listening to her. Loki wondered if her adoptive son had come to see her too.

“Adoption is just another way to build a family. Like it was said before, it should not be seen as the second best choice. Parenting an adoptive child is different from a birth child, not because is less valid, but because our children require different needs than those of a biological child. Regardless, both biological children and adoptive children are our children and should be treated as such. Not the same, because they are two different people, but equally.”

In his red seat, Loki shifted uneasily, feeling a big knot in his throat.

“Adoptees can be completely okay with their adoption, while others might find it a source of suffering. There is no right or wrong way. Everyone feels differently. Those who are suffering from feelings of grief, sadness, and anger should not be ignored, even if the parents don’t understand those feelings. They are real and should not be dismissed. My advice for you is to talk to your parents about your adoption, tell them what you wish to know and how do you feel. Some of them will be supportive and loving, while others might not understand you, become defensive or even refuse to talk about it. If you’re suffering and you wish to talk, find help. Your friends, a support group, a therapist, a psychologist or even a psychiatrist if you require medical help.”

Loki grabbed the seat in front of him, breathing deeply as he watched Mrs. Altman return to the podium.

“There is nothing to be ashamed about needing help.”

* * *

 

People took their time leaving the hall. They would gather in small groups, talking, laughing and crying before they recomposed themselves and went back to the real world. Slowly but surely, they emptied the hall and walked towards their cars.

Loki watched as Paul and other three young adults chatted with Mrs. Altman. When they finally said their goodbyes, the little god left his hiding spot and ran after her to the parking lot.

“Mrs. Altman!”

The blonde woman turned around, her car keys already in her hand.

“Oh! Hi, Ikol!” she said. “What did you think of the conference?”

“It was… interesting. Very educational. I must congratulate you on your speech.”

Mrs. Altman smile grew wider. “Well, I’m glad you liked it. I hope it helped.”

Loki forced himself not to break eye contact. “Yeah… I was wondering if I could purchase your services.”

Mrs. Altman raised an eyebrow with confusion.

“Purchase?”

“You are a therapist, yes? You help people fix their emotional problems,” Loki took his wallet from his pocket. “I can see that you are well versed with adoption. So, I would like you me fix me, like you did with Paul Samuels.”

The blonde woman stared at him with a surprised and yet confused expression.

“Money will not be a problem,” Loki quickly added. Mortal children usually didn’t have much. “I can pay you whatever you want.”

“Money isn’t the issue, sweetheart,” she told him carefully. “Therapy is a treatment. It isn’t the same as fixing someone. I try to help people like Paul deal with their problems regarding their adoption and their feelings towards it.”

“So you end them, right?”

“Not exactly. People aren’t machines. You can’t just press a red button and suddenly all your bad feelings are gone. It takes time and a lot of work from the patient. Sometimes that’s not even enough. I can’t make all your problems disappear.”

“I can work hard. I’ll do whatever it takes. I swear!” Loki moved closer, his fist closed around his wallet, his green eyes filled with resolve. “I want to get better.”

Mrs. Altman sighed and kneeled in front of him, so they were facing each other. Loki could see different shades of blue in her eyes.

“Did your parents tell you needed therapy to get better?”

Loki physically recoiled. He turned his head away from her concerned gaze. “No.”

_They did not want me to get better. They wanted to toss me in a cage, throw away the key and pretend I didn’t exist._

“Do they know you’re here?” she asked.

“No. I came here on my own.”

“I see.”

He guessed he should have expected her to mention his parents. No child in Midgard did anything without their mother or father’s consent. He had thought a few lies in case she pressed the matter further and even considered using one of his charms, but Mrs. Altman didn’t say anything else. Instead, she reached for her bag and took a small, white paper card.

“Here’s my office’s address and phone number,” she placed the card in his tiny hand and closed his fist around it gently, her blue eyes fixed on his green ones. “You can drop by tomorrow around six p.m. if that’s okay.”

Loki was baffled. He had expected a lot more resistance and need to persuasion for her to accept his offer.

“I… Yes. That’s okay. Six is fine.”

He opened his wallet and grabbed a few dollar bills, but her hand closed around his.

“First appointment is free. We’ll see how it goes and then we can talk about money, okay?”

Still surprised, Loki could only nod. Mrs. Altman squeezed his shoulder and got up. She offered to take him home, but he declined and told her that someone was coming to pick him up.

“Alright. I’ll see you tomorrow, Ikol.”

“Okay.”

She got in her car and left the library’s parking lot, wavering goodbye before she disappeared into New York’s crazy traffic.

Loki stood still under the orange electric light, staring at the card.

_Colleen Altman, Marriage and Family Therapist._

He put the card inside his wallet and started walking towards his apartment building. Along the way, he stopped at a pizza shop and brought three large ones.

Following America’s advice (as much as it pained him), he acted casual and went home. He ate his pizzas, watched a movie and went to bed. Tomorrow was a busy day. He was beginning his new training regimen, work on his new battle garments, hang out with Verity and then see Mrs. Altman.

He was done crying and being pathetic. He was going to become stronger and more powerful than he had ever been, build his own castle and kingdom and fix himself.

He was going to look back at Asgard, Odin, and his family and he was going to feel nothing for them ever again.

* * *

 

_Helheim, Valhalla_

Frigga always stood by the waterfall. She found the sound of the cascading water soothing. The rainbow created due to the sunlight reminded her of the Bifrost Bridge. There was a small marble bench near her, but she would rather stand than sit down waiting.

She was a patient woman, always had been. When her mother died and her father, Fjörgynn, put Vanaheim’s people’s needs in front of his four children, she had taken upon herself to look after her younger siblings like her mother would have wanted.

She loved her brother and sisters deeply and was proud of the adults they had become.

Freyja was a great queen. She was strong, wise and ruled Vanaheim both gracefully and fearlessly. Despite being the eldest, Frigga never wished the throne and was more than happy to let Freyja rule the Realm her ancestors loved.  She knew her sister had been having problems with her eldest daughter, Aldrif, but she hoped they had put their issues aside, especially now with the birth of her new daughter, Laussa.

Gullveig, her youngest sister, had grown into a very powerful warrior and was currently the leader of the Valkyries. Her little sister had always been strong-minded and determined, but she cared deeply for her students and warriors. She was a role model to those girls and young women and Frigga truly admired her for her that. However, Gullveig’s convictions could make her seem a bit harsh towards those who didn’t meet her standards. She had been adamant against her marriage to Odin, an Aesir, and she had been very cold towards their sons.

As for Frey, her only brother, and Freyja’s twin, he was the more caring and sensible of her siblings and closer to Frigga in temperament. Despite their sisters’ remarks of his lack of ambition and passivity, Frey had grown up to become a strong, wonderful man and father to her beloved Balder. Even if it pained Frigga, she had to admit that he and his wife had given Balder all the love in the Nine Realms. They had raised him wonderfully and Frigga would always be grateful, even if she wished from the bottom of her heart that she had never been forced to give her baby boy away.

Her sisters always said that she was too kind for her own good, putting everyone’s needs above her own. They told her she should have stood up to Odin’s decisions numerous times. Freyja even told her to leave him and Asgard when Balder had been cursed and sent to Vanaheim. She vowed they would protect her and her baby.

It had been a dark time during her marriage. Balder’s loss had hardened Frigga’s heart and sent her into a dark and cold place. She had resented Odin and Asgard with a fury that still surprised her to this day. She had blamed her husband for the curse and loathed her position as the queen for preventing her from being with her child. By the Norns… she had resented _Thor_. Sweet, little Thor who did not understand what was going on or why his mother did not want to be with him anymore.

Her grief had consumed her. She almost left Asgard and abandoned Thor to be with Balder. She had been so close. She never forgave herself for that. There were a lot of things she could not forgive herself.

She and Odin had built their family on secrets and lies. She knew one day those lies would destroy her family and yet she had been too scared, too weak to tell her boys the truth.

Their secrets had already taken Loki away and she feared they would take Thor too. She had failed her sons. 

They should have told Loki about his adoption and his lineage a long time ago. She knew they could not keep that secret from him forever and yet they said nothing, convinced they were protecting him from a terrible truth that would crush him. He should not have learned it on his own or during those circumstances. She knew he would hate them once he found out. He felt deceived and betrayed. All his feelings of inferiority and self-loathing came crashing down and he shielded himself with rage as he lashed out.

It might have been Odin’s decision to never tell him the truth, but Frigga was as much to blame as he was. As a result, she had to watch her bright, beautiful son descend into madness, drowning himself and the world in his sorrow.

Most people said she was blind or even stupid for not seeing him as the monster he had become or realizing that he was too far gone. They expected her to wash her hands of him like Odin and Thor had apparently done. However, Frigga could still see her Loki hidden under those layers of rage, hatred, and sadness, too wounded to let anyone get near him again.

Odin had refused to even speak his name after he was incarcerated. He forbade Frigga from going to the dungeons to see him and yet he did nothing to stop her when she used her magic to talk to Loki in his cell or when she sent soldiers to bring him books and furniture. She knew her husband well and she knew he was hurting as much as she was under his cold façade.

It wasn’t like she did not see Loki’s faults or his crimes, she was disappointed with him and even angry. She agreed there should be consequences for his actions, but she would never stop loving him, no matter how much he pushed her away. She would not reject him. He was her son, regardless of what he thought, and she would keep reaching out for him until he took her hand.

But now she was dead.

Frigga did not regret her death. She died protecting the woman her son loved, her kingdom and her children. No, she did not regret her decision to face the Dark Elves, but she longed for her family.

She glanced behind her. A magnificent crystal palace rose above the water, surrounded by green mountains and vast forests. Valhalla, where the brave dead shall live forever. It was more beautiful than any realm she had been. A true paradise for those who had died honorably.

It was a beautiful golden cage, but a cage nonetheless.

“Still waiting, I see,” a male, booming voice said behind her.

Frigga did not have to turn around to know the man was walking towards her. She did face him when he reached her, her face blank and calm when she finally addressed him.

“King Bor.”

Bor Burison, former King of Asgard, father of Odin, stood beside her with his horned helmet under his arm and his auburn hair waving in the light wind. There was blood on his golden armor, no doubt he had been fighting earlier with other warriors before they all went to a feast, their wounds all healed by then.

He looked as he would in his prime, young and powerful. They all looked like that in Valhalla. Frigga herself looked centuries younger. There were no elderly men or women in this warrior paradise.

“There is a fine line between persistence and stubbornness, girl,” Bor said, his gray eyes focused on her face.

“My stubbornness has borne fruit several times, my King,” she told him evenly. “Therefore I will keep insisting.”

“You summon the Queen of the Dead every single day and nag her for information. One day, she will get fed up with your insistence.”

Frigga shrugged. “I am willing to pay the price, Father. It’s the only way I can get information about Odin and the boys.”

“Bah! Not this again,” Bor rumbled dismissively. “As if there was anything you could do stuck in here!”

Frigga had never met Bor while he was alive. The King had died early in battle, followed shortly by his twin sons, Vili and Ve. Odin spoke proudly of his father’s achievements in front of the boys, focusing on his strength and bravery that had resulted in numerous victories for Asgard. Privately, Odin mood soured every time he thought about his father. The few occasions Frigga had convinced him to open up to her, he told her about Bor’s constant criticisms and how often he belittled him when he was a child. Nothing Odin did seemed to please his father. In fact, Odin’s talent with diplomacy was often seen as cowardly and deceptive by his father’s eyes, who was brutally and unapologetically honest about everything.

Odin and Loki were truly alike in that regard. She wished they could see that.

 “I may not be able to do anything, but I wish to know of them. I want to know if they’re alright.”

Frigga usually did not get an answer from Hela, but she continued asking day after day. Once in a while, Hela relented. Thanks to her persistence, she knew that the Dark Elves had been defeated, Loki had impersonated Odin, Thor had returned to Asgard and saved it once more, Odin had been found alive, Thor was now King of Asgard and betrothed to Jane and that Loki was still missing. Bor always complained, but he did not mind to listen to the news.

Frigga thought of Thor, finally ruling Asgard and about to get married to that lovely girl. She wished she could be there and see him become the king she always knew he would become. She wished she was there helping him with his wedding. Her son was getting married and she was not there to see it.

And Loki… Her heart ached with worry. Where was he? Was he alright? Was he alone and injured? Was he planning another terrible deed? Had he been found and killed? Was he waiting for his execution inside a cell?

How could things have gone so wrong? How could she let this happen?

“You waste your worry on disappointing boys,” Bor said.

Frigga glared at him. She knew what was coming.

“King Bor—”

“Odin is a fool! A fool who thinks he’s brilliant. Always has been, ever since he was a boy. Always convinced his plans and schemes are genius, playing people like pieces in a game,” the old King went on irascibly.  “What have his great plans got him? Huh? A weak-minded son whose loyalty lies with Midgard of all places! A soft-hearted son raised by the Vanir! And a wicked, traitorous Jotun runt!”

Frigga turned around to face him so quickly her hair hit his face. Her normally gentle blue eyes glowing with fury.

“You will not insult my sons, Bor Burison. I will not allow it,” she screamed in his face, her finger already glowing with seidr, pointing towards his chest. “You may have been a callous father towards your own children, but I will not allow you to bad-mouth your grandsons.”

Bor’s nostrils flared, his eyes shifting from his daughter-in-law’s finger to her obstinate face.

“I will say whatever I please, girl. Odin may think of me as callous, but I never deceived any of my sons. I was always truthful about where each of them stood and which one would rise to the throne,” he smashed his helmet on the pillar and grunted as it reformed. “What was Odin thinking when he brought the Jotun to Asgard? Did he really think he could use a Skin Changer runt to unite Asgard and Jotunheim by putting him on their throne? Was he really that deluded? Frost Giants would rather have no King than let a runt rule them. They despise those creatures, even if one of them is the Crown Prince.”

“He... We hoped both Asgard and Jotunheim’s mindset would change with time,” Frigga felt a painful knot in her throat.  All those plans laid all those centuries ago seemed so feeble, so stupid now. “We hoped… for better days.”

“If that was his plan, then he should have kept the Jotun close enough to gain his loyalty as a ward or even a privileged prisoner of war. Not adopting him and making him believe he was Aesir!”

“Do not call him ‘the Jotun’! He has a name! Odin named him! We raised him as nothing but our son,” Frigga could feel tears behind her eyes, she willed them back. “Odin gave up those plans long ago. He is not a political tool. He is our child, nothing more, nothing less. Aesir or Jotun, he is as much our son as Thor or Balder.”

Bor grinned. “Really? You think Odin thought that? Everyone serves a purpose to that boy. If he really gave up on his plan to use the Jotun— _the boy_ to unite the two Kingdoms, then he had another use for him,” he raised one finger. “An only child takes the throne for granted. Knowing a sibling can take it, forces him to fight harder and since said sibling was hidden away…”

Frigga’s heart skipped a beat once she understood the terrible thing he was insinuating.

“That was _not_ why we took Loki!” she told Bor through gritted teeth. “We did not raise him to be Thor’s competition.”

“And yet Odin had no intention of putting him on the throne. Don’t glare at me, girl. I know my own son. Thor was always meant to be King. It was a clever plan. I’ll give him that. Unfortunately, Odin didn’t take into consideration that the boy could find out the truth and rebel.”

For what seemed a long time, they simply faced each other. The bright sunset behind the mountains, casting a shadow over them. Suddenly, the waterfall looked gray and dangerous.

“You think very lowly of Odin,” Frigga finally said. “If you believe he planned all this, then you do not know your own son at all.”

“Believe what you want, girl. It does not matter now anyway. What is done, is done,” he picked up his helmet and started walking down the path leading to the castle. They could hear the music from where they stood. Suddenly, Bor stopped. “Intentional or not, those two boys were groomed to be enemies. There is only one outcome possible. Sooner or later, they are going to kill each other.”

With that, Bor disappeared into the night. When he was out of sight, Frigga finally sat on the bench and let her tears fall.

Enemies. Her sons were enemies. Either Thor found Loki and executed him or Loki would get his vengeance on Asgard.

Her sons were going to kill each other while she waited in that golden cage.

Choking her sobs, Frigga stood up and wiped her tears. She was done waiting and doing nothing while her family disintegrated as consequence of her weakness.

It did not matter what she had to do or how she had to do it. She was leaving Valhalla.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The mothers are ready to take action. I hope you liked the way I've written both Frigga and Farbauti. I tried to add something more to their lore. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	15. I gotta go my own way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally write a new chapter and it focus on Thor. Actually, this was going to be a lot smaller, but the story seemed to have a life of its own and grew bigger.
> 
> I tried to flesh out the Asgardian royal family a bit more, I hope you guys like the end result.

_I’m never getting married._

_No. I mean it. I am never going to place myself in such a position when I know everything will go wrong._

_I have never been in love, so I do not know if I am missing something wonderful. There were women and a few men that I got involved with, but I never felt the affection you always seemed to nurture for your many, many, many lady friends._

_For me, it was just sex. Groan in disgust as much as you like, but from what I can remember, sex was really good :)_ _(in case you don’t know, this is a smiley face. Ask your human friends to explain it to you)._

_Your romantic endeavors always seemed to start like an epic romance like those we read about when we were children, but they never seemed to last very long. As if your interest died somehow. It drove Sif crazy._

_Seriously, Thor! You were the only person in Asgard who did not realize she has been in love with you ever since we were children. It was both annoying and very entertaining. As you know, Sif and I never actually liked each other, so whenever you found a new flame, seeing her pout and storm off was pure bliss._

_And then there was Jane Foster. How you fell for her still baffles me. I get that she’s attractive and, as always, you let your little hammer do the thinking ;) (yes, smiley face again!), but she is more… academic than your usual lovers. You never cared about knowledge before and yet you fall for a woman whose biggest passion is its pursuit? I wonder what you two talk about at dinner. It must be fascinating (that’s sarcasm)._

_Verity told me she doesn’t think she’ll get married either. When I build my own castle and rule my own kingdom, I will ask her to join me and give her a position of power._

_I would not trust any wife, but I trust her._

* * *

 

The following days after his vision and his tense conversation with his father, Thor found himself busier than usual.

Following Odin’s request, Thor increased the kingdom’s security and warned his people about a possible attack from Loki. The Asgardians reacted accordingly to the threat and armed themselves and their homes with murderous resolve. Guards patrolled the streets and the borders day and night. The Einherjar followed Balder closely all day and patrolled around his chambers every night, determined to protect their newfound prince from the traitorous snake. Heimdall searched the other Realms more closely than ever.

Days turned to weeks, but no attack came. There was no sign of Loki.

Odin urged Thor to remain vigilant and not drop his guard, though. The former King was convinced Loki was plotting against Asgard and Balder, thus he followed his long lost son wherever he went, always ready for the imminent attack Loki was surely plotting carefully.

“Loki is sly and he can be patient. This delay means nothing, my son. He _will_ attack,” Odin told Thor after one of their many arguments about the Realm’s security. “Mark my words, he is merely waiting for the moment we drop our guard to strike. We must not allow that to happen.”

Thor ran his finger down Mjolnir’s handle, he felt its electricity prick his thumb.

“What if his attack never comes, Father? How long will we keep Balder surrounded by the Einherjar?”

“For as long as it takes!” Odin roared, his blue eyes wide and enraged. “We will protect him for all eternity if necessary. I will not lose my son a second time. Loki will strike and when he does, I’ll be there to stop him.”

Thor took a deep breath. He thought back on the previous feasts he had attended, listening to his warriors has they declared their hatred for Loki and all the ways they were going to torture and kill him once he showed up. He thought of the tower holding Loki’s belongings, where people threw rocks and spat on, where children pretended to be warriors hunting him down and killing him with glee, or the parents that warned their little sons and daughters against the rotten Trickster who could come and kill them if they were not careful.

“He is hated so easily. It still surprises me how quickly everyone grew to despise him and scream for his blood,” Thor finally said, facing his father. “In just a few years, Loki has become the monster parents tell their children about at night.”

Odin seemed to pale a bit, but he quickly regained his composure.

“He only has himself to blame,” Odin finally answered. “If he is perceived as a monster it’s because of his wretched actions.”

“Aye,” Thor averted his eyes from his father and stared at his kingdom from the balcony.

“You are worried, my son,” Odin said, walking beside his eldest. “Is it Loki that troubles you?”

Thor took a deep breath. He had hoped he would not need to have this conversation with his father, but he could not delay it any longer.

“I have been having disturbing dreams,” the Thunderer confessed, blue eyes fixed on Loki’s dark tower in the outskirts of Asgard. “About Loki.”

Odin tensed. His wrinkled hand grabbed the ivory balcony. “What sort of dreams? Visions?”

Thor shook his head. “I do not think these are visions… They do not feel like the vision Gungnir showed me. That vision felt… real, even though it was blurred and difficult to understand. Father? Are you all right?”

For a second, the former King looked worried, maybe even scared. He rubbed his eyes with his hand and when he looked back at Thor, he was his composed self again.

“It’s nothing, Thor. I feel a bit tired, that’s all.”

“Do you wish to rest? I understand these last few weeks have been strenuous for you—”

“I am fine, Thor. Now, you were telling me about your dreams. Continue.”

Still wary about his father’s health, Thor continued. He would urge Odin to rest later.

“I have been having the same dream every night for the past two weeks. In it, me and Loki fight and I’m overcome with murderous rage,” he glanced once more towards Loki’s tower. “The dream is never exactly the same. The locations change, as do the words we trade with each other and even the way we both look, but it always ends the same away,” Thor faced his father. “I always end up brutally killing him.”

Thor recalled last night’s dream. Loki was on the ground, terrified, pleading as Thor towered over him.

_“Thor! No! No! You must hear what I have learned! And what I've planned! We can defy destiny! We two… and unseat the tyranny of fate! Do not, I beg you, consign me, to its power again… do not make of me what I was! My future lot, and yours, hinges on your next action. If there is yet mercy in you… If there ever was mercy in you…”_

Loki’s pleas suddenly ceased as Thor’s hammer fell on the Trickster’s head, smashing it into a pile of flesh, blood and grey matter.

There was no mercy.

Thor roared, heart, beating fast with adrenaline and his mind too high to think straight. He had killed Loki. He had finally killed Loki. It was over.

He grabbed Mjolnir and lifted it in the air. Thunder filled the skies, followed by heavy, icy rain. Blood ran down his hammer to his hand and arm. Thor stared at Mjolnir’s metal, now dirty with blood, pieces of bone and a few black hairs.

His gaze dropped to the headless corpse that had been Loki a few seconds ago.

_I killed Loki!_

As the rain continued to pour, Thor’s hand slowly dropped. There was blood everywhere. On the ground, on his boots, on his clothes… Loki’s blood…

_I killed Loki._

Thor’s roar died on his lips, replaced by ragged breathing. The welcome red haze of anger slowly lifted from his mind, leaving only the hard realization of what had happened and what he had done.

_Loki is dead…_

Mjolnir hit the ground, into a puddle of water and Loki’s blood.

_I killed… Loki._

Thor felt his knees trembling before they gave away and he landed in front of his brother’s corpse.

_What have I done? What have I done?_

Thus, Thor screamed into the thunderstorm.

At that moment, just like with all the others, Thor had woken up in his chamber, drenched in cold sweat, his throat sore as if he had been yelling.

Sleep had become a source of worry. Every night he wished for these dreams to cease, but they always returned to plague him.

Odin faced his son, his eyes squinting as he thought on what he had heard.

“Is he always killed in the same manner?”

“No,” Thor answered. “Most times, I simply crush him with Mjolnir. However, sometimes, I kill him through decapitation, strangle him or burn him with several bolts of lightning. It does not matter how he always perishes by own hand.”

Odin nodded, apparently deep in thought. “Have you contacted the mages? These dreams could be Loki’s doing. A way to try discourage you to end him.”

“I’ve asked the mages a few days ago. They even monitored me during one of these dreams. When I woke up, they informed me that they did not detect any sort of magic involved. The healers said the same thing.”

“Hmm,” Odin tapped his fingers on the ivory stone. “You have been under a great deal of stress lately, my son. Your dreams may be a reflection of that, especially after hearing our warriors screaming for Loki’s blood almost every day for the last few months.”

Thor thought about it. It made sense. Hearing those chants was becoming increasingly difficult each day, to the point where he had to leave the hall a few times when the warriors’ description of Loki’s demise became disturbingly gory.

He killed Loki every night, only to hear about how his people wished to end him during the day. It was… disturbing.

“I would not worry, Thor. Dreams such as those are common during a time of turmoil. They will pass,” Odin’s expression suddenly grew cold, his blue eyes fixed on someone crossing one of the bridges above them. Thor followed his gaze and saw Jane running across the bridge with several tomes under her arms. “Personally, I would worry more about your betrothed.”

Thor immediately felt his blood pressure rising. Jane disappeared from their view, a bright smile on her face. She would visit Midgard in a few days and have been ecstatic about it. Thor had not seen her this happy in a long time. Finally, after months of fighting, they finally seemed to get along as they used to.

 The new King turned to his father, not even bothering to hide his anger.

“Are you going to insult Jane again?” Thor said, trying to maintain his composure. “How many times must I tell you to leave her and our marriage alone? I love her. I love her and I have chosen to be with her. Why can’t you respect that? Do you not care for my happiness at all?”

“I care for your happiness more than you could ever know, my son. That is why I worry,” Odin answered back, his voice rising slightly before he took a deep breath and calmed down. “Your heart is good and honest, Thor. I know that you love her. I’m not questioning that.”

Odin turned around and walked towards what was now Thor’s study. The new king followed him. He also wished to have this conversation away from unwelcome prying ears and eyes.

After closing the door behind him, Thor saw his father walk towards the Asgardian family tree, drawn in gold on the wall. Soon, Jane’s name would be written beside his when they finally married.

Thor stood beside his father in front of the enchanted golden wall that dated their family’s history since the beginning of the Realm itself. Thor, Loki and now Balder’s names shone under Odin and Frigga’s, preceded by Bor and Bestla and so forth. The only notable difference was the marriage between his great-grandfather, Buri, and his great-grandmother, whose name had been erased from the tree, leaving only a scorched mark.

“Ever since we were children, my father always told us about the importance of marriage,” Odin spoke solemnly, as he always did whenever he spoke about his father. “He told me and my brothers that marriage was more than lust or love, even more than an alliance between Realms. It was an oath between two people, who swore they would live together and begin a new family, a new branch of the royal family. And they would remain loyal to their family, no matter what.”

“I understand all that. I never took marriage lightly, despite my claims during my youth,” Thor remembered the many maidens he had courted over the centuries and the many broken promises of unending love. He had always loved too passionately, but that love ended up flickering like a candle’s flame after a while. Except with Jane. He had never felt anything like the love he felt for her. “Everyone knows how serious grandfather was about marriage. Some people claim he even cursed the throne in order to prevent bastard children from ruling.”

Odin crossed his arms over his chest and stared at the charred spot where his grandmother’s name had been.

“My father grew up in a tumultuous house, filled with distrust and betrayal,” Odin told him. “His parents, my grandparents, had married by their parents' command as a way to unite two factions of what is now the Realm of Asgard. They tolerated each other’s presence enough to conceive a son, but that was all. They despised each other.”

Thor frowned. He had learned about his great-grandparents disastrous marriage during his history class, but he still found it hard to believe.

“Yes, I have learned all of that. Then, when King Buri died and my great-grandmother became queen regent, a man claiming to be the true heir tried to take the throne from grandfather Bor. Grandfather won the war and killed the usurper, thus taking the throne as the true King of Asgard,” Thor stared at Bor’s name. “My teachers told me that grandfather held a lot of resentment towards his mother because of how she treated him as a child, which is why he ordered for her name to be taken from the family tree and be forgotten. I still believe it was too harsh. She was still his mother, nothing will change that.”

“Hmm. That is the official story, yes,” Odin walked towards one of the chairs and sat down by the warm fire. “The full story was never written on records. My father saw to that.”

Thor raised a blond eyebrow. “What? You there was more to it?”

Odin grabbed a log and tossed it into the flames deliberately slow. After the wood catch fire, he finally faced his son.

“My grandmother was named Aslaug. Father told us her name and her story when we all came of age in this very room. He made us swear that her tale would never leave these walls,” Odin told him. “Aslaug felt no love for her husband or her son. Her heart belonged to another man with whom, unbeknownst to everyone at the time, she had already given birth to a son before her marriage. Her wish was to place her firstborn in the throne and bring a new era to Asgard. A new royal bloodline to replace our ancestors’.”

Thor’s blue eyes grew wide. “Then… the usurper…”

“He was her eldest son. Bor’s half-brother. A bastard son. His name forgotten in the sands of time,” Odin glanced towards the tree. Thor wondered if he was remembering the time when his father had told him this same story in this study. “Aslaug poisoned both her husband and her son during a family meal. Grandfather died, but my father survived the poisoning and was thrown out of a window into the river. Had he not been found by a family of fishermen who took him quickly to a healer, none of us would be here to tell this tale.”

Thor sat in the chair in front of his father, horrified by his great-grandmother’s coldhearted actions.

“Father, that is… I do not know what to say. I never thought that my great-grandmother… Aslaug would do something like that. What happened next? Surely, the people took grandfather’s side after such act of villainy. They would never allow a bastard son to rule Asgard.”

Odin shook his head. “My son, you are still too naïve. You always expect the best from our people. In reality, neither Buri nor Bor were well liked by the Asgardian people. When Aslaug brought her son, a young man raised humbly like them, most people supported her. No. When my father regained his strength, he returned to the palace mostly alone but determined to avenge his father and reclaim his birthright. He fought his half-brother in front of the entire kingdom and killed him. When his mother, now filled with rage and grief, tried to kill him again, he killed her too. After that, he became the new King of Asgard. He ruled the kingdom, crushed those who tried to overthrow him, protected the Nine Realms against every enemy, married and had children of his own and taught those same children to protect the all the Nine Realms once he was gone. He might have not been the most loved king, but after his death, no one claimed his half-brother would have ruled any better.”

Odin stood up, once more standing in front of the family tree. Thor remained in his seat, thinking about what his father had just told him. Years before, he would have heard his father, but not really listen to what he had to say. Now he was older and wiser, he understood Odin would not have told him his tale without a reason.

“Why tell me this story now, Father? What is it that you really wish to tell me?”

Odin smiled warmly.

“You have truly grown, Thor. Know that I am proud of the man and King that you have become. And know that, as your father, I will never stop worrying about you.”

“Thank you, Father. However, I do wish you would tell me what is really on your mind,” Thor stood up. “Is this still about Jane?”

Odin lowered his eyes, his smile gone and replaced with apprehension. “Yes.”

“Why can you not accept her? Why is that so hard for you?”

“Because I cannot see you having a future with her, Thor,” Odin’s voice was smooth, hoping his calm would prevent Thor from bursting out of the room like he always did whenever they had this discussion.

Thor’s chest rose. He towered over his aged father, eyes shining. “Because she’s Midgardian?”

“Do not pretend you don’t understand how that could be a problem, Thor.”

Thor was seething now. His hands curled into fists and the wood of the chair under his fingers cracked.

“You think yourself above her,” he blond man said through greeted teeth. “You look at her and you only see a feeble human, instead of the wonderful, intelligent and strong woman she truly is. If could just put aside those cursed prejudices—”

“This is not about prejudices, Thor. You marry this woman and then what happens? In thirty or forty years from now, she will be old and die while you remain a young man. Have you ever considered that?”

Thor sighed heavily. He paced around the study with a nervous expression on his face.

“Of course I have. We both know she ages a lot faster than we do,” the God of Thunder finally answered, his voice more subdued. “Which is why I told her about Idunn’s apples.”

Odin’s jaw dropped. His blue eyes wide and shocked. “You told her about the golden apples? Have you lost your mind?”

Thor turned to face his father in the eyes.

“It is the only way for us to be together,” Thor said, unwavering. “I know Idunn does not have any apples currently and the one that was stolen centuries ago was never found, but we will keep looking. According to the archives, the thieves who stole the apple sold it to a scientific corporation whose name was never revealed. They knew the corporation intended to study and replicate the apple’s properties and since we never heard any news of such a feat, they apparently have been unsuccessful.”

“As have we,” Odin walked towards his son, is anger growing with each word. “You told her, did you not? You told her about our attempts to replicate the apple’s healing abilities.”

Thor’s expression did not change. “Jane is a brilliant scientist. With access to our research, she can…”

“Can you not see what you have done, Thor? You gave her the knowledge about one of Asgard’s most valuable secrets!”

“So we can be together! If Jane figures out how the apple works, she might find a way to increase her natural life without having to worry about the deadly side effects.”

Odin pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head.

“Naïve, always so naïve,” the older man whispered. He took a deep breath had faced his angered son. “Thor, has love really blinded you? Can you not see that she will take our research and our findings to Midgard so she can share it with them?! It can be catastrophic! Humans will perceive this as immortality. That kind of power must not fall into human hands. Wars will be waged for it, numerous lives will be destroyed!”

Thor recoiled as if he had been struck, his blue eyes wide and nervous. He shook his head, refusing to believe his father’s claims.

“No. You are wrong. She would never to that. She promised me she would not take Asgardian knowledge to Midgard. She understands the risks. Jane gave me her word!”

Odin stared at his eldest sadly. “Thor, I know that you do not wish to ear this, but I fear more heartbreak will come if I don’t warn you now. She was seen storing samples of our attempts at recreating the golden apple along with several Midgardian portable devices that store information.”

Thor frowned. He glanced towards the balcony, where Hugin and Munin, Odin’s crows, watched them attentively behind the window’s glass.

“You are mistaken,” the Thundered said firmly. “I do not know what you think you saw with your birds, but Jane would _never_ deceive me! She loves me.”

“She might love you, Thor, but she loves knowledge and Midgard more,” Odin told him bleakly. “She cares nothing about Asgard or our people. She disregards our laws and costumes. All she wants is our knowledge.”

“Shut up!” Thor’s screamed echoed in the study as the air filled with electricity. The crows hastily took flight. “You were against my relationship with Jane from the start! All you want is to get rid of her! Why should I listened to anything you say?”

Odin shook his head. His own eyes red and brimming with tears. “Thor, I only ask you to think things through. As I told you, I do not question your love, but it takes more than that to build a marriage. How can you rule together, when her heart seeks opposite things? You two are going on different paths. She does not care about Asgard.”

“She cares about me! That’s all that matters and she would never betray my trust!”

Thunder filled the Asgardian skies, followed by several thunderbolts and rain. In the study, Thor breathed hard, his fists shaking in front of an impassive Odin.

“This conversation is over,” Thor turned around and stomped towards the door. “Do not wait for me for dinner, I will not come,” he said as he slammed the door shut.

Inside the study, Odin began to tremble. He staggered to the chair and buried his hand in his hands.

“Frigga, my love… cannot do this without you…”

* * *

 

Thor boots echoed down the corridors of the Palace. He paid attention to no one that crossed his path. One glance at the King’s furious expression was enough to stir people away.

He had to see Jane. He knew that seeing her, touching her, would erase all these terrible doubts his father had planted inside his mind.

By the time he reached Jane’s bedroom door, his breathing had almost returned to normal. Nevertheless, he took deep, long breaths and willed his expression to soften before he knocked on the metal door.

“Who is it?” Jane asked.

“It’s me. May I come in?”

“Sure! Come on in!”

Thor opened the door. Jane’s bedroom was gorgeous, worthy of the future Queen of Asgard. Her canopy bed was covered with diamonds, projecting a different galaxy every night. Her sheets had been made by light elves, a detailed image of Yggdrasil sowed on her quilt.

The room itself was filled with ancient and precious furniture, though Thor knew Jane valued more her personalized bookcase and the desk with her computer.

Jane turned around and smiled at him. She was holding a golden dress.

“So… what do you think? Does this one look good for tonight’s dinner?”

“You know you look good on anything, my love.”

“I like the way you think,” Jane laughed and dropped the dress on the chair in front of her. “Still, I have to get ready. Why do you guys have so many feats anyway? I don’t know how you can get up in the morning after eating all that food.”

Thor smiled warmly and walked towards her.

“We do enjoy a good feast,” he caressed her cheek, his smiling growing wider when she leaned her small body against him. “But you are right. We have been to enough feasts lately. Why don’t I send our food here?”

Jane blinked and then kissed him on his lips. “That sounds fun. Plus, there are a lot of things we can’t do in front of everyone in the hall.”

Thor laughed and kissed her harder, moaning when he felt her hands rubbing his chest. How could have ever doubted her? This beautiful, intelligent woman, who made him feel so loved?

They belonged together. Nothing his father said would change that.

Thor was about to pull her to the bed when his eyes saw something shining in front of him. It was hard to focus when Jane was kissing his neck so tenderly, but he recognized her handbag and what seemed like… a vial…

“Jane… have you started packing?”

Jane continued to plant delicate kisses on his neck and cheek.

“Sure. Gotta be prepared. I’ll tell you all about it later,” she said absent-mindedly, pulling Thor away toward the canopy bed and kissing his lips.

Thor could feel his heart no longer beating with the heat of passion, but with the anxiousness of doubt. He carefully grabbed Jane’s hands and moved away from her.

“Thor?” her brown eyes widened with confusion until she realized he was walking towards her bag. “What are you doing?”

She grabbed his arm, but she could not stop him from reaching his hand into her bag and grabbing the first thing he touched.

“Thor! What the hell? That’s private!” she reached out and pulled her handbag from his grasp, only for it to rip apart and drop all her items on the floor.

Thor stared at the golden liquid inside the vial, his heart thumping inside his chest. He tried to convince himself that there had to be an explanation until he felt the faint and familiar scent of golden apples.

“This is one of the vials the mages were using to replicate Idunn’s apples,” he looked at the ground, where four more vials were scattered among several notebooks and USB flash drives.  

The two faced each other, mouths agape. Jane’s lower lip started trembling.

“You were planning to take all these information to Midgard,” Thor said slowly, pleading with his eyes for her to deny it. “You… promised you would not do that. You gave me your word.”

Jane stared Thor directly in the eyes. Her own bright and filled with unshed tears.

“Thor… it’s not what you think.”

“Then please tell me,” he pleaded. “Tell me that’s not true. Tell me you were not planning to take all this dangerous information there. Please.”

Jane stood straighter. Her expression resolute while a single tear ran down her cheek.

“I had to do it,” she simply said. “I knew you wouldn’t understand. I’m sorry.”

Thor’s shoulders slumped, his head low. He walked backward until his back hit the wall, then he covered his eyes with his free hand.

Jane stood there, in front of her secret belongings, tears rolling freely down her face.

“I’m so sorry, Thor.”

* * *

 

Hours later, Thor buried his face in his arms before reaching for one of the many liquor bottles he had around him.

“Thor?”

Glancing at the door, Thor watched as Sif walked into the trashed room with his red and puffy eyes. She looked at the broken bottles but said nothing about it.

“Thor…”

The blond man took another sip from the bottle, failing to heal the ache in his heart even with the huge amounts of alcohol he had ingested. He said nothing when his old friend walked towards to his table and sat beside him.

“I heard that… Jane Foster has returned to Midgard,” Sif said, never taking her eyes off him.

Thor nodded and finished the bottle. The two sat in silence for about ten minutes when Thor finally spoke, his tongue feeling like lead.

“My engagement is over.”

Sif lowered her eyes and, in silence, grabbed another bottle and two cups. She filled both cups with the strongest ale she could find and served them both.

Hours later, after drinking all the beverages in the cellar, Thor finally fell asleep. The Norns apparently taking pity for the heartbroken King, as there were no nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry Thor and I'm sorry to all Thor/Jane shippers reading this. I tried not to make neither of them "the bad guy", just two people who love each other but want different things and ultimately could not make it work. 
> 
> Bor's story was very losely based on a DC character whose mother wished she could place her illegitimate son on the throne instead of him (in the New 52 at least). Always felt sorry for that guy. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this sad chapter.


	16. When the Going Gets Tough

Later, Loki would blame his state of mind on America.

He started out his day perfectly calm and collected. While he was making breakfast, Verity showed up at his apartment, still worried about how he had lost his temper in Helheim. Loki quickly put her at ease and, while sharing his blueberry and vanilla pancakes with her, he explained his plans for the following days.

“So… you’re gonna start training magic every day?” Verity asked between mouthfuls.

“That is part of the plan, yes,” Loki cleaned his face with a paper napkin. “I have decided to become stronger both physically and mentally, thus I will begin a new training regimen.”

“Are you going to ask Leah for help? Remember how she brought that book to her hand? That was awesome. She’s really good at magic.”

Loki snorted and pouted. As much as it pained him, he could not deny the truth in Verity’s words. Leah was _slightly_ more knowledgeable with sorcery than he was, but that did not mean that he liked to hear it.

“I believe I can bribe her to help me. Leah can be a good for practice as a fellow sorcerer… why are you laughing?”

Verity covered her mouth with her hand and giggled. “Sorry. It’s just… Leah seemed really tough. You probably need to train more before you can beat her.”

Loki could feel his cheeks burning. When he took Verity and America to Helheim, he had noticed how Verity stared in awe at Leah. He knew that Leah was currently stronger, but Verity was not supposed to think that she was better than he was.

“I am tough! And I can beat her. You never saw me when I was at full strength. If you did, you wouldn’t think Leah was that great.”

“Well, you were a grown up. Grown-ups usually are bigger and stronger. Now stop making that face!”

“What face?”

“That one! The one you’re doing right now,” Verity frowned and put her pancake back on the plate. “Why are you mad at me?”

Loki willed his face to soften and tried to face Verity with the composure of a prince. He failed miserably.

“You said I was weak!”

Verity's eyebrows grew closer together as she leaned towards him. “No. I never said you were weak. I said Leah was tough.”

“It’s the same thing!”

“No, it isn’t. Leah is tough and she always beats you, that’s why I said you need to train. I didn’t call you weak.” 

Loki slowly looked away from her blue eyes and stared at his small, thin arm over the kitchen table. Not a single trace of muscle. It looked so feeble and pitiful.

“You think she’s better than me,” he mumbled, hating how sad and pathetic he sounded.

Verity slapped her hands on the table, the milk glass almost tumbled over.

“Stop being jealous! Leah is tough but I know you can do better if you train!” the young girl kneeled on her chair, making sure she was looming above Loki’s head. “You’re a god, dummy! I know you can be a badass, I just don’t wanna see my best friend getting hurt. Now stop being stupid and eat your pancakes.”

Verity proceeded to eat the remaining pancakes, while Loki stared at her with his mouth open. He was at a loss for words, something that was becoming a recurring event with Verity. He was not sure which part of her speech had surprised him more. The fact that she had realized that he was jealous that she thought Leah was stronger than him, that she thought he could be a “badass” (one of Midgard’s highest compliments from what he had learned) or that she had called him her best friend.

Was that what they were? He was not used to being someone’s friend, let alone a “best friend”.  And what was a best friend really?

“These pancakes are really good!” Verity said right before swallowing another piece, her annoyance with him apparently forgiven and forgotten. “I didn’t know you could cook!”

“I… thanks,” he answered, still thinking of her previous words. Was she really going ignore their argument and keep on eating?

“Where did you learn to make pancakes?”

Apparently, she was.

“I… uh… on the internet. It’s quite simple, really. Midgardians are a lot more inventive with meals than Asgardians. We usually only ate meat and drink ale, that’s why so many old warriors have gout.”

Verity laughed and reached out for another pancake. “Well, your pancakes are better than my mom’s. You’re a really good cook, Loki.”

“Now that’s something you don’t hear every day,” a familiar muffled voice said.

The two children quickly turned their heads just in time as America Chavez opened the kitchen’s window and entered the apartment with a smug smile on her face.

“What are _you_ doing here?” Loki cried out, outraged with the girl’s cheeky attitude.

“Checking up on you, Chico,” America brushed her curly hair away from her face and walked towards them. Once again, her attire consisted entirely of red stripes and stars as if the United States of America had thrown up on her. “I told you. From now on, I’m keeping you in my sights. Hi, princesita.”

“Hi, America,” Verity said, smiling at the intruder as she sat beside her on the table. “Do you want some pancakes?”

“Do not offer her pancakes!” Loki stood up and glared at the tanned girl. “I did not invite you into my house, America.”

America grinned and reached for a fork.

“In case you didn’t notice Chico, I don’t need an invitation. Hmm! These… aren’t half bad. You can cook, who would have thought it?” she ate the rest of the pancake with obvious delight. “You will be such a great husband one day.”

“Shut up!” Loki shrieked, his entire face blushing.

In the end, Verity and America ate the rest of the pancakes. After finishing breakfast, Loki and Verity washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen while America sat on the sofa watching television, much to Loki’s chagrin.

After they were done, the three went to the living room where Loki discussed his future training schedule. America listened attentively and in silence, only intervening when she pointed out that Loki’s physical resistance was “shit” and needed a huge improvement for him to even attempt a harder spell.

“Thank you for that insightful and unwelcome observation, Miss America. But I think I can improve my physical resistance just fine.”

America stood up. “I seriously doubt that, Chico. Come with me.”

“Wha— Wait! Where the Hel are you going?” Loki cried out as he went after the older girl. “This is my house! Stop stomping around like you own it!”

America ignored his protests and walked into the spare bedroom where they had fought the previous day. Verity stood by the doorway, looking as confused as Loki did.

“This room will do,” America took off her jacket and tossed it to the corner.

“May I ask what for?”

“Fighting lessons, Chico. From what I could see yesterday, you fight like toddler. All scratching and biting, even your magic was fitful,” America stretched her wounded arms where Loki had scratched with his nails. “If you want to win a decent fight you have to do a lot more than that.”

The raven-haired boy raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest. “Really? And you are offering to teach me how to fight? May I remind you that I have been taught on many fighting styles over the last centuries by numerous tutors?”

“And how did that work out for you?”

Loki greeted his teeth, his hands closed into fists. Behind him, Verity was watching him anxiously.

“America…” the little girl pleaded.

“Sorry, princesita, but he needs to hear this. Do you wanna know why those lessons didn’t make you strong?” she asked Loki bluntly.

“Oh, let me guess! Because I did not try hard enough. Is that it?” Loki answered angrily. “Or maybe because I was weak and nothing they could teach me would ever turn me into a proper warrior, no matter how hard I tried. Because I'm a puny—”

“No. It’s because they were trying to turn you into Thor.”

Loki’s green eyes widened. “What?”

“The way they trained you was the same method they had been using for all their warriors, right? The same way they trained Thor,” America leaned against the wall. “Well, that training was perfect for someone like Thor, who is tall and muscled. It was designed for people like him, not you. They tried to make your attacks powerful and grow your muscles, which your body can’t no matter how hard you trained.”

Loki took a deep breath, his eyes staring deep into America’s serious face.

“So that’s it. My body is weak and no amount of training would ever make me a strong warrior like Thor,” he said bitterly.

“Did you hear me say that, Chico? No. Just because you don’t have the same body build that your brother has, doesn’t mean you can’t fight. Instead of trying to turn you into a warrior like them, they should have focused on your speed and the precision of your attacks. You’re lean, so you could move faster and attack more times than a big guy. Hell, they could have even tried to incorporate magic into the fight.”

Loki shook his head. “They would never do that. Using seidr during battle is… they see it as cowardly.”

“Well, they’re morons stuck in their ways,” America said causing Loki to stare at her with wide eyes. “Sure, I love a good aimed punch. That’s my style. But a fight is a fight. And you fight with what you got and if it’s magic, more power to you. Now, pep talk is over. Take off your shirt and let’s start. And for fuck’s sake, don’t pull my hair again.”

Still in awe after what America had told him, Loki undressed and slowly walked towards her.

After three grueling hours of fighting, America finally decided to take a lunch break. Loki would have been pleased with that, except that every muscle in his body hurt, he had a bruise with the shape of America’s foot on his back and, most importantly, he was expected to make them lunch.

Thinking back to his life as both a prince and a king, Loki could not help but feel this was a huge step down in his social status.

“So… I was thinking, maybe you could try and avoid hitting me in the face from now on,” Loki said nonchalantly as he placed his salmon steak on his plate.

America stared at him across the table, her fork halfway into her mouth.

“And why is that, Chico? You expect your other enemies to be awed with your cutesy, baby face? Hate to break it to you, but that’s the part of your body most people want to punch, apart from your genitals that is.”

Loki forced himself to remain indifferent to her remarks and passed Verity the gravy bowl.

“Yes, I am aware of that,” he answered. “But I have a meeting today. Therefore, I wish my face would remain unscathed at least.”

America’s eyebrows rose, her eyes filled with suspicion. “What meeting?”

“Personal business. Nothing that concerns you,” he continued eating the salmon. It was rather good actually.

“Everything you do concerns me,” America answered. She dropped the tableware and stopped eating. “ _Who_ are you going to meet?”

Loki kept eating, never raising his eyes from his plate.

“Is it Mrs. Cantor?” Verity asked. “Did she ask you to be the storyteller tomorrow?”

“Storyteller?”

Verity nodded.

“Loki goes to the library down the street and tells stories during story time to the little kids,” Verity explained to a rather surprised America. “He’s so good that everyone wants him to be the storyteller instead of Hank, who was really boring. Mrs. Cantor, she’s the librarian, said that Loki can be the new storyteller. He goes there every week.”

“Really?”

America did not take her eyes off Loki, but he continued to ignore her, even though he was pleased to hear Verity compliment him for his storytelling abilities.

“It’s not Mrs. Cantor,” he said. “I have an appointment with someone else.”

America crossed her arms over her chest. “You really shouldn’t lie to me, Chico. It will never end well for you.”

Loki did raise his eyes to meet hers at this, but it was Verity who intervened.

“He’s not lying, America,” the little girl said. “I would know.”

“Right. You’re a human lie detector, but that doesn’t mean he can’t lie by omission,” America’s brown eyes grew darker. “Who knows what he’s planning.”

Loki dropped his fork on his empty plate. “I am not planning anything nefarious if that’s what is concerning you.”

“Then why all the secrecy? What are you hiding?”

“I am not hiding anything. It is merely a private matter and I want it to stay that way!”

“After all your lying and backstabbing, you don’t get to have private matters anymore,” America’s voice was low and menacing. Every word she said promised painful consequences should she be crossed. “You know damn well I will just follow you to your _meeting_ , so you better tell me right away who are you meeting and why. Because I _will_ find out either way.”

Loki clenched his fists under the table. He knew he would not be able to lose America easily if she followed him and, even if he did, she would harass him and beat the truth out of him anyway. There was no reasoning with thugs like her.

“Fine! I have an appointment with a therapist. Happy now?”

America clearly was not expecting his answer. She dropped her clenched fists and turned to Verity who, while also a bit surprised, nodded in confirmation of Loki’s statement.

“He’s telling the truth,” the red-head turned to her friend. “You have a therapist?”

“I have now. It will be… uh… our first session,” Loki faced America, daring her to mock him. “You told me that I needed to let go, did you not? Well, this is how I will do it, even if it is the mortal way. I will get myself cured of this… psychological ailment and then I will finally be able to focus on growing stronger.”

America waited a few seconds to respond. “And is this therapist even real or just someone you met on the street?”

“She is real _and_ highly qualified. I’ll show you,” Loki stood up, ran to his bedroom where he grabbed his wallet and the card Mrs. Altman had given him. He quickly returned to the kitchen and handed America the card. “Here. It’s the card she gave me. As you can see, it is very real.”

America grabbed the card and her eyes grew wide as saucers. She read the card, again and again, breathing heavily, as if she had been dealt a heavy blow.

“Where did you meet this woman?” she asked slowly.

“Huh? What does it matter?”

America turned to face him. Her gaze was so intense that it caught Loki off guard. “ _Answer the question, Chico!_ Where did you meet this woman? Did you find her or did she find you?”

Loki was baffled. He could not understand why America was so concerned about how he had met Mrs. Altman. He couldn’t discern what she was feeling. Anger? Fear? Both?

“I went to a conference yesterday about… adoption. She was one of the speakers,” he explained. “After that, I approached her and asked for her services. That was it.”

America remained silent, breathing slowly through her nose. She looked again at the card, squinting her eyes as if the piece of paper hurt her sight.

“How do you know she’s a real therapist?” she asked.

Loki rolled his eyes. There was being suspicious and then there was being completely paranoid.

“Of course she is a real therapist. Everyone in the conference hall knew her and she has written books. That would be a bit difficult to pull off if she were a pretender.”

America didn’t answer, but it was obvious that she remained unconvinced. Loki had no idea why. He had given her more than enough proof.

“I can go check if she’s real,” Verity said suddenly, grabbing the card from America’s hand. “Can I use your computer, Loki?”

“Uh… sure,” without another word, Verity ran towards Loki’s laptop and immediately started typing. “I did not know you liked the internet, Verity.”

The girl shrugged as she googled. “I like computers and programing. It’s like math, it never lies. But I don’t like the internet so much. There are so many lies written there that it makes my head hurt.”

“I know. It’s a wonderful haven of deceit. I love it,” Loki said grinning.

Beside him, America rolled her eyes. “Of course you do.”

After typing for a few more seconds, Verity finally found a webpage dedicated to Colleen Altman’s work as both a marriage and family therapist and author.

“Wow! She wrote a lot of books about families,” Verity said, reading the numerous reviews and comments on Mrs. Altman’s work. “Look at all these awards! She must be really good.”

Loki turned towards America. “Convinced now?”

America did not answer him. Instead, she leaned over Verity and read Colleen Altman’s curriculum.

“Is this true?” she asked Verity.

“Yeah. At least, the person who wrote all this wasn’t lying. That’s all I can see.”

“Hmm…”

After that, America unapologetically grabbed Loki’s arm dragged him to the spare bedroom in order for them to continue their training session. Loki was baffled with her behavior but was glad she had finally let the subject drop.

A few hours later, Verity’s mother texted her to come home, leaving Loki alone with a still silent and sullen America who locked herself in his bathroom to shower. Again.

Loki was feeling so nervous at this point, that he didn’t even bother to yell at her. The training had been a good way to keep his mind occupied during the day, but now that he was going to his appointment, he felt a knot lodged inside his throat. He was going to discuss his most intimate feelings with a stranger. Painful, embarrassing feelings that he wished he could just bury inside his mind for all eternity. However, he also felt that if he kept ignoring all that sorrow and hatred, it would consume him like a cancer growing inside him.

If he could, he would spell all his memories of them away, but he knew that was not possible. There was no other way. He needed to get rid of it. It was the only way Thor, Odin, and Asgard would stop haunting him.

If only he could forget them…

When America finally got out of his bathroom, Loki entered and showered, hopeful she would be gone by the time he was done. It seemed like his wish had been granted when he got out and didn’t see her in the apartment. Relieved, Loki closed the door and left the apartment building.

Using his phone app, it was not difficult to find the shortest route to Mrs. Altman office and even though the New York subway was a disgusting place, he was able to find his way quite easily. Around ten minutes to six, Loki was standing in front of a well-kept building where the office was located.

_Very well, Loki. Let’s get this over with. If it turns out to be a complete waste of time, you can always give up._

“Finally. You’re here.”

Loki almost jumped. To his horror, America Chavez was leaning against a wall, chewing a pink bubblegum.

“What are you doing here?” Loki asked, suppressing the urge to scream at the girl in the middle of the busy street.

“Waiting for you.”

“I can see that. Why do you insist on following me? This is a personal matter. It has nothing to do with you.”

America leisurely tossed the gum into the trash and walked towards the raven boy with her hands in her pockets.

“Don’t make me repeat myself, Chico. You know why I’m here,” she opened the building’s revolving door. “You coming or what? You’re gonna be late.”

Though he was fuming, Loki walked past her and got into the elevator without a word. His green eyes throwing daggers at the tanned girl all the way to the tenth floor. He thought Sif was the most infuriating woman in all the Nine Realms, but America clearly gave her a run for her money.

When the elevator’s door opened, they both got out. It was not difficult to find Mrs. Altman’s office, as a golden plaque with her name on it quickly drew their attention.

A man opened the door and, upon noticing them, held the door open for them to get inside. As he walked towards the office, Loki wondered he if should have dressed more formally instead of the simple shirt and jeans he was wearing. He had always liked Midgardian suits, but he still hadn’t bought one. Grown men in suits looked prestigious, children, on the other hand, were a bit creepy. Like Damien Thorn from the Omen film…

As he entered the waiting room, Loki noticed it was simple yet soothing with walls painted in light blue, several paintings depicting meadows, islands and mountains, several comfortable couches and a table filled with magazines and books. A radio was playing a popular pop song with the volume low, right next to a woman sitting on a desk.

The woman looked up from her computer as soon as they entered the room. “Good afternoon. May I help you?”

“Uh… Yes. I have an appointment with Mrs. Altman. At six o’clock,” Loki said, trying not to fidget under her gaze.

The woman’s eyes widened.

“Oh! You must be Ikol. Wait here. The counselor will be right with you. And you must be…?” the woman eyed America.

“His babysitter.”

 _Damn it, America._ Loki felt the urge to kick her.

“Of course. Please wait a moment.”

The secretary stood up and left through a door on the other side of the room. Loki sat on one of the couches, while America sat on the one closest to the vending machine and casually picked up her phone.

Loki glanced at the magazines, but he felt too anxious to even think about reading. Instead, he looked at the clock, rubbing his hands and twitching his fingers. It was a habit he had since childhood that he never managed to control when he felt nervous.

Suddenly, his phone buzzed. When he took it out, he saw that it was text from Verity.

_‘Good luck with the therapist lady! I hope it goes well :) ’_

He could not help but smile a little.

After a few minutes, the secretary reappeared, prompting Loki to stand up.

“The counselor will see you now.”

Loki glanced towards America, but she didn’t raise her eyes from her phone. Taking a deep breath, he finally started walking towards the office.

“I’ll be waiting for you in here,” America said behind him.

Loki turned around, but the girl was once again focused on her phone. Before he lost his nerve, he grabbed the door’s handle and got inside the office.

“Ikol! I’m glad you came,” Mrs. Altman said, standing up and smiling warmly. “Please, come in.”

Loki nodded and walked inside after closing the door behind him. Mrs. Altman’s office was as soothing as the waiting room, albeit smaller. There was a couch similar to the one’s he had seen, several plants, two paintings and a bookcase filled with books, little statues and a framed photograph of Mrs. Altman with a man with dark hair and little blond boy who, Loki assumed, was her husband and her adopted son.

Surprisingly, there was no desk in her office. Mrs. Altman’s chair was in front of the couch, right beside a very small table with a box of paper tissues. There was a small table in the corner of the room, filled with white papers and crayons.

“Sorry for keep you waiting. Please, sit down.”

Slowly, Loki walked towards the couch and sat. He immediately started fidgeting his fingers while Mrs. Altman smiled and grabbed her notebook and pen.

“I understand this must seem very strange and uncomfortable to you, but I want you to know that you are safe here. If there’s anything I can do to make you more comfortable or if you want to leave, just tell me. We won’t do anything you don’t want to do.”

Loki raised his eyes to face her. She looked very calm and confident, as if she had hundreds of conversations like these before, which, he supposed, she probably had.

“So… how does this work?” he finally asked, trying to ignore the knot on his throat. He felt so exposed and vulnerable.

“Well, there really aren’t any rules. Basically, we talk to each other.”

“About what?”

“Anything you want.”

“And you won’t tell anyone what I told you?”

Mrs. Altman reclined against her chair. “Do you know what confidentiality means?”

He nodded. “That you cannot share what your client tells you to others.”

“That’s right. Nothing you tell me leaves this room.”

“Even if I tell you that I’m going to kill someone?” Loki asked with a provocative smirk.

However, Mrs. Altman did not react to his words. She remained calm, not losing the friendly expression on her face.

“Are you?”

Loki’s smirk vanished and he grabbed his fingers tightly. It was the only way to make them stop trembling. “I’m not currently planning to, but I make no promises.”

“Well, that is good to know,” the blonde woman crossed her legs, completely at ease. “Now, I don’t usually like to assume things, but since you were at the conference yesterday, am I right to think that you were adopted too?”

Loki’s knot grew tighter inside his throat, but he nodded. “Yes.”

“Is that why you’re here?”

“It is,” Loki stared at the box of tissues. He would not need them. He refused to.

“Is it something that hurts you?”

He lowered his eyes and started fidgeting with his hands again. He opened and closed his mouth several times, but no words came out. Something in his chest felt wrong.

Mrs. Altman did not say anything. She did not urge him to speak or hurry up. She simply waited patiently until Loki finally spoke, her blue eyes focused on him alone.

“It is hard to talk about it. I don’t like to do it. It… it makes me feel worse.”

Mrs. Altman waited a few seconds before she spoke. “Did you always know you were adopted?”

“No. I found out… a while ago.”

“Did your parents tell you?”

Loki scoffed with derision and shook his head. “I found out on my own.”

“I see. How did you feel when you found out?”

Loki stared at his feet and the carpet under them. He found it was easier to talk to her without having to stare at her face.

“Angry. Betrayed. Stupid. I felt so stupid.”

“Why did you feel stupid?”

“Because… because it was so obvious! I should have seen it,” Loki’s voice rose. “They all have light hair and mine is black. People kept saying that I looked like Grandmother, because she had dark hair, but that was bullshit. And then… then there was the way Fathe— _that man_ always favored my brother. My _fake_ brother. Of course he did, he was his real son. He loves him. You could tell by the way he stared at him, like he was the sun and the stars in his world. He never… he never... stared at me like that. When he looked at me, there wasn’t… He didn’t…”

Loki’s chest was throbbing again. He couldn’t finish the rest of his sentence. Silently, Mrs. Altman wrote something in her notebook, before Loki felt her gaze on him again.

“You feel like your father loved your brother more than you because he was his biological son?” she asked softly.

Loki huffed. He crossed his arms over his chest so she would not see them trembling.

“He never loved me,” Loki muttered. “He just pretended that he did.”

“And why do you say that?”

“Because he was using me. He was hoping that I would… inherit what my birth father owned. He told me that himself,” Loki’s voice rose a few octaves. “He lied to me. He made me think I was one of them, that I could grow up and take his place, that I had as much of a chance to prove myself like my brother had if I was good enough. He was lying... He knew I would never be as good as him. Nothing I did was good enough and I did not understand why. I tried so hard to make him proud of me… but he would not… he wouldn’t even see me. All he cared about was Tho…” Loki suddenly went silent. He could not lose his temper again. He needed to be careful and think of something. “Arthur. All he cared about was his real son, Arthur.”

Loki knew he could not avoid saying Thor’s name for much longer, no matter how hard he tried. Arthur was close enough to a Midgardian name.

Mrs. Altman nodded and wrote more words on her notebook. “I see. It must have been very hard to learn all that, especially on your own. It made you feel deceived.”

He nodded.

“It… It should not be this hard to talk about it. It’s not as if… as if I was abused or anything. If you ask anyone, they would tell you that I was very lucky and that… I’m… I should feel grateful. Everyone wants me to be good and quiet and grateful. But I don’t. I don’t feel grateful. I feel angry. I’m always so angry.”

The blond woman said nothing, so Loki continued, his fists shaking against his body.

“I wanted to hurt them. Make them pay,” he said quietly, finally raising his eyes to stare at the therapist. "So I hurt them. I hurt them like they hurt me, because I hate them. I HATE THEM! I WISH THEY WERE DEAD!”

Mrs. Altman blinked, but her porcelain face remained calm and focused on his face. There was no trace of fear or disgust in response to his heartfelt hatred. Serenely, she grabbed the paper tissue box and handed it to him.

Loki was surprised at this until he felt the tears rolling down his face. They just would not stop.

Still feeling his throat throbbing due to his screaming, he reached out and reluctantly grabbed a couple of tissues. He had become such a crybaby.

“How did your parents react when you hurt them back, Ikol?” she asked.

Loki wiped the stubborn tears from his face, but his eyes kept producing more.

“They locked me up, but I escaped. Now, they don’t want to see me. It’s alright, I never want to see them again either.”

“You don’t live with them anymore?”

“No,” he said grimly, wishing she would understand that was all he was going to say on the matter. Fortunately, she did not press him for more details.

“Can we talk a bit about your brother? Arthur?” she asked.

Loki’s expression soured even more. His tissues were filled with snot, so he grabbed more from the box, looking everywhere except Mrs. Altman.

“What is there to talk about? He’s an idiot.”

“How did you two get along? Did you fight a lot?”

Loki shrugged. “I guess, but he usually had his away. We kept doing what he wanted.”

She wrote something in her notebook. “And how did that make you feel?”

“Mad. He kept dragging me everywhere he went, even when I didn’t want to go. We always did what he was good at, but I had to stop reading my books and get out of the library whenever the wanted or else ‘people would think I was weird’ he said”.

“I see. So you used to spend a lot of time together.”

Loki opened his mouth to tell her that he hated the time he wasted with Thor, but realized that he could not bring himself to say it. Maybe his childish mind was making him remember his memories differently, but he suddenly felt a pang of longing for those simple days, when Thor was just his oafish, yet loving and caring big brother and nothing more.

Suddenly, he felt very alone.

“We… we were always together,” he muttered, dejectedly.

Mrs. Altman smiled. “You must have been close.”

Without thinking, Loki pulled his feet to his chest and hugged himself.

_“We were raised together, we played together, we fought together. Do you remember none of that?”_

  _I remember, but it hurts. Don’t you see, Thor? It hurts._

“I don’t want to remember,” he said aloud, still not staring at his therapist. “It hurts when I do. I want to be angry. I hate him and he hates me now. We’re not brothers anymore. It’s… it’s too late.”

Loki’s throat seemed to close completely at this point. He could not talk. Breathing was hard enough when he was fighting to stop himself from sobbing. He focused on his hands, willing the red blood to flow and halt his Jotun transformation. So far, only his nails had darkened, which he hid under his elbows.

He wanted to run away and hide, or else, he felt he was going to explode.

Loki was so concentrated on his inner turmoil that he was genuinely shocked when he looked up and did not see Mrs. Altman sitting in her chair. He looked around and saw her taking a small book from one of the shelves. As soon as she noticed that he was watching her, the blond woman smiled kindly and walked back towards him.

“Usually, there is a lot we want to say to the people that hurt us, but we can’t because they wouldn’t listen or maybe because we just can’t bring ourselves to tell them what he truly feel,” she kneeled in front of him and handed him the book.

Loki grabbed it carefully, his black nails quickly fading into their pink color. It was an old-fashioned book, with a thick, dark blue hardcover and no title. When he opened it, he realized it was empty.

“What is this?”

“I want to ask you to do something. This is an empty journal, but it can be your journal. You can write in it whatever you want, like letters to your brother or your father. Whatever you wished you could say to them, because they will never read it. I want you to try and write something every week.”

 Loki frowned. “And who is going to read it? You?”

“No, no one will ever read it. That will be your personal journal. You don’t have to write in it if you don’t want to, but I would like you to give it a try when you feel that all those words and bad feelings inside you are too much to handle. Okay?”

Loki stared at the book, turned it around and then opened it. Write a letter to Thor? What good would that do?

“I don’t see the point on doing this,” he answered.

“Keep the journal. Like I said, you don’t have to write in it if you don’t want to. It’s just something I thought we could try,” she stared at her watch. “Well, seems like this is all for today.”

Loki grabbed his phone. Two hours had gone by and he had not even noticed it. It seemed like he had entered the office both a minute and a lifetime ago.

“Here’s my proposal,” Mrs. Altman told him as they both stood up. “This was a good session and I feel like we know each other a little better now. So, what about if we meet three times a week in the next few sessions? Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. When we feel more comfortable, we might decrease the number of sessions. But for now, I think it might be positive if we talk more often. What do you think?” 

Loki kept turning the blue journal in his hands. Right now, he just felt exhausted and idea of going through all this again on Wednesday did not appeal to him.

“I just want to get fixed,” he muttered.

The blonde woman nodded and placed both her hands on his shoulders. She smelled like oranges.

“You’re not broken, Ikol. You’re angry and sad, and it’ alright to feel that,” she told him. “I know it all feels very hopeless now, but it can get better. I want to help you get there. Can you let me try?”

Loki stared at her blue eyes and felt her warm hands on his bony shoulders. A part of him wanted to break free from her grasp, but another wanted to lean closer. She seemed very kind and motherly, like Frigga.

He missed her so much.

“Alright… I’ll come back,” he finally said.

“I’m glad. I promise to do my best.”

When Mrs. Altman opened the door to the waiting room, Loki was taken aback to see America standing right next to the door with a serious expression on her face.

“America?” he walked into the room, surprised to find her still waiting for him. Of course, she had said she was going to wait, but he did not honestly think she would.

The tanned girl’s eyes switched from him to Mrs. Altman and lingered on her face for a while.

“You’re done, Chico?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“Then let’s go,” she turned around and walked to the exit.

Mrs. Altman grabbed his shoulder again and gave it a light squeeze. “See you Wednesday, Ikol. Have a goodnight.”

“Thank you. Uh… You too,” he said before following America out of the room.

They remained in silence on the elevator and when they reached the street. Loki assumed America would jump away, but she proceeded on foot, walking towards the subway station he was headed. Without a word, he followed her down the busy streets, still hot after the summer day.

There was so much on his mind. He was not sure what to expect from a mortal therapy session, but he did not think it would be so hard for him to talk about Odin or Thor and how he felt about them. How many times had he said that they were hypocrites and liars? Or that he hated them? And he meant it. He hated them both.

Suddenly, Loki stopped in the middle of the street, clenching the journal against his chest. Ignoring the moody mortals that bumped into him.

The problem was that he also remembered when he used to love them. Back when going on adventures with Thor was fun and filled with laughter. Or when Odin asked him how his lessons had been during dinner with the whole family.

There were other memories too. He remembered sitting on Odin’s lap with Thor beside him while the old king told them tales about their ancestors. He used to reach out to Odin’s then red beard and push gently, laughing along with Father and Thor as the king picked them up and swung them in the air while Mother watched and told them to be careful.

He had loved them so much and he had felt so much pride for being an Odinson. Then it was all ripped away.

A pair of star filled sneakers appeared in front of him, forcing Loki out of his reverie. Without a word, America grabbed his hand and pulled him down the street into the subway station. She didn’t let go of his hand when they got into the subway, even when they got sweaty and clammy.

Neither said a word during the whole trip to Loki’s apartment building, when America finally let go of his hand and with a brief and dispassionate ‘See ya’ jumped into the city’s sky.

When Loki got home, he sat on his kitchen table with the journal in front of him. He opened it and stared at the empty pages for ten minutes. It reminded him of the old books he used to read when he was a small child, filled with amazing tales of brave heroes and despicable villains.

Little did he knew that he would grow up to become one of those villains.

Without really thinking, he grabbed a pen and began to write. The black ink began to fill with empty page with Asgardian runes.

_I wonder if you knew, Thor. I wonder if in that moment, when Odin snatched your armor from your body, yelling at you that you were unworthy, if you felt like the lowest, most despicable person in the in Nine Realms._

_I doubt it._

He wrote without stopping, letting the flow of his thoughts run free on the page. When he was done, he stared at the fake letter. He didn’t think he was fixed, but writing to Thor, even knowing he would never read it, felt like an outlet. A way for him to vent his frustration without having to hear Thor deny everything he said as his imagined slights.

Maybe Mrs. Altman was right.

His phone began buzzing seconds before Daft Punk’s _‘One More Time’_ blasted through the empty kitchen.

“Hello?” he asked the moment he picked it up.

“Ikol? Hi! It’s Verity!”

Loki quickly realized that if Verity was using his alias, then she had to be around other people. Nevertheless, he was glad to hear from her.

“Hi Verity.”

“How did the session go? Are you alright?”

Loki was about to tell her that he was fine, but Verity would immediately realize that he was lying.  

“I’m not sure… I do not feel better, but I do not feel worse either. I’m mostly very tired.”

“Oh… alright. Maybe next time will be better. It’s supposed to,” Verity stopped talking, there was someone talking in the background. “Listen… Would you like to come over?”

Loki tensed. “Come over?”

“For a sleepover. We’re having Chinese and you could come. I told my mom that your parents weren’t home and she said that you could spend the night here,” Verity took a deep breath. “We can play games together and I really want to show you my room! Uh… but it’s okay if don’t want to come. You’re tired.”

Loki grabbed the phone tighter. “I’ll come.”

“Uh?”

“I’ll come over for the sleepover. I… Thank you, Verity.”

Verity’s line went silent for a few seconds before she began talking excitingly. “Cool! I’ll tell my mom and dad! Dad’s watching the game so don’t worry if he doesn’t say anything ‘cause… What? Mom? I’m talking to Ikol! Okay, I’ll ask? Mom asked if you like chicken or if you want something else.”

“Chicken is fine.”

“Alright. _Mom, he says it’s fine!_ ” she screamed.

“So… do I bring anything…?”

“Just your toothbrush and your pajamas. Oh! And Ikol…”

“What?”

“I’m really glad you’re coming.”

Loki’s green eyes widened and his lips curved into a genuine smile.

“Me too. I’ll be right there.”

* * *

 

_Helheim, Valhalla_

The Queen of Hel did not usually abide to summons but, yet again, she was standing in the great gardens of Valhalla, looking down at the former Queen of Asgard.

“Your requests are as frequent as they are tiresome, Queen Frigga,” the goddess of the dead said with her usual aloofness. “How many times must I tell you that what you ask is impossible?”

Frigga stood with her back straight. It had taken her days to finally summon Hela and she did not intend to let her leave without listening to her.

“I apologize for my insistence, Queen Hela. However, I will repeat my request. Infinitely if I have to.”

Hela tilted her head. “You must know that no one ever left the Valhalla to return to world of the living. It is unheard off.”

Frigga smiled pleasantly. “Then I will happily be the first person to do so.”

“Such irreverence. The Trickster’s clearly learned more that magic from you.”

As soon as Hela mentioned Loki, Frigga’s smile died on her lips and worry crept into her heart.

“My sons… are there news?” she could not help but ask. She had to know.

Hela merely stared at her. Her gaze lingered for so long that Frigga had almost expected her to simply turn around and leave. It would not be the first time. However, the Queen of Hel seemed to be in a talking mood.

“Asgard has made an important announcement recently,” the black haired, green dressed queen told her. “The missing prince, Balder the Brave, has returned to his homeland and family.”

Frigga felt her heart drop to the floor. “Balder has returned? How? How was it possible?”

“You did know that the curse that afflicted him was broken long ago, did you not?” Hela asked.

 “I know but… I do not understand,” Frigga answered, pressing her hands to her chest. She had dreamed of this for so many centuries. Balder. Her sweet, rosebud boy, back at home. However… “Balder lived a happy life in Vanaheim. He loves Frey and Gerd deeply. Odin and I agreed we would not disturb his happiness. Why was he brought back to Asgard?”

Hela sat on one of the luxurious marble bench, lazily stretching her long legs.

“Your husband apparently changed his mind, All-Mother. It was he who summoned the Golden One back.”

Frigga pressed her hand against a tree to steady herself. Odin had called Balder back home. She tried to understand. Her Odin, old and weaker than he had ever been, trying to look over Thor as he became the new King after losing Loki and her. She could see why he had decided to go against their decision and bring Balder, the child they had been forced to give up and watch being raised by her brother, back to his kingdom were he could try and become the father he should have been.

 _Oh, Odin, my love_ , Frigga thought, filled with sadness. _I understand your sorrow, but Balder will never be truly ours again. Not in the way you wish him to be._ _And Balder, my poor darling, you must feel so conflicted._

“Asgard is celebrating the prince’s return. They have welcomed him with open arms,” Hela went on, either not noticing or ignoring Frigga’s distress. “The return of the true prince was seen as a good omen. A true brother who will support the new King Thor against the imminent attack of the Trickster.”

Frigga almost fell on her knees. She could not believe what she had heard. “What? What are you saying?”

Hela raised an eyebrow. “Shouldn’t it be obvious? Balder’s announcement was public.”

“Loki saw it?” she asked, her hands trembling.

“He did.”

Frigga covered her mouth with her hands. She imagined Loki, her little one, watching his father and brother welcoming another son who he had believed to be his cousin. Calling Balder the true prince. She could not imagine what Loki must have felt upon learning another one of their secrets. He must have been so hurt.

“Asgard is preparing for an attack from Loki as retaliation. The whole Realm is up in arms,” Hela continued. “However, their efforts are for naught.”

Frigga’s blue eyes widened. “What do you mean?”

“Loki is in no condition to attack Asgard. He probably won’t be for a very long time.”

Frigga felt her heart tight in her chest. She started walking towards the Queen of Hel.

“What happened to Loki? Is he injured? Is he ill?” Frigga asked, but Hela remained silent. “I ask you to tell me. What happened to my son?”

Hela stared at the restless mother for a while before she stood up and brushed her silky hair from her beautiful face.

“A curse or a blessing, it all depends on the perspective,” she answered enigmatically. “I have not seen him for a while. I do not know which path he will take.”

Frigga walked up right next to Hela. “He was here? In Helheim?”

Hela waved her away. “I have said too much already, Queen Frigga. It’s time to take my leave.”

“Wait! Please! Take me to him, Queen Hela. Let me see my son. I beg of you!” Frigga pleaded, running after the Queen of the Dead. “Just for a few minutes. Please let me see him. Let me talk to Loki! I beg you! Please!”

Hela ignored her and opened a dark path. “He asked the very same question and I will give you the exact same answer. No one from the living will contact the dead. Goodbye, Queen Frigga.”

With those parting words, Hela vanished from Valhalla, leaving the distraught queen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there you have it. The letters to Thor in the beginning of each chapter are entries on Loki's journal, given to him by Mrs. Altman.
> 
> After the events of Young Avengers, America is a bit wary of Mrs. Altman, even though this one isn't a dimensional parasite that wants to eat them. Old habits die hard however.
> 
> As always, I hope you guys liked this chapter.


	17. Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! Like always, thank you guys for all the support with this story. I love reading every comment, the kudos, and bookmarks. 
> 
> I appreciate all your kind words and I can't wait to know what you think. I hope you'll like it.

 

_Months later_

Verity had always loved summer. Like most kids her age, she loved not having to go to school. Unlike most kids, however, the most important reason why she loved the summer break was the fact that she wouldn't have to see or talk to her classmates until September. 

Her mom had tried to take Verity to parties and sleepovers, but those always ended up with Verity crying on the phone and begging her mom to pick her up. Spending the summer with her family was even worse. She had thrown up after hearing her parents, aunts, uncles and cousins lie continuously about Grandpa's will and what they were going to do with his house. She couldn't look at aunt Sally the same way after hearing her lie about not being angry at her mom for not being there to help them with her grandparents before they died. 

However, this summer was different. This summer had been the best summer of Verity's young life.

She had found magic, ancient libraries, epic true stories, people with super powers and a god. And that god was her best friend.

The little girl still couldn't believe it. Sometimes, she would wake up in the morning and wonder if she had dreamed the entire thing. But then she would run to the eighth floor, knock on the door down the hall and Loki was there, his hands dirty from either cooking or drawing magic circles on his floor, several books lying everywhere and a mischievous grin on his face.  

Verity always felt like a heavy weight had been lifted from her shoulders when she saw that he was still there. He didn't disappear.

Verity had finally got a friend. She didn't want him to leave or be taken away by S.H.I.E.L.D. or the Avengers. 

So, she spent the summer watching Loki practice his magic in his living room or training with Leah in Helheim. Recently, Leah had even come with them to Loki's apartment so they could all study together, mostly because it was easier for her to get more milkshakes and candy. Verity still couldn't believe she had drunk fourteen milkshakes in one afternoon.

America was also another constant in their lives. The older girl showed up whenever she pleased, either to eat, shower, train with Loki or just annoy him. Both she and Loki acted like they knew each other, but Loki still swore that he had never met her before, despite America's claims that she knew him very well. 

Verity didn't know what to think. Neither one was lying. 

Nevertheless, America had kept her promise and she never tried to take Loki back to the Avengers again, so that was a relief. She kept threatening to beat him into a pulp if he turned evil again, and she followed Loki whenever he left his apartment. However, as the summer went by, Verity noticed she didn't try to punch him or insult him as much as she used to. There were days when America didn't stalk Loki at all. 

More importantly, she stopped telling Verity that being friends with Loki was a bad idea. 

Even though America kept saying that Loki was  _"a little shit"_  and keeping him from taking over the world was her business, Verity didn't think she really hated him. They both acted annoyed when they trained together (Loki still couldn't beat her or Leah), but America always made sure he ate and rested after training. Plus, she always showed up at Mrs. Altman's office and dropped Loki home after his sessions, which was a good thing, because his eyes were always bright red when arrived from the sessions and he looked really sad. 

Verity knew Loki missed his parents and Thor, even if he told her that he hated them all. One day, after Leah went back to Helheim, they grabbed a bunch of crayons, coloring pencils, and paper and spent the rest of the afternoon drawing. Verity couldn't play video games or watch movies with Loki because of her powers, but he always thought of a game they could play together. Hide and seek, hide and clap, tag (she wasn't very good at that game since Loki was a lot faster), he taught her to play cards (she was actually really good since Loki couldn't lie or cheat) and several other games. They even went to Central Park by themselves to eat ice-cream and play without her parents knowing. 

That afternoon, they were both tired so they decided to seat on his kitchen table and draw for a bit. When Verity finished drawing her favorite tree in Central Park and looked up to show it to Loki, she noticed that her friend was unusually quiet as he drew a lady with blonde hair. 

Loki had drawn a few pictures of Thor before crumpling them into paper balls and tossing them in the trash. But this time, he was carefully drawing a lady with long blonde hair and a blue dress. While his other drawings were quick and clumsy, he was taking time drawing this lady, making sure he didn't paint over the lines, drawing every strand of hair and filling her dress with markings that Verity would later learn to be Asgardian Runes. 

"I like that picture," she told him. Loki slowly looked up and blinked, as if his mind had been very far way. "Is that a princess?"

"She's a queen," he said before biting his lower lip. "She  _was_  a queen."  

Verity's blue eyes widened and she smiled sadly. She knew who that lady was. "She's really pretty."

Loki nodded, but his smile never reached his eyes. 

"Yes. She was the most beautiful queen in all the Nine Realms," his right hand grabbed a corner of the drawing and began to crumple it. "But she's dead now."

Verity quickly reached out and grabbed the picture before he could crumple it into a ball like the rest of his drawings. It didn't feel right to ruin that picture of Loki's mom, especially after he spent so much time making it. It didn't matter what Loki said. His mom had died and he still missed her.  

"I really like it. Can I keep it?" she asked. 

Loki blinked a couple of times, obviously confused, but he eventually shrugged. "Sure."

Verity smiled and carefully tucked the picture between her books. After that, neither one was in the mood of making more drawings. 

"How is your suit going?" Verity asked, remembering the green and gold armor Loki had been tailoring all summer. "Have you finished it?"

Loki shook his head.

"Not yet. It's harder than I thought it would be," he glanced at the hall, in the direction of his bedroom where his armor was hidden inside his closet. "I want it to be a well-made, effective armor, but so far, it looks like a pathetic potato sack."

"How do you want it to look like?" Verity asked.

"Hmm..." he grabbed a white paper sheet and started drawing. Verity pulled her chair and sat beside him, both leaning over the paper sheet. "I want it to be strong enough to protect me from attacks, but it also has to be light so I can run and move swiftly," he drew the armor's torso, legs, and simple boots. "I also want to keep the vambraces. They're very useful to protect my arms. Everyone wants to cut them in battle before I can summon my magic... What?"

Verity was frowning at the sketch. "Why are you using gloves?"

"To protect my hands. Why?"

"Nothing. It's just..."

"What?"

Verity pointed at his hands. "You got a lot better with your ice powers."

Loki raised his right hand in the air and very slowly changed his index into Jotun blue, freezing skin, before quickly restoring it to its usual pink color. It had taken him weeks of training, various meltdowns, sessions with Mrs. Altman and a lot of yelling from America's part, but he seemed to finally be able to change freely between Jotun and Asgardian form. His hands and arms always changed first, before spreading to the rest of his body. Loki told her it was easier to change just his hands, so be rarely changed the rest of his body. Since he mostly used his hands and arms to fight, it suited him just fine.

"You could use your hands to fight with your ice powers," Verity and America had agreed to call it ice powers rather than Jotun form. Loki didn't identify himself as a Jotun. Even when he was blue from head to toe, he still thought of himself as Asgardian and it didn't feel right to call him something he wasn't. "If someone tries to grab your hand, you can just change and give them frostbite."

Loki stared at his hands with palpable disgust. Verity touched his index finger. It was as warm and soft as her own skin. 

"You're still Asgardian, Loki. Just because you change your skin once in a while, that doesn't make you a Jotun."

He opened his mouth to say something but closed it again. For a while, he just stared at their fingers. 

"I guess... it could be useful in battle," he finally admitted. He grabbed an eraser and re-drew the hands, changing the thick gloves into fingerless ones under the golden vambraces.

Verity smiled and they continued to work on the design through the afternoon. By the time the pizza arrived, Loki's original design had been drastically altered. His new design was simpler, with less golden plates of armor and many garments had been dropped for being too shallow, ineffective or just plain ugly.

"That pizza better not have anchovies in it," America said, nonchalantly entering the apartment through the window as usual. 

Loki rolled his eyes and ate his slice in one bite. Verity knew what he was thinking. America's intrusive visits had become so regular, that he decided not to waste his breath telling her to leave anymore. She would just annoy him.

"I'll remember to order them the next time," Loki answered bitterly, glaring at America as she lazily sat down at the table and grabbed a big slice. 

"Chico, you don't even like anchovies. Drop the tough act." 

Loki muttered an insult under his breath. 

They kept eating and talking, with America and Loki casually throwing a biting insult at each other. Verity listened peacefully, she had grown used to these dinners and she actually found them fun. 

America noticed Loki's armor sketch and picked it up before he could snatch it back. 

"Hey! Give it back!" America stared at the sketch with one hand, while keeping Loki away with the other on pushing his forehead, his tiny arms hopelessly trying to reach her. "America! Give. It. Back!"

"I see you dropped the cowl and the tiara," she told him. "Good call."

Loki's cheeks reddened. "It's a circlet, not a tiara!"

"Same difference," she dropped her hand and let Loki grab the drawing. "But really, you look better with your hair showing. I never got why you kept trying to hide it under cowls and giant helmets."

Loki glared at her and hid the sketch in his trousers’ pocket. 

"It looks good, doesn't it?" Verity asked the older girl. "We've been working on it all afternoon. Loki is gonna look very cool."

America shrugged. "Considering what I’ve seen him wearing, it could be worse, I guess."

Loki sat beside Verity and grabbed the last slice of pizza. "Gee, thank you for your honest opinion, America. It means so much to me."

Even though she knew he was being sarcastic, Verity glared at Loki. Sarcasm was an obvious form of lie, but it was a lie nonetheless. 

"I still think there's something missing..." Verity added. "We dropped the cape, but now it looks too simple. Maybe you could wear a coat over it."

Loki swallowed the pizza before answering. "I don't think I have enough cloth for a coat."

America grabbed the remote and turned on the TV, she zapped through the channels until she stopped on some old movie. Verity looked away. Staring at the TV for too long gave her a headache, especially when movies were on. 

"Add a hoodie," America said, her back to them. "Hoods are always helpful if you want to hide your face."

Loki huffed and proceeded to clear the table. They didn't say anything else about the suit that night, however, days later, when Verity was playing hide and seek on Loki's apartment, she saw his suit barely hidden inside the closet. She noticed that he had added a white hoodie.

Days went by faster than Verity would have wanted. Before she knew it, September arrived and she had to go back to school. So many things had happened during that summer, that going back to school felt unreal. 

Still, Verity obediently grabbed her new backpack, her new school books and took the yellow bus every morning. Second grade was as bad as first grade had been, the only difference being that she already knew all her classmates and they still thought she was a weirdo. Nobody 

Nobody talked to her, played with her during recess or sat with her in the cafeteria. She spent the entire day by herself, ignoring the other kids when they made fun of her. 

When the bell rang, she ran happily to the bus, excited to go home. Unlike last year, she wasn't just happy to go home. She quickly dropped by her apartment to say hi to her mom and dad, before running to the elevator again. 

"I'm doing my homework with Ikol!" she told them cheerfully. She was not lying. 

Verity did her homework sitting beside Loki, and sometimes Leah, while the other two read six-hundred-year-old spell books and practiced their sorcery. The magpies cackled quietly around them, resting on their shoulders. Loki had managed to made them do almost everything he wanted and had told her that he was trying something new with the birds. 

One day at school, Verity was reading alone in the playground when she noticed a magpie on a tree branch, staring at her. As she got closer, she noticed that the magpie's eyes had a faint, green glow. 

Then the magpie winked and hopped to her shoulder. 

_Hi, Verity!_

Verity almost screamed. She looked around, but there no one near her.

_It's me. Don't be frightened._

She stared wide-eyed at the magpie on her shoulder. If a bird could smile, she imagined this one was grinning right now.

"Loki?"

The magpie winked again. _You should call me Ikol while we're in public. Someone could hear you._

"Lok... Ikol! What did you do?" she tried to whisper. "Did you... did you turn yourself into a magpie?"

_No! I found a way to place a bit of my conscience inside a magpie. It was easier than I thought._

"Isn't that dangerous? What if you get stuck in there?"

_I did not transfer my whole conscience, Verity. Just a small part. The rest is still inside my body._

"And where is your body?"

_In the living room, sleeping. Don't worry, Leah's with my body and I can return anytime I want. I’m trying a few new spells. There are a lot of things they would not teach me back in Asgard. It's just a matter of time until I find a way to restore my body and my powers, then I won't have to worry about the Avengers, Thor or S.H.I.E.L.D. anymore._

Verity felt like someone had punched her belly. She knew Loki wanted to become powerful again, but, if he got his old body back... if he turned back into an adult...

_Verity? Can you still hear me?_ _Is the spell failing?_

Verity shook her head, though she felt like she had swallowed a rock.

"No, I... I can hear you. Why didn't you tell me you were trying this new spell?"

_I wanted it to be a surprise, so... Surprise!_

Verity rolled her eyes. 

"Dummy, you scared me to death," she scolded, but she did reach out to pat the magpie. 

_So... this is your school. It's... nice._

Verity glared at the lie.

_It's really hard to be nice without lying, you know? What were you doing? I thought you mortals had classes._

"We have. This is the recess," she pointed at the other kids playing. 

Loki remained quiet for a while, watching the other kids playing with his green, bird eyes. 

_Are you by yourself?_

Verity shrugged. "They don't want to play with me. It's alright. I'm used to it."

The magpie stayed quiet, jumping from Verity's shoulder to her arm. 

"Ikol..."

The bird turned to face her. Verity opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She wanted to tell him not learn more spells and try to get his adult body back. If he turned into an adult, she knew he wouldn't want to be friends anymore. He would be a grown-up, she would be a little kid. He was going to leave.

But... she couldn't tell him that. There were people looking for Loki. If he couldn't fight them, they would kill him, and Verity couldn't do anything to stop them. She wasn't strong like America or powerful like Leah. All she could do was tell lies from the truth. She couldn't help her friend.

_Verity? Is something wrong?_

Verity shook her head and pulled the magpie against her chest. She could feel it's tiny heart racing. 

_Verity, don't cry. You are so much better than those hoodlums._

Verity smiled despite her tears. She pulled the magpie away so she could look at it in the eyes. "Ikol?"

_Yes?_

"We're friends, right?"

Loki blinked several times inside the little magpie body.  

_Yes._

The little girl smiled as she sensed the truthful words. "Forever?"

Loki looked away for a few seconds, but then he faced Verity intensely. 

_I am no good at friendships. I did not consider them worth my time and I thought they would only bring me sorrow and disappointment. I am not a good friend._

Verity lowered her eyes. Those words had been true too. "Oh..."

_But..._

She looked at him again.

_For you, Verity, I want to be a friend. A good friend. Forever_. 

The truth in his words made Verity's heart fill with warmth. She held the magpie close. 

"Friends forever," she whispered. 

_Best friends forever._

Verity nodded. 

Since that day, Verity decided she would help. So far, the only thing she could do was clean and bandage Loki’s wounds when he fought with America and Leah, and even that was no big deal because he could heal so quickly. Most days, all she could do was watch her powerful friends train from afar.

So, Verity began to watch the news, read the papers and search everything she could find online. She couldn’t fight, but she could tell when the news about Loki, Thor, and the Avengers were real or not. She could find clues if they were looking for him or if someone had found Loki’s secret.

If he were safe and they didn’t find him, then he wouldn’t need his old body back. They would still be best friends.

Most her research ended up with nothing. There were a lot of people writing about Loki, but so far, no one had any idea where he was or if he was alive. Even the frenzy when he had turned into a frost giant had died down, with S.H.I.E.L.D. apparently giving up on the search.

Still, Verity didn’t give and continued to search for news every day. Until one day, her patience finally paid out.

It wasn’t on a news site. It wasn’t even a story about Loki’s whereabouts. Stared in awe at the picture on her computer screen, reading the description over and over again. She looked hard at the website, waiting for the familiar sensation of falsehood, but she felt nothing. That website was telling the truth.

Loki’s staff, the one he had used during the New York invasion, was being sold to the highest bibber, right there in New York City.  

* * *

 

Five minutes and thirty-two seconds before the blast, Kate Bishop picked up her phone and saw her sister's text message.

_'Sorry, Katie. Jessica and Kim showed up and they asked me if I wanted to go shopping with them. It's going to be super awkward if you come along, right? We can go to the movies some other time. Bye'_

Kate sighed and put her phone away. She shouldn't feel surprised that Sue preferred to go shopping with her friends rather than watch a movie with her little sister, but it still hurt that she had dumped her so quickly. 

She and Susan were never best friends and usually fought over the dumbest things, but they were sisters and Kate knew that despite how much they yelled at each other or how they drove the other crazy, Sue still loved her and would fight tooth and nail for her baby sister.   

That was until their mom died. Now that she was gone, every member of Kate's family seemed to have disappeared into their own world and shut everyone out. Sue spent ninety percent of her time out with her friends or her boyfriend, and their Dad, when he wasn't at his office working, locked himself in his study and kept working at home. 

Kate hated to be at home now. If she wasn't alone in the house, she was being ignored by her sister and her dad. The house felt cold and empty now that her mom wasn't there to force them all to eat together, drag them to her favorite plays or help her organize her fundraisers. Mom wasn't there and yet everything in the house reminded Kate of her. The black couch she had picked two years ago, the jars in the living room they had gotten her for Christmas, the paintings they had bought when they went to Paris last summer... 

Everywhere Kate looked was a reminder that her mom was gone forever.  

She looked outside her cab and saw the seemingly infinite rows of cars crossing the Brooklyn Bridge. If she walked, she probably would get to the dojo faster, even if she had to carry her bag and her arrows.

Ever since Kate stumbled upon that archery website, she couldn't stop thinking about becoming an archer. Before she knew it, she was watching documentaries about archery and competitions, she bought books and, finally, she enrolled into an archery class. Her Dad was surprised with her sudden interest, while Sue barely noticed, but he let her take the lessons.  

The moment Kate picked the bow and an arrow for the first time as her instructor explained how to position her arm and the arrow almost hit the center of the target, she knew that this was what she wanted to do for the rest of her life.  It was as if a door had opened in front of her, showing her what she was meant to be. She couldn't understand how she had never tried it before. And she was good at it. Really good. Even her instructors were surprised how fast she had learned most of the tricks and in a few weeks, she had been transferred from the beginners’ class to the intermediate class. According to her instructor, he wouldn't be surprised if she made it to the Junior Olympic Archery school.

"You have a lot of raw talent," her instructor had said, watching her hit her targets and almost never missing. "Keep up the good work and we might see you on TV someday, little Hawkeye."

_Little Hawkeye._  They had been calling her that for a while. It had been weird at first, she was nothing like the super archer from the Avengers. She was good, but Hawkeye was spectacular. He was more than a guy with a bow and arrow. He was a hero and... a warrior. 

Suddenly, Kate found herself listening more attentively when people talked about the Avengers and, more importantly, Hawkeye, going mad with fury when they said how lame and useless he was compared with Captain America, Thor and Iron Man.  

The way Kate saw it, going against an army of aliens when you had super strength, could shot energy blasts from your hands or had a super strong magical hammer was no big deal. Fighting aliens as a normal person, using your own wits and strength was way cooler. 

It was thinking about Hawkeye that Kate had enrolled into one of New York's most prestigious dojos and started to learn martial arts. 

"What are you doing, Kate?" Sue asked her, during one of the rare moments she noticed what her sister was doing. "First arrows and now you wanna learn Kung Fu? You wanna be a superhero or something?"

Kate didn't answer her sister. She never really thought about what she wanted to be, though a few options had crossed her mind as a little kid: a cop, a ballerina, a detective, an astronaut. She was going to turn thirteen soon, so it wasn't as if she had to choose right away.

But... a superhero?

Kate grabbed the cylinder bag where she stored her arrows. She picked one and examined it closely. The arrow anatomy had been one of her first lessons: the point, the shaft, the fletching and vanes and the nock. By now, she knew arrows like the back of her hand.

She glanced up and saw the cab driver watching her through the rear view window, his eyebrows raised with suspicion like she was about to start shooting inside the cab. Reluctantly, Kate opened her bag to place back the arrows...

Something blew up right in front of them. Kate was thrown against her seat, her ears ringing. The floor was shaking.

By the time her hearing started working again, the ringing was replaced with the sounds of car alarms, smaller explosions, and screams. 

 Glancing up, Kate saw the cab driver open his door and run away. She could see people outside her window running and scream as well, completing ignoring that she was still in the cab in their panic.

Her heart beating against her chest, Kate grabbed her bag and opened the door. The first thing she noticed was the smoke, black and thick, coming from burning truck and several charred cars only a few feet away. 

_Terrorists?_  she thought before, a second later, she saw a yellow blast hit another car.  _Aliens? Are they invading again?_

Kate had been very young during the attack of New York, but she did remember the explosions, the fear. Her father's screams and her mother's tears, her sister holding her tight and crying loudly.

For a moment, Kate couldn't move. Her arms and legs felt frozen to the ground. The bridge shook again with another explosion. If the ground gave away and the bridge collapsed... 

"Shoot! Keep shooting!" a man's angry voice screamed behind the smoke, followed by more energy blasts.

Before Kate could wonder who was screaming, she saw them. Several men and a few women emerged from the burning vehicles, dressed entirely in black, their faces hidden, holding strange guns and firing more yellow blasts. Another car burst into flames when they hit it.

It wasn't an alien attack. These were humans. They had blown up the cars.

"Shoot the son of a bitch!"

A small figure jumped from the smoke and landed almost gracefully on the hood a car. It was a boy, but Kate had never seen anyone like him before. His hair was completely white and his clothes, though filthy and tattered, looked like something out of a Star Trek movie. The men in black shot at him, but he jumped away from the blast, landing almost thirty-two feet away. 

No normal kid would be able to jump that far.

The men and women continued to shot at the boy, who tried and failed to moved closer to them without getting hit. Kate hid behind the cab and glanced at the battle. No one had noticed her yet and something told her that if she were found out, they wouldn't hesitate to eliminate her.

She had to run away before they saw her. If she laid low and walked quickly between the cars, she might have a chance.

Kate was about to move when she heard a high-pitched scream. Looking up, she saw that the boy had been hit, his body crashed into another car and he fell on the floor. In shock, Kate stood up and stared at the place where the boy had landed. He was still alive, but he was injured. 

"He's down! Kill him before he gets up!"

Kate could hear him groaning, his young face contorted with pain and rage as his attackers moved closer. He was about her age.

_I have no powers and not nearly enough training._

Without thinking, Kate opened her bag and grabbed her bow. Silently, she leaned against the cab and shot an arrow at the screaming man's thigh. Both the attackers and the boy looked at the man in complete shock as he screamed and grabbed his injured leg.

"What the…?" a woman asked. "Is that a  _fucking_  arrow?!"

_But I am doing this anyways._

Swiftly, Kate shot her thigh as well. 

That was all the distraction the boy needed. He threw himself against the attackers before they could react and began to punch them. He obviously had super-human strength because his punches made them fly several feet away and he was quick enough to disarm the ones who managed to shoot him. Before Kate's blue, wide eyes, the mysterious boy defeated all twenty of his attackers. 

When the last one fell, the white-haired boy stood in the middle of the battlefield, surrounded by fire and smoke. His shoulders moving up and down and he gasped for air. Suddenly, he looked up and saw Kate hidden between two cars, her bow and arrow ready to shoot. 

For a few seconds, neither one moved. They stared at each other, waiting for the other to make the first move.  

Kate stared closely at the boy's face. It was very thin like he hadn't eaten in a long time, and there were black circles around his bright, angry eyes. They were the eyes of someone angry, desperate.

Slowly, Kate lowered her bow. The boy blinked, surprised. At the distance, they both heard sirens approaching.

"Go!" she told him. 

The boy blinked and Kate wondered if he understood English. However, he seemed to get what she meant, because he quickly grabbed one of the blasters and jumped towards a fallen car. Kate was about to do the same when she heard him speak.

"Human of... of Earth," his words slurred, like a foreigner trying to speak English but he had no accent. He pointed at her. "Name?"

Kate stared at him. So he was an alien. She knew she probably should be terrified of him and probably she shouldn't have stopped these people from killing him. However, she didn't regret helping him. All she saw was a group of people trying to kill another kid and she knew she had to save him. She wouldn't forgive herself if she had run away. She knew she had done the right thing.

The boy kept staring, looking both stern and confused. Kate wondered if she had been the first human who had showed any sign of kindness towards him. 

"Kate," she answered, giving him a tentative smile.

The boy's sternness disappeared from his face, leaving only surprise and confusion. 

He pointed his thumb towards his chest. "Noh-Varr."

Kate's smile widened and she nodded. Then they both ran in opposite directions.

  _Being a superhero is amazing,_ she thought, smiling as she ran. _Everyone should try it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally a lengthy introduction to Kate Bishop, AKA the second Hawkeye. I admit I haven't read a lot of her recent comics, so I apologize if my characterization isn't the best. I'm mostly following her character from Young Avengers volume 2. 
> 
> As for Noh-Varr, our little pink Kree (the equivalent of a Caucasian human, a minority race within the majority blue Kree race) was an angry kid when he got to Earth, which was understandable given how his entire family was killed and he was held prisoner. It will take a while for him to warm up to humans. 
> 
> I guess you can tell I'm a Kate/Noh shipper, I hope it won't bother you guys. I just found them so cute.
> 
> As for Verity, she's just a little kid who just got a magic friend who might find a way to turn himself back into an adult. She knows adults can't be best friends with kids, not in the same way two kids can. And now, she found Loki's staff. It may not be as powerful without the mind stone, but it was still Loki's weapon. He will want it back.
> 
> I hope you guys liked this chapter.


	18. Why don't you do right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, everyone! As always thank you so much for your support. It makes me keep writing, even though it is getting harder to do so with real life work and all. But reading all your wonderful comments, seeing the kudos and the bookmarks, it makes all worth it. Thanks for giving this story a chance.

_I watched myself in the mirror today._

_Not because I’m vain, I honestly don’t think I’m handsome. I used to try to make my hair lighter, but it ended up looking ridiculous, so I eventually stopped. It was bad enough that it got all tangled up and greasy, that’s why I always combed it neatly. I don’t do that anymore. It is kind of a relief._

_Anyway, Mrs. Altman asked me what I thought about my body and my face. If it made me sad that I look so different from you, Odin and Frigga. I could not lie to her about it, I already mentioned that it bothered me._

_I’m supposed to look like my parents. So, when I got home, I watched my reflection in the mirror and I tried to remember Laufey’s face. With my normal face, with pink skin, green eyes and black hair, I look nothing like him, so I changed into my Jotun form._

_I recognize the lines in my face. They are identical to the ones on his. Birthmarks reveal a Jotuns lineage, they can’t lie. There are a few that don’t come from Laufey, so they must have come from his Queen. My birth mother._

_I don’t even know her name. I don’t know anything about her. Do you think she’s still alive? Do think she loved me?_

_I closed my eyes and I tried to imagine what she looked like, but I only see Frigga._

_Why is she dead, Thor? That was not supposed to happen. She was supposed to stay safe. Kurse was meant to go after you and Odin, why did she have to die? Why didn’t you save her?_

_What have I done?_

* * *

 

Verity was behaving strangely. 

Loki glanced from the thick tome he was supposed to be reading and stared at his friend, doing her math homework in her brand-new book. Verity had been unusually quiet, even when he showed her his new tricks by controlling a magpie with his mind and using it to drop feces on Hank's head. She had barely cracked a smile. 

"Verity? Is something bothering you?" he asked.

Verity raised her red-haired head. "Huh?"

"You don't look like your usual self. I thought you enjoyed bowel humor."

"I do. It was funny," she answered, but her smile seemed forced.

Loki put down the old tome. Now that he thought about it, Verity had been sullen since he had shown up at her school in magpie form. He wondered if he had caused her some sort of trouble. Or maybe he had said something that had upset her. 

He sighed. Usually, he didn't care if his words hurt someone's feelings (most times, that was the intention), but not with Verity.  If there was someone who did not deserve the end of his poisoned words was her.

"Did I... Did I do something wrong?" he asked, half afraid that had been the reason. He was aware of his bitterness and cruelty, but he could not always control them.

Surprisingly, Verity stared at him with her mouth open and shook her head. "No! You didn't do anything, Loki. I'd tell you if you did."

Loki blinked. She was right. Verity was very blunt, she always informed him if he offended her in any way. 

"Then what is it? Something is troubling you. I can tell."

Verity looked down. "It's just... I think I found something important."

Loki eyed her inquisitively. "Really?"

"Yeah," she nodded and bit her lower lip. "But I don't know if I should tell you."

"What? Why?" 

"I'm scared you'll do something bad!" she blurted. 

Loki kept staring at her, dumbfounded. What had she found? Some secret that he could use? A way to fight Thor or the Avengers?

"I don't like to keep secrets from you," she said, saddened. "But I don't want you to hurt people or try to take over the world again."

Loki was really curious now. Whatever Verity had found was powerful enough to make her think he would take over Midgard again. His mind was racing, thinking of what she discovered and the possibilities of its use on himself and his enemies. However, one look at Verity's worried blue eyes and Loki felt guilty for feeling such callous greed. 

"I've told you, I have no interest in Midgard anymore," he told her with unusual honesty. "Besides, even if I tried, America would destroy me."

"That's true," Verity managed to smile a little before looking at him worriedly. "I trust you, Loki. I know you're not a bad guy anymore."

Loki felt his throat tighter. It had been so long since someone had trusted him so openly, and that had ended up badly for everyone involved. He suddenly felt scared of his own selfishness and thirst for power. He didn't want to disappoint Verity and turn into the villain that she feared. 

He didn't want her to hate him too.

Loki watched her closely as she reached for her backpack and grabbed a simple paper sheet. 

"Here," she handed him the sheet.

Loki grabbed it and stared at the paper. It was a printed web page with a big photograph of a pricey item. Loki's green eyes widened as he recognized the golden object.

"My staff."

Verity nodded. "I've checked it one hundred times. There are a lot of fake stuff on the internet, but not this. This one is real."

Loki stared at the Chitauri made staff. It had been a long time since he had wielded it. It felt like a lifetime ago. He could still remember holding it in his hands, the power from the Infinity Stone coursing through him like fire, feeling like he could take over the universe if he wished. He had never felt as powerful ever since. 

"The Stone is gone," Loki said, staring at the spear where the Mind Stone had been hidden away. "Without it, this staff is just an empty vessel. The source of its power is gone."

Loki noticed Verity's relief on her face. "Then, it's just a staff now?"

"It is still a well-made weapon, designed under Thanos strict instructions," Loki told her. "It can be used as a powerful spear, but it was created to be a vessel of power."

The Avengers had taken it from him. Loki could still recall Clint Barton's explosive arrow in his face, the green beast throwing him against the floor, the red-haired spider holding his staff as they all aimed their weapons at him before muzzling him like an annoying dog.

_"Puny god."_

 All those feelings of anger and helplessness came back. In the end, they didn't even consider him as a threat, just a pathetic nuisance. 

Norns, he hated them. All of them.

"Loki!"

Verity's stern voice brought him back from his fury haze. 

"What?"

"You were thinking bad things again."

"What? No, I wasn't..." Loki shut up the moment his lie reflected in her angry expression. "Fine. I was. You cannot blame be for that. The Avengers took my staff before sending me back to Asgard muzzled and in chains. It does not bring pleasant memories."

Verity expression softened, but her eyes were still alert. Loki wondered what would be like if she had been born in Asgard, watching him like she did now. Sif had also watched him when they were growing up, but her gaze was cold and filled with distrust. Though Loki had to admit that her suspicions weren't exactly misplaced, he would never apologize or forget how she treated him like dirt under her boots or how hard she had tried to keep Thor to herself and away from him. 

Sif could be strong, noble and loyal, but there was greed and jealously hidden inside her seemingly honest and heroic heart. She lusted for Thor as much as she craved glory. Both Odin and Frigga thought she was humble and would make a wonderful Queen, but Loki knew just how much she wished it too.

Verity could be as stern, yet there was genuine kindness in her words and actions. She cared about him, which, in his eyes, made her infinitely better than Sif in every way. 

Verity was the one who should have been born a goddess.

"Do you... want to get back at the Avengers?" she asked.

Loki stared at her. She really knew him well by now.

"Well, yes," there was no point in lying to her. "They are my enemies and they humiliated me, but I know I'm no match for them yet. I'm too weak."

Verity looked down. She seemed sad. "That's why you want to be a strong adult again, huh?"

Loki was taken aback by this. "Well, yes. That's the whole point. Without power, I do not stand a chance."

 "Right," Verity lowered her eyes again, her finger ran across a square drawn in her math book. 

"Is that what is bothering you?" he asked, moving closer to his friend. "I told you I'm not going to take over this world again and I have no interest in looking for a fight with the Avengers. If they attack me, then I shall have my revenge."

Verity looked up, her eyes were bright and red. 

"You'll be different. If you do that, you'll... change," she said, a single tear running down her flushed face. "It won't be you anymore."

Loki's green eyes widened. "I'll still be me, Verity. I'm always me."

Verity shook her head. "No. You'll think different, talk different and be different. You'll be a different Loki. You won't be you."

Loki remained silent for a few seconds. "I'll be an adult. Adults are different from children. When you grow up, you'll be different too."

"But I am going to  _grow up_. Slowly. It takes years," Verity answered. "You're not going to grow up. You're going to change into an adult. It's different."

Loki stared at his friend. He had never thought about what his return to power would mean for Verity. In his mind, nothing would change, but he had not thought it as thoroughly as Verity did. 

"Verity... I promise I will still be your friend. That will never change."

"Do you have to get your grown-up body back? Do you really have to?"

Loki forced himself not to look away from her fearful expression. He understood why she was scared. He knew that if he regained his former body, his line of thought and behavior would change just as they had when he had been turned into a child. If he were honest with himself, he knew Verity was right. He would not be the same Loki that was sitting here with her. He might even feel different about her. However...

"I have to. Without it, I do not stand a chance against my enemies. They will kill me."

Verity lowered her head again and nodded slowly. It hurt him to see her so saddened. 

"If... if you get more powerful with new spells, do you think you wouldn't need your old body back?"

Loki blinked. "I don't know. It would take many years of training."

"But you could, couldn't you? If you train hard and no one finds you, you won't need your old body back, right? You'll just grow up again."

Loki thought about it. He was aging at an accelerated rate. In the few months he had lived in Midgard as a child, he noticed that he had grown a few inches, something it usually took decades. In about ten or fifteen years, he would have his adult body.

"I guess... I would need to be very careful and more powerful than I used to be though."

Verity grabbed the paper sheet and pointed at the golden staff. 

"If you get this, would it help?"

Loki glanced at the photograph. "I think so. It is still a strong weapon and if I find another energy source to store inside, it would make a very valuable asset."

Verity nodded and walked towards Loki's open laptop. "Then let's get your staff back."

* * *

 

America took a bite of her double cheeseburger and watched intensely the Mercedes pull into the library's parking lot. Mere seconds later, she saw Colleen Altman get out of her car followed by a young preteen boy with blond hair and kind, blue eyes. 

Teddy Altman. 

As she positioned herself more comfortably in the roof where she was sitting, America watched with a mix of happiness and nostalgia the young Skrull/Kree hybrid walk into the building with his adopted mother. It was hard not to compare this Teddy with the one she had befriended back on Earth-616. They were both kind, sensitive and nerds to the core. America wondered how much longer this Teddy would wait to get his ears pierced. 

Ever since she had found out that Colleen Altman was Loki's therapist, America decided to follow the Skrull woman. Even though it shouldn't have surprised her, America almost cried when she saw Teddy, alive and well. Now that the Multiverse had been destroyed, this was the only Teddy Altman in existence. The thought alone did bring a few tears to America's eyes.

However, no matter how much he looked like her friend, this boy was not her Teddy. He wasn't the friend she had traveled with. That Teddy was gone along the all the people she had come to love.

Nevertheless, America couldn't just ignore this Teddy, who was young and innocent and unaware of all the dangers in his possible future. Now that she had found him, she was going to make sure he was safe, especially from Loki's schemes.

America didn't think the little shit knew about Teddy, but she wasn't going to take any chances. Sure, Loki was weaker now and, if she was completely honest with herself, he was kind of her friend too, despite the whole reincarnation thing that she had given up trying to understand. He was small, extremely bitter, nerdy as fuck and, sometimes, just as adorable. Picking fights with him was strangely enjoyable and she guessed she understood now Kate's big sisterly feelings towards him. The brat was sad and lonely, he wanted his parents and his big brother no matter how much he told them otherwise. America wasn't heartless enough to ignore his grief, but she wasn't stupid. 

Loki Laufeyson was a villain, he didn't need to be protected. He was a power-hungry, selfish, liar and manipulator who was capable of anything to get what he wanted. No matter how America felt about him, she couldn't allow herself to forget who he truly was and what he was capable of. 

The moment he pulled one of his old schemes, she was going to stop him by any means necessary. 

She still didn't know how she had been saved from the destruction of the Multiverse and brought to this Earth, but she didn't believe in coincidences, not when gods were involved. She knew she was here for a reason and finding Chico, Mrs. Altman and Teddy in less than six months made her believe something was pulling them all together again.

As if the fates were listening to her thoughts, America watched as a woman got out of her car in the library's parking lot, followed by two twin boys who America immediately recognized as the twins who enjoyed listening to Loki's stories every Wednesday. The mother of the twins yelled at them to wait for her as the door from the passenger's seat slowly opened and a preteen boy also got out of the car. America's heart skipped a beat as she saw him talk to his mother, smiling at his little brothers before they got into the library while he waited by the stone steps, playing some game on his phone.

Her people's God and creator. The Demiurge. 

"Billy," she whispered, her brown eyes wide as she watched a seemingly normal boy play with his phone. 

America's mind was racing. There was a Billy Kaplan in this Universe. Did he have powers? Did he know he could bend reality to his whim? There were no mutants in this universe, so maybe he was just a normal child. Was he still related to the Scarlet Witch?

The library's door opened and Teddy Altman got out. His eyes met with Billy's and he smiled warmly.

America watched as the two boys introduced themselves and Teddy pointed at Billy's phone. Soon, they were sitting side by side on the stone steps, talking and laughing as they realized they shared similar tastes.

America couldn't help but smile. They were not the friends she had lost, but she was glad they had finally found each other.

* * *

 

_Two weeks later_

The night was cold and dark, the moon partially was hidden by the dark clouds that threatened a downpour. 

Loki stared at the building in front of him. By all accounts, it looked like a run-down restaurant, windows, and doors blocked with wooden boards, graffiti all over the walls. However, every few minutes or so, expensive cars stopped behind the old building, letting out well-dressed men and women. Loki watched them closely as they walked towards what seemed like an old, black door. They took out their phones, sent a text and, seconds later, the door opened to let them enter the building.

"Are you cold?" Loki asked, turning around.

Verity was sitting against the white wall behind him, her laptop on her knees. She shook her head, her hands still typing.

"No. I brought my winter coat”, she stopped and looked at him, her blue eyes worried. “Are you sure this is gonna work? What if my mom checks up on me?"

"The glamor will take care of that. If she looks at your bed, she'll see you sleeping. As long as she doesn't touch the bed and the pillows, it will be alright."

"Maybe. She already kissed me goodnight and when we left she was asleep..."

"See! Don't worry. Everything is going according to plan," Loki raised his right hand where a magpie landed swiftly.

His control of magpies had vastly improved in the previous days. He could now possess them and retain consciousness in his real body, watching through their eyes. He did not know where this new affinity to Magpies had come from, but it was most useful.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

Verity tapped a few buttons and the video cameras' feed appeared on the computer screen. 

It had taken two weeks for Loki to get ready for the heist. He and Verity studied everything about the auction, including the building where it was going to take place, who organized it and who currently claimed to own the staff.

"All these names are fake," Verity told him, frowning. Her ability to see lies had been extremely useful when they were gathering information. “None of these people are telling the truth about themselves. Even their ages are lies!”

“Since what they are doing is obviously illegal, that is probably a good idea.”

She grimaced but nodded. “I guess…”

He and Verity decided to keep the heist and the staff a secret from America and Leah. Loki doubted the Hel maiden would care if he destroyed a human building, but America was a different story. She might be training him, but Loki doubted she would want him to regain his lost staff. He would rather not risk her opposition.

It was easier to hide their plans than he expected. America had only come to visit him at his apartment a couple of times in the last two weeks and even then, she seemed distracted. She even stopped waiting for him after his sessions with Mrs. Altman. He had felt relieved at first but, to his surprise, also a bit hurt that she had simply stopped accompanying him without a word.

So what if she had lost interest? It was not as if she were his friend. Hel, they were not even allies. He was better off without her meddling.

Loki sat down and stared at the magpie in his arm. With a brief flash of green light, he felt part of his consciousness both inside his body and staring back at him inside the little bird's eyes. 

"Let us begin," he said, as he willed the bird to take flight, hands clasped in his lap.

The magpie flew towards the building, taking notice of the newcomers before flying towards the chimney and gliding inside it.

"I'm in," Loki muttered, his eyes focusing on the darkness inside the old chimney.   

Behind him, Verity raised her head from her laptop. "The fireplace...?"

"I'm almost there."

The magpie finally reached the bottom of the chimney. The old fireplace had been covered with blocks of cement, except for a small crack in the lower right corner. The magpie squished right through it and flew into a dark, dusty hall. 

"I've passed through the crack," Loki announced. "Just like planned."

Verity sighed with relief. They had been to the old building a few times in the past two weeks and, by now, they both knew it inside and out. After a lot of planning and incursions both through magpies and themselves, Loki had opened a path for his magpie. Getting inside the building wasn't difficult, what he was going to do afterward was a different story. That part had also been carefully planned. 

In his magpie, Loki flew down an old ventilation shaft. One of the side effects of his possession were that he could feel what his magpie felt to an extent, including his feathers brushing against the metal and his lungs filling with dust. He had to suppress the urge to cough and sneeze. Finally, he saw a light at the end of the metal tunnel and flew silently into the tiny hole he had previously opened.

"I see you! I mean... the magpie," Verity watched closely the magpie wiggling itself out of the vent into a surprisingly clean, white corridor. "Be careful. Don't let them see you."

"I know."

The magpie flew silently above the heads of the guests walking towards a large room. Once he got inside, he saw that the previous empty discotheque they had seen before had been cleaned immaculately. Old furniture had been replaced with sumptuous large couches and chairs, the walls had been decorated with paintings and mirrors, the floor covered with expensive carpets. Two bars were open, where the guests happily requested exotic drinks. On the other side of the room, a stage had been built, where an attractive, redheaded woman was singing seductively in her tight red dress. She reminded him of Lorelei and the brief fling they had before they tried to kill each other.

_"You're sittin' down and wonderin' what it's all about. You ain't got no money, they will put you out."_

Loki's interest piqued the moment he recognized the song. 

_"Why don't you do right, like some other men do? Get out of here and get me some money too."_

"Verity? The singer." 

"Why do you want to know?"

"I'm curious."

Verity frowned but searched the name of the singer on her database. "It says her name is Jessica… Rabbit? And that she's twenty-five years old. It's all lies though."

Loki smiled. "Yes. I figured as much."

"Then why do you wanna know her name?"

"You can't hear the song she's singing. It's from a famous movie."

Verity's frown grew. "Is that why you're interested in her?"

The little god chuckled as he watched the attractive singer leave the stage with her microphone and charm her audience.

"She has a good singing voice."

Verity glared at the screen as 'Jessica' approached a man and sat in his lap. "Stop smiling, you look like an idiot. And you're wasting time. You're supposed to look for your staff."

"Alright, alright. I was just curious," he said, his magpie flew away from the stage.

It took him a few minutes until he finally saw what he was looking for. A man loading boxes dressed a lot less fancy than the other attendees. You couldn't have a party without servants, now could you?

"I found our guy," Loki said. "Prepare for phase two," he turned around and stared at Verity grinning. 

"Be careful," she told him. "And don't kill him!"

"I do not need to."

The moment the unsuspecting man turned into an isolated corner, the magpie flew against his face.

“What the fu…?!” the servant’s shrieks died the moment the magpie’s claws scratch his right cheek. Claws filled with a sleeping potion. The man’s eyes closed slowly and his limp body fell to the ground.

“It’s done. I’m going in,” Loki broke his connection with the magpie and stood up.

Verity eyed him before stretching one of her hands to grab his. “Be careful. If something bad happens, just get out. We can try again.”

Loki smiled. “It will be fine. Do not worry. I’ll be out of there before you know it, then I’ll show you the staff. It will be fun.”

“Yeah,” the little girl answered and slowly let go of his hand.

“I’ll be right back,” Loki told her. “ _Elsewhere!”_

With a brief flash of green, Loki vanished from the rooftop and landed on the clean floor of the underground party, right in front of the sleeping body of the servant. He felt dizzy for a few seconds, but nothing like the unbearable pain he had endured the first time he had used the teleportation spell to flee from America. His training had finally born fruits, even though he only had the strength to use this spell twice a day and never right after he just teleported. It was still too tiring and his magic reserves were still very small.

With the staff on his possession once more, that could change.

 _“No one is coming,”_  Verity’s voice told him the com he had placed in his ear.  _“Quick! Hide him in that closet!”_

Loki grabbed the servant’s feet and dragged him inside a closet nearby, pushing him against brooms and another cleaning products before closing the door. He then took the servant’s appearance with a glamour.

 _“Have you changed yet?”_  Verity asked. With her powers, she could never see him take some else’s form.

Loki found the camera and nodded. From now on, only Verity would be able to speak to him, so they wouldn’t raise suspicion.

_“The room where they’re keeping the stuff is down the hall. Hurry!”_

Loki began walking, emulating the serious and busy mannerisms of the other servants he eventually ran in the hall. The moment he got into the room, he realized looking for the staff wasn't going to be difficult. Eevn though the room was filled with expensive human artifacts, jewelry, and paintings, the staff was placed right in the center of the room, encased in a glass box for everyone to see. 

Loki glanced at the other servants. They all seemed busy cataloging other artifacts, so no one was paying him any attention as he walked towards his staff. Fooling the electronic alarms in the glass case was simple, but Loki needed to remove the staff quickly and place a glamour on the box that would last long enough for him to flee before the humans realized it had been taken.

He had just teleported, so he still needed a few minutes to pull such a feat.

_"What the fuck is this?"_

Loki almost jumped the moment he heard America's angry voice through the com. 

 _"America!"_  Verity said and then, to Loki's further horror, she exclaimed again. _"Leah! You're here too?"_

_Oh by Odin's beard! This could not be happening!_

_"What the hell are you two doing? Where's Chico? What did he do this time?"_ America demanded to know. By the way her voice grew higher, she was right next to Verity and staring at the computer screen.  _"Is that his fucking staff?"_

 _"Well... We just... We are..."_ Verity stammered.

 _"It seems that they are on the verge of taking the Chitauri staff from these mortals,"_ Leah's monotone voice said. At least she wasn't angry at them.

_"Yes. You see, I found Loki's staff on the internet and..."_

_"And you decided to pull a half-assed robbery."_

_"It's not robbery, America. It's Loki's staff. He should have it back."_

_"And where is the little shit?"_

_"Probably already inside. Using a glamour,"_ Leah answered. _"He's the read-head servant man in front of the glass case, isn't he?"_

_"Huh... yeah."_

_"And by the way his muscles are stiff, he's probably listening to this conversation."_

_"Chico. Get your ass outside right now."_

Loki moved away from the glass case and pretended to check the old wooden frame of a painting right next to it. Days ignoring him and America had decided to pay him a surprise visit tonight with Leah in tow. The Norns hated him. 

_"We can't give up now, America! We planned this for ages!"_

_"Oh, you did, princesita? You two planned this little heist behind my back?"_

_"We had to. Loki was scared you wouldn't let him get back his staff."_

_"He's damn right I wouldn't let him. What is he planning to do with it?_ _If he killed one person in this scheme..."_

_"He didn't! He just wants his staff back. He's not planning anything bad. He told me and you know he can't lie to me."_

_"You would be surprised how tricky he can be."_

_"Please, America... We're so close and he's just going to get it back. You can watch him later and make sure he doesn't do anything with it, but please... let him take it."_

Loki waited for America's response but, for what seemed like an eternity, all he could hear were Verity's breathing. 

 _"Chico,"_  he heard America's voice in his ear, soft yet menacing.  _"Get your glowstick and get out of there. We're going to have a **long** talk after this."_

Even though he already knew what kind of  _talk_  America had in store for him, Loki breathed. He could finally get this over with. However, the moment he turned towards the glass case and held his hands to perform the necessary spells, the door behind him opened and a beautiful woman entered. It was the singer from before. The self-proclaimed Jessica Rabbit.

"Ma'am. We are ready to begin," one of the other servants told her, he basically drooling, his eyes trying not to stare at her cleavage.  

"Wonderful. Our guests are getting impatient. Let's give them what they came for, shall we?" she said winking at the man. 

Barely hiding his shock, Loki saw the servants grab the glass case containing his staff. 

"You! Give us a hand with this thing," one of them growled at Loki. Because he had no other choice, Loki complied and helped the men carry the case back to the ballroom. He was seething. If America hadn't arrived, he would have taken the staff by now and be on his way out. Now he had to think of an entirely new plan. 

_"Loki! Everyone is in the ballroom. What are you gonna do?"_

Loki shook his head. He had no idea what he was going to do, especially now that harming mortals in front of America was out of the question. He needed to think of something fast.

They entered the ballroom, welcomed by cheers from the crowd. Jessica was walking in front of them. She reached the stage and embraced an Asian man dressed elegantly in a black suit before kissing him passionately. The crowd began to applause. 

"My dear friends. I am sorry for making you wait, but I am glad to announce that we are ready to begin this exciting auction," the man said, holding a microphone. He appeared to be in his forties, but he was handsome and well built. His voice was low and confident, reminding Loki of Thor's speeches before a feast.

"As you know, tonight is a very special night for all of us. Our future looks bright," 'Jessica' took the microphone, she smiled warmly at the man beside her and placed a hand on her belly. "Einar and I want to thank you for being here tonight and your unwavering support. This is the beginning of a new world for us, one where our children will prosper as they should have."

Loki helped the servant's place the case on a table, barely listening to the woman's speech. The only thing that caught his attention was that the Asian man was apparently called Einar. Most likely another fake name, but Loki found it odd the man had chosen an old Norse name. 

"So let's raise our glasses and properly thank the man responsible for all this," 'Jessica' and Einar grabbed a glass of champagne, followed by the rest of the guests. They raised it in the air in unison and stared at the stage. 

Staring directly at Loki.

Something stung Loki in the back of the neck, followed by intense pain. His vision blurred and he fell on his knees, suddenly unable to move. As his head hit the floor, his glamour fragmented, followed by the now familiar sensation of his skin changing without his control. As his clothes froze and shattered, Loki listened to Verity's screams in his ears powerlessly, before the com too was destroyed by his freezing skin.

Before his horrified red eyes, he watched 'Jessica', Einar, the servants and the entire crowd in front of him change as well, their skins becoming as blue as his own, their clothes shattering to reveal armor beneath them.

He was surrounded by Jotuns. Runt Jotuns.

_Skin Changers._

"Welcome, Prince Loki," 'Jessica' kneeled beside him, her eyes now as red as her hair. "Your mother, Queen Farbauti, will be so pleased to see you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot starts to move. Farbauti's allies, the Skin Changers hidden on Earth. How far would they go to save their own people? Pretty far. In the next chapter, Loki will finally meet his birth mother and brothers and see what they have in store for him. 
> 
> I hope you guys liked this chapter.


	19. He deserves it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So, turns out watching Thor Ragnarok was the muse that finally made me finish this chapter. I tried to be as vague about the future movies as possible while writing this fic so I could work my way around them but damn... Thor Ragnarok has officially turned this into an AU. There's no way around it.
> 
> Still, I really loved Thor Ragnarok and I wish I could add some elements to this story. I need to think about it.
> 
> Warning: this chapter contains violence against children and sexual assault. It is brief but I feel that I should warn you.

_First green tome, hidden inside Odin’s secret shelf_

_Page 83_

_~~Goat’s milk~~ _

_~~Cow’s milk~~ _

_~~Serum?~~ _ _Ask Eir again._

_Water with honey?_

_I went to see him again today. He’s still not eating._

_No amount of knowledge has prepared me for this. No book, no battle holds the answer._

_The wisest man in the Nine Realms cannot find a way to make a dying infant eat._

* * *

  _Valhalla_

“And here you are. Again.”

Frigga barely glanced at her father-in-law as he walked towards her and stood at her left side. As always, Bor looked fierce and perpetually sullen, his armor dripping with both the blood from the warriors he fought daily and his own.

“Every day you stand here and call the Queen of Hel. Every single day,” Bor repeated, visibly annoyed.

“Yes, I do,” the Queen of Asgard answered, her blue eyes still fixed on the beautiful blue sky in front of her.

Bor walked in front of her. “You are wasting your time, girl.”

“Perhaps, but it is  _my_  time to waste, King Bor,” she still did not look at him, they had this conversation before. “You have made your opinion on the matter very clear already, however, I will not be dissuaded. Do not waste  _your_  time on my account.”

Bor pressed his lips and glared his old eyes. “Hela will never allow you to leave Valhalla.”

“Then I will find a way to leave,” Frigga finally faced the old king, her eyes bright and filled with resolve. “I will not stay in this golden cage while my son suffers.”

“That boy deserves all the suffering that comes his away and much more! For his crimes against Asgard alone, I would have taken his head myself,” Bor cried out. “Or have you forgotten all death and destruction that he brought? Or how he threatened the life of your eldest son? What he’s done, cannot be forgiven.”

Frigga closed her eyes. She forced her fists to remain steady and her eyes dry from tears.

“I have not forgotten anything, King Bor. I know what Loki has done will not be forgiven.”

“Then why do you keep fighting for that rotten child?”

“Because I know that inside Loki’s rage and darkness, there is still light. Inside all that resentment and sorrow that Odin and I created with our mistakes, there is still the clever, loving son that I raised,” her blue eyes were fixed on Bor’s. “And I know the moment we give up on him, that light will be extinguished forever. So no, King Bor. I will not stop fighting for him. I will not give up until I save my son and that will not happen should he perish from some malady or curse and sent to Hel.”

Bor closed his mouth. For a while, they stood in front of each other in silence aside from the sound of the waterfall below them or the wind blowing the leaves from the luxurious trees.

“You are a fool,” he said.

Frigga stared deep into his grey eyes.

“Go back to your daily battles, Father. This is my fight.”

Bor’s face turned into a dangerous shade of red, but before he could speak out, a black portal materialized in front of them. The pair watched as the Queen of Hel gracefully walked towards them, her raven hair waving in the warm wind.

“Lady Hela,” Frigga said.

“All-Mother,” Hela stared behind Frigga, where Bor still stood. “I see the former King of Asgard has graced us with his presence.”

Bor groaned and crossed his arms over his muscular chest.

“King Bor was just leaving,” Frigga said coldly.

“What?” Bor cried out.

“He made himself very clear. He does not agree or cares about this matter. Please go back to your battles, Father.”

Bor stomped towards Frigga. “Do not tell me what to do, girl! You know nothing about my wishes!”

“Father was never good at expressing himself.”

Both Frigga and Bor looked behind them. Walking in their direction were Vili and Ve Borson, the twin brothers of Odin.

“What are you two doing here?” Bor asked.

Ve walked towards Frigga and smiled. He was identical to Vili, except for his blue armor and his shorter hair and beard.

“Sister, we apologize for not coming to you sooner,” Ve told her.

“There’s way too much booze in Valhalla,” Vili said with a smirk, his strawberry-blond hair was caught in a ponytail and his beard filled with small little braids.

"Have you come here to purposely waste our time?" Bor asked, glaring at his twin sons. 

"Nice to see you too, Father. Care for some mead?" Vili asked, holding a flask.

Ve moved between his father and brother. 

"We have come because we heard Father had stormed off to meet you again," Ve explained Frigga. "After hearing him groaning for hours about Odin and his sons, we decided it was time to finally meet our sister-in-law."

Frigga was surprised by this sudden turn of events, nevertheless, she greeted her two brothers-in-law. 

"It is a pleasure to meet you Vili. Ve. Odin as spoken very fondly of you."

The brothers smiled but Bor grunted.

“You two continue to bring me nothing but shame,” the old King said.

“We know, Father. That’s why you love us so much,” Vili pated his father in the back. “Pay him no mind, Sister. He’s just angry he can’t tell Odin how to raise his kids.”

“I do not care about Odin’s disappointing children,” Bor moved away from Vili.

Ve whispered into Frigga’s ear. “Believe me, he does. All he talks about when he’s not gutting someone is how Odin is doing and what his _only_ grandchildren are like.”

“What are you whispering, Ve? Cease your absurd theories!”

Ve shrugged and smiled.

“As entertaining as this family reunion is,” Hela finally said. “I’m afraid we must continue this discussion elsewhere.”

Everyone went still. Frigga turned towards the Goddess of Death.

“Are you considering my request?” she asked, eagerly.

Hela raised her hand and a Portal opened in front of them.

“There is a snow storm coming,” Hela told them. “And I’m afraid your son, Loki, is right in the middle of it.”

Frigga walked right in front of Hela, it took all her self-control to not grab the Queen of the Dead by her green robes.

“What happened?” she asked. “Where’s my son?”

Hela looked at her and then at the expectant faces of Bor, Vili, and Ve.

“Come with me. All of you,” Hela finally said.

* * *

  _Midgard, New York_

Loki tried to move. He willed every muscle in his body to get up but it was no use. He couldn’t even turn his head to properly look at his captors. All he could see was the now frozen wooden floor of the stage and glass shards of the case where his staff had been.

The golden staff lied several feet away from him, ignored by his captors and out of his reach.

Suddenly, red hair appeared front of his face, followed by a pair of equally red eyes. 'Jessica' gripped his face with her icy blue hands as another runt grabbed him by his shoulders and forced him to kneel in front of her.

“To think you actually came back for that shiny, useless thing,” she said while kneeling in front of him, holding his head up to face her pleased smile. “It seems we picked the right bait.”

Loki tried to break free, but his body didn’t respond. He was paralyzed and helpless. All he could do was stare back at ‘Jessica’s’ smiling face, watching as it turned angry and cruel.

_America and Leah were with Verity on the roof. They saw what happened._

He waited for the sound of walls breaking, America's angry grunts, Leah's green magic. But nothing happened. All he could hear were angry voices of the other Jotuns insulting his appearance, his size and his state of nudity.

_What are they waiting for?_

“LOOK AT ME!”

 Loki’s eyes widened as ‘Jessica’ dug her nails into his cheeks, a pained cry escaping his lips.

“Look at me while I’m talking to you. It’s the least you could do!” she looked up and yelled. “Open the portal!”

Loki felt the other Jotuns walking feverishly behind him, soon followed by the sound of scrapping on the wooden floor as they used their own Seidr to open a portal. There were still no signs of neither America or Leah.

Loki felt a painful knot inside his throat. They were not coming. He knew they could see what was happening through the security cameras and yet they had decided not to intervene and leave him to his fate.

He was so stupid.

"S-Stop..." he muttered, even talking was difficult.

'Jessica' looked back at him. In her Jotun form, her formerly red lipstick had turned into dark purple, making her lips almost black as she pressed them into a thin line.

"We are... the same-"

Loki's voice was cut by the slap against his left cheek. It came so suddenly that he barely registered the pain and the blood inside his mouth.

"Do not compare us to  _you_ ," 'Jessica' snarled, her red eyes brimming with frozen tears through her hatred. "We came to this realm in search of a home and you brought death along with the Chitauri. There were good people that would have been alive today, living peacefully with their families, away from the horrors of Jotunheim, until you came here and murdered them," she grabbed Loki's hair and pulled it. "My brother died that day, holding his dead daughter in his arms... because of you."

Loki screamed as the Jotun woman pulled his hair before she finally ripped some of it from his scalp. 

"You are garbage."

She landed a powerful kick to Loki's chest. The boy's screams ceased as he momentarily lost the ability to breathe. He gasped for air, feeling a sharp pain whenever he tried move his thorax. A couple of his ribs had been broken.

"What a sad excuse of a creature," 'Jessica' kneeled in front of him, looking in disgust at his pained face, the blue blood dripping from his mouth and the frozen tears on his eyes and cheeks. "My brother was good and strong. Even though he was just a boy, he led us out of Jotunheim to Midgard despite the war against the Aesir. He was a true warrior, while you... you're pathetic."

Despite the pain, Loki gasped loudly as the woman reached down and grabbed his genitals. 

"Like I thought, small and non-functional," slowly she began to twist his testicles between her fingers, digging her long nails into his skin. "I might just rip them off."

The crowd laughed and cheered, as Loki began to sob. 

"Stop... stop. Stop," he whimpered between his cries. 

"You're no man," with a smirk, 'Jessica' tossed him to the side.

"Open the portal!" she yelled

A blast of light blinded them all momentarily as the lines of the pentagram lightened up and formed a giant, round circle of blue light. The portal was so big that part of the roof collapsed around them. 

Despite himself, Loki began to shake as the light subsided and the frozen winds of Jotunheim blew across the room. Inside the portal, three huge figures appeared and slowly walked inside the now silent room. Two big and muscular male Frost Giants, who immediately froze the ground and the ceiling with their presence, followed by a female one. 

The Jotun woman was clad in simple armor, covering her chest and crotch and thighs, two huge axes on her back. She walked where 'Jessica' and Loki were, her emotionless red eyes shifting from the runt woman to the panting boy lying on the ground.

Loki's red eyes locked on the Jotun woman's face as snow from Jotunheim slowly drifted behind her. He stared at the birthmarks on her impassive face, the round lines on her forehead that were identical to his own. 

Loki's heart began to beat even faster. This was the Queen of Jotunheim. Laufey's wife. The woman who had given birth to him.

His mother.

"Is this the creature?" she asked as coldly.

Loki's heart skipped a beat.

_Creature?_

"It is," 'Jessica' answered. "Look at his face. The lines do not hide his parentage, Queen Farbauti."

Farbauti once again stared at Loki's face. Her red eyes grew colder as looked at him from top to bottom, changing into a glare as she acknowledged her own lines along with Laufey's in Loki's blue skin. 

There was no warmth in her gaze. No recognition. No signs of motherly love. Only rage and disgust.

"No. They do not."

Despite his best efforts, Loki's lower lip began to tremble. It was not like he hadn’t expected it. Of course, his birth mother would have hated him as much as Laufey had.

But deep down, he had hoped…

"What the Hel happened to it?" one of the male Jotuns asked, staring down at Loki like with revulsion. "It's meant to be bigger."

"At ease, Býleistr," the older male Jotun said.

"It is an important question, Helblindi. Did the thing not grow up? We were told it was fully-grown, Mother."

Loki glanced at the two male Jotuns. They were young but already tall and strong. Looking closely at their features it was easy to see that they were brothers. They resembled Laufey and shared the same lines of his and Farbauti’s bloodline on their skin, just like Loki's. 

His brothers. His perfect Frost Giant brothers that his birth parents had kept.

"Indeed, the creature does not match the description," Farbauti said, turning towards 'Jessica' and the other runts behind her. 

"Our agreement was to find and capture your runt son. Not to find out what happened to him," 'Jessica' answered, her chin high as she faced the much taller Jotun Queen. "As you can see, we kept our part of the bargain, my Queen."

"This thing is no son of mine and I am no Queen of yours," Farbauti snapped angrily, all but spitting the words over Loki and ‘Jessica’. "You are all abominations who failed to die. Every breath you take brings further shame to your families. Never forget that, foul creature."

'Jessica's' gritted her teeth as she faced the Frost Giant Queen with the same amount of hatred. 

"Of course, Queen Farbauti. Rest assured we never forgot," the runt leader, placed a hand on her stomach. "All that matters is that we fulfilled your request. I expect you to do the same and leave our people alone and in peace."

Býleistr's mouth dropped as he pointed towards 'Jessica'.

"The runt bitch is pregnant!" he cried out in disgust, his hand forming an ice spear.

At once, 'Jessica' and the other runts formed their own ice weapons on their arms. Helblindi followed suit and a huge ice ax appeared on his right hand.

Only Farbauti remained calm and unarmed. She raised her hand slowly and stopped her sons from moving.

"There is no need for battle, my sons. We made a deal and we will keep our word," she said calmly. Helblindi nodded as his ax shattered to the ground, but his younger brother kept his spear aimed at 'Jessica's' chest. "Býleistr... put your weapon down."

With a grunt, Býleistr shattered his spear on the ground. Slowly, the runts and 'Jessica' lowered their ice weapons. After shattering her ice sword, the runt woman walked towards Loki, grabbed him by the waist and tossed him at Farbauti's feet.

"There. He's all yours. Now take him and leave us be," she said, her eyes shifting from the royal family to the paralyzed runt heaving on the ground. "Make sure he suffers."

Loki looked up and stared at his brothers' angry and sickened faces before facing his mother. As their red eyes met once more, Farbauti's lips curled into a sneer.

"Rest assured, I will."

* * *

 Verity gapped in horror as she watched the red-headed woman kneel in front of Loki and slap him in the face before pulling his hair painfully. Even though the security footage had no sound, she could feel Loki's pain as his mouth opened in a silent scream.

"We need to do something!" she cried out. "They're hurting him!"

Leah walked towards her and silently watched the Jotun woman kick Loki in the chest. Verity had enough, she stood up and turned towards America, whose brown eyes were fixed on her computer screen.

"Loki's in danger! We have to help him!" Verity yelled at the stoic pre-teen. However, America didn't move a muscle. She remained where she stood, her face blank as stone. "America! We have to go!"

America pressed her lips and turned her face away. 

"He's a supervillain," she muttered, not looking at either Verity or the computer screen. "He deserves it."

Verity's blue eyes widened. "What... What are you talking about?"

"He's a backstabbing, manipulative sociopath. Sooner or later, he's going to cause more problems in his search for power. He's going to hurt innocent people... again," America closed her fists. "I need to keep those people safe."

Verity's eyes began to water. She couldn't believe her ears. This was the same America that had trained with Loki, that had meals at his house and walked him home after his therapy sessions. And now she was saying that he was evil and deserved to get hurt?

"What's wrong with you?!" the little girl cried out, tears running down her face. "He's not evil anymore! He's our friend!"

America looked down, still refusing to face the little girl in front of her. 

"I'm doing this for Billy..." she whispered so quietly that Verity couldn't make out she said.

"What?"

Leah let out a gasp, causing the two girls to stare at the computer screen. 'Jessica' had kneeled in front of Loki and was grabbing his testicles. He began to cry, his mouth muttering 'stop' over and over. 

America's mouth dropped and Verity ran toward the computer. 

"What is she doing?" Verity asked. "She can't touch him there. It's wrong! She can't do that!"

"Pain," Leah finally spoke. "She wants to cause him pain."

The three girls watched in silent shock as the Portal opened and three Frost Giants entered the room.

"What's happening? Who are they?" Verity asked.

Leah frowned. "Queen Farbauti of Jotunheim and her two sons."

"Queen?" the red-headed girl asked.

"Loki's birth mother."

Verity watched as the giant blue lady towered over Loki's shaking body. She looked angry and mean. 

"We have to go there and help him!" Verity stood up, ran towards America and grabbed her jacket. "America! They're hurting Loki! We need to help! Let's go!"

Still, America did not move. "Verity..."

Verity’s eyes filled with tears.

"I hate you!"

Verity began to scream and punch America. It felt like punching a wall, but Verity didn't stop.

"You're not a hero! I thought you were one, but you’re not and I hate you!" she yelled from the top of her lungs. "I thought you were his friend!"

America's eyes widened just as Verity finally let go of her jacket and started running towards the stairs. With one swift move, the older girl grabbed her arm and prevented her from leaving the roof.

"Let go! I'm gonna save him! Let me go!"

"No. Stay here," America ordered, pulling Verity so she could face her. "I'll go!"

Verity stopped struggling and watched as America let her go before jumping towards the abandoned building, disappearing as the roof collapsed. 

Before Verity could follow her down the stairs, she felt Leah's strong grasp on her shoulder.

"We'll get the Trickster," she told her. "You have to stay here."

Verity shook her head. "No! I want to help—"

"You can't. You'll only get in the way," Leah cut her off. "Stay here."

With tears running down her cheeks, Verity could do nothing but watch as Leah disappeared in a flash of green light, leaving her alone in the roof with the computer screen, unable to do anything.

"Loki..."

* * *

 The sound something crashing forced everyone in the room to reform their ice weapons.

"What is this sound?" Helblindi asked his ax already in his hand.

"It seems we have unwelcome guests, Prince Helblindi," 'Jessica' answered. 

The walls of the room shook one last time before the middle of the roof fell right on top of three runt Jotuns. As the smoke cleared, America's stood amidst the wreckage, her eyes fixed on Loki's fallen figure.

Up close, he looked even worse.

"Party is over, sus bestias azules," she announced just as Leah materialized beside her. 

'Jessica' rolled her eyes. "For fuck's sake, take them out!"

The runts immediately attacked the two girls and soon the entire room was filled with magic blasts, ice weapons flying and bodies clashing as America punched and kicked everyone and everything that crossed her path. Meanwhile, Leah repelled and blasted away every single Jotun that tried to move closer to her.

"Watch out for their Frostbite," Leah said.

"I've noticed it," America hissed as her hands burned after punching another Jotun in the face. 

In front of her, she saw Loki lying at the huge Queen's feet, blue blood running down his lips, his red eyes locked on hers.

_"I thought you were his friend!"_

Gritting her teeth, America moved forward. She punched and kicked faces and teeth, broke a few legs and arms, slowly but steadily moving towards Loki. 

"Chico!" she yelled, stretching her burned arm in his direction.

As if it weighed a ton, Loki slowly stretched his own arm. They were only a few feet away, just a bit closer and America could grab him. Suddenly, an ice appeared on America's left, forcing her to jump to the right to avoid it. 'Jessica' stood in front of her, a giant ice sword in her blue hands. 

"Little girl, you shouldn't have come here. The grown-ups are talking," she raised her sword in the air.

America's hand brushed into something. It was Loki's staff, ignored in the midst of the battle. She picked it up and blocked the ice sword with it.

"Big words for a fucking pedophile," America snarled. "Did that make you feel more of a woman, you disgusting piece of shit?!"

'Jessica' glared at her and once more swung her sword, only for America to make her trip and fall with the staff. Before she could punch her teeth in, America was kicked in the back by what felt like a huge, freezing boulder, making her fly and crash into the wall from the other side of the room. 

"Time to go, Býleistr," Farbauti told her youngest son, who was grinning after punching America.

"Mother, that little girl looks promising. Let me finish her," he asked, as America got up from the rubble.

"We have wasted enough time as it is."

Grunting, Býleistr stomped off to his mother's side. America tried to jump, but her back was completely burned causing her to wince and fall to her hands.

Leah jumped in front of her, using her magic to send two runts flying. "We are outnumbered."

America's mouth tasted iron, she spat blood noticing that some had fallen on the golden staff in front of her. 

She looked up and found Loki staring back at them, he seemed to be trying to stand, only for Farbauti to grab him by his tiny arms. With a horrible crack, she saw the Jotun dislocate both his shoulders, his scream could be heard above the battle. 

"No!" she yelled. 

Farbauti stared back at her and smiled. 

"Let us go," the queen ordered her sons, still grasping Loki's tiny limp body with her right hand. "Our people are ready. The second coming of Ymir is upon us."

America noticed that Leah had grown tense at her words, but ignored them and tried once more jump in their direction, once again punching the icy Jotun runts in her way.

She was in the middle of the room when Farbauti turned to 'Jessica'.

"I thank you for your services. Rest assured that my people will not contact you ever again," she told the smaller Jotun woman.

'Jessica' smiled and rested her hand on her pregnant stomach. "Thank you, your Majesty."

Farbauti smiled and entered the Portal, just as she dropped a black, metal orb in the middle of the room.

"May Ymir's spirit take you back to the frozen land," she said.

'Jessica' stared back at the orb in confusion before her red eyes grew wide with horror. 

"RUN! SHE DROPPED A...!"

'Jessica' never finished her sentence as the black orb exploded, filling the room a purple light. 

America only had time to glimpse Farbauti disappear into the portal before she felt Leah's hand grab her arm and teleport her back to the roof.

A sudden blast of heat forced her to look down, followed by the sound of an explosion. When she finally looked up, she saw that the building where they had just been was enveloped by purple flames, quickly being reduced to a pile of ashes. 

Verity ran towards her and Leah, her little hands shaking. "What happened? Where's Loki?"

America tried to speak, but no sound came out. Her eyes were fixed on the burning building, remembering Loki's face as Farbauti pulled his arms out their sockets. 

"He's gone," Leah answered. She was holding his staff in her small hands. "He was taken to Jotunheim."

America punched the ground, shattering it into a small crater.

"We can... we can go after him, right?" Verity pleaded. "We have to save him."

"We have no chance against Jotunheim's army. They are too many for the two of us," Leah told her sternly. "We would all perish."

"Fuck!" America cried out, finally standing up. 

Verity tried and failed to stop crying, all she could do was shake her head. 

"But we can't give up! They're going to kill him!" she cried out. "We can... we can call the Avengers. Ask them for help!"

"They will not help. Loki is their enemy," the raven girl told her. 

"What about Thor? We have to tell Thor! He's Loki's brother!"

Again, Leah shook her head. "Asgard has sentenced Loki to death. The crown gave their blessing for his capture, dead or alive. King Thor will not come to the aid of a criminal."

"But..."

America stood up, ignoring the pain in her arms and back, she kicked the air. However, no star, no portal appeared.

"What the hell?"

She kicked again and again, but nothing happened. 

"Why isn't the portal fucking opening?" she yelled. 

Leah frowned. "They've begun the ritual already."

"What? What ritual?"

"There's no time. We must inform my Mistress," taking a piece of chalk from her dress, Leah immediately began to write rune mark on the ground. A portal to Helheim appeared in front of them. 

"Why?"

Without looking at the other girls, Leah walked towards the portal. "Because it's the only way to save that idiot."

America watched as Leah disappeared inside the dark portal, she glanced at Verity but the little girl simply washed away her tears with the back of her hand and ran after her. 

America closed her hands into fists. 

"Fuck," she muttered and followed them to Helheim.

* * *

  _Helheim_

Frigga looked around. They were standing inside a round room with no windows, the only source of light was the giant fire in the middle of the room.

“Hmph, so this is Helheim,” Bor said. “It looks more comfortable than what I expected.”

Hela walked towards a stone chair, covered with golden pillows and sat, facing her deceased guests.

“Please explain yourself, Queen Hela,” Frigga asked, standing in front of the Goddess of Death. “What is this snow storm that you speak? And what happened to Loki?”

Instead of answering, Hela looked at a giant metal door on Frigga’s left. Confused, the All-Mother followed her gaze until she heard footsteps outside the room. The metal door opened, revealing a very young girl with raven hair and dressed in green, followed by another little girl, this one red-haired and teary-eyed, and finally a slightly older girl filled with injuries and burned marks on her bare skin.

“My lady,” the raven-haired girl walked towards Hela and bowed. Frigga stared in awe as she realized this was a Child of Helheim.

“Speak Leah,” Hela ordered. “What has happened?”

“Queen Farbauti is performing the ritual to bring forth the second coming of Ymir.”

Hela nodded, while Bor immediately tensed.

“What?! What in Buri’s name are you saying, girl?”

Leah stared calmly at Bor. “Exactly what I have just said.”

The red-haired little girl walked beside Leah and stared at Hela. “They took Loki.”

Frigga’s felt her heart drop to the ground. She moved towards the young girls and faced them.

“Who did? Who took Loki?” she asked.

The red-haired girl stared back at her, her blue eyes widening in recognition.

“You’re his mom,” she said.

Frigga felt her hands trembling, but she wielded them still. She kneeled in front of the girl and stared into her eyes.

“Yes. Yes, I am.”

The girl sniffed. “He… he always cries when he talks about you.”

Frigga felt her own eyes brimming with tears, but she willed them back. She had no time to lose.

“Who took Loki, little one?” she asked the girl.

“His other mom.”

Frigga’s mouth dropped. “Farbauti?”

“Queen Farbauti said the second coming of Ymir was upon them,” Leah said.

Hela stood up. “Are you sure of what you heard, Leah?”

The Hel-maiden nodded.

“That crazy hag!” Bor yelled.

“What is it? What is the second coming of Ymir?” Frigga demanded to know. “What are they going to do with Loki?”

Bor faced his daughter-in-law, frowning.

“They are going to turn him into Jotunheim itself.”


	20. The Second Coming of Ymir

_From Ymir’s flesh, the earth was created,_

_And from his blood the sea,_

_Mountains from bone,_

_Trees from hair,_

_And from his skull the sky._

_- Grímnismál_

* * *

 

_Jotunheim_

Snow fell slowly on Jotunheim, just as it had in the previous years, instead of the glorious blizzards of old. Blue-greyish skies and the ice-cold winds welcomed back Queen Farbauti and her children as they walked through the portal into to the frozen city, ignoring the hellish inferno and the charred corpses of 50 Jotun runts they had left behind.

 Millions of red eyes faced their Queen and Princes with stoic faces and hope in their hearts. Every Jotun in the realm had come. The hunters came back from their mountains, rivers, and plains, the soldiers stood all around the city and the palace with their ice weapons ready, the elderly and the children stood beside their families waiting with anticipation.

 As Farbauti entered the city, her people parted wordlessly to let her pass, followed by her two children. Their gazes fell upon the small runt she was holding, her right hand grabbing its small, twig-like arms. In their minds, the Jotnar questioned the runt's appearance, for they knew it to have been an adult, but the lines written on its face ceased any doubts about its parentage or its identity. 

Indeed, it was the same vile creature that had betrayed them, killed their king and almost destroyed their land.

Their eyes grew cold and hate-filled as they watched the pathetic creature whimpering and struggling to flee the Queen's grasp. It took all their might not to cheer when Farbauti swiftly dislocated the creature's legs as it wailed like the swine it truly was.

Instead of dying, the abomination had lived a life of privilege and abundance as a Prince of Asgard. It had received everything the Realm Eternal had to offer: the finest clothing, delicious foods, gold, and trinkets, it had been coddled and spoiled, and yet, it had not been enough. The All-Father had paid dearly for his ignorance, for the creature, like all abominations from nature, was as twisted as it was greedy. Its vile heart craved power and glory, bringing death and misery to everyone in its path to obtain it. Like the failure it was, it had achieved neither.

It was a disease to all realms, incapable of goodness or honor, unworthy of breathing the same air their own children breathed. A living curse.

However, today, the curse would become a blessing and atone for all the harm it had brought.

* * *

_Asgard_

Odin Borson stood in one of the palace's balconies and told his son Balder about the stars. In the days of his youth, he had wandered across the Nine Realms and beyond, walking through unknown woods, unexplored oceans and unheard planets. He had met thousands of creatures, some he had befriended, others he had battled and slain. Each star in the sky reminded of one of such creatures and the adventures he had once when the crown did not force him to plant himself on Asgard like a solid tree.

"... Tenna, he was called. Not much of a warrior, but his mind was sharper than any knife. I learned the importance of knowledge from then on and never again did I underestimated turtles made of flower blossoms."

"A good lesson indeed," Balder answered with a smile, before turning his head towards Bifrost, his smile slowly vanishing, giving away to an unreadable expression.

Once again, Odin felt his throat tight with dread. Even though he was sitting right next to him, the old King could feel Balder slipping away. He had been with his son every moment he was awake, making up for all the time had he had not been present. He had told Balder every tale he knew off, shown him every room, garden, and crack in Asgard, shown him everything and everyone in the realm, force Thor to come along whenever possible and yet...

_Even though I am right beside him, it feels as if Balder is far away._

The former King cleaned his throat and stared into the waters running beneath them. 

"Your mother would have been so happy to have you here. We both dreamed of this moment for centuries," he said. "Losing you almost destroyed her. Having to leave you in Vanaheim broke her heart every time we came to see you."

Balder nodded. "I remember. I was very young, but I remember looking at her and thinking that she had the saddest eyes in all the Nine Realms," he picked an apple and toyed with it for a few seconds. "There was one time when she tried to take me back. I don't think I'll ever forget the way she looked at me when I started to cry and broke free from her arms."

Odin felt his chest ache. "You... you remember that? You were little more than a baby."

"Just bits and pieces. Feelings, mostly. I remember seeing my house from far away, that's when I grew scared and cried out for my Mother."

"Frigga is your mother!" Odin cried out suddenly, his whole body tense as he faced his son. "She's always been your mother, no matter what that damned cursed did."

Balder's mouth closed and he put down the apple with a guilty expression on his face.

"I'm sorry."

Taking a deep breath, Odin sat against the cushions of his chair and closed his one eye. He felt it. The distance between him and his son. No matter how much he tried, he kept feeling this space between him and Balder, as if the young man was an honorable guest instead of his flesh and blood. A child should not behave this way with his father.

Slowly, Balder stood up.

"It's late. I think I will go to bed now," the way Balder worded it felt as if he was asking Odin permission to be excused, just like a guest in his house.

Odin looked at his son and nodded, feeling suddenly very tired. As Balder walked pass him into the palace, Odin pressed his right hand against the bridge of his nose.  

_We are not strangers. I am your father and you are my son._

Huginn and Muninn flew from above the old man and landed in front of him, their black eyes fixed on their master silently. 

_We need time, that is all. Time to break this distance between us and claim the bond we should have always had._

**_"Father..."_ **

Odin raised his head. He had heard it, distant and yet clear. A familiar voice. However, there was no one except his two ravens with him on that balcony on that pleasant, warm night. Which was why the sudden cold he felt was even more shocking. 

**_"Father, help! Please..."_ **

Odin stood up, his chair falling backward to the ground. Huginn and Muninn cackled, flying above their master in rapid circles.

"Who is there?" he asked the empty balcony, the cold on his skin becoming increasingly unbearable.

**_"Father! Father!"_ **

Odin stopped in his tracks, his heart suddenly racing with dread. 

"Loki?"

Abruptly, Odin was surrounded by ice and wind. Thousands of Frost Giants stood in front of him, eerily quiet and grim, just like the towers of the frozen city looming over him. As he looked up, he saw a face he hadn't seen for a thousand years, still looking as stoic and determined as when they had faced in battle despite being in her late pregnancy. Queen Farbauti stood in front of him, a shining, blue shard on her bleeding hand and a smile filled with satisfaction.

_“Farbauti, be reasonable! Stop this fight. Think of your child!”_

_“Do not assume Jotun women are as weak and cowardly as the Asgardian, All-Father.”_

_“You would risk your child’s life…”_

_“Should this child die on the battlefield today, then it clearly was not meant to be born at all.”_

"King Odin!"

Just as suddenly, Odin was pulled from the cold and he felt the marble stone of the balcony beneath his hands, the warm breeze and two hands forcing him to sit down. 

"King Odin, are you well?"

Odin looked up and saw Balder's worried face. Seconds later, they were surrounded by Einherjar who helped him stand up. 

"Did you hear him?" he asked, still feeling cold from the icy winds, his head throbbing as if he had been hit.

Balder blinked. "Hear who?"

Odin shook his head. He waved the Einherjar away as he placed one hand on a chair to steady himself.

"He is in Jotunheim..." he muttered.

Before anyone could ask him what he meant, the sound of thunder echoed through the palace. Odin looked up just in time to see Thor jump from a window, grabbing Mjolnir and fly towards the Bifrost.

The old King stood up and faced Balder and his loyal guards. "To the Bifrost. Quickly."

* * *

 

_Jotunheim_

Loki's legs were as useless as his arms when Farbauti ripped them out of their sockets. His useless, tiny body now dangled from her grasp like a broken toy. Every single muscle was strained or bruised, his ribs had punctured his lungs so it became increasingly more difficult to breathe, let alone think.

The clever mind he had always prized was now as worthless as his shattered body, his infamous silver tongue replaced by infantile cries and whimpers. He knew was going to die.

_Warrior, I hope you take your place in the halls of Valhalla, where the brave shall live forever._

_Why should we mourn? Rejoice for those who have died a glorious death._

He had learned the Prayer for the Fallen since infancy. Taught that death was not something to be feared, but sought as a way to achieve greatness. There was no higher honor for a warrior than to die fighting.

But Loki was no warrior. Not the kind of warrior that inhabited the halls of Valhalla, immortalized by tales and songs. He was not honored when he fell into the Void, or when he faked his demise on Svartalheim. While posing as Odin, he used his position to give himself what others would not, glory as a savior and hero of Asgard. 

There would be no such thing now. Asgard would rejoice with his death, and so would Odin, and Thor. 

Loki glanced up and saw the woman who had birthed him looking straight-head, not even bothering to acknowledge his presence as she carried him like a goat to be butchered for a feast. His... brothers were following them close behind, glaring at Loki with angry and disgusted eyes. He didn't need to see the faces of the rest of the Jotunheim population, he knew he would see the same rage.

 _As you face your enemies in your final moments, show them no fear, for you are a warrior of Asgard._  

He tried to suppress his tears and face the Frost Giants as a warrior would have, but his lips kept trembling and the frozen tears flew endlessly. He was no warrior, nor of Asgard. Not even a prideful Jotun. He was what everyone saw: a pathetic, scared creature who did not want to die.

In the end, Loki couldn't even hold on to his dignity.

_I’m scared… Mother. Father. Thor._

Farbauti stopped, as did the Princes. Loki looked up and saw that they were in what seemed like a plaza in the center of the city, except that it was completely empty except for one single square stone right in the middle where an old Jotun seemed to await them with a chained box in his hands. 

The Frost Giants let the Queen pass, while the Princes stopped at the edge of the circle. Loki looked down and noticed that the ice was covered with rune marks, recent ones. He was being taken to the center of a magic circle.

Without a word, Farbauti tossed him at the squared stone. Before Loki could try to move away, the old Jotun grabbed his small arms, rose them above Loki's head, ignoring his screams of pain and tied them down with metal chains before repeating the process with his feet, leaving the young runt tied to the rock, helpless and completely exposed. 

_Stop looking at me. Please, just stop looking._

"Brave people of Jotunheim, this creature does not require an introduction. We are all aware of its crimes," Farbauti addressed her subjects. "It is indeed the abomination I birthed at the end of the war against Asgard. Though the ancient rites were followed, and the creature was offered to Ymir, the King of Asgard foolishly took it with him and thus the Nine Realms have paid dearly for his mistake."

The Jotnar remained silent. The only sounds were the icy winds and Loki's erratic breathing. 

_Mother..._

"Jotunheim cries for justice. My murdered husband, our King, demands it. My son, Helblindi, though strong and brave, still cannot claim his birthright... not while this thing lives with the undeserved title of First Born," she stared at the oldest prince, her red eyes finally softening. 

"Mother..."

Farbauti's eyes widened and she shifted her gaze from her precious son to the runt crying beneath her. 

"Mother. Mother..." Loki cried, his eyes closed. 

The crowd burst into angry, outraged shouts.

"It dares!"

"How could it address our Queen as his mother?!"

"Pathetic!"

Farbauti faced her subjects. 

"It's not for me it cries," she raised her hand and formed an ice hammer. "It's for Asgard's Witch Queen."

BANG

She landed the ice hammer on Loki's legs, breaking both femurs. Loki's red eyes opened as his scream echoed through the city. 

_Mama! Mama, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It hurts! It hurts so much! I wanna go home. I’ll be good. I won’t lie again. I’ll be nice to Thor, but please… take me home._

Farbauti walked slowly towards the elderly Jotun, who kneeled in front of her and offered her the old box. With a metal dagger, she broke the chains. 

"Ma...ma..." Loki felt blood in his mouth, his eyes stared up at the grey skies without seeing as his blood pressure suddenly dropped. 

Farbauti finally opened the box and took a shining, blue shard from within, raising it above her head for all of them to see. There were several gasps from other Jotnar, as the Princes and the rest of the Jotunheim population kneeled.

"Behold, the Spirit of Ymir," the Queen announced. 

The Frost Giants stared in awe at the shard. Ymir, their forefather, who created Jotunheim from his own flesh and blood, it's spirit encased in a shard of ice until their land needed him again. Many thought the shard was a myth, others thought it lost forever and the prophecy of the second coming of Ymir nothing more than a fairy tale. Yet, it was not. Their Queen had the proof in her hands.

Farbauti lowered the shard and cut her right palm with it. Blue blood ran down her arm as the shard shined even brighter. 

"Ymir, Father of all Jotnar, I offer you my blood. The blood of the Queen of Jotunheim and... a mother," she placed herself in front of Loki, staring into his small chest. "I offer Jotunheim my flesh and blood."

"Father..." Loki moaned, he could barely see or hear what was happening around him. All he felt was pain and fear. He wanted to go home. He wanted his parents. His Father was big and strong, he would come and save him. "Father, help! Please..."

"Rejoice, creature, for you shall be the savior of Jotunheim," Farbauti said solemnly. "Never again will your name be said as a curse, but as a prayer. From your weak, deformed body, you shall rise as Ymir has before you. From your flesh, give us the earth. From your blood, the seas. Mountains from your bones, trees from your hair and from your skull, the sky."

Loki's heart rate began to drop. "Thor... Brother..."

"We will sing in your honor for all eternity, for you who were once cursed are now blessed," Farbauti went on, looking at her people and then her two sons, a warm smile on her lips. She raised the shard above Loki's heart. 

"Brother…"

**_Loki!_ **

Loki looked up and saw him amidst the grey sky. He saw Thor, Gungnir and Mjolnir in hand, staring back at him with worried eyes.

Loki’s lips curled into a smile. 

"Thor—"

Farbauti lowered her fist and stabbed Loki's chest with the shinning shard.

Then there was nothing but darkness.

* * *

 

_Asgard_

Somehow, Thor managed to land on the Bifrost Bridge without falling on his face, but he stumbled when he entered the golden dome. 

"Heimdall!"

The watcher faced his King with his usual impassive golden eyes. He seemed unsurprised to see Thor on the Bifrost in the middle of the night. 

"I saw you coming," Heimdall said, turning his eyes towards the stars.

Thor walked towards his old friend, his hair still messy from being asleep. "I heard Loki calling. Something is wrong."

Heimdall nodded. "The Frost Giants have all been summoned to the city. I see them kneeling in front of Farbauti."

"Farbauti?"

"The Queen of Jotunheim."

Thor was about to ask what else Heimdall could see when Loki's voice came to him through Gungnir once more. Loki's voice sounded strained and filled with pain. As he closed his eyes, Thor could see glimpses of falling snow, the ice towers of the city, thousands of Jotnar faces...

"Thor!"

Sif entered the golden dome and ran towards Thor. She was wearing her armor. Thor wondered if she was still part of his night guard or if she watched over him on her own accord. Ever since Jane had left, Sif had taken upon herself to make sure Thor got up in the morning, ate properly and was well enough mentally to deal with his royal duties. When he needed her the most, Sif was always there for him.

"What happened?" she asked.

"Loki is on Jotunheim," he explained. "He was captured."

Sif's blue eyes widened just as several Einherjar, Balder, and Odin entered the Bifrost. Thor stared at his father, who looked tired and pale. His frailty surprised the Thunder God. He looked as if he had aged a century since the last time they had seen each other.

"Father, Loki is—"

"I know," Odin cut in, facing Heimdall instead. "The Ritual. Is Farbauti going through with it?"

"It appears so, my Lord," the guardian answered. 

Odin closed his one eye and pressed his lips into a thin line.

"What Ritual? Father, what is going on?"

" _From Ymir’s flesh, the earth was created, and from his blood the sea. Mountains from bone. Trees from hair. And from his skull the sky._ "

"What?" Thor faced his father, gripping Gungnir until his knuckles turned white. 

"The Second Coming of Ymir," Odin said slowly, opening his one eye and staring deep into his Thor's. "According to Jotun lore, Ymir created Jotunheim for his people from his own body, leaving only a shard of his spirit behind in case the land needed to be rebuilt once again."

Thor walked closer to his father. He didn't care about myths. "What does that have anything to do with Loki?"

"When Loki opened the Bifrost on Jotunheim, he left it in ruins. It has not been able to regain its former glory ever again, especially without the Casket."

Thor could still feel Loki's presence. He felt a terrible dread as if something awful was about to happen. 

"So, they will kill Loki for it, right?"

"No."

Thor's mouth dropped. "What?"

"It is said that Jotunheim's royal family are Ymir's direct descendants. Only someone with Ymir's blood can become a second Ymir and use their body to expand Jotunheim," Odin looked away from Thor and into the stars behind Heimdall, his expression unreadable. "Loki may be a runt, but he is of royal blood."

Thor felt his stomach drop. 

"So... they are going to use him to rebuild Jotunheim? They're going to turn his body into land?"

Odin remained silent, his one eye still facing the stars. 

Thor gripped Gungnir and Mjolnir with his hands. He thought of Loki, lying and traitorous. The person who was a threat to both Asgard and Midgard and the people that he loved. The man he had both hated and loved so fiercely. The man he had called brother. 

He heard him screaming for him.

"Heimdall, open the Bifrost! We're going to Jotunheim!"

The guards stared at Thor with wide, confused eyes. Balder moved closer to Odin, who said nothing, closing his one eye instead.

"Thor! Be reasonable!" Sif exclaimed, moving between him and Heimdall. "Going into Jotunheim would mean war!"

"They are going to kill Loki, Sif!"

"And they are within their right!"

Thor stopped dead in his tracks. He stared at his oldest friend, at her unwavering revolve. Still, he could not believe he had heard her right.

"Thor... Loki is no longer a citizen of Asgard. He is a criminal," she told him coldly. "A criminal  _you_  ordered to be captured dead or alive. If Jotunheim wishes to execute Loki for his crimes against their land, they have the right to do so." 

Thor shook his head. "Not like this. What they are doing is abominable, Sif! They are going to turn him into a piece of frozen land!"

Sif nodded. "I understand your feelings... But you are the King of Asgard now, Thor! Stopping the Frost Giants would mean another war between Asgard and Jotunheim. You would be sending your people to die for  _Loki!_  You cannot ask that of them."

Thor opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He stared at the Einherjar, their solemn faces, ready to obey any orders he asked, fighting to the death even if they disagreed. He looked at his father, searching for guidance, but Odin’s one eye remained closed, his body tense and his head low.

Thor felt like punching the ground and the walls. Scream into the void, but that would not solve anything. He could not ask his people for this. He could not ask them to lay their lives and the lives of their loved ones for a person they despised.

"I'll go. Alone. Heimdall, open the Bifrost!"

Immediately, Sif and the guards began to protest. 

"No, Thor! You are our King!" Sif argued, grabbing him by his arm and pulling him away from Heimdall. "We need you. Asgard needs you. I can't... we can't let you go to Jotunheim by yourself to die."

Almost gently, Thor grabbed Sif's hand. "Sif, you are right. I cannot ask you or our people to give your life to save Loki. But I can hear him. I hear him screaming my name. I can't stand by and do nothing."

Sif shook her head. "No, Thor. I cannot let you do this. I can't let you die for Loki."

"He's my brother, Sif."

Sif's clenched her teeth, her hands shaking. Thor looked once more towards Odin, but again, his father's expression showed nothing.

**_"Brother…"_ **

With one swift move, Thor broke free from Sif's grasp and ran towards Heimdall. Loki’s voice sounded weaker.

**_"Thor—"_ **

The voice was suddenly silenced, severing the connection with Gungnir and forcing Thor to stop.

“Loki?” he stared at Gungnir in his hand.

The ground began to shake, forcing everyone to hold on to the walls. Both Sif and Thor fell to the floor. As soon as it started, the earthquake stopped.

"What happened?" Thor asked, rising to his feet, his heart racing inside his chest. He couldn't feel Loki's connection with Gungnir anymore. 

Behind him, Odin fell on his knees, his right hand grasping his chest. 

"Father?" Thor asked.

"He's gone," Odin answered, his voice weak and breaking like an old man. "Loki's gone."

And then it began to snow.

* * *

 

_Valhalla_

Frigga listened to Bor tell the myth of the Second Coming of Ymir with her lips pursed and heart growing heavier with every word.

She did not want to believe Farbauti could be capable of something so horrifying. She couldn’t imagine any mother turning their child into land on their free will. Yet, she knew Farbauti. She had seen her disgust towards her firstborn son, back when Frigga had been naïve and still filled with grief, believing that returning Loki to his birth mother was the right thing to do.

Back then, she had felt sorry for Farbauti and sympathized with her plight as a disgraced queen whose only sin had been giving birth to a child perceived as deformed.

Now, she felt no such sympathy.

Suddenly, the ground began to shake. Hela's palace trembled, causing several candles, furniture, and paintings to fall to the ground. Frigga grabbed the nearby wall to steady herself, while Bor ungracefully fell backward to the ground. Finally, it was over.

"By Buri's beard! What the Hel was that?" Bor yelled, standing up.

The Hel child, Leah, pointed towards the fire in the middle of the room. 

"The fire is growing smaller," she noticed.

Sure enough, the majestic blaze had waned substantially. Frigga realized she could see her breath as the room became colder. 

"It has happened," Hela said.

"What?" 

"Queen Farbauti has completed the Ritual. Jotunheim is expanding beyond its own borders."

Frigga shook her head. "No."

"What about Loki?" the little red-haired girl asked.

Hela sat down, but it was Bor who answered. "He's gone."

They all faced the auburn-haired King. 

"The moment that shard pierced his heart, he ceased to exist," Bor explained. "His body is merely a vessel now. He'll just keep growing and growing until he's as tall and wide as a mountain before his body falls apart and becomes part of Jotunheim."

Frigga placed a hand on her aching chest. This... could not be true. Loki couldn't be gone. Not now when she was going to him. Not by Farbauti's hand. She would not...

"You're lying!" 

Frigga looked up and saw the Midgardian red-haired girl walk up to Bor with a fierce look in her young eyes.

"You dare call me a liar, child?" Bor yelled at her. 

"You don't know if Loki's gone. You're not sure." 

Bor's grey eyes widened in surprise. 

"What do you...?"

"You only know what that shard can do, but you're not sure because no one ever did the Ritual before," the girl went on. "So, you don't know if Loki is really gone. Maybe he's not. Maybe he's still in there!"

Frigga moved away from the wall and walked up towards her father-in-law. "Is this true?"

Bor looked at her, grimacing. "It is a foolish hope. Whatever that thing is now, it's not him anymore. We are talking about magic more ancient than Asgard itself. No mind is strong enough to fight the will of an Elder of the Universe such as Ymir. "

"Then Loki's mind could still be in there," Frigga moved even closer to Bor. 

"It is as good as gone, girl. Every second that goes by, Ymir grows bigger and stronger as that boy's mind vanishes."

Frigga closed her eyes. "I see."

Before Bor could answer her, she grabbed the tilt of one of his swords and took it. 

"What the...?"  the old King cried out in disbelief as Frigga turned around, placed the sword in front of Hela's feet and kneeled.

"Queen Hela, I pledge my services to you in return for my son's safe return," Frigga said, placing her right hand in front of her heart. "Should you help me save my son's life and I will serve you for as long as you deem necessary. I swear by my name, by Vanaheim and Asgard."

"Are you insane, girl?!" Bor yelled.

The three girls that knew Loki looked at her in shock. Even Vili and Ve were speechless. 

Slowly, Hela stood up from her chair. "You offer your services to me, Queen Frigga, in exchange for my assistance?"

Frigga nodded. "I do."

"You renounce Valhalla to serve me until I see fit?"

"If you help me save Loki, I will serve you for as long as you desire."

Hela remained silent and impassive, staring at the woman kneeling in front of her. 

"Leah!" the Goddess of Death finally said. "Did you bring the staff with you?"

Leah's green eyes widened in surprise, but she quickly summoned the Chitauri staff into her pale hands. "I did, Mistress."

"Good. If it can contain an Infinity Stone, it can be used to seal back Ymir's Spirit."

Frigga looked up just as Hela motioned at her to stand. "Rise, Queen Frigga. I accept your pledge."

Frigga grabbed the sword and stood up. 

"Get ready for battle. Most of the portals from other realms have closed with the Ritual. As long as Jotunheim expands, every realm is cut off from each other," Hela told them. "Fortunately, Helheim does not abide by the rules of the universe. We shall leave in within minutes, those who wish to return to Valhalla do so now."

"I will do no such thing," Bor's face turned red as he stomped towards Frigga and Hela. 

"Father..." Frigga warned, she had no time to lose, but Bor cut her off.

"No, girl. Do not assume you know me enough to make decisions for me. You honestly expect me to sit on my ass and feast while the mother of my grandchildren fights against the entire Jotun army?"

Frigga blinked. She wasn't expecting proud, stubborn, callous Bor, to wish to come with her. "You said this battle was useless and you do not care for my son. Why do you wish to come?"

Bor faced her and, for the first time she saw something else besides pride in his grey eyes.

"Odin has wounded me in a way only a son can wound his father. He forsook the bonds with his family and took..."

The former King's hand began to shake to Frigga's dismay. Behind them, Vili and Ve stared at each other and then their father, their usual happy faces filled with sorrow.

"Father..." Ve said softly. "Cul was—"

In response, Bor yelled at his sons, shutting them up. 

"Cul?" Frigga asked.

"A story for another time. What I want to say is, despite everything Odin might think about me, he cannot deny that I never turned my back on my children," he told her. "Even though I think that it was a serious mistake, if Odin decided to bring a child into his house, give him his name and raise him as his son, then that child is my grandson and I will not allow my grandson's mother to fight an entire army of vicious Jotnar by herself to bring him back."

Frigga stared at her father-in-law and grabbed one of his shaking hands.

"Thank you, Father. Your help is most welcome."

Bor nodded before hastily walking away from her into the corridor. "What are we waiting for? Vili! Ve! You useless brats! Drop the mead and grab a sword. I haven't fought a Jotun in three thousand years! Someone bring me a damn coat!"

Vili and Ve walked past her, smiling fondly before disappearing after their father. Hela vanished into a black portal, followed by Leah.

Frigga grabbed Bor’s sword and faced the two Midgardian girls that were still in the room with her.

“Thank you for coming in my son’s aid," she told them. "I swear to you, that I will fight until Loki is safe with us again. If you wish to return home..."

"No," the older one said. "I'm staying. Chico's my responsibility."

The red-haired girl stared at her with obvious distrust. "That's not what you said before, America."

The older girl, America, crossed her arms over her chest. She had frostbite injuries all over her body. Frigga wondered if these girls had fought Farbauti or other Frost Giants before they arrived on Helheim and, once more, she wondered what was their connection with Loki. They were all so young.

These questions would have to wait. Every second they wasted, a piece of Loki's mind vanished.

"If you wish to fight, I will not stand in your way. But please make sure that you're adequately protected from the freezing cold before going to Jotunheim."

The two girls nodded and Frigga walked out of the room. 

* * *

 

_Jotunheim_

The Jotnar cried and cheered. Some fell to the ground and kneeled, others waved their icy weapons in the air. They all welcomed the growing form of Ymir that had formed from the former runt body and towered over them. The shard still visible and glowing, protruding from inside his chest. 

Farbauti stared at Ymir's body with a happy smile on her face. It was a thing of beauty, made of ice and runes, unlike any Jotun she had ever seen. 

Unlike the creature she had birthed.

The hand she cut with the shard now shined with the same intensity of the shard. She raised it in the air and addressed the son she and Laufey deserved. 

"Hveðrungr, my precious son," she called him with the name he would have received had he been born as a proper Jotun. "Your mother welcomes you into this world."

The creature, Hveðrungr, turned his head slowly towards the Queen of Jotunheim. Its features were undefined, with an opening serving a mouth and blue glowing orbs as eyes. 

"Go forth, my son," Farbauti pointed towards the mountain, the edge of Jotunheim. "Go and save us, my love."

Hveðrungr said nothing, for he had no tongue or the need to speak. He obeyed his mother and began walking towards the highest mountains of Jotunheim, his giant ears filled with the cheers of his people as he grew bigger and taller with each step. 

He wanted nothing but fulfill his mother's request. 

Suddenly, a wall of darkness appeared on his left. The cheers from the Jotnar ceased as they too noticed the wall and the thousands of soldiers than appeared from within it. 

A woman clad in green with a big horned helmet stood in front of the army on top of a skeletal, black horse. To Jotunheim's dismay, it was Hela, the Goddess of Death herself. The soldiers behind her were of all shapes and sizes, with soldiers from both Helheim and the warriors from Valhalla. 

Hveðrungr stared in silence as one of the warriors walked up in front of Hela. A woman clad in a gold armor and a blue cape, her helmet barely covering her long blond hair.

She was staring right at him.

"Hveðrungr! Go!" his mother yelled, before ordering her own soldiers to prepare for battle.

Hveðrungr stared at the warrior woman for a few seconds before he turned around and began walking towards his destination. Though he still wished for nothing more than to complete his mother's mission, he could not ignore the strange twinge he felt inside his chest, right where the shard was lodged. 


	21. Carnation

_Asgard_

The warriors of Asgard had been trained to face any sort of monster, creature and army to protect their Realm, however, no amount of training could have prepared them to face the full power of Jotunheim's winter.

Ice covered the Bifrost, the waters, the rocks. It froze their trees, the cliffs, waterfalls, the nearest fishing huts, and houses. With no signs of stopping, no way to run or fight the snowstorm, Thor ordered his people to evacuate to the center of Asgard. He sent soldiers to go and find anyone still on the edges of the Realm and bring them by force if they had too. No one would freeze to death as long as he was King.

And so, he brought his people to the center of Asgard, inside the palace. He ordered every window, door and crack to be sealed shut and all fires had to be lit at all times. He stood by the main doors, welcoming the soldiers and civilians himself into the still warm Palace halls, commanding his guards and reassuring his people. His noble friends stood beside him, the Warriors Three and Lady Sif, each doing everything they could to help their King. Heimdall too was by Thor's side, giving him information about Jotunheim, the Jotnar army, Queen Farbauti and the ice creature that had previously been his adopted brother. 

"The creature has begun to move," Heimdall informed him. "Farbauti calls him Hveðrungr."

Thor clenched his teeth.

"Loki. His name is Loki," he muttered, shaking with rage and grief. "That monstrous woman already took my brother's body and mind, she will not take his name. She has no right to it."

Heimdall stared at Thor but said nothing. Suddenly, the Watcher's golden eyes grew wide.

"What? Heimdall, what is it? What do you see?"

"Hela and her army have teleported to Jotunheim," Heimdall told him. "As well as the Warriors of Valhalla."

The Asgardians close enough to hear Heimdall burst into surprised and then excited cheers. The word quickly spread to every man, woman, and child and soon, everyone was asking news of the army of the dead, who was among then, what were they doing and how they were going to save them all. 

Because this was nothing short of a miracle. The honorable dead had left the golden halls of Valhalla to save the Nine Realms from Jotunheim's ice. 

Sitting by himself in silence, Odin had closed his one eye and heard attentively Heimdall's reports. Unlike Thor, who demanded to know everything that was going on that battlefield, the All-Father said nothing when the Watcher revealed that he could see Asgard's previous King, Bor Burison, Odin's father among the warriors, as well as his deceased brothers, Vili and Ve. 

Though on the outside he appeared calm and almost listless, the old King's heart was racing. If one were to look closely, they would notice that his hands were clasped together in order to stop them from shaking. 

With his one eye closed, Odin could also see. He saw his father, as tall and strong as he remembered, charging towards a horde of Jotunheim's warriors, slashing and punching everyone that dared to come near him, all the while shouting at his two twin sons to not fall behind. He saw his brothers, young and filled with life, fighting alongside their father. 

Then, he saw  _her_.

"I see the Queen," Heimdall told the anxious crowd. 

Thor quickly moved near his old friend. "What?"

"Queen Frigga. I see her leading the charge against the Jotun forces," Heimdall told them, refusing to let Thor's ragged breath or the people's screams interfere with his account. "She fights gracefully yet swiftly. Her attacks are as precise as her sorcery. She's moving head... towards Farbauti."

"Mother..." Thor whispered, his knuckles white from grabbing Gungnir.

All around him, he could hear his people crying and praying, blessing Queen Frigga from coming to their aid in the afterlife. Though he knew his mother cared deeply for their people's safety, he knew they were not who she was thinking off as she charged to fight the Jotun Queen.

_Mother... you’re the one who never lost faith. If there is anyone who could save him..._

Thor held Gungnir even tighter but he saw and felt nothing, whatever connection he had with Loki it had been severed when he was turned into Hveðrungr.

A blast of icy wind blew one of the doors. Thor and several Einherjar ran to it to close it down again, but the ice that covered it made it almost impossible, even with their godly strength. Thor moved away from the door and summoned all the power of Gungnir in his hands, just like he had seen his father do many times before. The ice began to melt and the door closed a bit, but the result was far from what he had imagined.

He had seen Odin seal the entire palace with a single move of Gungnir, and yet his entire strength was insufficient.

With another blast of wind, the door opened again and ice began to form on the walls and the floor. Thor dropped Gungnir and ran to his soldiers’ aid, forcing the door shut with his own body, feeling the ice on his clothes and back.

As the ice began to engulf his hair and face he heard a loud knock on the floor and suddenly, the door was completely sealed. Magic surrounded the palace, protecting it with a powerful force-field.

Scrubbing the ice from his skin, Thor looked up. To his surprise, he saw Balder holding Gungnir, shinning with a faint, golden light. His brother walked towards him and handed the golden spear.

“I thought you needed some help,” Balder told him, as Thor grabbed Gungnir.

“Thank you, Balder. I guess I need more practice,” Thor looked at the spear, wondering once again why it didn’t work as easily with him as it did with his father and now Balder as well.

“It’s understandable, Thor. You’re exhausted and worried,” Balder told him, placing a warm hand on his shoulder. “Any news on Loki?”

Thor shook his head, his inadequacies with Gungnir would have to wait.

“Nothing. I’ve lost the connection. I cannot hear him anymore.”

Balder nodded. “Loki’s mind is strong. He’ll fight this.”

“Yes. He has to.”

A few meters across from his sons, Odin remained quiet with his eye closed and his heart heavy. The old man watched his beloved Queen, looking more beautiful and fierce than he remembered, fighting through screaming Jotnar, never wavering. Her bright blue eyes shifting from Farbauti to Hveðrungr growing form.

 _Loki_.  _I_   _named him ‘Loki’._

Despite his many attempts to erase his memories and harden his heart from any feelings he still had towards the boy, Odin could still recall vividly those nights after the war. He could still remember the feeling of the silken sheets around him, Thor’s small, sleeping body between him and Frigga, his wife’s smooth skin against his chest and the new baby’s wispy hair under his fingers.

 _“It’s your turn,”_  Frigga told him quietly, trying not to awake Thor or the baby sleeping in her arms.

_“My turn?”_

_“Aye. You named Thor. I named Balder,”_  she looked tenderly at the infant boy.  _“It’s only fair you pick the name of our third son.”_

At the time, it felt so astonishing to hear his wife call that small baby their son and yet, it felt so right. Odin remembered lowering his hand and the feeling of the baby’s tiny fingers curling around his much larger one.

_“Knowing you, I’m guessing you already have at least ten names in mind.”_

_“Fifteen, actually,”_  Odin answered.

 _“Well, I’m sure you will pick a great one, my love,”_  Frigga told him, kissing him softly on the lips.  _“And if you do not, I will personally intervene and save this little one from his Father’s bad taste.”_

Father. He was going to be this baby’s father. Laufey’s son. The Jotun crown prince.

How in the Nine Realms was he going to do this?

Because of the child’s nature, Odin realized that the names he had considered where all somehow related to ice, snow, and cold. But as he stared at the future raven-haired, green-eyed baby, he understood that none of the names applied. The boy might have been born in ice, but his spirit was something else entirely. Something untamed, persevering and a different kind of strength, like fire.

 _“Loki,”_  Odin muttered as he stared at the boy.

Frigga looked at her husband and then at the child.  _“Loki… Loki Odinson,”_  she whispered, her lips curling into a smile.  _“Hello, Loki. Welcome to your family, my love.”_

Odin shook his head, pushing the memories away. He thought he had purged his heart from them, but they refused to leave him. Norns knew how hard he tried to feel nothing at all for Loki, but every time he grabbed one of his green leather-bound journals with the intention to burn them, his one eye filled with tears and he always ended up putting them back.

 _"If you strike him down, you will regret it to the day you die,"_  Frigga had told him, just after they had gotten the news that Thor had captured Loki after his attempted conquest of Midgard.  _"Imprison him, for as long as it takes, but do not give up, Odin. Our son is lost, but we can still find him."_

 _"Our son is dead!"_  he had yelled, shaking with anger.  _"I do not know who this monster is, but that's not the son we raised! Or maybe the monster is what he truly is! And we have been fooling yourselves thinking it to be something else."_

Frigga stared at him as if he had slapped her. In the end, he had listened to her plea and condemned Loki to life in prison, in part because he knew that it would pain him more to be cast aside, alone and forgotten in the dungeons while they regained control of the Nine Realms than a public execution, but also because when he stared at Loki's hate-filled eyes, as they both acted like they meant nothing to each other, Odin knew he could not deal the finishing blow.

The King in him knew Loki had to die. He was dangerous to all the Nine Realms, to Thor and Balder. If Odin wanted to keep them safe, he knew Loki had to die. 

Now Loki was dead. He would never speak another lie again. He would never attack his Realm or his sons directly, but the creature Farbauti had turned him into would make certain that they would all freeze to death.

Loki would never reach the afterlife, what remained of him would be tied to Jotunheim forever. The Jotnar would bless his name for all eternity, they would prosper in this new frozen universe. But there would be nothing left of the man who had been sacrificed to create their paradise.

Nothing.

Odin lowered his head into his clasped hands, his eye still closed. Inside his mind, he saw the vast fields of ice, the fighting warriors and slowly walking towards the mountains, Hveðrungr. 

The creature was obedient and feeble-minded, nothing filled its mind aside from the need to grow larger and reach the mountain to fulfill Farbauti's wishes. It did not question her orders nor try to think for itself. There was nothing of Loki in it. No intelligence, no cunning, no fear, no rage... except...

Odin pried closer into the creature's mind. There was something. An ache, a feeling of curiosity and sorrow towards the blonde warrior woman it had seen. Frigga.

The All-Father almost opened his eye. Summoning all the power he still possessed, he tried to grasp the small piece of conscience. It was a small thing, a mere flicker of a vanishing mind, but it was all that remained of Loki. 

Despite the cold, sweat ran down Odin's forehead as he moved his fingers and held the shattered piece of Loki's mind. It was such a fragile thing, so easy to destroy with one swift move. 

The shattered piece took notice of Odin. He could feel it's confusion and then fear. 

 _Hush,_  Odin told the shattered mind.  _You're safe. You have to hold on._

Odin felt the mind's confusion. It wanted to let go into the dark and disappear. Staying meant to hurt.

 _No. You're not letting go. Not again,_  he ordered it.  _Think. You do not want this. It is Farbauti’s will. Not yours._

So, he pulled the shattered mind towards him and held it tight. In Odin’s mind, he felt like he was holding a small child’s hand.

_You’re stronger than this, Loki._

_**Lo… ki?** _

Sweat ran down Odin’s upper lip to his chin, his hands were shaking and his head pulsing, but he ignored all of it. Every bit of his concentration was focused on his fingers as he shielded the shattered mind from Ymir’s power.

_It’s your name._

_**Hveðrungr…** _

_No. That’s who Farbauti wishes you to be, not who you are._

_**It… hurts…** _

A drop of blood ran down Odin's nose to his beard. He could feel Loki's mind growing weaker and slipping through his fingers in an attempt to free himself from pain. With a grunt, he held his estranged son's mind even tighter. 

_**Why?** _

Instead of answering, Odin focused on holding the shattered mind and pulling every single fragment that had slipped away. He didn't have the strength for anything else. It felt like he was grabbing a small, child's hand against the full power of the ocean, which threatened to take it into its depths forever. 

As another drop of blood ran from his nose and his head pounded against his skull, Odin felt something. A small pull, very faint, like a baby's small fingers grabbing his much larger hand. 

* * *

 

_Jotunheim_

Frigga's sword landed on another Jotun neck just as another prepared to attack her from behind. Unfortunately for him, his scream gave her more than enough time to send a magic blast that sent him flying across the battlefield. 

Behind her, she could hear Bor yelling at his sons, the other warriors and the Jotuns that had the misfortune to stand in his way. On her left, Hela fought in complete silence, finishing off more Jotuns alone than all of them combined.

Frigga wondered where the young girls had gone, hoping they were safe. A sudden movement alerted her to her right, where she saw that the oldest girl, America, had jumped off towards Loki, landing on his back but barely making him stop. The two other children, the Hel maiden, and the red-haired Midgardian girl teleported a few miles head from Loki's path in order to intercept him.

It took every bit of Frigga's self-control to not do the same and run towards her child. 

_Loki... What did she do to you?_

For a brief moment, right before the battle began, their eyes had met. The last time Frigga had seen her son, they had been inside his cell. He a resentful prisoner, filled with sorrow and hate towards Thor and Odin, she an astral projection, trying to reason with him in vain.

 _"Does Odin share your concern?"_  he had asked bitterly. Frigga remained silent.  _"Does Thor? It must be so inconvenient, them asking after me day and night."_

Her husband had refused to even speak Loki's name, even though she knew he was aware that she visited him constantly, but she could not tell Loki of that. Loki would not understand Odin's grief, let alone believe in it. 

_"You know full well that your actions brought you here."_

_"My actions? I was merely giving truth to the lie that I’ve been fed my entire life. That I was born to be a king."_

_"A king? A true king admits his faults,"_  she had told him, trying once again to make him understand all the harm he had brought. If only she could make him see it.  _"What of the lives you took on Earth?"_

 _"A mere handful compared to the number that Odin has taken himself."_  

_"Your father—"_

_"HE'S NOT MY FATHER!"_

Frigga had stood there, facing Loki's rage and grief, knowing she was paying for all those centuries of deception. She knew the truth would come out eventually, but she had been too cowardly to tell him. There was a fine line between love and hatred, and Loki had loved and admired Odin for all his life, trying endlessly to please him and make him proud, only to learn the worst way possible that he wasn't related to them by blood.

 _"Then am I not your mother?"_ she finally asked. 

Loki's eyes widened and she could almost see into his mind. If he denied Odin as his father, that meant denying her as his mother as well. After a few seconds, the young man composed himself and tried to face her with an emotionless expression on his face. 

_"You are not."_

Those three words had hurt her more than any slash or punch she had ever gotten. Her lips curled into a smile, though she could feel her eyes brimming with tears. 

_"Huh. Always so perceptive about everyone but yourself."_

And the last thing she had seen, was her son's mournful expression as he touched her hands to dispel her illusion. Now, years later, Loki had once again stared at her and he did not know who she was. 

A blast of green magic shattered the ground in front of her, causing several Jotnar to fall into the crack. Frigga turned her head and saw Hela pointing at the palace.

"We'll deal with the army, Queen Frigga," the Goddess of Death told her. "Farbauti is all yours. Do not waste much time."

Frigga nodded and ran towards the city. The shard on Loki's chest carried the spirit of Ymir, but it was the wound on Farbauti's hand that allowed her to command him to do her bidding. Hela's hand-maiden was going to try and remove the shard, while Frigga dealt with the Queen of Jotunheim. There was no guarantee that doing either would save Loki, all they knew was that it would stop him and save the Nine Realms from Jotunheim's winter, but it was all Frigga could do. 

She would either save her son or kill him. 

After finishing off half a dozen Jotnar, Frigga finally entered the frozen palace. The place appeared empty, just like the rest of the city. She supposed the civilians had been evacuated when a large ice sword almost hit her had she not jumped back. In front of her, stood a young Jotun, two huge ice swords on his hands. From the lines on his face, she realized he was one of the Princes, the son of Laufey and Farbauti.

Loki's biological brother.

"Filthy Asgardian!" he yelled, swinging another sword at her. Frigga blocked it with her own magic, shattering the ice. "Witch!"

"Býleistr."

Both Frigga and Býleistr looked up. Farbauti was walking towards them, two red axes on her hands. She looked stronger and more beautiful than Frigga remembered, but her eyes were still the same, cold and unforgiving. Frigga tightened her grip on her sword's tilt, a few blonde hairs had loosened from her braid under her helmet, with one swift move she removed the helmet and faced the Jotun Queen.

"Býleistr, go with the civilians. Keep them safe. I will deal with Asgard's Queen," Farbauti said, without taking her eyes from Frigga's face.

"No! I will not leave you, Mother!" the Prince said back, his youth apparent despite his size. "We can kill her together!"

"No. I will face her myself, our people need you," she finally stared at her son. "Do not make me repeat myself, Býleistr."

The young Jotun stared at his mother for a few seconds before grunting and storming off the palace, leaving the two Queens alone to face each other.

"Queen Frigga, it is so good to finally meet you face to face," Farbauti said, her lips curling into a grin. "How noble of you to give up the comforts of Valhalla to come to the Nine Realms' aid. I would not expect less from..."

"Release my son at once, Farbauti," Frigga interrupted. Every second they wasted, the chances of saving Loki's soul grew smaller.

Farbauti's lips parted and her eyes widened before her expression changed from surprise to disgust. "Do not tell me you've come all the way here for that filth?"

Frigga took one step closer, watching as Farbauti's muscles tensed. The wind blew from the large windows, her long braid waved with it. 

"I will not repeat myself, Queen of the Jotnar. Release my son and we will leave your Realm. No more blood needs to be shed."

" _Your son?_. The mighty All-Mother has left paradise to rescue the creature who betrayed her Realm?" Farbauti spat, losing her temper. "You threaten me, my children and my people for that damn thing?"

"I do not wish to bring you or your people harm. However, you have kidnapped my son, tortured him and forced him into becoming a second Ymir! For that, I will never forgive you. This is my final warning, Farbauti. Release Loki from your control or I will make you!"

The two queens began to walk around each other. Outside they could hear the screams of the warriors fighting and the sound of the icy winds. Somewhere near, a block of ice shattered. 

"You are more foolish than I thought. The creature is gone, All-Mother. Replaced by my darling Hveðrungr. He is perfect now. He will save Jotunheim and bring us glory."

Frigga shook her head. "No, Farbauti. He was always perfect."

And the two queens clashed. Red axes hit Frigga's magically enhanced sword, shattering the ground underneath them. The pillars of the palace cracked and the walls shook dangerously. However, none of this mattered to the warrior queens as they fought each other.

"Helblindi should be King. He should rule Jotunheim but that creature holds the title of First Born instead. A worthless, traitorous, repulsive runt!" Farbauti swang her giant ax but hit an illusion of Farbauti instead of the real one, who was right behind her. "It killed my husband. Destroyed half of Jotunheim! It is only fair that it pays for it with its flesh!"

Frigga blocked one of her axes and pulled her away with a magic blast. Part of the ceiling collapsed, forcing the two women to move away from each other.

"My condolences for the loss of your husband and the attack on your Realm, but Jotunheim declared war on Asgard. Would your children act differently if they had the chance to do the same to Odin and Asgard?"

Farbauti smiled, baring her white teeth. "Yes, yet they would not fail as it did."

Frigga glanced at Farbauti's glowing hand. She couldn't hear the sound of Loki's heavy steps. He was moving closer to the mountains with each second.

_Loki, hold on, my love. I will come to you soon. I swear._

* * *

 

America felt the skin on her arms itch underneath the armor. Even though she had told them that she didn't need anything, Frigga and Leah had insisted that they wore protective armors before teleporting to Jotunheim. Leah had healed her frostbite in silence before covering Verity with layers upon layers of protective spells. 

The red-haired girl refused to glance at America or even speak to her. She didn't blame her. If America had rescued Loki when he was drugged, none of this would have happened. 

It had always seemed so easy. She was one of the good guys, all she needed to do was punch the bad ones and everything would be solved. It felt good to know that she was a hero.

She had told herself that she was doing the right thing. Loki was a villain, a lying, backstabbing little shit, who had already tried to take over Earth once. After watching over Billy and Teddy for the last few days, she decided that she was going to protect them at any costs. They were not the friends she had lost on Earth-616, but they were Billy Kaplan and Teddy Altman and they deserved to be happy.

Loki was a threat. That's what she had told herself. She was a hero, she needed to protect the innocents, just like her mothers had done. It was the reason why she had left her Utopia. To fight, protect and save the world. 

 _You're so full of shit, America,_ the girl thought miserably.

She was not a hero. A hero helped everyone in need and would not stay still as someone was drugged, beaten and molested, even if that someone was a supervillain. 

A supervillain who happened to be one of her friends. A hero would not abandon one of her friends to be turned into a brainless ice monster. 

Using all her strength, she jumped across the frozen field and landed right between Loki's shoulder blades. She expected him to lose his footing and fall, but her feet were suddenly surrounded by ice and snow. He didn't even seem to notice her.

"Fuck!" she kicked the ice from her legs and jumped towards his face instead. 

For a moment, she stared at the glowing, blue orbs that were his eyes and it hit how wrong they were. This thing wasn't Chico. It was all wrong. Loki would never stare with blank eyes like those, his head was always working, thinking overly complicated plots that suited him. This thing didn't think at all.

"Chico, wake up!" she yelled, punching him in the ice-covered cheek. 

The ice creature seemed to stop for a second but then continued to walk as if nothing had happened.

America swore and looked down. There was a glowing, blue, ice thingy on Chico's chest. She didn't know much about magic or curses, but she bet that was the thing that had turned him into this giant, dumb popsicle.

She noticed a green flash of light and turned around. Leah and Verity were only a few miles from them. Leah was covered in green and black armor, looking like a mini version of Hela. She was holding Loki's staff.

Verity was also wearing an armor, silver, and blue. America could see her little face looking directly at Loki, worried but hopeful. They shouldn't have brought her along, but she refused to stay behind and leave her best friend.

Gritting her teeth, America dropped on the glowing shard, which was also growing larger as Chico grew. The thing was freezing. Even though she was wearing all that armor and protective spells, she felt her skin freezing from its touch.

"Chico. Take. This. Fucking. Thing. Out!" she yelled as she began to pull.

That seemed to do something to the ice monster. Finally, he staggered and looked down at America with his parted mouth and big, dumb eyes.

"For the love of God, I'm not letting you turn into a freaking iceberg!" she screamed, trying to pull the shard, but the thing didn't budge an inch. "Snap out of it and take this off!"

After a couple of seconds, the creature finally moved. It raised its big arms and backslapped America from its chest. The girl flew across the field, finally landing on the ice and creating a big crater.

Muttering obscenities in both English and Spanish, America stood up and jumped again towards the shard on Loki's chest.

"You did that on purpose, you little shit!" she screamed, once again grabbing the shard with both hands and pulling, while trying to avoid his huge fingers. "I'm trying to save you, dumbass! This is not how you are going to die!"

The creature didn't stop, it didn't even seem to hear her. It continued to try to push her away from its chest while continuing to move forward, growing even bigger as chunks of ice broke free from the ground and floated around his body.

"LOKI!"

America looked down and her heart almost stopped. Verity had left Leah's protective field and was running towards them. 

"No!" America cried out, still grabbing the shard. 

But Verity didn't stop and kept running, right into Loki's path.

* * *

 

Verity felt her heart racing inside her chest as she ran through blocks of ice, her new silver armor protecting her from the cold. She slipped and fell a few times, but she stood up and kept on running.

Leah had tried to keep her on the protected field as she tried to complete the spell to summon the shard from Loki's chest. But it was taking too long and America couldn't pull the shard by herself. 

Meanwhile, Loki was growing bigger and larger, the scribbles on his skin glowing like the ice shard on his chest. To Verity, it all screamed wrong. It was all wrong.

There was something about the scribbles... the runes. She didn't understand what they meant, but she felt they were inaccurate. All this, the shard, the runes, the magic, it was for Jotunheim's sake, to save the land and its people. It was meant to be done to someone who loved this place.

But Loki didn't love Jotunheim. He didn't even think of himself as a Jotun, and that was where all the feeling of untruth came from, screaming into Verity's brain.

This was all a lie.

Above her, she saw America holding on to the shard, looking down at her with terrified eyes. Verity was just above them, her ragged breath forming clouds of vapor in front of her as pieces of ice and snow floated from the ground around her into Loki's ice body.

"LOKI!" she screamed again. "LOKI, STOP!"

The ice monster's glowing orbs finally noticed her. They looked like a doll's glass eyes, empty and fake. 

"Verity! Run!" America screamed. "Get out of here!"

Verity forced herself to stand straighter. She was shaking, both with cold and fear. Loki was so big now that he could squash her like a bug if he stepped on her. But she couldn't run. Her friend... her best friend was in front of her. She couldn't leave him. 

He was inside that ice thing and she had no pull him out.

"Your name is Loki! You're the God of Mischief! You like books, and stories, and video games and movies! You lie a lot, but you always tell me the truth! Your favorite color is green!"

The ice creature tilted its head to the side and stretched one of his giant arms towards Verity. 

"NO!" America screamed, jumping from the shard towards Verity.

The little girl remained still, shaking amidst the ice, her blue eyes filled with tears as the huge arm grew closer to her.

"You're my best friend!" she screamed, just as the ice fingers loamed over her head.

And stopped. 

Verity looked up and saw the creature's icy hand right in front of her, it's palm turned down, it's index finger almost pointing towards her.

America landed a few feet away from them, her brown eyes wide open. 

Around them, everything had stopped. Even the floating ice and snowflakes were floating in the air, without moving. Everything seemed to have stopped, except for Verity's heavy breathing and racing heart.

"Loki... we've come to take you home," she said hoarsely, her throat hurting from all the screaming.

* * *

 

Hveðrungr felt pain.

He could feel the call of Jotunheim urging him to grow, reach the mountains and join the land forever. He could feel his mother's wishes for him to fulfill his one mission.

The ice, the snow, the wind, the sky, the beasts and the Jotnar called to him. They pleaded him to move forward.

At first, it was simple, because their voice was all Hveðrungr could hear, but then he saw the blonde warrior woman and his chest began to ache and pound.

Hveðrungr did not know much, in fact, he knew next to nothing, but he knew this pain was not meant to be there. Though the call of Jotunheim was stronger and he continued his journey, the ache grew more unbearable to the point that he could not ignore it.

He found himself wishing for something else. He wanted to see the blonde woman again.

But his mother's will was strong, so he kept walking towards the mountain, his body growing stronger, taller and larger with each step. He knew everything he needed to know. His name was Hveðrungr and he was Jotunheim's salvation.

And then, there was someone inside him, reaching for the pain in his chest. He did not want this person there and tried to push it out, but the person was strong and held on to his pain.

**_You're stronger than this, Loki._ **

Loki?

**_It’s your name._ **

No... No! His name was Hveðrungr.

**_No. That’s who Farbauti wishes you to be, not who you are._ **

No. No! That was his name! This was his purpose. He was Jotunheim's deliverance. This person was making him confused and the pain in his chest was growing worse.

Loki... that name did sound familiar, but the more he thought about it, the more frustrated he grew. He couldn't lose sight of his destiny. The Realm was calling him.

When the tanned girl attacked him, he barely noticed her. Her attacks were feeble and his ice body felt nothing. Only when she grabbed his shard, he realized that she was talking to him. Yelling.

Loud. Obnoxious. Brute.

Tired of this person trying to stop him, Hveðrungr slapped her away, but the girl did not stop and tried to pull the shard from his chest.

"LOKI!"

He looked down and saw another girl running towards him. She was small and looked frail and she kept calling his name.

What? No. His name was... his name was Hveðrungr. That was his name, was it not? Why was he feeling doubts? Why did the name his mother had given him sound strange? 

And yet as the girl kept calling him, he felt more and more detached from Hveðrungr.

_That's not my name._

The little girl kept yelling, just as Jotunheim yelled for him. His head was beginning to hurt as well. 

_Stop talking. Stop talking. It hurts!_

The girl did not stop. She kept talking, calling his name, telling him about books, stories, video games, movies, lies, truths, the color green...

He stretched his arm, in order to squash the girl and shut her up. 

None of these things should mean anything to him, and yet they did. He knew what those things were. He saw books on a shelf, a messy room, green clothes... 

Memories. Those were memories. _His_ memories.

"You're my best friend!"

His arm stopped, right in front of the girl. Around them, everything stopped, the ice, the snow, even the call of Jotunheim became little more than a whisper. He wanted everything to stop and let him think. 

He stared at the girl. He knew her face. He knew her and found it strange that she was wearing an Asgardian armor.

Because she was from Midgard and... they were friends.

_Verity._

"Loki..." Verity said she was so small now. She was not supposed to be this small. "We've come to take you home."

Home? Yes... this was not home. This was Jotunheim. Why were they on Jotunheim? 

He glanced to his right and saw the tanned girl... America. She was also wearing armor. A little up head, he recognized the raven-haired girl, Leah, surrounded by green magic. 

Suddenly, it was as if a cloth had been lifted from his eyes. He stared at the chunk of ice in front of him and realized that was his arm. He glanced at his hands, his legs, his chest... He tried to speak but he had no tongue and no teeth. That wasn't his body.

_What happened to me?_

The sound of something crashing directed everyone's attention towards the royal palace. Half of the old palace had been destroyed. One of its great towers had fallen, shattering on the ground. 

Despite the long distance, he could see two warriors in the middle of the rubble, panting and bleeding. One of them was the Queen of Jotunheim, Farbauti, his mother, and the other was...

The pain in his chest was so sudden and strong that he almost fell over. 

The other warrior was the blonde woman. The Queen of Asgard, Frigga, his...

_Mother?_

This time the memories came without any effort on his part. He saw a white prison cell, golden magic, Frigga standing in front of him, her gaze filled with sadness. 

_"Then am I not your mother?"_

He began to breathe heavily, one of his hands landing on his aching chest, right above the shard.  

_"You are not."_

_No. I did not mean that._

His blue orbs widened as he saw Farbauti rise from the rubble and run towards Frigga. The blonde queen tried to stand up, but slipped on the ice and fell. 

_NO!_

Without even thinking, he grabbed a block of ice and threw it across the field, above the warriors' heads, right into the palace. It hit Farbauti and tossed her against one of the remaining walls, crushing it.

All of Jotunheim fell silent. Warriors, both Jotnar and the dead, looked at the ice creature with parted mouths and wide eyes. Inside the palace, Frigga also stared into the open field, her eyes meeting once more with the creature. 

_Loki. My name is Loki._

Loki's ice arms dropped and he stared at Frigga from afar, feeling both relieved and terribly ashamed. When the Asgardian Queen smiled, a tear running down her bloodied cheeks, he felt the shard pounding in his chest, just like a real heart.

This was short-lived, however, as Farbauti burst out of the rubble with an angry scream, holding her two axes in her hands. Her red eyes found Loki and the realization of what had happened distorted her beautiful face into a grimace.

"This not possible," she muttered through gritted teeth. She raised her glowing hand and screamed. "You worthless, piece of filth! Fulfill your duty! I command you!"

The shard began to glow brighter, forming several glowing cracks through Loki's ice body. The pain was indescribable as if he was being ripped apart from all angles. He could not think. All he felt was the pain in his chest the thundering voice of Jotunheim and his mother to keep moving, growing and turn himself into the Realm itself. 

He grabbed his head with his hands, his mouth open in a silent scream.  

It would be so easy to just let go. Do what they wanted. Be what they wanted. 

Underneath him, he could hear voices. The girls... they were calling for Loki. 

They were calling  _him_. Their voices coming through the call of Jotunheim.

"Loki! Loki! Don't quit! We're all here! We're all here for you!" Verity yelled. "Me, Leah and America. We came here to get you! Everyone came here to get you! Your mom came too. She's here to take you home!"

His whole body was shaking. Inside the palace, he could feel his mother... no, Farbauti pressing the wound on her palm, ordering him to keep moving. 

_No._

He lowered his hands from his head and grabbed the protruding shard in his chest. 

"You are the savior of Jotunheim! Obey me, Hveðrungr!" Farbauti screamed.

"NO!"

Despite not having a tongue or teeth, everyone heard Loki's scream. Not just those standing on Jotunheim's soil, but everyone where the Jotun winter had gone. The people of Vanaheim looked up in fear, just like elves, the Fire Giants from Muspleheim, the humans from Earth and finally, the Aesir in Asgard. 

The ice shattered around him, the clouds lifted as if pulled by a powerful wind, leaving the sky of Jotunheim completely clear, filled with stars and crossed with a green light. An Aurora Borealis. 

Red ice began to spread around the glowing, blue shard, spilling to the ground like rubies. Like red blood. Unaware of this, Loki closed his eyes and pulled the shard. He felt someone near his fingers, pulling as well.

"Pull that damn thing out, Chico!" America screamed.

Under them, Leah finally completed her spell. She grabbed the Chitauri staff and pointed it towards the shard, a blast of magic hit Loki's chest. The pain was still horrible, but he kept pushing the shard out of his body. He could feel something ancient and powerful fighting to stay, something that previously taken control of him. He also pulled it away from his mind, ignoring Jotunheim's call and their pleas for him to join them. It was growing easier and he felt the shard budge.

_I am myself. No one else._

Inside the palace, Farbauti kept screaming, ordering him to stop. By the time she noticed Frigga looming over her with her sword, it was too late for the Queen of Jotunheim. She could do nothing but watch as Frigga cut off her glowing hand.

As the connection with his blood mother was severed, Loki finally pulled the shard from his body, and it was absorbed into a blue gem inside the Chitauri staff. Immediately, he could feel his ice body breaking apart, the ice turning into bright red and falling around him. 

He could hear Verity screaming his name and the last thing he saw as he shattered into pieces was America grabbing her and pulling her away. 

* * *

 

Frigga turned around and watched helplessly as Loki shattered into small, pieces of red ice. 

"Loki!" she screamed.

Her son... her precious son. He could not be dead. She would not allow it. They had found each other again. He had looked at her and despite the power of Ymir's spirit, her Loki had broken free and saved her.

_Please, if there are any Gods above us, please let my son live. Give me another chance. Please..._

A cough made her turn around. Farbauti was lying against a broken column, her arm bleeding profusely where her hand had been sliced off. She was injured and emaciated, as if the power to control Loki had drained everything she had. 

Frigga willed back her tears and walked towards the defeated Queen. She pointed her sword at her rising chest.

"It's over, Farbauti. Tell your army to yield," she ordered, but Farbauti bared her teeth, her red eyes glowing with tears and rage.

"It was meant to save us. Give my sons a future, but it doomed us again," she said, trembling with fury and sorrow. "If there is any justice in this sick world, it will rot in Hel forever."

Frigga's arm was shaking. She wanted to strike down this hateful woman. Make her pay for all the pain she had caused her child, but she kept her sword steady.

"I pitied you once, Farbauti. You do not know what you've given up. Now, yield."

Farbauti grinned and spat blood blue on Frigga's boots. "Kill me already, Witch Queen. You already took everything from me."

Before Frigga could answer, they heard a terrified cry. In an instant, a huge, blue figure appeared beside Frigga.

"Leave my mother alone, whore!"

Without thinking, Frigga attacked with her magic and swung her sword. Blue blood hit the ground as the figure was thrown across the room, landing motionless on the ground. 

"NO!" Farbauti cried, and despite her serious injuries, she stood up and ran towards the fallen Jotun. It was her youngest son, Býleistr.

"Býleistr, my darling. Talk to me," Farbauti pleaded as she held her son in her weak arms. He had a big cut on his chest, but he was still breathing. In horror, she saw Frigga walking towards him. "No! Leave my son alone! He's just a boy!"

 _So was Loki,_ Frigga thought, standing over the crying queen as she shielded her son's body with her own.

"Please, spare my son. Kill me instead," Farbauti pleaded. 

Frigga looked at Farbauti, the Cruel Striker, the proud, beautiful and powerful queen of Jotunheim, and all she saw was a terrified mother trying to save her children. Slowly, Frigga lowered her sword.

"This battle is over, Farbauti. Tell your army to stand down. Asgard's debt has been repaid."

Holding her son, Farbauti slowly nodded through her frozen tears. 

Grabbing the tilt of her sword, Frigga turned around and ran towards the newly formed red ice that had risen from the place where Loki had been, like petals of a flower. 

In the coming years, tales and songs would be heard across the Nine Realms about the invasion of Jotunheim's winter and the Second Coming of Ymir. Skalds would describe in great detail how the gates of Valhalla had opened and every warrior hero had come to the Realms aid, fighting bravely the Jotnar army alongside the undead army of Queen Hela. They would make the children cheer as they described the battle between Queen Frigga and Queen Farbauti and how their powerful blows tore down the Jotun Royal Palace. Some would say that they had fought the terrible second Ymir as well, though very few mentioned how and why the Ice Titan had suddenly turned on his blood mother to save his adoptive one. However, they would all describe how the Second Ymir had disintegrated into red blood ice, warm to the touch like a stone that had been exposed to the sun, forming a structure of red ice columns in a circle. A beautiful sight if seen from above, like a red flower lying on a field of blue ice. 

They would call it the Carnation Valley, while the Jotnar would forever call the land cursed because of not only of its color and warmth but also because of the Jotun runt that had created it. A Jotun with red blood.

Ignoring the calls from the victorious warriors, Frigga ran straight into the red pillars of ice, slightly surprised to find them warm to the touch. She continued to walk through, her heart pounding painfully in her chest, her blue eyes looking everywhere for signs of her son.

"Loki!" she yelled, continuing to run.

After turning another corner, she nearly collided with Leah, who was laying against a pillar, panting with fatigue, her hair and clothes a mess and holding the Chitauri Staff in her hands. A blue gem shone brightly in its tip.

"Leah. My son. Is he...?" Frigga could not bring herself to say it.

Leah silently pointed to her left and Frigga ran. She heard cries, someone was crying desperately. It was the sound of a little girl. The little Midgardian child. 

_Please, no. Please, Loki._

Feeling more and more dread, Frigga kept running through the red labyrinth created from her child's blood, slipping a few times before she finally managed to reach the center. There were no pillars in here, just red smooth ice and right in the middle of it, she saw them and her heart stopped.

The red-head girl was hugging someone, another child her size. Her tiny arms were wrapped tightly around his chest. America was kneeling next to them, she had ripped her cape to cover the child with it. 

Frigga saw pale hands hugging the little girl back, a small head with wet, raven black hair resting on her shoulders. Slowly, the child moved his head up and Frigga dropped her sword on the ground, alerting the two girls to her presence.

She stared at the boy's face, her blue eyes wide open. It was a face she knew as well as her own, but it was a face that she had not seen in centuries. 

"Loki..." she whispered, still not believing her own eyes. 

He looked up and stared back at her with glassy, green eyes. His face, round and innocent, was very pale, his lips bluish and trembling, just like the rest of this small body. There were lacerations and cuts on his small arms and legs and they too were shaking. He looked tired and freezing.

"Mama?" he asked with a faint voice.

It was all Frigga needed before she ran to him and took her son in her arms, holding him close to her chest, tears running down her cheeks.

"Loki, baby," she whispered, kissing him on the forehead and pulling him close to her as she rested her chin on his hair. "Oh, my darling. I was so scared. I thought I lost you, my love."

Loki buried his head in her neck and slowly wrapped his tiny hands around her back. She heard him stifle a sob and felt something wet on her neck.

"I'm sorry," he whimpered, tears falling freely to her neck and armor.

Frigga hugged him closer and rubbed his back until she felt his body go limp as he fell into an exhausted sleep. Rising, she wiped her own tears and left what would be called the Carnation Valley with her child in her arms. 


End file.
